Episode 98

#96. We're Not Shying Away From The Hardest Topics of Submission and Spiritual Leadership!: Krista and Bryan Ryndak Clarify The Patterns Christian Parents Should Cling To (Part 2)

These are really tough topics, but when we believe God's Word is full of wisdom, we need to press in instead of check out! Christian moms and dads are sure to find clarity from Krista and Bryan Ryndak's unwavering--yet relatable-- commitment to the truth. Looking for a little more individual attention for your marriage or parenting? So That We is there for you! Krista and Bryan are local to the Chicago area, but they also gladly accept virtual clients.

Scriptures Referenced:

Proverbs 27:17

Proverbs 31

1 Peter 2-3

Episode Links:

Last week's episode on Spiritual Leadership: Listen Here. So much goodness!

Did you listen to Part 1 on Gender Roles? How about Part 2? You won't want to miss them!

Resources Recommended by Bryan (Full disclosure: Entrusted staff has not read or listened to these resources yet, but we want to offer the links since Bryan mentioned them. :) ):

Theology and Apologetics Podcast

Men's Alliance

Men in the Arena

The Journey to Biblical Masculinity

No More Christian Nice Guys

Transcript
Stephanie:

They're the joyful agains our children.

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Shout on the swings, the exhausting

agains of cooking and laundry and

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the difficult agains of discipline.

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So much of what we do

as mothers is on repeat.

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So what if we woke up with clarity,

knowing which agains we were called to.

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And went to bed believing we are

faithful in what matters most.

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We believe God's word is

the key to untangle from the

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confusion and overwhelm we feel.

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Let's look up together to embrace a

motherhood full of freedom and joy.

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There is no trick or treating here, but

we are covering the tricky topics of

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spiritual leadership and submission.

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This is the again, podcast

from Entrusted Ministries.

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And I'm Stephanie Hickox.

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We're gonna get into all the details

about what it is and what it isn't.

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We're also going to discuss how

parenting roles for moms and dads

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might shift as children get older.

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What are some common tendencies that moms

and dads fall into that they should be

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cautious of and how can the other spouse

guide them in a righteous manner while

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not overstepping Krista and Brian Rind

deck of so that we counseling continued

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this conversation with me and I love

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how applicable and effective

their responses are.

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If you didn't hear episode one on

spiritual leadership with them, I'm

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gonna link that in the show notes.

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And they also had some amazing

things to say about biblical

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womanhood and biblical manhood.

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You will find those links too.

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And what I really love about

this is that all of it lines up

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so well with the teachings of

Entrusted with a child's heart.

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We now have couples videos.

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And we'd encourage you

to head to our website.

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Now let's get to that truly impactful

conversation with Krista and Brian Rind.

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Stephanie: All right, let's be

a little bit proactive here.

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Okay.

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Our listeners are probably mostly women.

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Imagine you are counseling a wife

who's really longing for her husband

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to guide especially spiritually.

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How would you encourage her to honor him

practically and address it in a way that

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makes him want to rise up instead of

discouraging him before he even starts

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Krista/Bryan: I

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know

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you

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Stephanie: have

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more words on

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this

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probably.

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Krista/Bryan: So

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going along with what we just said,

how would a woman encourage her husband

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to be all that in a bag of chips?

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Yeah.

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As you put it.

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I would say be

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Stephanie: lead.

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Krista/Bryan: So if I'm talking

to wives, I would say be lead.

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Yeah.

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You can parse that out a

little bit in a feminine way.

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I

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would say don't assume he's the problem.

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And then maybe even

practically authentically

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find what to be grateful for.

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Find anything.

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If you're that desperate or if it's

that far gone find anything to be

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grateful for and begin to say it.

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Begin to show it.

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. All these little things gradually can

add and then there might be more to be

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grateful for and more to be grateful for.

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Yeah.

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I would say stop comparing.

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Yeah.

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Him to other men, to

books, to caricatures, to

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stereotypes, all of that stuff.

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This is your man.

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Right?

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And he will last So the moon for you

if he believes you believe in him.

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And that's been put

several different ways.

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We'll walk through fire, we'll go

through a brick wall, we'll do about

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anything for you if we really believe

that you really believe in us.

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That's awesome.

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That's really good.

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I like what you said.

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This is your man and getting to

know and value the unique things

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about your husband, instead of

comparing to the caricatures.,

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I think when I'm

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thinking of women in the counseling

office, they really need to learn

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how to have better conversations.

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They're often coming in expecting husbands

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Stephanie: to

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act like

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Krista/Bryan: to respond to them

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the

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Stephanie: way their

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Krista/Bryan: girlfriends

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Stephanie: would.

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To give them

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the

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Krista/Bryan: kind

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of

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affirmation

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or

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validation to

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Stephanie: understand things

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from

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that

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point of

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Krista/Bryan: view.

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All of

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that is

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lovely

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Stephanie: and

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wonderful,

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but

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your husband

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Krista/Bryan: is

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not going to ever respond the same

as your mom or your girlfriend.

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Right.

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He

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Stephanie: is

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different.

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So

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I

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Krista/Bryan: really think

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women

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don't have

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The skillset to understand

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Stephanie: how men how

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Krista/Bryan: talk

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Stephanie: and

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how

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Krista/Bryan: to have a conversation

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in return.

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We need to be learning

to have conversations

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that

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indicate

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to

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them,

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Stephanie: I

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trust

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Krista/Bryan: you.

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I

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know

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Stephanie: you're

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intelligent

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human

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being.

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Krista/Bryan: I

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think

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you're

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Stephanie: a

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great

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teammate.

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Krista/Bryan: I would feel loved

or cared for or partnered with If

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we could find a solution to this

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Stephanie: problem instead of saying.

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I wish you would do this,

why won't you do that?

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Krista/Bryan: They're

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not having

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the

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conversations in these

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respectful

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ways.

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God made him differently

from you on purpose.

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And you need to remember that your

husband wants to be your hero.

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He

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Stephanie: doesn't

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wanna

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be

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your

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Krista/Bryan: project.

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He

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doesn't wanna be your

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Stephanie: child,

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Krista/Bryan: Men

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are

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far more

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motivated by being

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treated with respect, by being

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Stephanie: encouraged.

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Krista/Bryan: So

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I would

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Stephanie: say

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Krista/Bryan: evaluate your

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tone,

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evaluate your

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language on a

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Stephanie: regular

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Krista/Bryan: Evaluate your

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idea of spiritual leadership.

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We were talking about spiritual

leadership and I think

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Stephanie: women

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Krista/Bryan: have

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this,

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their

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own

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box

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of

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think

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that

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idea

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looks

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Stephanie: like.

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So

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they'll

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say

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Krista/Bryan: things

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like,

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Stephanie: what

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if we talked

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Krista/Bryan: about

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this week's

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sermon on

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Stephanie: the way

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home?

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Or,

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I

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wish

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Krista/Bryan: that

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you'd

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for our

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family

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Stephanie: more

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Krista/Bryan: often.

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That

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is

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still

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Stephanie: you

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telling him

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how

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to

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lead.

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You're leading

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when

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you're

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Krista/Bryan: having

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a

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Stephanie: conversation

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in

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that

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Krista/Bryan: way,

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You are

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taking the charge on what you think

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Stephanie: he

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ought

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to

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Krista/Bryan: do.

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So

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To try things like

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Stephanie: as

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we said before,

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what

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do

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you

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Krista/Bryan: Are the needs of our

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family

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in this season?

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What are the

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spiritual

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needs

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of

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our kids?

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What

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does it mean to you to lead spiritually?

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How can

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I

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Stephanie: follow

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you

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Krista/Bryan: better?

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Even

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to have

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a

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conversation coming

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in with some humility

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Stephanie: to

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Krista/Bryan: say

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things

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I'm

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Stephanie: not

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really

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Krista/Bryan: feeling

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led

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by

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you,

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but I'm wondering if it's me.

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Could you help me understand

if there's something that I'm

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doing

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Stephanie: that's

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getting

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in

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the

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Krista/Bryan: way?

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and know that

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he might

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be

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Stephanie: afraid

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to

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answer

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Krista/Bryan: question.

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You

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Stephanie: might

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not

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get

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Krista/Bryan: honest

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answer to a question

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Stephanie: like

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that.

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Right.

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Krista/Bryan: But you're

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starting

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by

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framing

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the

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conversation differently

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and

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giving him space to at least

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Stephanie: think about

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Krista/Bryan: that

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Stephanie: issue

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Krista/Bryan: now.

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Whereas when

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you're starting in a way that comes

across as domineering as nagging, he's

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immediately gonna go on the defense, she's

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Stephanie: just

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Krista/Bryan: saying,

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I'm

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failure,

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Stephanie: all over again.

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I would

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Krista/Bryan: to inject

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some laughter

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and some

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grace into conversations.

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Women come often

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Stephanie: into

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conversations

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Krista/Bryan: and

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it feels

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like the

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Stephanie: inquisition

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it's

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an

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Krista/Bryan: it's

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this big

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Stephanie: heavy

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thing.

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Krista/Bryan: Again, thinking

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how

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a man

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Stephanie: thinks.

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It

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lightens

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things

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Krista/Bryan: so much.

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If you

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can

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own

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that,

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it's awkward

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if

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Stephanie: you

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can

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laugh

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together

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a

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little

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bit,

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Krista/Bryan: and match

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the

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energy that's appropriate.

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Brian used

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the

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the

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language

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of iron

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Stephanie: sharpening

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iron.

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Krista/Bryan: We

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see marriages where this

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issue

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would

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be addressed in a marriage that is

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Stephanie: super

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fragile

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versus

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if it's

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Krista/Bryan: in

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a marriage where there's a little

more bandwidth, there's a little bit

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Stephanie: more

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Krista/Bryan: equity.

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So even

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the tone there might

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be

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Stephanie: different,

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Krista/Bryan: If your

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marriage is

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going

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relatively well,

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you can talk about spiritual

leadership in a more challenging way.

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You can use a little bit more

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Stephanie: overt

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Krista/Bryan: right?

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Whereas

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if

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it's

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super awkward, it's super difficult.

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You might have to come in and have

some grace, have some patience,

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have some slowness but just really

evaluating, respectful word,

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respectful tone, respectful language.

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Kinda, you made a little caveat earlier

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Stephanie: too.

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Krista/Bryan: I

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would say

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Stephanie: remembering what we're talking

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Krista/Bryan: here

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today

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Stephanie: is

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your

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Krista/Bryan: good-willed, imperfect

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center man,

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right?

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We're

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not really

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talking

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about abuse, addiction, things

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like

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that.

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So

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when we're

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talking about

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leadership

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Stephanie: and

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submission,

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Krista/Bryan: it's

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a whole

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different

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topic when

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we're talking about a man

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Stephanie: who

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Krista/Bryan: in,

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Stephanie: something

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like

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that

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Krista/Bryan: as

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Stephanie: opposed

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Krista/Bryan: Your

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average, it's

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apathy.

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We've had the downward spiral.

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Yeah.

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I guess I would, you mentioned

relational equity or Yeah.

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Yeah.

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This conversation it has to be within

the context of your relationship.

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And what I mean by that is if

your husband's checked out,

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this isn't the place to start.

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Right?

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We have

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Stephanie: to

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work on.

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checked

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Krista/Bryan: first.

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Right.

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In order to even get to a place of,

well, now that we're not checked out

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Stephanie: from

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Krista/Bryan: other, this

is what will help flourish.

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These are some more of my concerns, right?

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So they're, that's sometimes where

some guidance might come in and

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when this could be appropriate

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or inappropriate.

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If he's checked out, he doesn't

really care that he's not leading.

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He doesn't care.

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So the conversation won't go anywhere.

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And yeah, I think it's hugely important

to understand that this conversation

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also is very different and all the

conversations are very different.

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If we're talking about any sort of

abusive scenario, any sort of addictive

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scenario, basically a man who's not

walking with or trying to walk with

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God and is, deep in sin and things like

that, it's a different conversation.

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Stephanie: are there resources

that you found helpful for this man

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who does want to lead spiritually,

but he hasn't seen it done well?

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What are some practical resources

he could look to for guidance?

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So

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Krista/Bryan: that's a,

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it's a good question.

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Answering it for women has

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a

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Stephanie: little bit

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of

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a So

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I'm

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Krista/Bryan: curious.

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Yeah.

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I'm

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curious to hear.

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Well, crystal will say about how you Yeah.

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Present resources, but

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if

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a guy's

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listening to this, that's how I'll answer

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it.

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Yes.

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You already said why, you're not the

parent, you're not their whatever.

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But we all have, want to have

great marriages kind of thing.

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I think

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when we talked about kind of the domains

or the pillars and what leadership is,

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what masculinity is really the first

thing resource wise is God's word.

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We have to start there.

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And unabashedly, it's daily.

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Read it,

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Stephanie: take notes

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Krista/Bryan: ask other men

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Stephanie: about

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Krista/Bryan: think about

it, meditate on his word.

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You gotta start there.

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That's the ultimate source of truth.

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It has everything in it that we need.

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To have a great family to be a Christian,

to be the right leader for our families.

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Get counseling, right?

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Yeah.

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So I'm

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a counselor, but I

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wasn't a counselor before

and I still thought this.

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Right.

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Find a men's counselor that matches

well with you to deal with the garbage

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in your brain that's gumming up your

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thought processes,

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Stephanie: and your

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Krista/Bryan: It's there

whether we know it or not.

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We don't often know until

we start talking about it.

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But it's there.

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Get knowledge.

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Where do we get knowledge?

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We talked about getting God's word

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daily,

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get counseling,

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so get knowledge.

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So here's your kind of

maybe boots on the ground.

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So podcasts and books are two

great sources podcast wise.

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I have

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a whole bunch in my library, but

right now I'm listening to a podcast

536

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called Men's Alliance and another

podcast called men in the Arena.

537

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Those two right now are

men's topics, right?

538

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But I also have a theology

podcast that I rotate in there.

539

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And that to me, that's huge

to, to really keep bathing.

540

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And what theology is apologetics?

541

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That's called theology and

Apologetics incidentally.

542

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So those three

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Stephanie: right

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now

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are

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Krista/Bryan: at the forefront

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Stephanie: of

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my

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rotation.

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about

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Krista/Bryan: or four others that can

be lean towards certain interests.

552

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So if you're a real outdoors you or

if you're a hunter, or if you're,

553

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into military, if you're into other

things, there's podcasts that talk

554

:

about the same things, but within

those examples, within that verbiage.

555

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So

556

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I try

557

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to steer guys based on their

personalities to places that they

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:

can hear very similar information

just in a way they can relate to.

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And that.

560

:

Really goes the same with books, but a

couple of books that I've really enjoyed

561

:

and that I use with men for counseling.

562

:

One is called the Journey

to Biblical Masculinity.

563

:

And that's kind of 12 paths

every man should take.

564

:

And that's by Jake Hamilton.

565

:

The measure of a man I mentioned earlier

by Gene Goetz it's been around for

566

:

a long time

567

:

and revised several times.

568

:

It's that good.

569

:

And then another one's No

More Christian, nice guy.

570

:

The revise and expanded version.

571

:

That's why Paul Kauflin if the

title intrigues, you read it.

572

:

Essentially, and I won't

give any of it away.

573

:

But I, those sorts of things are

things that I'll present to guys.

574

:

And I think maybe the one

thing is if you're only gonna

575

:

Stephanie: do

576

:

Krista/Bryan: thing, and usually men start

with one thing, 'cause their schedules,

577

:

whatever it's start with the Bible.

578

:

But active with the Bible,

journaling about it and stuff.

579

:

And then we move from there.

580

:

Yeah, that's really good.

581

:

You,

582

:

I think

583

:

you made an important point

earlier about a wife dealing

584

:

with resource suggestions really

585

:

delicately, right?

586

:

And

587

:

if

588

:

you're in a relationship where

there's some relational equity and the

589

:

Stephanie: two of

590

:

can

591

:

talk

592

:

together

593

:

Krista/Bryan: about, oh, what if

594

:

we,

595

:

I do

596

:

this book, you do this book,

are we engage in these resources

597

:

Stephanie: together?

598

:

Krista/Bryan: That's

599

:

Stephanie: great.

600

:

But

601

:

Krista/Bryan: you're

602

:

not, you have to be

really cautious about how

603

:

you might

604

:

interact with some resources.

605

:

As

606

:

Brian and I

607

:

were were discussing this, he was talking

608

:

about, maybe

609

:

wives should consider, how would you

feel if a husband gave you a resource

610

:

on how to

611

:

be

612

:

better in

613

:

Stephanie: bed

614

:

or

615

:

how

616

:

Krista/Bryan: submit

617

:

Stephanie: better,

618

:

Yeah.

619

:

That's

620

:

not going

621

:

and

622

:

Krista/Bryan: you to want

623

:

to do

624

:

that

625

:

resource.

626

:

It's

627

:

Stephanie: gonna

628

:

Krista/Bryan: make,

629

:

throw

630

:

the book

631

:

Stephanie: across

632

:

the

633

:

roof, uhhuh and so

634

:

Krista/Bryan: your

635

:

man

636

:

is

637

:

gonna feel the

638

:

same way.

639

:

If you're

640

:

Stephanie: the

641

:

one

642

:

saying, why

643

:

Krista/Bryan: you

644

:

do

645

:

Stephanie: this?

646

:

Why

647

:

you

648

:

do this?

649

:

Krista/Bryan: don't

650

:

you?

651

:

Right.

652

:

Again, could you

653

:

leading him or are you able to approach

that in a truly I'm helping you, I wanna

654

:

sharpen you, we're teammates a way.

655

:

Yeah.

656

:

And I wanted to give the

idea either overall that.

657

:

Women, a wife does

658

:

not have

659

:

the ability to be spunky

660

:

Absolutely.

661

:

Does not have the ability to Absolutely.

662

:

To formulate an opinion and give it.

663

:

Right.

664

:

A man worth salt

665

:

wants that.

666

:

Right.

667

:

And so

668

:

there is a role for that.

669

:

I think what we're talking

about is just, it's contextual.

670

:

Yes.

671

:

Related to are you creating damage

or are you building a bridge?

672

:

Yep.

673

:

That's a

674

:

Stephanie: a great

675

:

way to put

676

:

Krista/Bryan: it.

677

:

Stephanie: I have seen in several godly

homes, and then also Kristen and I

678

:

have had some conversations that I know

how you're gonna, I wind up on this

679

:

topic, Brian, but are there seasons

where the husband should take a more

680

:

prominent role in a child's development?

681

:

And are there places where

he really needs to step up?

682

:

And maybe are there places where God

has intended for a wife to take more

683

:

of a

684

:

Krista/Bryan: a prominent

685

:

Stephanie: role in development?

686

:

Krista/Bryan: Yeah.

687

:

So not answering it topically, oh,

the woman should only talk about

688

:

certain thing and that guy that

you're gonna handle this and stuff.

689

:

While that might be a division of labor,

I don't think there's a conceptual

690

:

need for it to be one way or the other.

691

:

Right.

692

:

But, i'll often talk about

this with men to boys.

693

:

Right.

694

:

So maybe I'll start there.

695

:

And then there's the men to daughters

part as well, but I think it's

696

:

around age nine that for boys, the

role of the father should increase.

697

:

And the role of the

mother should decrease.

698

:

And that's directly related to this

passage of a boy from boyhood to manhood.

699

:

Who's the father being the one to teach

how to channel anger, how to channel

700

:

lust, how to channel all these behaviors

that, that are present, all these

701

:

emotions that are present, but that can

overtake or become sinful at some point.

702

:

Right.

703

:

So there's a need for a man to

704

:

Stephanie: do

705

:

that.

706

:

sociologically,

707

:

Krista/Bryan: we have so many

statistics out there on families about

708

:

fatherless,

709

:

Homes and what happens

to children and things.

710

:

So that's, that part really isn't unknown.

711

:

Right.

712

:

We know that the detrimental

effects of lack of a father,

713

:

Stephanie: lack

714

:

of

715

:

Mm-hmm.

716

:

Krista/Bryan: but sometimes

the question is how much?

717

:

Where

718

:

and the inevitable question and you

might get into this a little bit,

719

:

but I think he's being too hard.

720

:

Right?

721

:

Right.

722

:

And we can work with that

a little bit, but let

723

:

Stephanie: fathers.

724

:

Krista/Bryan: Let your

husband, father, their boys.

725

:

Yeah.

726

:

Right.

727

:

They need to be able to get hurt.

728

:

They need to be able to get

rambunctious and figure out, it

729

:

doesn't always work to your advantage.

730

:

I guess the idea is at some point

moms have to minimize how much they

731

:

shield their boys in particular.

732

:

And think of it this way if you

continue to shield your boy and do

733

:

things for him and protect him, what

do you think he's gonna do when he

734

:

leaves the home and gets married?

735

:

He's going to expect the wife to shield

and protect him and do everything for him.

736

:

So if you don't want that in

your own husband find ways to

737

:

not create that in your son.

738

:

And one of the ways is changing

the role or the influence amount.

739

:

We're not saying the mother has no

740

:

role.

741

:

Right.

742

:

Boys, daughters, we need mom, we

need the hug, we need the compassion

743

:

that guys don't give as well.

744

:

But we need more and more the hard

knocks part of the raising so that we

745

:

have boys that become men that control

their anger, that don't step out.

746

:

Yep.

747

:

And have unwanted sexual

behavior and things like that.

748

:

So father's wisdom Being really important.

749

:

Yeah, all of that is really good.

750

:

And I'm thinking about the dynamic

that you mentioned of like moms, are we

751

:

had talked earlier, moms are great at

nurturing and that's like part of their

752

:

Stephanie: gifts.

753

:

that does

754

:

Krista/Bryan: get in

755

:

the way of this dynamic

756

:

Stephanie: of dads,

757

:

Krista/Bryan: taking up their

758

:

kind of

759

:

rightful mantle a little bit with

the whole, you're being too hard on

760

:

him, you're being too hard on him,

761

:

That

762

:

kind

763

:

of

764

:

a thing.

765

:

And so to remember that as we talked about

earlier, the male female differences and

766

:

how we're wired,

767

:

you're seeing it in a certain way.

768

:

You're believing and

perceiving he's being too hard.

769

:

And that's my baby

770

:

boy,

771

:

Whereas

772

:

he's maybe seeking to

call out the manhood.

773

:

conversations about that as a husband

774

:

Stephanie: and

775

:

Krista/Bryan: wife and

get honest with yourself.

776

:

Am

777

:

I, is it me?

778

:

Am I

779

:

perceiving

780

:

it as being

781

:

Stephanie: too hard because I'm the of

782

:

how I grew

783

:

up.

784

:

I've

785

:

had

786

:

damage from

787

:

a

788

:

Krista/Bryan: who

789

:

actually

790

:

was too

791

:

Stephanie: hard

792

:

and

793

:

harsh.

794

:

Krista/Bryan: Or

795

:

is there a reality

796

:

Stephanie: to

797

:

subjectively

798

:

my

799

:

husband

800

:

is

801

:

using

802

:

Krista/Bryan: shaming language

803

:

subjectively,

804

:

his anger

805

:

is

806

:

actually

807

:

Stephanie: really

808

:

I

809

:

Krista/Bryan: see

810

:

a

811

:

lot of wives

812

:

intervene in situations or even think

something is abuse that is simply

813

:

Stephanie: a

814

:

dad

815

:

being

816

:

a dad,

817

:

Krista/Bryan: and

818

:

they're reacting

819

:

and shielding

820

:

from things that they really

821

:

shouldn't be.

822

:

And it's

823

:

again,

824

:

own

825

:

kind of fear or control or,

826

:

I

827

:

don't

828

:

wanna

829

:

lose

830

:

him.

831

:

I

832

:

don't

833

:

really

834

:

him grow up,

835

:

and so sometimes,

836

:

again,

837

:

thwarting the leadership and

dad says, okay, well fine.

838

:

Then you take the reins and

then the consequences ensue of.

839

:

Him not being able to rise

840

:

Stephanie: up into that.

841

:

Krista/Bryan: Maybe also

842

:

remember if you feel like he's coming

across a little bit harshly, he's

843

:

learning too.

844

:

Stephanie: A

845

:

dad

846

:

Krista/Bryan: learning to

847

:

parent that

848

:

tween

849

:

Stephanie: teen

850

:

boy

851

:

Krista/Bryan: at

852

:

the same time

853

:

as that boy

854

:

is going

855

:

through

856

:

that

857

:

passage,

858

:

right?

859

:

There's going

860

:

to be

861

:

things about

862

:

Stephanie: it that

863

:

are not perfect.

864

:

Krista/Bryan: There's going to be

865

:

fits and starts.

866

:

If he is able, as a man to watch

867

:

Stephanie: his

868

:

Krista/Bryan: son

869

:

react,

870

:

to

871

:

watch

872

:

his

873

:

son

874

:

feel

875

:

Stephanie: heard

876

:

Krista/Bryan: that

877

:

now

878

:

he can

879

:

Stephanie: self-reflect

880

:

Krista/Bryan: And he can

881

:

Stephanie: tweak

882

:

Krista/Bryan: what he's doing.

883

:

If you get in

884

:

the way

885

:

Stephanie: and

886

:

Krista/Bryan: rescue, your husband's not

gonna grow and your son's not gonna grow,

887

:

Stephanie: you're enabling

888

:

Krista/Bryan: both of them in

889

:

that

890

:

case,

891

:

right?

892

:

Rather

893

:

Stephanie: than

894

:

allowing

895

:

Krista/Bryan: allowing them to sharpen

896

:

each other, if you will.

897

:

Yeah.

898

:

And I'm not saying either, and I did say

that the mother's influence doesn't go

899

:

away.

900

:

Right.

901

:

And I'm, we were talking about towards

the child, but also towards the husband.

902

:

Husbands, you do want that balance, right?

903

:

Because we can get a little carried

away sometimes, or go too fast because

904

:

we really have the end in mind.

905

:

We know what they're gonna go through.

906

:

Being married, we know what they're gonna

go through, job wise and things like that.

907

:

Sometimes we rush a little bit.

908

:

Stephanie: But.

909

:

want

910

:

Krista/Bryan: balance and we want

the wisdom and discernment to know

911

:

whether that balance that our wives

bring should be applied here or there,

912

:

or maybe down the road, or maybe

913

:

Stephanie: I

914

:

was too

915

:

Krista/Bryan: late.

916

:

So we want that team.

917

:

Yep, mate.

918

:

Yep.

919

:

As well.

920

:

We need to value that.

921

:

We need to parents.

922

:

Yeah, absolutely.

923

:

No.

924

:

And to that point, maybe a dynamic that

925

:

Stephanie: we

926

:

Krista/Bryan: see is moms

927

:

are

928

:

actually,

929

:

when they're trying to talk with their

husbands, they're wanting to prevent

930

:

their son from rebelling against his dad.

931

:

Right.

932

:

And so to your point about maybe

933

:

Stephanie: husband's

934

:

valuing

935

:

Krista/Bryan: mom

936

:

is valuing

937

:

the

938

:

relationship

939

:

while dad

940

:

is

941

:

valuing

942

:

the

943

:

result,

944

:

Stephanie: both

945

:

matter.

946

:

Yes.

947

:

Right?

948

:

Krista/Bryan: And so how

949

:

we team and how we come together

and discuss that and see both of

950

:

our strengths

951

:

Stephanie: at

952

:

play matters.

953

:

line,

954

:

to

955

:

what

956

:

you're

957

:

saying

958

:

Krista/Bryan: is

959

:

Stephanie: that

960

:

Krista/Bryan: it's

961

:

dad

962

:

Stephanie: enacting

963

:

Krista/Bryan: it

964

:

more,

965

:

the

966

:

mouthpiece

967

:

and the initiator more of

what's coming from those private

968

:

conversations between mom and dad.

969

:

About how to parent.

970

:

Yeah.

971

:

I think something we've pointed

out as boys, and they get older

972

:

in the teen years is the moms will

see the behavior between the son

973

:

and the dad and go, oh my goodness.

974

:

What is happening here?

975

:

This is World War

976

:

iii.

977

:

Yeah.

978

:

Right.

979

:

And sometimes it's getting to that point.

980

:

But what's happening is a

young boy is spreading his

981

:

wings, he's puffing his chest.

982

:

He's trying to become That's

983

:

Stephanie: right.

984

:

A.

985

:

Krista/Bryan: And

986

:

there's another

987

:

Stephanie: man in the

988

:

way,

989

:

Krista/Bryan: so to

990

:

speak.

991

:

Yes.

992

:

as opposed

993

:

to, okay, this is my Yoda,

994

:

this

995

:

is

996

:

my

997

:

mentor, this

998

:

Stephanie: is

999

:

Krista/Bryan: guide,

:

00:20:23,247 --> 00:20:25,377

though there's a transition there as well.

:

00:20:25,377 --> 00:20:27,177

So inevitably there are sparks.

:

00:20:27,177 --> 00:20:30,177

It is an iron and iron

scenario a little bit.

:

00:20:30,237 --> 00:20:35,697

And so sometimes moms, if they're not

understanding that's part of the dynamic

:

00:20:35,697 --> 00:20:39,727

that's going on and that sort of, supposed

to happen, yeah, of course we want to

:

00:20:39,727 --> 00:20:44,437

keep an eye on where this World War II

is going and how big it's getting, but to

:

00:20:44,437 --> 00:20:46,977

some extent, that's supposed to happen.

:

00:20:47,657 --> 00:20:48,737

Yeah, that's a really good

:

00:20:49,598 --> 00:20:54,248

Another maybe thought about this

topic when it comes to daughters

:

00:20:54,528 --> 00:20:59,298

sometimes I see dads actually pull

back from parenting teenage daughters,

:

00:20:59,298 --> 00:21:01,908

and so maybe we're, identifying

there's something a little more

:

00:21:01,908 --> 00:21:02,688

natural that

:

00:21:02,688 --> 00:21:06,198

as a kid gets older, the boys need the

dad and the girls need the mom and in,

:

00:21:06,318 --> 00:21:08,238

in terms of things that they're learning.

:

00:21:08,623 --> 00:21:09,088

But I think we

:

00:21:09,153 --> 00:21:09,993

also see damage

:

00:21:10,093 --> 00:21:10,843

Stephanie: when dads

:

00:21:10,928 --> 00:21:11,318

Krista/Bryan: pull

:

00:21:11,318 --> 00:21:11,708

back.

:

00:21:11,708 --> 00:21:11,948

They're

:

00:21:11,963 --> 00:21:12,203

Stephanie: like,

:

00:21:12,233 --> 00:21:12,758

oh,

:

00:21:12,758 --> 00:21:14,033

Krista/Bryan: she's hormonal and

:

00:21:14,158 --> 00:21:14,338

now

:

00:21:14,338 --> 00:21:14,458

it's

:

00:21:14,458 --> 00:21:14,848

another

:

00:21:14,848 --> 00:21:15,898

like, little version

:

00:21:15,898 --> 00:21:16,108

of

:

00:21:16,108 --> 00:21:16,588

hide from

:

00:21:16,588 --> 00:21:16,768

my

:

00:21:16,768 --> 00:21:17,158

wife,

:

00:21:17,253 --> 00:21:17,733

or

:

00:21:17,778 --> 00:21:17,883

Stephanie: her

:

00:21:17,898 --> 00:21:18,228

body

:

00:21:18,333 --> 00:21:18,933

Krista/Bryan: changing

:

00:21:19,098 --> 00:21:19,158

Stephanie: I

:

00:21:19,293 --> 00:21:20,613

Krista/Bryan: really wanna hug her, give

:

00:21:20,613 --> 00:21:21,213

her affection

:

00:21:21,213 --> 00:21:21,903

anymore.

:

00:21:21,908 --> 00:21:23,028

and to watch

:

00:21:23,028 --> 00:21:23,958

and to understand

:

00:21:23,973 --> 00:21:24,168

Stephanie: that

:

00:21:24,933 --> 00:21:25,233

need

:

00:21:25,638 --> 00:21:25,938

Krista/Bryan: as

:

00:21:25,938 --> 00:21:26,538

well

:

00:21:26,553 --> 00:21:26,778

Stephanie: as

:

00:21:26,793 --> 00:21:27,003

they

:

00:21:27,318 --> 00:21:27,558

Krista/Bryan: and

:

00:21:27,738 --> 00:21:30,018

certainly does the role

begin to look differently.

:

00:21:30,018 --> 00:21:30,378

I wanna

:

00:21:30,378 --> 00:21:30,498

Stephanie: be

:

00:21:30,498 --> 00:21:31,038

cautious

:

00:21:31,038 --> 00:21:31,188

that

:

00:21:31,188 --> 00:21:31,308

Krista/Bryan: the

:

00:21:31,308 --> 00:21:32,378

affection and things like

:

00:21:32,378 --> 00:21:32,948

that.

:

00:21:33,258 --> 00:21:33,498

But.

:

00:21:33,783 --> 00:21:34,143

They

:

00:21:34,143 --> 00:21:34,863

are learning

:

00:21:34,863 --> 00:21:35,103

at

:

00:21:35,103 --> 00:21:35,973

those ages.

:

00:21:35,973 --> 00:21:39,243

Girls are now watching for

the qualities and traits that

:

00:21:39,258 --> 00:21:39,678

Stephanie: they're gonna

:

00:21:39,678 --> 00:21:40,873

look right?

:

00:21:40,873 --> 00:21:41,073

Mm-hmm.

:

00:21:41,238 --> 00:21:41,328

The

:

00:21:41,328 --> 00:21:41,598

old

:

00:21:41,853 --> 00:21:41,973

Krista/Bryan: that

:

00:21:41,973 --> 00:21:42,273

girls

:

00:21:42,273 --> 00:21:42,663

marry their

:

00:21:42,663 --> 00:21:44,943

dad, and sometimes we see

that they do the opposite.

:

00:21:44,943 --> 00:21:45,573

They react

:

00:21:45,573 --> 00:21:45,753

and they

:

00:21:45,753 --> 00:21:45,903

try

:

00:21:45,903 --> 00:21:46,833

to marry someone opposite from

:

00:21:46,848 --> 00:21:46,923

Stephanie: their

:

00:21:46,938 --> 00:21:47,208

dad.

:

00:21:47,208 --> 00:21:48,178

But needless

:

00:21:48,193 --> 00:21:48,253

Krista/Bryan: to

:

00:21:48,253 --> 00:21:48,823

say that

:

00:21:49,333 --> 00:21:49,843

is, they're

:

00:21:49,843 --> 00:21:50,023

not

:

00:21:50,023 --> 00:21:50,233

even

:

00:21:50,233 --> 00:21:52,303

aware until they're hitting puberty.

:

00:21:52,813 --> 00:21:53,053

And

:

00:21:53,053 --> 00:21:53,803

that's when

:

00:21:53,803 --> 00:21:54,073

it's

:

00:21:54,073 --> 00:21:56,323

really important, the

treatment of a daughter.

:

00:21:56,323 --> 00:21:56,623

That's

:

00:21:56,623 --> 00:21:56,833

when

:

00:21:56,833 --> 00:21:58,513

he's, she's really watching what

:

00:21:58,528 --> 00:22:00,058

Stephanie: he's doing and what

:

00:22:00,253 --> 00:22:03,373

Krista/Bryan: modeling and

that's gonna play into what

:

00:22:03,373 --> 00:22:05,383

she looks for in a mate, how she reacts

:

00:22:05,383 --> 00:22:06,463

and interacts with men,

:

00:22:06,463 --> 00:22:06,583

how

:

00:22:06,583 --> 00:22:06,733

she

:

00:22:06,733 --> 00:22:10,853

expects to be treated by men, so

I, I think that piece is important

:

00:22:11,273 --> 00:22:12,953

to understand as well for dads.

:

00:22:12,953 --> 00:22:13,133

Yeah.

:

00:22:13,283 --> 00:22:14,243

That's huge.

:

00:22:14,303 --> 00:22:19,283

The daughter is going to get her

expectations of how to be treated,

:

00:22:19,283 --> 00:22:23,433

as you've said, what to look for

what to accept, what not to accept,

:

00:22:23,433 --> 00:22:26,763

where the lines are from her father.

:

00:22:26,798 --> 00:22:27,278

Or should.

:

00:22:27,328 --> 00:22:32,448

I, when I was a young dad of a daughter

I had an older guy tell me this piece

:

00:22:32,448 --> 00:22:35,868

of advice and I never forgot it,

and I share this with other guys.

:

00:22:36,298 --> 00:22:36,508

He

:

00:22:36,508 --> 00:22:38,968

said, if you are not.

:

00:22:39,358 --> 00:22:43,588

Loving your daughter and showing her

affection, spending time with her, making

:

00:22:43,588 --> 00:22:49,408

sure she knows her value, she is going to

be susceptible and possibly look for that.

:

00:22:49,688 --> 00:22:51,788

In some other man, in some other source.

:

00:22:51,788 --> 00:22:54,398

And that to me is like the

scariest thing in the world as

:

00:22:54,438 --> 00:22:56,448

a dad of a daughter is, I'm not

:

00:22:56,478 --> 00:22:57,228

Stephanie: gonna let that happen.

:

00:22:57,408 --> 00:22:57,648

Mm-hmm.

:

00:22:57,858 --> 00:23:02,023

Krista/Bryan: So I want to show the

appropriate levels of hugs or whatever,

:

00:23:02,073 --> 00:23:07,353

and making sure she understands

that value is more than skin deep.

:

00:23:07,433 --> 00:23:08,363

And things like that.

:

00:23:08,363 --> 00:23:14,803

And not to accept certain attitudes and

behaviors and yet also how do we be led.

:

00:23:15,058 --> 00:23:15,348

Yeah.

:

00:23:15,353 --> 00:23:15,463

Yeah.

:

00:23:15,793 --> 00:23:16,153

As a

:

00:23:16,178 --> 00:23:16,693

Stephanie: a daughter.

:

00:23:16,758 --> 00:23:19,758

Krista/Bryan: And yet be strong

and independent in Proverbs 31.

:

00:23:19,848 --> 00:23:20,039

Stephanie: Yeah.

:

00:23:20,069 --> 00:23:20,549

Yes.

:

00:23:20,744 --> 00:23:21,494

Krista/Bryan: That's really good.

:

00:23:21,494 --> 00:23:23,684

I feel like maybe one more

little thought on this topic.

:

00:23:23,684 --> 00:23:27,254

It does get into, Stephanie,

your question was like about how

:

00:23:27,254 --> 00:23:31,214

the roles of mothers and fathers

should change as kids get older.

:

00:23:31,554 --> 00:23:31,854

We're

:

00:23:31,909 --> 00:23:33,364

Talking about masculinity,

:

00:23:33,364 --> 00:23:37,684

femininity, but I think another piece

actually is the respect conversation,

:

00:23:37,739 --> 00:23:38,429

So when kids are

:

00:23:38,444 --> 00:23:38,834

Stephanie: little,

:

00:23:38,834 --> 00:23:41,324

we might say, because I said so, or,

:

00:23:41,324 --> 00:23:41,669

Krista/Bryan: just do what

:

00:23:41,669 --> 00:23:41,699

I

:

00:23:41,699 --> 00:23:42,089

told you to

:

00:23:42,089 --> 00:23:42,329

do,

:

00:23:42,329 --> 00:23:42,419

or

:

00:23:42,434 --> 00:23:42,794

Stephanie: that kind

:

00:23:42,794 --> 00:23:42,854

of

:

00:23:42,899 --> 00:23:43,409

Krista/Bryan: thing,

:

00:23:44,099 --> 00:23:44,249

Stephanie: they

:

00:23:44,249 --> 00:23:44,459

Krista/Bryan: don't

:

00:23:44,459 --> 00:23:44,879

have

:

00:23:44,879 --> 00:23:45,089

maybe

:

00:23:45,119 --> 00:23:45,749

Stephanie: cognitive

:

00:23:46,649 --> 00:23:46,829

Krista/Bryan: of

:

00:23:46,829 --> 00:23:47,519

what's happening.

:

00:23:47,519 --> 00:23:47,669

We're

:

00:23:47,669 --> 00:23:48,629

trying to keep them safe.

:

00:23:48,629 --> 00:23:49,199

We just need to

:

00:23:49,199 --> 00:23:49,409

Stephanie: get

:

00:23:49,409 --> 00:23:49,709

things

:

00:23:49,709 --> 00:23:50,279

done.

:

00:23:50,699 --> 00:23:50,849

A

:

00:23:50,849 --> 00:23:51,119

lot

:

00:23:51,149 --> 00:23:51,389

Krista/Bryan: moms

:

00:23:51,479 --> 00:23:51,929

and dads

:

00:23:51,929 --> 00:23:52,229

then

:

00:23:52,229 --> 00:23:56,219

don't understand how, as kids get older

to make a switch into a little bit

:

00:23:56,219 --> 00:23:57,539

more mutual respect.

:

00:23:57,839 --> 00:23:58,169

Stephanie: And they're

:

00:23:58,169 --> 00:23:59,159

still saying, because I

:

00:23:59,159 --> 00:23:59,429

Krista/Bryan: said

:

00:23:59,429 --> 00:23:59,699

so,

:

00:23:59,699 --> 00:23:59,849

or

:

00:23:59,849 --> 00:24:00,119

Stephanie: just

:

00:24:00,119 --> 00:24:00,239

get

:

00:24:00,239 --> 00:24:00,359

it

:

00:24:00,359 --> 00:24:00,839

done.

:

00:24:01,079 --> 00:24:01,319

And

:

00:24:01,319 --> 00:24:01,649

now

:

00:24:01,709 --> 00:24:01,739

a

:

00:24:02,054 --> 00:24:02,294

Krista/Bryan: is

:

00:24:02,324 --> 00:24:03,764

exasperated right

:

00:24:03,779 --> 00:24:03,914

Stephanie: to

:

00:24:04,439 --> 00:24:04,529

the

:

00:24:04,844 --> 00:24:05,114

Krista/Bryan: there.

:

00:24:05,319 --> 00:24:06,504

They're frustrated

:

00:24:06,504 --> 00:24:07,134

sometimes.

:

00:24:07,134 --> 00:24:10,134

It's beginning to re breed

rebellion in their heart.

:

00:24:10,404 --> 00:24:14,454

So it also is an age to begin

to become more open to letting

:

00:24:14,469 --> 00:24:14,739

Stephanie: kids

:

00:24:14,739 --> 00:24:19,314

Krista/Bryan: ask questions, giving them

explanations, seeking to actually shepherd

:

00:24:19,329 --> 00:24:21,579

Stephanie: the heart that's Right.

:

00:24:21,579 --> 00:24:21,580

Mm-hmm.

:

00:24:21,604 --> 00:24:22,204

Krista/Bryan: and sometimes

:

00:24:22,204 --> 00:24:25,024

people don't understand that,

that there's a little bit

:

00:24:25,024 --> 00:24:25,234

of

:

00:24:25,264 --> 00:24:27,094

mutual res, mutual respect

:

00:24:27,109 --> 00:24:27,229

Stephanie: that

:

00:24:27,229 --> 00:24:27,469

now

:

00:24:27,469 --> 00:24:28,039

occurs,

:

00:24:28,429 --> 00:24:29,089

and you're

:

00:24:29,089 --> 00:24:29,359

then

:

00:24:29,359 --> 00:24:30,349

modeling back

:

00:24:30,349 --> 00:24:30,439

to

:

00:24:30,439 --> 00:24:30,859

the point about

:

00:24:30,874 --> 00:24:31,474

Krista/Bryan: daughters,

:

00:24:31,714 --> 00:24:32,194

what it's

:

00:24:32,194 --> 00:24:33,484

looked like to be respected

:

00:24:33,649 --> 00:24:33,799

Stephanie: an

:

00:24:33,799 --> 00:24:34,369

adult.

:

00:24:34,474 --> 00:24:35,294

Krista/Bryan: And by, you by

:

00:24:35,339 --> 00:24:35,909

Stephanie: gently

:

00:24:35,909 --> 00:24:36,659

transitioning,

:

00:24:36,764 --> 00:24:36,944

Krista/Bryan: it

:

00:24:36,944 --> 00:24:37,424

doesn't mean

:

00:24:37,439 --> 00:24:37,529

Stephanie: you

:

00:24:37,529 --> 00:24:37,739

give

:

00:24:37,904 --> 00:24:38,684

Krista/Bryan: your authority.

:

00:24:38,729 --> 00:24:38,909

Stephanie: It

:

00:24:39,794 --> 00:24:40,124

Krista/Bryan: that,

:

00:24:40,124 --> 00:24:41,354

you're not saying,

:

00:24:41,384 --> 00:24:41,744

you should

:

00:24:41,744 --> 00:24:41,864

be

:

00:24:41,879 --> 00:24:42,569

Stephanie: respected as

:

00:24:42,644 --> 00:24:43,154

Krista/Bryan: parent,

:

00:24:43,364 --> 00:24:45,344

but you're not demanding the respect.

:

00:24:45,414 --> 00:24:46,434

You're leading them into

:

00:24:46,434 --> 00:24:46,614

that.

:

00:24:46,614 --> 00:24:48,324

You're actually modeling respect

:

00:24:48,324 --> 00:24:48,804

for them.

:

00:24:48,804 --> 00:24:53,604

What does a respectful conversation

look like between two people and

:

00:24:53,814 --> 00:24:57,044

seeking to make that shift over

:

00:24:57,044 --> 00:24:57,764

time

:

00:24:58,154 --> 00:24:58,484

as they

:

00:24:58,484 --> 00:25:00,014

move forward into adulthood, so

:

00:25:00,014 --> 00:25:00,164

that

:

00:25:00,164 --> 00:25:00,314

by

:

00:25:00,314 --> 00:25:00,644

the time

:

00:25:00,644 --> 00:25:00,884

they

:

00:25:00,914 --> 00:25:01,244

Stephanie: leave

:

00:25:01,244 --> 00:25:01,484

your

:

00:25:02,324 --> 00:25:02,504

Krista/Bryan: you

:

00:25:02,504 --> 00:25:02,774

have

:

00:25:02,774 --> 00:25:03,584

a healthy

:

00:25:03,644 --> 00:25:04,214

adult to

:

00:25:04,214 --> 00:25:04,484

adult

:

00:25:04,484 --> 00:25:05,264

relationship.

:

00:25:05,264 --> 00:25:05,864

They know how

:

00:25:05,894 --> 00:25:06,014

Stephanie: to

:

00:25:06,014 --> 00:25:06,764

interact,

:

00:25:06,844 --> 00:25:09,874

Krista/Bryan: respectfully with

others and have respectful dialogues

:

00:25:09,874 --> 00:25:11,404

and conversations with others

:

00:25:11,674 --> 00:25:12,664

instead of,

:

00:25:12,664 --> 00:25:14,944

if nobody's telling me what to

do, I don't know what to do.

:

00:25:15,284 --> 00:25:15,944

Stephanie: Right.

:

00:25:15,984 --> 00:25:16,314

Yep.

:

00:25:16,464 --> 00:25:19,927

And helping protect that

relationship that long term.

:

00:25:21,037 --> 00:25:22,477

I want to maintain that.

:

00:25:22,717 --> 00:25:27,217

I don't just want the control of you

or the behavior to be appropriate.

:

00:25:27,217 --> 00:25:28,147

I want your heart.

:

00:25:28,267 --> 00:25:28,897

Exactly.

:

00:25:28,897 --> 00:25:29,047

Yeah.

:

00:25:29,587 --> 00:25:29,647

Krista/Bryan: All

:

00:25:29,687 --> 00:25:34,237

Stephanie: A topic that, is just really

being attacked right now, even in the

:

00:25:34,237 --> 00:25:40,087

church, and I'm really zealous for the

truth of God's word to be elevated on this

:

00:25:40,087 --> 00:25:42,277

one about the blessings of submission.

:

00:25:42,327 --> 00:25:47,067

I get very frustrated whenever people

talk about one Peter three without

:

00:25:47,307 --> 00:25:51,964

first talking about one Peter two,

which talks about Jesus submitting,

:

00:25:51,964 --> 00:25:57,310

and I think we forget about the blessings

that God has for us and that, and

:

00:25:57,310 --> 00:26:01,240

I've personally seen it, there have

been decisions my husband made that I

:

00:26:01,240 --> 00:26:05,860

definitely disagreed with, and I don't

know if I've ever felt the favor and

:

00:26:05,860 --> 00:26:10,180

the protection of the Lord over me and

my children more than those moments.

:

00:26:10,700 --> 00:26:13,520

The Lord has taught me,

it's not about him, right?

:

00:26:13,640 --> 00:26:15,410

It's about me do you trust me?

:

00:26:15,410 --> 00:26:19,100

And when scripture says that, Sarah

trusted in the God of her husband.

:

00:26:19,650 --> 00:26:23,660

So I would love for you to talk to

this, and I know it's going to piggyback

:

00:26:23,660 --> 00:26:25,670

off of spiritual leadership and

:

00:26:25,820 --> 00:26:25,940

Krista/Bryan: how

:

00:26:25,940 --> 00:26:29,310

Stephanie: we talked about that, and

of course we're addressing this again

:

00:26:29,310 --> 00:26:31,200

in a healthy circumstance, right?

:

00:26:31,260 --> 00:26:35,220

Not in the circumstances of abuse,

but what are some blessings of

:

00:26:35,220 --> 00:26:39,100

submission that you see and have seen

in a counseling situation, or that

:

00:26:39,100 --> 00:26:40,360

you believe the Lord provides for?

:

00:26:40,690 --> 00:26:41,260

Krista/Bryan: Yeah,

:

00:26:41,260 --> 00:26:41,560

it's,

:

00:26:41,950 --> 00:26:42,340

you're right,

:

00:26:42,340 --> 00:26:42,520

it's a

:

00:26:42,520 --> 00:26:45,310

sticky topic, but it's an

excellent question, and you've

:

00:26:45,310 --> 00:26:46,660

already alluded to this, but

:

00:26:46,940 --> 00:26:48,820

I think the biggest blessing of

:

00:26:48,820 --> 00:26:49,270

Stephanie: submission

:

00:26:49,270 --> 00:26:49,480

is

:

00:26:50,350 --> 00:26:51,430

Krista/Bryan: We're not submitting

:

00:26:51,430 --> 00:26:51,580

Stephanie: to

:

00:26:51,580 --> 00:26:52,205

our husbands

:

00:26:52,750 --> 00:26:53,620

Krista/Bryan: so that we can

:

00:26:53,650 --> 00:26:53,830

Stephanie: get

:

00:26:53,830 --> 00:26:53,920

a

:

00:26:54,370 --> 00:26:54,820

Krista/Bryan: result.

:

00:26:55,150 --> 00:26:55,330

We're

:

00:26:55,330 --> 00:26:56,260

not submitting

:

00:26:56,260 --> 00:26:56,980

Stephanie: because

:

00:26:57,230 --> 00:26:57,410

we're

:

00:26:57,410 --> 00:26:58,070

trying

:

00:26:58,070 --> 00:26:58,190

Krista/Bryan: to

:

00:26:58,190 --> 00:26:58,520

get them

:

00:26:58,670 --> 00:26:59,030

lead.

:

00:26:59,030 --> 00:26:59,450

Although

:

00:26:59,510 --> 00:26:59,900

certainly

:

00:26:59,900 --> 00:27:00,140

that

:

00:27:00,140 --> 00:27:00,590

can be a

:

00:27:00,590 --> 00:27:01,130

blessing,

:

00:27:01,160 --> 00:27:01,400

right?

:

00:27:01,400 --> 00:27:04,820

We're contributing to that dynamic when

we're doing that, we're submitting because

:

00:27:04,820 --> 00:27:05,060

Stephanie: God

:

00:27:05,060 --> 00:27:05,300

calls

:

00:27:05,330 --> 00:27:05,510

us

:

00:27:05,510 --> 00:27:06,530

Krista/Bryan: to it's

:

00:27:06,560 --> 00:27:07,160

Stephanie: vertical.

:

00:27:07,160 --> 00:27:07,760

It really

:

00:27:07,760 --> 00:27:08,540

Krista/Bryan: is about

:

00:27:08,780 --> 00:27:09,050

our

:

00:27:09,050 --> 00:27:09,500

vertical

:

00:27:09,500 --> 00:27:10,790

obedience and being able

:

00:27:10,790 --> 00:27:11,240

to say,

:

00:27:11,240 --> 00:27:12,020

Stephanie: God, I trust

:

00:27:12,020 --> 00:27:12,500

you.

:

00:27:12,740 --> 00:27:12,950

I

:

00:27:12,950 --> 00:27:13,340

trust

:

00:27:13,340 --> 00:27:13,520

Krista/Bryan: you

:

00:27:13,520 --> 00:27:13,730

with

:

00:27:13,730 --> 00:27:13,970

my

:

00:27:13,970 --> 00:27:14,390

heart.

:

00:27:14,390 --> 00:27:14,540

I

:

00:27:14,540 --> 00:27:15,980

trust you with my children.

:

00:27:16,010 --> 00:27:16,940

I trust you with my

:

00:27:17,000 --> 00:27:17,420

Stephanie: husband's

:

00:27:17,420 --> 00:27:17,900

heart.

:

00:27:18,240 --> 00:27:18,510

and

:

00:27:18,510 --> 00:27:19,050

Krista/Bryan: and watching

:

00:27:19,050 --> 00:27:20,970

the blessing that comes from

:

00:27:21,000 --> 00:27:21,450

that

:

00:27:21,480 --> 00:27:22,295

Stephanie: relationship

:

00:27:22,990 --> 00:27:23,140

Krista/Bryan: I

:

00:27:23,140 --> 00:27:24,370

think regardless of

:

00:27:24,370 --> 00:27:24,550

what

:

00:27:24,550 --> 00:27:25,090

we see

:

00:27:25,090 --> 00:27:25,330

as

:

00:27:25,330 --> 00:27:25,540

being

:

00:27:25,540 --> 00:27:25,660

the

:

00:27:25,660 --> 00:27:25,990

fruit

:

00:27:25,990 --> 00:27:26,110

in

:

00:27:26,110 --> 00:27:26,590

our marriage,

:

00:27:26,590 --> 00:27:27,070

that's what we're

:

00:27:27,070 --> 00:27:27,910

wanting, right?

:

00:27:27,910 --> 00:27:28,210

Oh, if

:

00:27:28,210 --> 00:27:28,690

I submit,

:

00:27:28,720 --> 00:27:29,080

Stephanie: then he's

:

00:27:29,080 --> 00:27:29,920

gonna lead.

:

00:27:30,200 --> 00:27:30,560

Krista/Bryan: God

:

00:27:30,560 --> 00:27:30,680

is

:

00:27:30,710 --> 00:27:30,830

Stephanie: the

:

00:27:30,830 --> 00:27:31,190

God who

:

00:27:31,190 --> 00:27:31,490

sees

:

00:27:31,490 --> 00:27:31,970

Krista/Bryan: us,

:

00:27:32,000 --> 00:27:32,360

right?

:

00:27:32,360 --> 00:27:33,740

Hagar prayed in the desert.

:

00:27:33,770 --> 00:27:33,860

Stephanie: I

:

00:27:33,860 --> 00:27:34,130

love

:

00:27:34,130 --> 00:27:34,280

that

:

00:27:35,060 --> 00:27:35,330

Krista/Bryan: God

:

00:27:35,390 --> 00:27:35,720

Stephanie: sees your

:

00:27:35,720 --> 00:27:36,170

heart,

:

00:27:36,410 --> 00:27:37,280

Krista/Bryan: he sees

:

00:27:37,280 --> 00:27:38,120

your attitude.

:

00:27:38,120 --> 00:27:39,560

And if your submission

:

00:27:39,560 --> 00:27:40,280

is really.

:

00:27:40,525 --> 00:27:41,425

as unto

:

00:27:41,450 --> 00:27:42,365

Stephanie: Christ,

:

00:27:42,535 --> 00:27:43,255

Krista/Bryan: he's going

:

00:27:43,255 --> 00:27:43,615

to see

:

00:27:43,615 --> 00:27:44,755

that as well.

:

00:27:44,755 --> 00:27:45,505

And he's going

:

00:27:45,505 --> 00:27:46,015

to bless

:

00:27:46,015 --> 00:27:46,345

that.

:

00:27:46,555 --> 00:27:46,795

It

:

00:27:46,795 --> 00:27:47,245

might not

:

00:27:47,270 --> 00:27:47,360

Stephanie: be

:

00:27:47,360 --> 00:27:47,450

the

:

00:27:47,450 --> 00:27:47,570

way

:

00:27:47,570 --> 00:27:47,720

that

:

00:27:47,720 --> 00:27:47,810

you

:

00:27:47,810 --> 00:27:48,050

want

:

00:27:48,050 --> 00:27:48,110

it

:

00:27:48,110 --> 00:27:48,230

to

:

00:27:48,235 --> 00:27:48,345

look.

:

00:27:48,345 --> 00:27:48,705

Mm-hmm.

:

00:27:48,790 --> 00:27:48,950

It

:

00:27:49,165 --> 00:27:49,315

Krista/Bryan: be

:

00:27:49,315 --> 00:27:49,435

that

:

00:27:49,435 --> 00:27:49,555

he

:

00:27:49,580 --> 00:27:49,880

Stephanie: grows,

:

00:27:49,880 --> 00:27:50,120

your, a

:

00:27:50,120 --> 00:27:50,810

character.

:

00:27:51,080 --> 00:27:51,260

It

:

00:27:51,955 --> 00:27:52,585

Krista/Bryan: grows

:

00:27:52,610 --> 00:27:53,030

Stephanie: your

:

00:27:53,060 --> 00:27:53,420

ability

:

00:27:54,210 --> 00:27:54,655

Krista/Bryan: cha some

:

00:27:54,745 --> 00:27:55,165

the themes

:

00:27:55,165 --> 00:27:55,285

we've

:

00:27:55,285 --> 00:27:55,555

talked

:

00:27:56,120 --> 00:27:56,330

Stephanie: right?

:

00:27:56,395 --> 00:27:57,205

Krista/Bryan: submitting and so

:

00:27:57,205 --> 00:27:57,415

it's

:

00:27:57,415 --> 00:27:58,015

pushing up

:

00:27:58,040 --> 00:27:58,310

Stephanie: against

:

00:27:58,310 --> 00:27:59,120

my buttons

:

00:27:59,120 --> 00:27:59,360

of,

:

00:27:59,690 --> 00:28:00,020

oh

:

00:28:00,020 --> 00:28:00,445

Krista/Bryan: don't be

:

00:28:00,445 --> 00:28:01,255

manipulative,

:

00:28:01,255 --> 00:28:01,465

don't

:

00:28:01,465 --> 00:28:01,555

be

:

00:28:01,580 --> 00:28:01,970

Stephanie: passive

:

00:28:01,970 --> 00:28:02,480

aggressive there.

:

00:28:02,480 --> 00:28:02,750

Right.

:

00:28:03,050 --> 00:28:03,410

That's

:

00:28:03,410 --> 00:28:03,470

a

:

00:28:03,470 --> 00:28:04,100

blessing

:

00:28:04,105 --> 00:28:04,285

Krista/Bryan: for

:

00:28:04,285 --> 00:28:04,555

God

:

00:28:04,555 --> 00:28:05,335

to grow you

:

00:28:05,335 --> 00:28:05,515

and

:

00:28:05,515 --> 00:28:05,605

to

:

00:28:05,605 --> 00:28:06,685

sanctify you

:

00:28:06,710 --> 00:28:07,580

Stephanie: in that.

:

00:28:08,025 --> 00:28:10,005

Krista/Bryan: Practically

we can acknowledge

:

00:28:10,005 --> 00:28:10,545

that there

:

00:28:10,545 --> 00:28:13,815

can be a blessing of, if I'm submitting,

:

00:28:13,965 --> 00:28:14,895

my husband begins

:

00:28:14,895 --> 00:28:17,625

to feel more respected, he

begins to feel more valued.

:

00:28:17,625 --> 00:28:19,725

He begins to feel more

motivated to take up that

:

00:28:19,725 --> 00:28:20,295

mantle

:

00:28:20,650 --> 00:28:21,040

Stephanie: if he

:

00:28:21,040 --> 00:28:21,580

doesn't.

:

00:28:21,580 --> 00:28:21,940

Am I

:

00:28:22,485 --> 00:28:24,525

Krista/Bryan: something

really lovely for my sons?

:

00:28:24,620 --> 00:28:25,010

When

:

00:28:25,010 --> 00:28:25,160

does

:

00:28:25,160 --> 00:28:25,250

it

:

00:28:25,250 --> 00:28:25,910

go beyond

:

00:28:25,910 --> 00:28:26,360

maybe what

:

00:28:26,360 --> 00:28:27,350

God intended?

:

00:28:27,350 --> 00:28:28,730

and and you alluded to that as

:

00:28:28,785 --> 00:28:29,295

Stephanie: well.

:

00:28:29,970 --> 00:28:30,120

I

:

00:28:30,120 --> 00:28:30,330

think

:

00:28:30,420 --> 00:28:31,320

Krista/Bryan: simple answer to

:

00:28:31,320 --> 00:28:31,740

that is

:

00:28:31,740 --> 00:28:33,180

like, when it perpetuates

:

00:28:33,180 --> 00:28:33,720

habitual

:

00:28:33,720 --> 00:28:34,200

sin,

:

00:28:34,320 --> 00:28:34,410

Stephanie: Mm-hmm.

:

00:28:34,600 --> 00:28:34,720

Krista/Bryan: I

:

00:28:34,720 --> 00:28:35,170

have seen

:

00:28:35,170 --> 00:28:38,500

women who are seeking to submit

to their husband and give

:

00:28:38,530 --> 00:28:38,980

Stephanie: grace

:

00:28:39,130 --> 00:28:39,610

him.

:

00:28:39,730 --> 00:28:41,560

Krista/Bryan: And it's not in a way that

:

00:28:41,560 --> 00:28:41,710

is

:

00:28:41,710 --> 00:28:44,020

actually enabling him to lead like Christ.

:

00:28:44,020 --> 00:28:44,200

It's

:

00:28:44,200 --> 00:28:44,350

in

:

00:28:44,350 --> 00:28:44,410

a

:

00:28:44,410 --> 00:28:44,650

way

:

00:28:44,650 --> 00:28:45,100

that now

:

00:28:45,100 --> 00:28:45,760

makes him feel

:

00:28:45,790 --> 00:28:46,270

Stephanie: empowered

:

00:28:46,270 --> 00:28:46,390

in

:

00:28:46,390 --> 00:28:47,500

his It

:

00:28:47,950 --> 00:28:48,310

Krista/Bryan: makes

:

00:28:48,310 --> 00:28:49,780

him take it as cheap grace.

:

00:28:49,780 --> 00:28:49,990

He

:

00:28:49,990 --> 00:28:50,410

actually

:

00:28:50,440 --> 00:28:50,620

Stephanie: will

:

00:28:50,620 --> 00:28:51,490

continue

:

00:28:51,820 --> 00:28:52,300

harmful

:

00:28:52,820 --> 00:28:53,660

Krista/Bryan: For example

:

00:28:53,690 --> 00:28:53,930

I've

:

00:28:53,930 --> 00:28:54,200

seen

:

00:28:54,200 --> 00:28:54,740

wives who

:

00:28:54,770 --> 00:28:56,360

they wanna submit to

:

00:28:56,520 --> 00:28:56,730

Stephanie: their

:

00:28:56,730 --> 00:28:57,300

husbands,

:

00:28:57,720 --> 00:28:59,310

Krista/Bryan: and maybe he's really

:

00:28:59,340 --> 00:28:59,670

Stephanie: poor

:

00:28:59,670 --> 00:28:59,820

with

:

00:28:59,820 --> 00:29:00,690

finances,

:

00:29:00,720 --> 00:29:01,050

right?

:

00:29:01,050 --> 00:29:01,600

Mm-hmm.

:

00:29:01,610 --> 00:29:01,910

That

:

00:29:01,910 --> 00:29:02,030

would

:

00:29:02,030 --> 00:29:02,450

really be

:

00:29:02,540 --> 00:29:03,380

Krista/Bryan: blessing

:

00:29:03,440 --> 00:29:03,680

if

:

00:29:03,680 --> 00:29:04,040

it was

:

00:29:04,040 --> 00:29:04,820

saying, God,

:

00:29:04,820 --> 00:29:04,880

I

:

00:29:04,880 --> 00:29:05,330

trust

:

00:29:05,330 --> 00:29:05,990

you

:

00:29:06,050 --> 00:29:06,260

Stephanie: as

:

00:29:06,260 --> 00:29:06,410

our

:

00:29:06,410 --> 00:29:07,160

provider,

:

00:29:07,220 --> 00:29:07,550

right?

:

00:29:07,550 --> 00:29:07,820

Yes, my

:

00:29:07,820 --> 00:29:08,240

Krista/Bryan: husband

:

00:29:08,240 --> 00:29:08,360

is

:

00:29:08,360 --> 00:29:08,450

a

:

00:29:08,480 --> 00:29:08,930

Stephanie: vehicle

:

00:29:08,930 --> 00:29:09,080

for

:

00:29:09,080 --> 00:29:09,590

that,

:

00:29:09,860 --> 00:29:10,310

but

:

00:29:10,310 --> 00:29:10,640

Krista/Bryan: I'm

:

00:29:10,640 --> 00:29:11,090

gonna

:

00:29:11,120 --> 00:29:11,510

step

:

00:29:11,510 --> 00:29:12,110

Stephanie: back from

:

00:29:12,110 --> 00:29:12,770

Krista/Bryan: this financial

:

00:29:12,770 --> 00:29:13,280

decision

:

00:29:13,280 --> 00:29:13,580

and I'm

:

00:29:13,850 --> 00:29:14,090

Stephanie: not gonna

:

00:29:14,090 --> 00:29:14,720

micromanage

:

00:29:14,720 --> 00:29:14,930

that

:

00:29:14,930 --> 00:29:15,290

because

:

00:29:15,290 --> 00:29:16,190

I believe

:

00:29:16,430 --> 00:29:16,970

Krista/Bryan: you

:

00:29:17,000 --> 00:29:17,750

are ultimately the

:

00:29:17,750 --> 00:29:17,930

one

:

00:29:17,960 --> 00:29:18,140

Stephanie: who's

:

00:29:18,140 --> 00:29:18,290

our

:

00:29:18,290 --> 00:29:18,920

provider.

:

00:29:19,220 --> 00:29:20,480

Krista/Bryan: Maybe

your husband makes some

:

00:29:20,510 --> 00:29:20,870

Stephanie: foolish

:

00:29:21,290 --> 00:29:21,980

Krista/Bryan: decisions.

:

00:29:22,130 --> 00:29:22,370

There

:

00:29:22,370 --> 00:29:22,790

are some

:

00:29:22,820 --> 00:29:23,150

Stephanie: bad

:

00:29:23,570 --> 00:29:23,630

Krista/Bryan: of

:

00:29:23,720 --> 00:29:24,080

that,

:

00:29:24,230 --> 00:29:24,410

Stephanie: but

:

00:29:24,410 --> 00:29:24,560

he

:

00:29:24,560 --> 00:29:24,950

learns

:

00:29:24,950 --> 00:29:25,970

from that, that

:

00:29:25,970 --> 00:29:26,390

begins to

:

00:29:26,390 --> 00:29:26,900

sanctify

:

00:29:26,900 --> 00:29:27,320

him, that

:

00:29:27,320 --> 00:29:27,650

Krista/Bryan: grows

:

00:29:28,250 --> 00:29:28,880

Stephanie: Now

:

00:29:28,935 --> 00:29:29,245

Krista/Bryan: you

:

00:29:29,245 --> 00:29:29,425

have

:

00:29:29,425 --> 00:29:29,605

been

:

00:29:29,605 --> 00:29:30,445

a blessing

:

00:29:30,475 --> 00:29:30,865

to your

:

00:29:30,865 --> 00:29:31,465

husband, to

:

00:29:31,465 --> 00:29:32,125

your marriage

:

00:29:32,425 --> 00:29:33,475

by submitting, by

:

00:29:33,475 --> 00:29:34,045

trusting the

:

00:29:34,045 --> 00:29:34,345

Stephanie: big

:

00:29:34,345 --> 00:29:34,645

picture

:

00:29:34,645 --> 00:29:35,035

outcome

:

00:29:35,035 --> 00:29:35,155

to

:

00:29:35,155 --> 00:29:35,485

God,

:

00:29:35,485 --> 00:29:35,875

right?

:

00:29:35,880 --> 00:29:35,930

Mm-hmm.

:

00:29:35,990 --> 00:29:36,170

Krista/Bryan: But

:

00:29:36,170 --> 00:29:36,350

what

:

00:29:36,350 --> 00:29:36,440

if

:

00:29:36,440 --> 00:29:36,590

that

:

00:29:36,590 --> 00:29:37,190

husband

:

00:29:37,220 --> 00:29:37,520

Stephanie: has

:

00:29:37,520 --> 00:29:37,580

a

:

00:29:37,580 --> 00:29:37,820

hard

:

00:29:37,820 --> 00:29:38,225

heart,

:

00:29:38,225 --> 00:29:38,270

but

:

00:29:38,510 --> 00:29:38,960

Krista/Bryan: What if

:

00:29:38,960 --> 00:29:39,260

there's

:

00:29:39,260 --> 00:29:39,740

nothing

:

00:29:39,740 --> 00:29:40,340

in him

:

00:29:40,430 --> 00:29:42,080

wanting to ultimately submit

:

00:29:42,080 --> 00:29:42,560

to Christ

:

00:29:42,620 --> 00:29:43,550

and he begins to

:

00:29:43,550 --> 00:29:44,750

run the family finances

:

00:29:44,750 --> 00:29:45,050

into the

:

00:29:45,050 --> 00:29:45,590

Stephanie: ground

:

00:29:45,590 --> 00:29:45,770

and

:

00:29:45,770 --> 00:29:45,980

you

:

00:29:45,980 --> 00:29:46,160

lose

:

00:29:46,160 --> 00:29:46,250

your

:

00:29:46,250 --> 00:29:46,670

home,

:

00:29:46,790 --> 00:29:46,880

Mm-hmm.

:

00:29:47,120 --> 00:29:47,330

right?

:

00:29:47,390 --> 00:29:47,660

Yeah.

:

00:29:47,690 --> 00:29:48,110

That

:

00:29:48,110 --> 00:29:48,350

might

:

00:29:48,350 --> 00:29:48,500

Krista/Bryan: be.

:

00:29:48,710 --> 00:29:48,890

we've

:

00:29:48,890 --> 00:29:49,160

said,

:

00:29:49,190 --> 00:29:50,060

okay, it's

:

00:29:50,060 --> 00:29:50,420

become

:

00:29:50,420 --> 00:29:50,810

Stephanie: something

:

00:29:50,810 --> 00:29:51,680

Krista/Bryan: destructive

:

00:29:51,710 --> 00:29:51,920

in

:

00:29:51,920 --> 00:29:52,100

my

:

00:29:52,100 --> 00:29:52,640

Stephanie: desire

:

00:29:52,640 --> 00:29:52,820

to

:

00:29:52,820 --> 00:29:53,570

submit.

:

00:29:53,780 --> 00:29:54,020

Have

:

00:29:54,020 --> 00:29:54,140

I

:

00:29:54,140 --> 00:29:54,500

lost

:

00:29:54,500 --> 00:29:54,650

my

:

00:29:54,650 --> 00:29:55,070

voice?

:

00:29:55,565 --> 00:29:55,835

Have

:

00:29:55,835 --> 00:29:55,955

I

:

00:29:55,955 --> 00:29:56,285

lost

:

00:29:56,285 --> 00:29:56,435

my

:

00:29:56,435 --> 00:29:57,155

courage?

:

00:29:57,155 --> 00:29:57,365

Am

:

00:29:57,365 --> 00:29:57,935

I sitting

:

00:29:57,950 --> 00:29:58,430

Krista/Bryan: idly

:

00:29:58,430 --> 00:30:01,070

by while things are

self-destructing around me, that

:

00:30:01,070 --> 00:30:02,930

are harming me and my children?

:

00:30:03,040 --> 00:30:03,490

Stephanie: So

:

00:30:03,550 --> 00:30:03,970

it's

:

00:30:03,970 --> 00:30:04,240

this

:

00:30:04,255 --> 00:30:05,335

Krista/Bryan: tricky place

:

00:30:05,365 --> 00:30:05,845

of,

:

00:30:06,055 --> 00:30:06,205

I

:

00:30:06,205 --> 00:30:06,415

think

:

00:30:06,415 --> 00:30:06,715

many

:

00:30:06,715 --> 00:30:08,785

women in the church are simply

:

00:30:08,785 --> 00:30:09,115

choosing

:

00:30:09,115 --> 00:30:09,355

not

:

00:30:09,355 --> 00:30:10,015

to submit.

:

00:30:10,015 --> 00:30:10,705

They're, they really

:

00:30:10,900 --> 00:30:11,320

Stephanie: kind

:

00:30:11,320 --> 00:30:11,830

of, though they

:

00:30:11,830 --> 00:30:13,150

wouldn't wanna acknowledge it

:

00:30:13,435 --> 00:30:13,885

Krista/Bryan: such.

:

00:30:14,125 --> 00:30:14,575

Taking

:

00:30:14,590 --> 00:30:14,710

Stephanie: the

:

00:30:14,710 --> 00:30:15,160

control

:

00:30:15,160 --> 00:30:15,760

path,

:

00:30:15,910 --> 00:30:16,450

right?

:

00:30:16,550 --> 00:30:16,900

I've

:

00:30:17,215 --> 00:30:17,365

Krista/Bryan: I

:

00:30:17,365 --> 00:30:20,095

have seen the opposite

path submission to the

:

00:30:20,110 --> 00:30:20,530

Stephanie: point

:

00:30:20,560 --> 00:30:21,010

of

:

00:30:21,335 --> 00:30:25,350

Krista/Bryan: I've allowed myself to

Be beaten into the ground and, habitual

:

00:30:25,365 --> 00:30:25,815

Stephanie: sin

:

00:30:25,815 --> 00:30:26,385

grows.

:

00:30:27,000 --> 00:30:27,810

Krista/Bryan: Maybe the way

:

00:30:27,810 --> 00:30:28,200

that I

:

00:30:28,215 --> 00:30:28,665

Stephanie: would frame

:

00:30:28,665 --> 00:30:28,845

that

:

00:30:28,845 --> 00:30:28,995

if

:

00:30:28,995 --> 00:30:29,085

I

:

00:30:29,085 --> 00:30:29,985

wanted to challenge

:

00:30:29,985 --> 00:30:30,495

that is

:

00:30:30,495 --> 00:30:30,795

that

:

00:30:30,795 --> 00:30:31,035

kind

:

00:30:31,035 --> 00:30:31,695

of submission

:

00:30:31,725 --> 00:30:32,235

is not being

:

00:30:32,235 --> 00:30:32,295

a

:

00:30:32,760 --> 00:30:32,850

Krista/Bryan: right?

:

00:30:32,940 --> 00:30:33,090

It's

:

00:30:33,135 --> 00:30:33,435

Stephanie: actually

:

00:30:33,435 --> 00:30:33,765

not

:

00:30:33,900 --> 00:30:33,990

Krista/Bryan: a

:

00:30:33,990 --> 00:30:34,260

help

:

00:30:34,260 --> 00:30:34,620

me,

:

00:30:34,692 --> 00:30:35,022

And so

:

00:30:35,022 --> 00:30:37,002

there's two ditches as we've used

:

00:30:37,017 --> 00:30:37,077

Stephanie: a

:

00:30:37,077 --> 00:30:37,332

lot

:

00:30:37,332 --> 00:30:38,052

Krista/Bryan: today

:

00:30:38,337 --> 00:30:38,847

Stephanie: of

:

00:30:38,877 --> 00:30:39,222

Krista/Bryan: if I'm

:

00:30:39,222 --> 00:30:39,402

going

:

00:30:39,402 --> 00:30:40,812

vertical and I'm allowing the Lord

:

00:30:40,827 --> 00:30:40,917

Stephanie: to

:

00:30:40,917 --> 00:30:41,157

check

:

00:30:41,157 --> 00:30:41,307

my

:

00:30:41,307 --> 00:30:41,877

heart,

:

00:30:42,297 --> 00:30:42,507

am

:

00:30:42,507 --> 00:30:43,077

I not

:

00:30:43,077 --> 00:30:43,377

wanting

:

00:30:43,392 --> 00:30:44,007

to submit

:

00:30:44,007 --> 00:30:44,337

because

:

00:30:44,337 --> 00:30:44,517

I

:

00:30:44,517 --> 00:30:44,757

want

:

00:30:44,832 --> 00:30:45,462

Krista/Bryan: outcome that

:

00:30:45,462 --> 00:30:45,702

I

:

00:30:45,777 --> 00:30:46,437

Stephanie: want?

:

00:30:46,827 --> 00:30:47,067

Am

:

00:30:47,067 --> 00:30:47,937

I submitting

:

00:30:47,952 --> 00:30:48,642

Krista/Bryan: because

:

00:30:48,702 --> 00:30:48,822

I

:

00:30:48,822 --> 00:30:49,122

actually

:

00:30:49,317 --> 00:30:49,497

Stephanie: have

:

00:30:49,617 --> 00:30:50,277

courage

:

00:30:50,292 --> 00:30:50,442

Krista/Bryan: and

:

00:30:50,442 --> 00:30:51,252

I'm just throwing

:

00:30:51,252 --> 00:30:51,402

my

:

00:30:51,402 --> 00:30:51,792

hands

:

00:30:51,792 --> 00:30:52,032

up

:

00:30:52,047 --> 00:30:52,137

Stephanie: and

:

00:30:52,137 --> 00:30:52,317

saying,

:

00:30:52,317 --> 00:30:52,527

well,

:

00:30:52,527 --> 00:30:52,977

God,

:

00:30:53,157 --> 00:30:53,547

Jesus,

:

00:30:53,547 --> 00:30:53,817

take

:

00:30:53,817 --> 00:30:54,477

the wheel.

:

00:30:54,537 --> 00:30:54,777

Yeah.

:

00:30:54,777 --> 00:30:55,557

You know, kind of

:

00:30:55,557 --> 00:30:56,247

a thing.

:

00:30:56,452 --> 00:30:56,662

Krista/Bryan: Am

:

00:30:56,662 --> 00:30:56,752

I

:

00:30:56,767 --> 00:30:57,367

Stephanie: submitting

:

00:30:57,772 --> 00:30:58,492

Krista/Bryan: out of fear?

:

00:30:58,522 --> 00:30:58,792

Maybe

:

00:30:58,807 --> 00:30:58,957

Stephanie: my

:

00:30:58,957 --> 00:30:59,317

husband

:

00:30:59,317 --> 00:30:59,557

is an

:

00:30:59,557 --> 00:31:00,097

abuser.

:

00:31:00,112 --> 00:31:00,352

Krista/Bryan: Maybe

:

00:31:00,352 --> 00:31:00,892

my husband

:

00:31:00,892 --> 00:31:01,222

does

:

00:31:01,222 --> 00:31:01,432

have

:

00:31:01,432 --> 00:31:02,092

some serious

:

00:31:02,092 --> 00:31:02,452

anger

:

00:31:02,452 --> 00:31:03,112

issues

:

00:31:03,442 --> 00:31:03,622

and

:

00:31:03,637 --> 00:31:03,817

Stephanie: I'm

:

00:31:03,817 --> 00:31:04,237

calling

:

00:31:04,237 --> 00:31:04,387

it

:

00:31:04,387 --> 00:31:05,077

submission.

:

00:31:05,077 --> 00:31:05,167

Mm-hmm.

:

00:31:05,407 --> 00:31:05,977

But really it's

:

00:31:05,977 --> 00:31:06,817

cowardice

:

00:31:06,947 --> 00:31:08,252

Krista/Bryan: and it's really just,

:

00:31:08,267 --> 00:31:09,032

I'm myself

:

00:31:09,032 --> 00:31:09,752

be a punching bag

:

00:31:09,752 --> 00:31:10,472

because I don't have

:

00:31:10,472 --> 00:31:12,482

the resources, the

strength, I don't really

:

00:31:12,497 --> 00:31:12,692

Stephanie: know

:

00:31:12,707 --> 00:31:13,412

Krista/Bryan: how

:

00:31:13,742 --> 00:31:13,922

to

:

00:31:13,922 --> 00:31:14,132

do

:

00:31:14,132 --> 00:31:14,582

it in

:

00:31:14,582 --> 00:31:14,612

a

:

00:31:14,627 --> 00:31:15,017

Stephanie: different

:

00:31:15,017 --> 00:31:15,407

way.

:

00:31:15,407 --> 00:31:15,797

So

:

00:31:15,962 --> 00:31:16,262

Krista/Bryan: when we're

:

00:31:16,262 --> 00:31:16,622

talking

:

00:31:16,622 --> 00:31:16,862

about

:

00:31:16,862 --> 00:31:19,892

the blessings of submission, I think

it's important to return to the earlier

:

00:31:19,892 --> 00:31:21,962

point that it's about a heart posture and

:

00:31:21,962 --> 00:31:22,022

an

:

00:31:22,022 --> 00:31:22,712

attitude before

:

00:31:22,712 --> 00:31:23,402

the Lord

:

00:31:23,702 --> 00:31:27,332

more than anything else, allowing

him to shape the conversations.

:

00:31:27,552 --> 00:31:31,902

seeing things with a big picture lens,

the way he sees them, he's eternal, right?

:

00:31:31,962 --> 00:31:36,102

He's not in it for the short gain of the

moment of what makes you comfortable.

:

00:31:36,192 --> 00:31:40,812

He's got the long-term view of what is

going to grow, what is going to lead

:

00:31:40,812 --> 00:31:44,562

people ultimately to him, what's gonna

lead your husband ultimately to him.

:

00:31:44,744 --> 00:31:45,764

I so agree.

:

00:31:45,794 --> 00:31:47,024

That is a fantastic word.

:

00:31:47,050 --> 00:31:47,621

Stephanie: What you think

:

00:31:47,816 --> 00:31:48,446

Krista/Bryan: Brian?

:

00:31:50,096 --> 00:31:50,766

Stephanie: Submission?

:

00:31:50,936 --> 00:31:51,596

Krista/Bryan: It's a trap.

:

00:31:51,836 --> 00:31:52,126

Stephanie: Yeah.

:

00:31:54,150 --> 00:31:56,970

Krista/Bryan: So usually we

talk about this when we do some

:

00:31:57,030 --> 00:31:58,650

marital intensivess together.

:

00:31:59,010 --> 00:32:02,640

But a lot of times this comes

up with just working with guys,

:

00:32:02,790 --> 00:32:03,160

Stephanie: And they're

:

00:32:03,180 --> 00:32:04,500

Krista/Bryan: like, just like

:

00:32:04,500 --> 00:32:08,340

a woman says, my husband isn't

leading, I might hear it doesn't

:

00:32:08,340 --> 00:32:10,350

feel like she's submitting very well.

:

00:32:10,410 --> 00:32:10,460

Yeah.

:

00:32:10,465 --> 00:32:10,705

Or

:

00:32:10,720 --> 00:32:10,925

Stephanie: at

:

00:32:11,385 --> 00:32:12,825

Krista/Bryan: Or even more overt.

:

00:32:12,855 --> 00:32:14,595

How do I get my wife to submit?

:

00:32:14,955 --> 00:32:15,315

Right.

:

00:32:15,595 --> 00:32:15,775

Where

:

00:32:15,825 --> 00:32:16,005

I

:

00:32:16,005 --> 00:32:16,485

usually

:

00:32:16,485 --> 00:32:21,285

will start is the Bible doesn't seem to

lay the responsibility of making sure

:

00:32:21,285 --> 00:32:23,895

your wife submits onto the husband.

:

00:32:23,955 --> 00:32:25,455

That's a vertical responsibility.

:

00:32:25,455 --> 00:32:29,205

You did a great job explaining that

her submitting is between her and God.

:

00:32:29,535 --> 00:32:30,255

It's a choice.

:

00:32:30,255 --> 00:32:30,345

Mm-hmm.

:

00:32:30,615 --> 00:32:31,935

She has free will.

:

00:32:31,990 --> 00:32:33,015

As we do.

:

00:32:33,345 --> 00:32:33,705

Right.

:

00:32:33,885 --> 00:32:39,415

Men are not to make sure their

wife submits we can't force her

:

00:32:39,415 --> 00:32:40,510

to you.

:

00:32:40,515 --> 00:32:43,225

You can't force other

human beings to do things.

:

00:32:43,405 --> 00:32:43,825

Right.

:

00:32:43,825 --> 00:32:43,826

Right.

:

00:32:44,195 --> 00:32:48,185

She is solely responsible

for choosing to do so or not.

:

00:32:48,665 --> 00:32:49,235

So try to

:

00:32:49,250 --> 00:32:49,790

Stephanie: start

:

00:32:49,790 --> 00:32:50,330

there,

:

00:32:50,675 --> 00:32:51,035

Krista/Bryan: but

:

00:32:51,035 --> 00:32:52,505

how men react,

:

00:32:52,505 --> 00:32:54,395

that's what's in our lane.

:

00:32:54,715 --> 00:32:57,415

Love your wives is your command.

:

00:32:57,470 --> 00:32:57,770

Right?

:

00:32:57,770 --> 00:32:59,660

Not ensure your wives submit.

:

00:32:59,660 --> 00:33:00,260

Yes.

:

00:33:00,560 --> 00:33:00,920

Right.

:

00:33:00,935 --> 00:33:01,085

Stephanie: Mm-hmm.

:

00:33:01,086 --> 00:33:01,087

Right.

:

00:33:01,340 --> 00:33:01,850

Krista/Bryan: So

:

00:33:01,850 --> 00:33:02,120

when

:

00:33:02,135 --> 00:33:02,195

Stephanie: a

:

00:33:02,480 --> 00:33:06,180

Krista/Bryan: is kind Concerned about

his wife's submission he should be

:

00:33:06,180 --> 00:33:08,770

asking why am I so concerned about that?

:

00:33:09,160 --> 00:33:11,950

There can be an element of pride, ego

:

00:33:12,015 --> 00:33:14,770

Stephanie: image, self-righteousness

:

00:33:14,970 --> 00:33:18,120

Krista/Bryan: or insecurity

just wanting things your way.

:

00:33:18,210 --> 00:33:18,570

Right.

:

00:33:18,570 --> 00:33:22,720

So you use the submission concept

to manipulate emotional, spiritual

:

00:33:22,720 --> 00:33:27,070

abuse essentially, or can be really

what's the plank in your own eye?

:

00:33:27,190 --> 00:33:27,430

So

:

00:33:27,430 --> 00:33:27,730

our

:

00:33:27,730 --> 00:33:28,930

focus, what's in our lane?

:

00:33:28,930 --> 00:33:29,620

What's the plank in

:

00:33:29,620 --> 00:33:29,800

your

:

00:33:29,800 --> 00:33:31,240

own eye, rather

:

00:33:31,420 --> 00:33:35,650

being very concerned about the

speck in her eye, essentially.

:

00:33:35,650 --> 00:33:35,860

That's good.

:

00:33:36,160 --> 00:33:36,520

Right.

:

00:33:36,600 --> 00:33:40,560

What behaviors are you exhibiting

when you feel she's not submitting?

:

00:33:40,590 --> 00:33:42,497

What has your character becoming?

:

00:33:42,497 --> 00:33:43,847

Are you throwing a tempered tantrum?

:

00:33:44,147 --> 00:33:45,347

Are you stomping your feet?

:

00:33:45,377 --> 00:33:47,627

It, her submission really

isn't your concern.

:

00:33:48,180 --> 00:33:52,260

I guess I say that our focus should

be whether we're submitting to Christ.

:

00:33:52,440 --> 00:33:52,950

Yes.

:

00:33:53,370 --> 00:33:53,700

Right.

:

00:33:54,030 --> 00:34:00,881

So if the hierarchy is wife submit to your

husbands and then husbands submit to God.

:

00:34:01,211 --> 00:34:01,601

That's

:

00:34:01,646 --> 00:34:01,796

Stephanie: where

:

00:34:01,796 --> 00:34:01,901

Krista/Bryan: our

:

00:34:01,946 --> 00:34:02,216

Stephanie: focus

:

00:34:03,021 --> 00:34:03,116

How

:

00:34:03,191 --> 00:34:04,211

Krista/Bryan: our submission going?

:

00:34:04,541 --> 00:34:04,871

Did we

:

00:34:04,871 --> 00:34:05,591

have quiet time?

:

00:34:05,801 --> 00:34:07,331

Did we make all the right decisions?

:

00:34:07,391 --> 00:34:08,591

Are we perfect in all that?

:

00:34:09,011 --> 00:34:09,400

Right?

:

00:34:09,511 --> 00:34:11,880

So what's in our lane essentially?

:

00:34:12,221 --> 00:34:14,170

So I want men to understand that being

:

00:34:14,186 --> 00:34:14,306

Stephanie: the

:

00:34:14,306 --> 00:34:14,456

head

:

00:34:14,456 --> 00:34:14,545

of

:

00:34:14,621 --> 00:34:15,101

Krista/Bryan: wife

:

00:34:15,400 --> 00:34:19,001

and the wife submitting to her

husband doesn't mean obedience.

:

00:34:19,451 --> 00:34:19,452

Right?

:

00:34:19,511 --> 00:34:21,071

Doesn't mean servitude.

:

00:34:21,170 --> 00:34:23,481

It doesn't mean having no opinion.

:

00:34:23,791 --> 00:34:27,061

It doesn't mean blind following

and it doesn't mean inferiority.

:

00:34:27,271 --> 00:34:30,210

That's nothing of what submission means.

:

00:34:30,210 --> 00:34:33,801

And I feel like we've covered a

little bit maybe of what it does.

:

00:34:34,286 --> 00:34:35,456

Speaker: We know you're busy, mama.

:

00:34:35,606 --> 00:34:40,466

So we are truly grateful you joined us for

this episode of again, if you're looking

:

00:34:40,466 --> 00:34:44,335

for more information about building your

home on the foundation of Jesus Christ,

:

00:34:44,815 --> 00:34:50,966

head to www dot Entrusted Ministries

dot com to learn more about our study

:

00:34:50,966 --> 00:34:53,096

for moms Entrusted with a child's Heart.

:

00:34:53,755 --> 00:34:56,906

This scripture saturated study

has blessed families around the

:

00:34:56,906 --> 00:34:58,586

world, and we want it for you too.

:

00:34:59,591 --> 00:35:03,761

Before you go, I want to pray this

benediction over you from Second

:

00:35:03,791 --> 00:35:06,491

Thessalonians one 11 through 12.

:

00:35:07,091 --> 00:35:10,601

We're rooting for you to this end.

:

00:35:10,661 --> 00:35:15,161

We always pray for you that our God

may make you worthy of his calling

:

00:35:15,581 --> 00:35:17,576

and fulfill every resolve for good.

:

00:35:18,356 --> 00:35:23,456

And every work of faith by his power

so that the name of our Lord Jesus

:

00:35:23,456 --> 00:35:28,016

may be glorified in you and you

and Him according to the grace of

:

00:35:28,016 --> 00:35:30,806

our God and the Lord Jesus Christ.

:

00:35:31,556 --> 00:35:32,126

Amen.

:

00:35:32,966 --> 00:35:33,756

Until we meet again.

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About the Podcast

Show artwork for The Again Podcast on Christian Parenting: Redeeming the Repetition of Biblical Motherhood
The Again Podcast on Christian Parenting: Redeeming the Repetition of Biblical Motherhood
Christian Parenting, Biblical Motherhood, Faith, Family

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Profile picture for Stephanie Hickox

Stephanie Hickox

Stephanie has always delighted in God’s Word and in sharing it with others. Whether it is equipping mothers and leaders through Entrusted with a Child’s Heart, inspiring students when teaching at homeschool co-ops or children’s ministry, or homeschooling her own children, Stephanie’s life mission is to encourage others to follow faithfully and joyfully after Jesus—especially if they hold her favorite job title: mom.

Betsy Corning wrote Entrusted with a Child’s Heart in 1999 in response to the needs she saw in families as she and David counseled young parents just a few years behind them. Entrusted has been taught in hundreds of churches nationwide, been translated into several foreign languages, and has made its way around the world. More recently, Betsy received her Masters in Biblical Studies from The Master’s University and is developing a new Bible Study program called Get the Word Out. Her passion for God’s Word, discipleship, and teaching biblical principles as they apply to family life has remained strong to this day. One of the greatest blessings in Betsy’s life are her three grown children, their spouses, and ten grandchildren that keep her constantly in touch with every age and stage.

Jen Freckman Is an incredible wealth of wisdom. She will tell you a natural remedy for just about anything! She is also a voracious reader and she is just overflowing with quotes and guidance that she's encountered through reading and being faithful. She delights in her children and is a devoted mother. She is also an amazingly creative problem solver! Her solutions to manage her home and guide her children are inspiring.

Emily Deyo is such a treasure. She is an incredible encourager and servant-hearted woman. When she has the mic in front of her, so much value comes out! She is a wordsmith and her heart consistently beats for how she can encourage and serve others. She is a truly loving and attentive mother.

Join Betsy, Emily, Jen, and Stephanie as they share the wisdom only Scripture and on-the-job training can provide to help untangle the joyful calling of motherhood.