Episode 40

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Published on:

29th May 2024

When a Trial Reveals How Lonely You Are: Part 2

If you're lonely... you're not alone in it. In Part 2 of this episode Emily shares how difficult her entrance to motherhood was due to the lack of fellowship and community in her life. In this episode she reveals how God worked in her baby, herself, her marriage, and her community. But how long did it take? And has she been able to maintain the fellowship she found?

Scripture Mentioned:

Titus 2:3

Matthew 6:21

2 Corinthians 1:4

Transcript
Stephanie:

They're the joyful agains our children shout on the swings, the

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exhausting agains of cooking and laundry,

and the difficult agains of discipline.

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So much of what we do

as mothers is on repeat.

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So what if we woke up with clarity,

knowing which agains we were called

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to, and went to bed believing we

are faithful in what matters most?

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We believe God's Word is

the key to untangle from the

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confusion and overwhelm we feel.

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Let's look up together to embrace a

motherhood full of freedom and joy.

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Welcome back to the again, podcast.

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I'm your host, Stephanie Hickox.

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And this is brought to you

by interested ministries.

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Today's episode will be part

two of Emily Dios story on her

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firstborns premature birth.

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If you listen to part one, perhaps.

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It made you feel that you're not the

only one experiencing loneliness.

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And part two, Emily's going to discuss.

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how her void of community was

filled just how long it took.

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And if she's been able to

maintain that level of community

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as her children have grown.

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We're encouraging you to be bold,

to be brave, to initiate friendship.

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For yourselves.

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And for your children.

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You were created for community.

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Okay, let's go back for a second.

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So your parents have left now

and you're home with Ben and he

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still has many physical needs.

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You're attending to.

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And of course you're so joyful.

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He's home yet.

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There's this clear absence of community.

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What did that season look like?

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Was it a continual grieving and

acknowledging of your loneliness?

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Or were you just consumed

by their practical needs?

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Emily: At first we were consumed

by the practical needs because

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you're just making it through.

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We knew we weren't out of the woods

yet until we had an evaluation of

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everything but you find yourself

getting into a groove of life.

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And he was healthier and he was growing

and gaining weight and life was happening.

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My husband was working and I was home

with Benjamin and in those moments we

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began to process our absence of community.

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Earlier I spoke of when I drove

myself home from the hospital.

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When I drove home by myself,

that was the time that I realized

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most that I needed community.

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We realized that we were

completely and utterly alone.

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I remember the nurse saying to

me, do you not have a friend

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that could drive you home?

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And I said, no I really don't.

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And that's where we found ourselves.

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After the dust settled and we

were able to process through, we

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realized, hold on a second we are in

a church, but we're not in community.

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It wasn't really until after , he

was home, he was healthy, that we

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processed and thought back to that

time and realized like, wow, that was

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the time that the Lord was showing us.

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That we really needed a strong community.

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That was the reality of where we were and

we knew we didn't want it to be that way.

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But sometimes you don't

know the next step to take.

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We knew we didn't want to raise our kids

out of community, but we knew we had

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to make a change for that to happen.

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So we were in a church, but it did not

value being relational with one another.

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Were completely lacking in any kind of

fellowship to the point that we just felt

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like we weren't being sharpened because

community sharpens you and we also wanted

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to be with like minded families that were

in the same age, same stage and we didn't

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have that either despite it being A fairly

decently sized church it just wasn't

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built for pouring into one another.

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We realized there was this vast hole,

and we also realized we didn't want our

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kids to be raised in this way, in that

they didn't know what it was to have a

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community of believers come alongside you.

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The Lord opened our eyes

and led us to realizing we

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needed to make a change there.

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That's when he led us to the wonderful

church that we were at for the remainder

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of our years in t he Chicagoland area.

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And it's there that we found

community amongst one another.

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Also through the kids school

we found these great families

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that were raising their kids.

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And we're so like minded and

the Lord grew us exponentially.

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During that time of bringing

wonderful people into our life.

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That's also the time that I

became introduced to Entrusted.

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the Lord Was so good to bring just

the right tools, just the right

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people at just the right time.

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All of our realization that we needed

that came from the moment that I got

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in the car by myself, drove myself

home, leaving my little newborn at the

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hospital, and my husband at his new job.

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It all came back to that moment,

and of realizing, okay, this

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is not how it was meant to be.

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We need a change.

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A body of believers that we

can be in community with.

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It's so important.

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So again, like the Lord is so good

and leads us down these paths.

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During this time led us to Titus 2:3,

where it speaks of older women likewise

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are to be irreverent in their behavior,

not malicious gossips, nor enslave too

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much wine, teaching what is good so that

they may encourage the young women to love

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their husbands and to love their children.

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I love that it's talking about how

the older women are to come alongside

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the younger women, often we think

of older women as gray hair, retired

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women, But older women can be the

women that have walked the path just

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a few years before you, and they're

reaching behind saying, you can do this.

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You've got this.

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The Lord has a plan in all of it.

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And we do that so that we can encourage

the, encourage young women, Actually,

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what entrusted is all about and through

all of that, the Lord graciously led us

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to these women who are exactly Titus

women who walked the road and reached

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behind and said, you can do this, Emily.

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I've been so grateful for that.

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Even through all of those years of of

unknowns, premature birth not knowing

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what was going to happen health wise

I can look back and say, the Lord

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was in it every step of the way, the

story hasn't always been pretty and it

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hasn't always been a beautiful picture,

but when you get to the end and you

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put it all together, you realize.

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That he was there all along and he used

every little bit of it to work through

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it, to plow my heart, to plow Jake's

heart, and he's used it all for his good.

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Hmm.

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He is so faithful.

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But I realized the longer I walk with

the Lord that sometimes he shines

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a spotlight on a lack in my life.

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But it doesn't mean that he's

going to fill it immediately.

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'cause I hear you saying that right

after Ben's birth, this lack of

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fellowship is incredibly evident

to you, but it was years before you

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found yourself in a new situation

when he was actually entering school.

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Emily: Yes.

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And Emily, I'm absolutely confident that

you were good soil, that you were seizing.

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Every opportunity that you'd be

the first one on the clipboard.

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Embracing opportunities for fellowship.

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But I think that sometimes the longer

we walk through seasons of heartache

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or loneliness or seasons of deficit,

that when that desire finally gets

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fulfilled, it's so much sweeter because

you had the lack of it for so long.

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I'm sure your walk with Christ.

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I became so strengthened by how you

relied on him in those years of absence

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from friendship or Christian community.

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And not only your walk with

Christ, but your marriage was

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so strengthened in this season.

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By the way that you and

Jake pushed into each other.

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And so now you have the fruit of that.

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It to solidify to release.

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A good foundation in your marriage.

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It sounds like.

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Emily: Yes.

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I think that's very well said that

God puts the desire in our heart.

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He highlights the need.

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Doesn't always bring

the answer right away.

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We think it should be immediate

because that's how we are.

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And But the Lord brings

it at just the right time.

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He's very good to highlight our

needs and just staying tender to

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him and asking him, what are you

trying to show me in this season?

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And where would you have me go with this?

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It's definitely something that has

been learned because we fight our own

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sin nature, but it's something , that

reliance has been learned over the years.

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It's like the deposit

that you put in the bank.

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Over time you see it growing because

the Lord is ever present and ever

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consistent and ever good to us.

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To make us grow in those areas.

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Steph: Yes.

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Where your investment is there,

your treasure will be also.

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I love that verse and I see

it so much relationally.

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Emily: Yes.

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. Steph: What are some other

practical ways someone could come

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alongside a woman in this situation?

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Whether Child in the

hospital or premature birth

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what if the women in your small

group have three little ones at

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home how could they support you?

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What are some other ways?

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Emily: My first thought is to

be fully present and by that, I

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don't mean showing up unannounced.

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But Having an understanding

of where that mom is.

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So if we're talking about premature birth

or a sick child, understanding what that

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next milestone would be that they're

trying to hit and being a prayer warrior

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and letting them know that you are being

a prayer warrior for that milestone.

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That speaks volumes and goes such a long

way because people investment is the

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greatest investment that you can make.

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Letting her know that you are

aware of what's going on, that

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you are following up in prayer,

and then that you're checking in.

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That is my first way of encouragement is

just understand where they're at and what

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their next need is so you can be invested

and in prayer and checking up on it.

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And of course there is the

obvious one, you can bring a meal.

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I often will bring all paper products

and just drop them at the door.

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So paper plates, napkins, cups tinfoil,

just all the disposable things toilet

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paper and just drop it at the door.

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That's one less thing that they have

to think about as far as cleanup.

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That's a nice way of of being invested

in somebody just sending them verses of

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encouragement, having a bank of verses

that you can pull from for somebody who

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is going through just really deep waters.

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And letting them know, if you're

texting it, you don't have to respond.

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Please don't respond.

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I just want you to hear this verse.

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So sending them verses of encouragement,

, showing up at the hospital if we're

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talking premature birth, showing up at the

hospital, not insisting on going in, they

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won't let you go in the NICU, but they

will let you hold your baby up so you can

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see that sweet baby through the window.

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So just showing up and being

invested in wanting to see

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the baby goes such a long way.

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Again, with no strings attached don't

stay a long time, just your presence

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and letting them know that you want to

be there and you are praying for them.

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Those are just some small

ways, but it always boils back

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down to being fully present

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Steph: Amen.

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There's so much that could be said about

our phones being distracting devices.

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But what a blessing that we have an

opportunity, no matter how busy we are,

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no matter how far apart we are, that

we can show , I'm with you I'm going to

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hold your arms up in this battle from

over here To send a specific thing that

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we're praying you can say I'm praying

for you, but sometimes when you say,

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okay, this is exactly what the Lord

has laid on my heart to pray for you.

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And I'm praying for this now for you.

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Is there anything else

specifically that you're needing?

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I think that is redeeming the presence of

technology in our lives and using it for

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God's glory for the edifying of the body.

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I would say that's so much of my

texting correspondence, like thinking

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about how I can be praying for others.

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And that's a huge blessing of technology.

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Emily: It absolutely is.

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How much is our day lifted when we

get that text from a friend saying,

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I prayed for you this morning.

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It makes all the difference in the world.

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Steph: In my experience.

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With Everett being in the hospital,

it was so evident to me, the moms that

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had a child in the hospital before,

because they the first ones there.

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They knew exactly how to serve.

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It makes me think of the

verse in Corinthians.

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It says, as we have been comforted

by the Lord, so comfort one another

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Emily: Yes.

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Steph: Even if you haven't gone

through the trial, you can pray Lord,

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give me ways to support this friend.

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But when someone has gone through

that they know exactly how to support

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you and how to be there for you.

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They just have an intuition of what would

bless you, whether it's bringing you a

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trial size of deodorants and a chapstick,

those little things, maybe an extra

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blanket in the hospital that Made me

feel so loved and seen when you're giving

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a hundred percent to caring for your

child and not thinking about yourself.

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That was a blessing to me to

have my friends say, I see you

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and I am thinking about what you

need, even though you're not.

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Emily: Yes, absolutely.

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It's through the deepest places

that God ministers to our heart.

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And having those people in your

corner that just, Go that extra

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mile makes all the difference.

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Even if to them, it's a small extra

mile to you, it is a huge extra mile

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We've spoke of having community.

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And how important that is.

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And it is so important.

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The Lord graciously leads us to what we

need, but our greatest reliance is on him.

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And sometimes we think when we're

walking through hard times that we

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can rely on our own strength and

that's not how he would have it to be.

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I wrote for the Entrusted blog about

relying on the Lord when we're going

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through hard times and specifically about

Benjamin and his early birth and I wrote,

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there is no honor in your own strength,

but there is peace in God's strength.

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Don't push him away,

draw nearer to his arms.

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Your tiny, frail son that now lays in an

incubator will someday tower over you.

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The nights of tears you shed will

be replaced with moments of joy

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that you Know, only come from above.

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For a while you will struggle with this

small baby he's given you, but stand firm.

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God created him this way, and as he

grows, his years of resistance towards

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lots of instruction will genuinely be

replaced with tenderness and kindness.

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You will once again see God's

affirming hand throughout his life.

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You will get to see him grow

beyond what you can dream.

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He will not only learn to build with his

hands, but he will also build up people.

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Your blessing will be

greater than your struggle.

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You will see that God is so

consistently good during these times.

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Never doubt, only surrender.

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I think often we think we can have it

all figured out and have all the right

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people in place in our life and the

perfect circumstances, but at the end

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of it all, God asked us to surrender

it to him so he can use our stories

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for his gain and and the deepest

parts of our heart for his glory.

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If you're walking through a hard time and

God is plowing those deep hard corners

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of your heart, and it's so painful and

it's so uncomfortable, he has a plan.

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You have to trust that he truly

has a plan through it all.

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And though we walked that road

with Benjamin all those years ago,

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I can consistently see God's hand

of goodness across Ben's life.

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I can see.

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His hand of plowing in Ben's life.

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And though we're not

done, we're far from done.

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God has been so good.

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I just want to encourage that mom

who's out there who's carrying a

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heavy weight and a heavy burden.

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And there's so many unknowns.

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God sees you and he cares and

he has this plan through it all.

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Something That we may never even know

this side of heaven, or we may get a

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glimpse of this side of heaven, but either

way, God is there and he's with you, you

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just have to trust him and surrender it.

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Stephanie: That is so beautifully written.

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It's amazing to see.

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The walking testimony that Ben is now.

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He is an athlete.

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Is that correct?

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And can you remind me how tall he is?

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Emily: Ben is 6'3 right now.

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Would never guess that he

was a four pound preemie.

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And yes, Ben, he's on the golf team.

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For many years he played baseball

but he ended up going the golf route.

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He's always busy.

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There's always something going on

with friends and he keeps us laughing.

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And you would never, ever know.

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You would never know the struggle

that we had in the beginning.

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That is just proof of God's goodness.

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Wow.

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My niece.

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Has a similar, powerful

testimony she was born at.

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I think it was 26 weeks.

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She was so tiny.

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And in high school she was a

powerlifter and was winning national.

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Awards she's just incredible.

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And now she's adopting children and.

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She's just amazing, but it it's incredible

to see the strength that has come.

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When I saw that tiny, tiny little baby.

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in the hospital.

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Emily: Yeah, we're just so thankful for

modern medicine and wonderful doctors and

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those nurses are just heroes in our minds.

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Steph: I would love for you to speak

a little bit to a recent season where.

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You moved across the country, and some

of it is similar maybe to what you

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experienced when Ben was born, but I

saw how much trust you had in the Lord

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but I also know that being planted in

a new place, naturally, there is some

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loneliness that goes along with that,

especially , after you've experienced

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maybe 10 years of fantastic community

and then you're being uprooted you

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describe your longing this time?

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Because I know there was

some loneliness there.

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Emily: Yes, there definitely was some

loneliness on the front end of moving.

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We did, we did uproot our

family and we moved from the

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Chicagoland area to North Carolina.

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And when the newness were off of

Of moving and getting settled.

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Loneliness set in because we, for

all of us, really because we had, we

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were, we just had a great community

of people that we left behind.

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And the transition was difficult.

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However it was also.

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Also encouraging in that we knew we

could find good community because

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the Lord had led us to that before.

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And

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Steph: Hmm.

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There was a season though, of getting

re plugged in that felt It was years

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and and it wasn't but it felt like it

was because we definitely felt that

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void in that absence of of just the

good people that we had in our lives.

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And I think for us being incredibly

intentional because we didn't have time

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to to not have good people in their life.

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They were feeling the absence and

so they weren't toddlers anymore.

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And so we just didn't have time.

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So being incredibly intentional

definitely helped for us.

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It was finding a really good

school for them to be a part of.

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And And then the church followed because

it took us just a little longer to find

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the church than the school and it ends

up they were all connected anyways.

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And I think we knew what

we were looking for.

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We had guidelines we were looking for.

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And then just being intentional

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and I see such a desire in you now

to be that Titus II woman, even as

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you're seeking fellowship, you're

not just looking for who can fill

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this need for me, you're looking

for, Lord, where can I serve?

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When I was little, my dad would

always say, one day I went looking

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for a friend and I found none.

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But when I was a friend

to others, I found many.

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It makes me think though of how you've

handled the transition into a new area.

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Lord, where can I serve?

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Where can I be a blessing to others?

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And, it landed you a job at a church

and it's neat to see how that servant

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heart and that desire to Build

community, not just receive the blessings

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of community, has benefited you.

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Yes.

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Emily: but rather than seeking who

can fill a void in my life, it's so

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much easier to to Just look to be

a blessing in someone else's life.

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And in the process of that,

the Lord brings the people to

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you that he wants in your life.

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I found that to be true so many times.

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And and I think that's the way it was

meant to be and the way it was set

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up to be even in, if we're looking in

the New Testament, how the Lord the

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letters to the New Testament church

that we're all to build into one another

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and and then through it all, I think

that's where true friendship comes.

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Even when we look to in places that we

could serve the people that I've served

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alongside of have been the people that

I've ended up bringing in so close to me.

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The taking can only last so

long and it's so temporal.

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But the giving.

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The giving is what sustains,

and so in friendship, I think we

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look for places that we can give.

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This doesn't mean I've

always been perfect at it.

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I think we always struggle

in, in, in giving because it

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fights against our sin nature,

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Steph: Uh huh.

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Emily: those are the friendships

that last, that stand the test of

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time, are our giving friendships.

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Steph: And I think as mothers,

there's something so sweet about

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a friendship where someone sees

you and is thoughtful to you.

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Because we're spending so much

time serving our children.

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So when you have that friend that thinks

about what would bless you, and I'm

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probably making it really obvious that my

lovely English, one of the top ones gifts,

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but I, that has been, to me, that's such

a sweet thing when, and it doesn't mean

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it has to be expensive or extravagant,

but just that moment of, I thought of you.

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you go.

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Emily: Yes, absolutely.

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If we're talking love languages, mine

is definitely words of affirmation.

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And just this morning I received

a text that just made my whole day

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and it was from another mom and she

said I'm just so encouraged by our

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girls, and I, I've been, I pray, I've

always prayed for good friends in

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my daughter's life, and I'm going to

continue to pray, and I'm so encouraged

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by what our, what I see in our girls.

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And that's what it's all about, Steph.

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It's about raising our families together

and coming alongside each other and just

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encouraging and giving words that edify

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Steph: When I go on Facebook, I'm like,

Oh my goodness, people are so willing

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to help others solve their problems.

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The Lazy Genius group.

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It's incredible.

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If anyone asks, if they say I have a

problem, you will get so many answers.

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There's such a sweetness about

that, but there is still, it

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seems a lot of competition

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we can all lift each other up.

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And the goal is for us to all be

running after Christ together.

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It's not the super mom competition.

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And

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Emily: Want to compare, contrast,

and and sometimes we're doing

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it without even realizing it.

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I've been guilty of it many times, but

if we can get ourselves ensnared in the

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deception of comparison, then we are

handicapping our own self in growth.

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But if we can stand behind one another,

And share each other on and send each

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other verses and encouraging texts.

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We are benefiting ourselves and

not just our friend, but her sphere

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of friends because that kind of

thing doesn't stay contained.

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That kind of thing is passed on.

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You just can't help but pass it on.

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Steph: in motherhood, when the days

can be so long and we're trying

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to be so faithful onto the Lord

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And our children often.

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They don't know to thank us

for all the sacrifice yet.

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And our husbands might be away at

work and not seeing what we do.

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It feels, it's such a

hidden arena of service.

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When a friend can say, you're honoring

Christ so much in the way you do this.

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Or the, I heard the way that you

spoke to your child and that was so

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edifying and encouraging and patient.

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Those words can just go so far.

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Emily: They can go so far and

that ties right back to the Titus

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verses that we were reading.

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I got another text from another

mom today who's a little

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further down the road than I am.

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And She just said, Emily, it won't, we

were talking about the busyness of life,

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and I said, I feel like at the stage

we're in, every moment is accounted for

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and maybe the moment I get to myself

is maybe around 930 at night And she

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said, it won't always be this way.

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And she said it will end and you'll

find yourself missing it a little bit.

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So it was just such a good reminder

for me that though the days seem long

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right now they won't always be this way.

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And words of edification that we speak

into one another's life have immense

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impact and we're quick to dismiss them

and think, Oh, that's no big deal.

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I don't need to, I

don't need to send that.

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She's probably busy anyways,

but it goes such a long way.

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And and I think it's the

Holy Spirit's prompting.

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And we're quick to dismiss that also

because it's such a still small voice,

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but But I do believe that those moments

are led of the Lord and we should really

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be diligent in following and obedience

when he leads us to those moments.

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Before I pray for you to

close out this episode.

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Can I ask you to pray for us?

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We are getting together to record

several episodes in person, which

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is super exciting to all of us.

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We'll be meeting in Tennessee next week.

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Pray for the holy spirit

to be at work in us.

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That the Lord's words would be our words.

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And just over blessings on the technology

and everything, we would be so grateful.

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:

We have quite the lineup prepared of

episodes that we're going to record.

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And I can't wait.

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To bring you.

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Truly, truly practical, helpful.

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Episodes about some of the most common

against a motherhood, but then also some

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of the deepest, most difficult questions.

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That we're facing today

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as Christian mothers, trying

to swim against a culture that

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is so contrary to God's word.

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If you have questions that

you'd like us to speak to, we

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would love to hear from you.

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Email me@stephanieaterock.com.

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That's Stephanie S T E

P H a N I e@ewach.com.

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We'll be happy to sneak

those into the episode.

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Stephanie: We know you're busy,

Mama, so we are truly grateful you

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joined us for this episode of Again.

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If you're looking for more information

about building your home on the

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foundation of Jesus Christ, head to www.

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EntrustedMinistries.

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com to learn more about our study for

moms, Entrusted with a Child's Heart.

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This scripture saturated study

has blessed families around the

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world, and we want it for you, too.

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Before you go, I want to pray

this benediction over you

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from 2 Thessalonians 1, 11 12.

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We're rooting for you.

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To this end, we always pray for you,

that our God may make you worthy of His

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calling, and may fulfill every resolve

for good and every work of faith by

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His power, so that the name of our Lord

Jesus may be glorified in you, and you in

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Him, according to the grace of our God.

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And the Lord Jesus Christ.

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Amen.

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Until we meet again.

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About the Podcast

Again
Biblical Motherhood Untangled
So much of what we do as mothers is on repeat. Join us to redeem this repetition and untangle from the confusion and overwhelm of parenting. We'll follow the Agains in the Bible to focus on the things that matter most. Let's look up together to embrace a motherhood full of freedom and joy! This podcast is sponsored by Entrusted Ministries.

About your host

Profile picture for Stephanie Hickox

Stephanie Hickox

Stephanie has always delighted in God’s Word and in sharing it with others. Whether it is equipping mothers and leaders through Entrusted with a Child’s Heart, inspiring students when teaching at homeschool co-ops or children’s ministry, or homeschooling her own children, Stephanie’s life mission is to encourage others to follow faithfully and joyfully after Jesus—especially if they hold her favorite job title: mom.

Betsy Corning wrote Entrusted with a Child’s Heart in 1999 in response to the needs she saw in families as she and David counseled young parents just a few years behind them. Entrusted has been taught in hundreds of churches nationwide, been translated into several foreign languages, and has made its way around the world. More recently, Betsy received her Masters in Biblical Studies from The Master’s University and is developing a new Bible Study program called Get the Word Out. Her passion for God’s Word, discipleship, and teaching biblical principles as they apply to family life has remained strong to this day. One of the greatest blessings in Betsy’s life are her three grown children, their spouses, and ten grandchildren that keep her constantly in touch with every age and stage.

Jen Freckman Is an incredible wealth of wisdom. She will tell you a natural remedy for just about anything! She is also a voracious reader and she is just overflowing with quotes and guidance that she's encountered through reading and being faithful. She delights in her children and is a devoted mother. She is also an amazingly creative problem solver! Her solutions to manage her home and guide her children are inspiring.

Emily Deyo is such a treasure. She is an incredible encourager and servant-hearted woman. When she has the mic in front of her, so much value comes out! She is a wordsmith and her heart consistently beats for how she can encourage and serve others. She is a truly loving and attentive mother.

Join Betsy, Emily, Jen, and Stephanie as they share the wisdom only Scripture and on-the-job training can provide to help untangle the joyful calling of motherhood.