Episode 97

#95. Can the Idea of Spiritual Leadership Really Work for All Personalities of Husbands and Wives? Krista and Bryan Ryndak Clarify The Patterns Christian Parents Should Cling To (Part 1)

Hey Christian Parents, ready for some truly applicable, deeply-convicting, but oh-so-clarifying biblical truth on spiritual leadership? Forget what culture wants you to believe, what does God's Word say, and what actually works?

Husbands and wives will feel validated and understood... and we think it's going to bear true fruit in your home!

Krista and Bryan Ryndak of So That We Counseling are the real deal, and we think you should give them a call if you need a tune-up in your home... we've honestly been there too!

Scripture References:

Romans 15:5

Proverbs 29:18

Matthew 19:16

Did you listen to Part 1 on Gender Roles? How about Part 2? You won't want to miss them!

Transcript
Stephanie:

They're the joyful agains our children.

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Shout on the swings, the exhausting

agains of cooking and laundry and

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the difficult agains of discipline.

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So much of what we do

as mothers is on repeat.

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So what if we woke up with clarity,

knowing which agains we were called to.

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And went to bed believing we are

faithful in what matters most.

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We believe God's word is

the key to untangle from the

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confusion and overwhelm we feel.

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Let's look up together to embrace a

motherhood full of freedom and joy.

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This is the Again podcast and

I'm your host, Stephanie Hickox.

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This is brought to you by Entrusted

Ministries, but today we have the joy

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of releasing a conversation on spiritual

leadership that is deeply intuitive,

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and it is coming from a man and a woman.

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That have navigated deep waters in

marriage and also have had countless

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couples sitting on their counseling

couch bringing heavy hurts before them.

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Krista and Brian Rak of

so that we counseling,

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sat down with me and I gave

them my most difficult questions

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and I couldn't be more pleased.

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With the convicting yet clarifying

responses they brought to the table I

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think that this episode could be pivotal

in setting each of our hearts right,

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but also I am envisioning many couples

listening to this episode together and

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having humble restorative conversations.

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Today I just wanna open this

episode with a quick prayer.

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Heavenly Father, we come before

you desiring for you to be

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glorified in our marriages.

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We thank you that you have a wonderful

design, and yet we know that it is marred

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by the curse and marred by ARS sin.

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I pray for contrite and humble hearts

to hear this, and that we would

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latch onto the truth that would

help us to move forward in unity.

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And in love,

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as your word says in Romans, may the God

of endurance and encouragement grant you

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to live in such harmony with one another

in accord with Jesus Christ, that together

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you may with one voice, glorify the God

and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ.

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Amen.

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Enjoy this first part of our conversation

on spiritual leadership and part two.

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Next week we'll provide some practical

resources as Kristen Brian would say,

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some boots on the ground resources, and

we're also going to talk about submission.

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What are the ditches we

need to avoid on that topic?

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If you didn't have an opportunity

to be blessed by Krista and Brian's

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episodes on what true biblical

manhood and biblical womanhood look

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like, I would highly recommend that,

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And I'll link those in the show notes.

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Stephanie: All of this is paving

the way really well for what

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this looks like in the home.

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Yes.

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Particularly and for spiritual leadership.

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Working in ministry, this

is one of the most common

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struggles that I see coming up.

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I, I just Randomly in one weekend had

five conversations with women, all

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really

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rooted in I'm longing for

my husband to lead in this.

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I really want to follow him.

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But he doesn't seem to be stepping up.

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What do I do?

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So I really want to hear your perspective

as a man and knowing that struggle that

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men are going through, but what does it

look like for a man to lead in the home?

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And I do think so often our

perception is very limited of

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what that should look like.

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Brian, in your experience, really

ideally, what does God want

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it to look like in our homes?

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Krista/Bryan: Man.

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Stephanie: talk

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Krista/Bryan: putting

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Stephanie: me in

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Krista/Bryan: front of the firing squad.

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I

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think family wise and really in general,

we're all leaders at some point.

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Mm-hmm.

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Right?

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So if the wife isn't there,

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the man's

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defacto leading and if the

husband isn't there, the wise

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defacto leading in moments.

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But of course we're talking about kind

of the overall concept of, men being

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the spiritual leader in the home.

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Absent a leader, as you're mentioning

absent a leader chaos ensues, right?

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And often somebody steps

in to minimize the chaos.

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And I think what you're talking

about is that ends up being the

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mom the,, the wife stepping in.

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If she's perceiving an absence of

leadership we, understand kind of the

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biblical understanding and how I put

it to men is we have the unenviable

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responsibility of leadership.

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We can look at it as a privilege,

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Stephanie: but a

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Krista/Bryan: more minefields and

pitfalls and danger leading than

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there are, this magnanimous, we're

gonna get a ribbon when we're

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Stephanie: done

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Krista/Bryan: kind of concept.

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It's not really something

that we should be like.

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Taking for granted or thinking, wow, I'm

the leader and you all better follow me.

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We got a target on our

back if we're the leader.

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And that target, that's Satan

after us and our families.

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Right.

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So within all that, what

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Stephanie: does

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that

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Krista/Bryan: look like?

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And I guess I'll answer this

as if I'm talking to guys.

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And I think we might get

into this a little bit.

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Maybe I'll say that I'm talking to guys.

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And so when women are

listening to this, maybe

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don't

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record this

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Stephanie: instead

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Krista/Bryan: it to your husband and

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Stephanie: say,

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Krista/Bryan: here's what I'm thinking.

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Yes, that's good.

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But it'll be easier for me just to

answer as if I'm talking to Guy.

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And so what we

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Stephanie: talk about

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is

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Krista/Bryan: if you want to be a leader

in your home, if you're trying to be a

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leader, most guys don't go into a marriage

thinking, oh, I've got a free ride.

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I don't want do anything.

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Most that I've encountered

want to be a leader.

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Somewhere it goes awry.

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And I'm sure we'll talk

about that a little bit.

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So when I'm talking with men, it really

is this concept of lead yourself first.

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You can't lead other people if

you're not leading yourself well.

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What

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I mean

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by

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that, and what I work with men on

is what shape are you in physically.

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And again, I'll remind

you, it's not about the

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Stephanie: caricature.

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how I

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Krista/Bryan: put it is it's

about chronic disease risk, right?

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Are you making choices with your

eating, with your exercise, with your

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activity level, all of that stuff that

increases your chronic disease risk.

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All of that makes you less

effective in God's work.

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It makes you less effective

in your family, gives you less

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energy, all of those things.

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That's why it's important.

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And there are bible verses that we go

over and the concepts there as well.

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But what shape are you in

physically if you're leading

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yourself first, what shape are

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you

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in spiritually?

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Are you making disciples of your kids,

of your wife, of friends, family?

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Are you joining God where

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Stephanie: he

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is Are

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Krista/Bryan: spiritual disciplines

actually disciplines or are they

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after

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thoughts?

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right.

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That's good.

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So we spend a lot of time

in, in that domain as well.

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And really is your mental health

burning at both ends, right?

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So lead yourself first.

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And so I have domains that we talk about.

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And those are three of them.

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When I'm working with men,

the lead yourself first.

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But how do we lead, I guess

is the other question, right?

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What is it?

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Is it an iron fist?

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Is it, do I make all the decisions?

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Do I

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Stephanie: have

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veto

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power

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Krista/Bryan: over everything?

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What is that,

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Stephanie: right?

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Mm-hmm.

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Krista/Bryan: I like John Maxwell's

definition of leadership, and that's,

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leadership is influence, right?

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We, when we think of it biblically,

we think of servanthood, servant

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leadership, things like that.

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I also like the quote that if you

think you're leading and nobody is

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Stephanie: following,

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you're

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Krista/Bryan: just taking a walk.

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Really good.

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So if you haven't,

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if you're not

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a leader, you're not

exhibiting those things.

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If you're not leading yourself,

if you're not influencing, well,

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you're just taking a walk and your

family's not with you, that's good.

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Krista knows I like, bullet points.

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Yes.

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A little bit.

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Yes.

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So I'll rattle a couple off.

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You what leading is, right?

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Leading is initiating, not dictating.

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Leading is decisiveness, not controlling.

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Mm-hmm.

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Leading is desiring, not demanding.

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Leading is clarity, not assumptions.

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And leading is iron sharpens iron.

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Within

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all of those, there are a

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ton of practical boots on the

grounds, things that we go through

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but are individual based on family

circumstances and things like that.

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But I'm curious what you have to say.

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Well,

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I

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like what you

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said about influence and

the idea that I think what

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a

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lot

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of women don't respond well

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to

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is leadership styles

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Stephanie: that feel

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like dictating

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Krista/Bryan: or management

or things like that,

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right?

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But if a husband is leading her

heart, if he's leading her emotions,

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he's leading her spiritually to

come to her own conclusions about

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what God might be wanting to do.

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There's a sense of,

we're teammates in this.

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It's not you

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Stephanie: versus It's us

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Krista/Bryan: versus the problem

together, and is a husband

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leading her heart and mind.

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Just that

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word

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influence, I think.

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That's how most women would

really love to be led.

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And not the idea that, like

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Stephanie: said,

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I have

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Krista/Bryan: veto power

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Stephanie: I

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say,

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Krista/Bryan: if

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you

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don't

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do

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this,

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you're

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not

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submitting to

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me, those kind of dictatorial type

models, women don't respond well to that.

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And I think it fuels a cycle of

disrespect of that leadership.

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Yeah.

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We said, we've said leading, leading

and submission are a team sport.

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That's right.

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Right.

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They have certain responsibilities and

roles, but they really are a team sport.

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Yeah.

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I use this story a little bit with

men, but when the rich young ruler came

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to Jesus and he told him what to do,

to be saved or just to spend life in

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eternity, and then the rich young ruler

left, Jesus didn't follow him and berate

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him and, lead him and change his mind.

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He told him what he, what the

requirements were, but he didn't react.

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And so I think when you mention

influence there's a reactivity

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or an absence of reactivity.

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Yeah.

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Yes.

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Within influence.

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Yeah.

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I think that's good.

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In influencing what are we influencing?

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What are we leading?

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And I'll go back to the four pillars,

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? The four pillars of masculinity,

quite frankly are the four

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pillars of leadership.

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In the home, protect,

provide, prepare, and perform.

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Influence in those

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domains.

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Stephanie: So do you think that

this works with all personalities?

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I think sometimes women are like,

that's the pastor, that's what

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spiritual leadership looks like.

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So please start the devotions

in our home and, bring that.

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But

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what if the wife is more

intellectually stimulated?

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What if the husband is more

like experiences god in nature?

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How does God's plan still work

with different personalities?

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Krista/Bryan: I think one of the

first things is a husband and

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wife could actually sit down and

say, what do we think spiritual

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leadership looks like in this home?

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In

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Yeah.

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Yes.

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Right.

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What does, what are your expectations?

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Stephanie: What are your

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Krista/Bryan: desires?

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What are my desires?

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And hopefully this takes

place before we get married.

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This can be a good conversation.

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Yeah.

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But the

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idea here is that leading, the

home isn't about doing everything.

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Or even making all the decisions.

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I think I've referred to it as it's

making sure all the decisions get

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made, but not having to make 'em all.

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It's making sure that we are

doing something, but not having

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to do all the, some thingss.

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Right.

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So if we're talking about devotions

or things like that perhaps an

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example would be the word initiation.

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Or initiating.

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Yes.

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It's my role as the leader to ensure that

somehow we're getting spiritually fed.

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Are we going to church, get the family up

and go decide where to go work with your

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wife on, where's a great place to worship.

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. But that is our responsibility as leaders.

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To ensure that happens.

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Maybe the wife has to get the kids up.

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That's fine.

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Initiating.

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Quiet time with our spouse, perhaps.

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I don't have to pick all the topics.

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I don't have to actually

lead anything in the moment.

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She might actually have a little more

knowledge on a certain book of the

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Bible , but I'm ensuring that we have a.

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Set time in the calendar.

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We have choices of topics.

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Maybe she picks a topic one time.

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Maybe I pick the topic one time.

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So we're teaming.

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And yet I'm also leading.

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Yeah, that's really good.

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Thinking about

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that question specifically, when it

comes to personality, I think it gets

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us back to the stereotypes, right?

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We have

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Stephanie: this

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idea,

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the

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Krista/Bryan: to

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be

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Stephanie: the

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upfront

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Krista/Bryan: in charge, he's vocal,

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he's,

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motivating everybody, and the

wife is meek and subservient.

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What if it's

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the opposite?

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Temperamentally?

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You have a husband who's

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soft spoken

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and he's more quiet,

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and the wife

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is outspoken

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and she's outgoing.

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What you're talking about,

I think, is that the idea

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Stephanie: that

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Krista/Bryan: the concepts

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Stephanie: actually work,

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Krista/Bryan: because leadership

isn't about your personality, right?

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It's, it really is.

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I'm leading the heart, I'm initiating

what's happening in the home.

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I'm initiating the conversations.

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It sounds like you're also saying

there's some ability within that

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to appreciate the wife might have

different giftings than the husband has.

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He's simply making sure that

things are occurring . And maybe

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there's even leadership in that.

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What if it could be

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leading my

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wife to allow her spiritual gifts to

come to the forefront, or to allow her

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to operate in a domain that interests

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her?

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We're breaking free

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from a stereotype.

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If we were to do that, and we were to

say, I'm leading her by encouraging her,

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by being her cheerleader, by encouraging

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Stephanie: her

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heart cultivating

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Krista/Bryan: her gifts even

if they're different than my

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gifts, you're leading well.

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If your wife does not feel stifled, In my

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opinion,

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Stephanie: good.

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I feel like women listening, just when

you talk about men initiating, I feel

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like a collective breath of relief.

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I think most women are not looking

for all the decisions to be made.

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Sometimes they're like,

actually I researched it a

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Krista/Bryan: lot.

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Yeah,

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Stephanie: of it, exactly.

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But I think those conversations,

that initiation that please let

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me know this is on your radar too.

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Especially if a mom is home

with the children and it feels

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like, , that's her world.

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Yeah.

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So for men to show it's on my radar too.

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I know.

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I think of the verse without

vision the people perish.

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And to know that, please tell me, which

road we're on, where you're taking us.

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Krista/Bryan: That's really,

it's a really good point.

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Stephanie: as I was talking earlier

about, one thing I respected so much

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about my husband right away when

I met him is that lack of fear of

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man and how that can really help

him guide us in decision making.

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And I think often I'm coming into a

decision and I've got some fear over

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here or wait, but I saw this fact

over here and what do you think?

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And he's much more resolute in things.

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Maybe practically it means you can't

find the ketchup, but decision wise it,

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it means I'm not gonna be deterred by

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these

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side factors.

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Yeah.

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And I just wonder if sometimes we're

seeing that blindness to these

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outside factors can actually be a

fantastic opportunity for leadership.

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And as women, are we upset because

they're not all in the details

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when really Yes, they've, they just

need to have the trajectory clear.

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Krista/Bryan: Yes.

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100%.

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That reminds me, sometimes

we talk in counseling.

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There was an old book

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I love,

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I

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just

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love

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the

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title

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of it.

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Men are

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Stephanie: like

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Krista/Bryan: waffles.

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Women

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are like

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spaghetti.

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Yes.

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Stephanie: concept of was

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women's

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brains

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are

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thinking

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about

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all the

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factors

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at

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once.

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right?

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How does this

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affect this and

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and that's why.

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They know where all the

things are in the house.

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Yes.

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And they're thinking about, all

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Krista/Bryan: kids

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and

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how

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Stephanie: about

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Krista/Bryan: this

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Stephanie: that.

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The

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Krista/Bryan: brain

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Stephanie: is more,

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Krista/Bryan: you,

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you said,

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Stephanie: resolute.

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Krista/Bryan: It thinks more

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linear,

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divide

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and conquer

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and,

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God designed that

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way.

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And

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I

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think many

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women, because they think so differently,

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Stephanie: they think it's

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a

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weakness.

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They see that

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Krista/Bryan: he's blind

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Stephanie: to all

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Krista/Bryan: these

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Stephanie: other things.

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He just

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doesn't think

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Krista/Bryan: me and he

471

:

Stephanie: doesn't about that.

472

:

Well,

473

:

Krista/Bryan: 'cause right now all of

474

:

his energy is going

475

:

Stephanie: to thinking about

476

:

this task

477

:

that's in front of him.

478

:

Krista/Bryan: And then he is

479

:

gonna

480

:

move to

481

:

Stephanie: the next

482

:

task and the task

483

:

after that.

484

:

So

485

:

Krista/Bryan: yeah.

486

:

I think

487

:

you're onto

488

:

something that,

489

:

we're

490

:

not really always valuing

the unique way that God made

491

:

Stephanie: our husbands

492

:

Krista/Bryan: those

493

:

Stephanie: gifts are on purpose

494

:

Krista/Bryan: the same way

as our gifts are on purpose.

495

:

That's the whole thing

496

:

Stephanie: it.

497

:

It

498

:

Krista/Bryan: being complimentary.

499

:

Stephanie: Mm-hmm.

500

:

Right.

501

:

I can sharpen him as I

502

:

Krista/Bryan: think the things that are

not as natural for him to think about,

503

:

but he can sharpen me as he helps me hone

504

:

Stephanie: in my focus

505

:

and forget about all the

506

:

Krista/Bryan: worries and cares and the

507

:

things,

508

:

Stephanie: to your point

509

:

Yes.

510

:

That

511

:

Krista/Bryan: at

512

:

the end of the day

513

:

maybe

514

:

are

515

:

not

516

:

Stephanie: important

517

:

Krista/Bryan: or I'm

518

:

overthinking them

519

:

or I'm

520

:

getting in

521

:

the weeds

522

:

Stephanie: with them

523

:

Krista/Bryan: and he can now

sort of drive the ship forward

524

:

because

525

:

his brain is designed to do that.

526

:

Stephanie: Yes.

527

:

Krista/Bryan: What

528

:

guys

529

:

need to also learn and do is understand

that's not an excuse to then ignore

530

:

those

531

:

external things.

532

:

So we're to lead in

wisdom and discernment.

533

:

We, well, we don't have all the

wisdom and discernment necessarily.

534

:

I've got my spaghetti

535

:

Stephanie: to help

536

:

Krista/Bryan: see

537

:

things.

538

:

Yeah.

539

:

Discernment and wisdom wise.

540

:

So to ignore that or to say, oh great, I

just love what Krista said and so I can

541

:

drive forward without any distractions.

542

:

That would be foolish.

543

:

Yeah.

544

:

Right.

545

:

We need to know where the icebergs are.

546

:

Yeah.

547

:

Right.

548

:

That's good.

549

:

I

550

:

want

551

:

to hear the factors that are going

into your thoughts when we're

552

:

talking about a decision maybe

they're things I haven't thought of.

553

:

So I work

554

:

Stephanie: with

555

:

Krista/Bryan: and appreciating that

everything in a woman's mind is

556

:

interconnected compared to ours.

557

:

And to embrace that and to value

that, but actually then to use that.

558

:

Yeah.

559

:

And I say that by saying

contribute to decisions and

560

:

leadership and stuff like that.

561

:

Stephanie: That's good.

562

:

Let's talk about the things that women

are doing and wives often doing that are

563

:

squelching their husband's desire to lead.

564

:

Brian, you talked about most men

enter the marriage wanting to lead,

565

:

and usually something goes awry.

566

:

So what are some of

those things we're doing?

567

:

you

568

:

or me,

569

:

Yeah.

570

:

Krista/Bryan: you

571

:

Stephanie: start, and I'll piggyback

572

:

off of

573

:

you,

574

:

do

575

:

you Fire

576

:

Krista/Bryan: firing,

577

:

squad again.

578

:

Yeah.

579

:

You know , there's

580

:

Two words that really come to mind

when I'm working with men and I hear

581

:

their stories about where things

have been derailed, and they don't

582

:

necessarily say these words out loud.

583

:

Sometimes they don't.

584

:

But the two words are respect and control.

585

:

I think that the lack of respect

specifically and the desire to control.

586

:

And this being from the woman side.

587

:

So , he feeling a lack

of respect from her.

588

:

He feeling like she wants to control, all

589

:

Stephanie: the

590

:

Krista/Bryan: And really how it comes to

me by the time they're in my office is,

591

:

it's really not worth the hassle anymore.

592

:

At some point when we talk

about derailing, that's the

593

:

phrase that I'll often hear.

594

:

The stereotype.

595

:

If a woman ain't happy,

ain't nobody happy.

596

:

Right.

597

:

And we do work on trying to dismantle

598

:

that as

599

:

Stephanie: well.

600

:

Krista/Bryan: well Yeah.

601

:

We teach our young girls to be strong,

confident, independent we want that.

602

:

I taught my daughter as

best I could to be that way.

603

:

Secular society though would

add we don't need a man.

604

:

You referenced that.

605

:

Yeah.

606

:

We don't need

607

:

Stephanie: a man.

608

:

Krista/Bryan: But even in Christian

circles though, we want our girls

609

:

to be strong and confident and

capable of taking care of themselves.

610

:

But when they join into

611

:

Stephanie: a

612

:

marriage,

613

:

Krista/Bryan: sometimes

that doesn't adapt.

614

:

Right.

615

:

And therein lies maybe where the

technique or the processes or

616

:

the knowledge comes in to play.

617

:

Within all that, what happens

when the husband actually doesn't

618

:

do it the same way she would.

619

:

What happens when he has a

different way of doing things.

620

:

You've joined two people, we've

raised her to be strong, confident,

621

:

independent, and now she's got

this guy doing something that she's

622

:

like, why are you doing it that way?

623

:

It's better if we do it this way.

624

:

It makes my life easier.

625

:

If you know all those things that's

626

:

Stephanie: not

627

:

the

628

:

way

629

:

to do

630

:

Krista/Bryan: it.

631

:

That's not

632

:

Stephanie: the

633

:

I

634

:

would

635

:

do

636

:

it.

637

:

Krista/Bryan: All of those little

things, whether it be soft and subtle or

638

:

overt, eventually the guy wears it down.

639

:

And

640

:

I'm

641

:

perfectly aware that there's

a whole guy side to this coin.

642

:

Yeah.

643

:

Yeah.

644

:

So we'll just focus on

maybe the wife a little bit.

645

:

I think where it goes wrong is when those

subtle things, those subtle comments don't

646

:

change anything in what the guy's doing.

647

:

Then things escalate.

648

:

Right.

649

:

A woman doesn't feel heard, she doesn't

feel she's being taken into account.

650

:

Yeah.

651

:

Validated and seen and Right.

652

:

So the louder, the escalation in it, and

that's where we start to maybe go off the

653

:

rails a little bit, where the guy gets to

the point, I just want her to be happy.

654

:

Right.

655

:

That's a valid thing, but nothing

I'm doing is making her happy,

656

:

so I'm not gonna do anything.

657

:

At this point.

658

:

So leadership goes out the window,

parenting goes out the window, involvement

659

:

goes out the window, everything

goes out the window a little bit.

660

:

I don't know.

661

:

What do you have it to add?

662

:

Yeah, I think,

663

:

Stephanie: you're

664

:

Krista/Bryan: about it being subtle and

665

:

I wouldn't do things this way and

666

:

that

667

:

Stephanie: kind

668

:

Krista/Bryan: of a thing.,

669

:

You started that by

670

:

saying

671

:

Stephanie: respect

672

:

and

673

:

Krista/Bryan: control.

674

:

I

675

:

think a lot

676

:

of women just

677

:

Stephanie: don't They really

678

:

Krista/Bryan: think

679

:

Stephanie: i'm

680

:

just

681

:

asking you,

682

:

or

683

:

I, I'm

684

:

Krista/Bryan: being

685

:

respectful

686

:

Stephanie: or I'm being gentle.

687

:

Krista/Bryan: And

688

:

maybe

689

:

what they're

690

:

perceiving

691

:

Stephanie: is

692

:

Krista/Bryan: like

693

:

a

694

:

gentle tone

695

:

is coming across to their husband.

696

:

You're treating me like I'm a child.

697

:

You're

698

:

talking

699

:

to

700

:

me

701

:

like you talk

702

:

to one of the kids.

703

:

Right.

704

:

So he's feeling disrespected

705

:

Stephanie: by that

706

:

Krista/Bryan: tone

707

:

of

708

:

Stephanie: voice

709

:

or

710

:

Yeah.

711

:

Krista/Bryan: idea that it's not the way

712

:

that I

713

:

would do it.

714

:

And then to your point, Brian if then

715

:

that

716

:

Stephanie: begins to

717

:

Krista/Bryan: escalate, they begin to

actually feel, I don't really respect him.

718

:

I really don't.

719

:

And

720

:

now that's

721

:

coming out in my tone.

722

:

My tone is now a little bit disrespectful.

723

:

There's a little bit

of disdain underneath.

724

:

I think manipulation actually starts to

725

:

Stephanie: occur.

726

:

I

727

:

see

728

:

a lot

729

:

of, Christian

730

:

women

731

:

Krista/Bryan: love the

732

:

Lord,

733

:

love

734

:

their husbands,

735

:

who don't

736

:

realize

737

:

Stephanie: they've

738

:

become

739

:

Krista/Bryan: manipulative because

740

:

they start

741

:

off with kind of, to Brian's

point I just want him to hear me.

742

:

I

743

:

just want him

744

:

Stephanie: to see

745

:

me.

746

:

Krista/Bryan: he

747

:

doesn't,

748

:

Stephanie: They don't

749

:

Krista/Bryan: what

750

:

do with that.

751

:

They

752

:

Stephanie: don't know

753

:

Krista/Bryan: to

754

:

react

755

:

or respond.

756

:

So they

757

:

Stephanie: cry

758

:

Krista/Bryan: a little more.

759

:

They get a little louder.

760

:

They start slamming some cabinet doors, so

761

:

Stephanie: he'll

762

:

know

763

:

Krista/Bryan: really

764

:

upset that

765

:

he's just

766

:

Stephanie: sitting

767

:

on

768

:

the couch while they're making dinner.

769

:

Krista/Bryan: And

770

:

it

771

:

starts subtly,

772

:

but

773

:

grows.

774

:

And then

775

:

how does

776

:

Stephanie: a man interpret

777

:

Krista/Bryan: that?

778

:

He interprets

779

:

that as

780

:

disrespectful.

781

:

She's

782

:

being passive

783

:

Stephanie: aggressive.

784

:

She's

785

:

just

786

:

saying, what

787

:

Krista/Bryan: failure I

788

:

Stephanie: am

789

:

Krista/Bryan: all

790

:

Stephanie: over

791

:

again.

792

:

Krista/Bryan: Right.

793

:

How

794

:

often her

795

:

asks feel like

796

:

a character assassination for him.

797

:

He's just sitting there

798

:

I'm

799

:

Stephanie: being disciplined

800

:

like one

801

:

Krista/Bryan: children

802

:

while

803

:

you

804

:

are just

805

:

annihilating my

806

:

character

807

:

by

808

:

telling

809

:

me how

810

:

inadequate what a

811

:

failure

812

:

I

813

:

am.

814

:

Right?

815

:

Stephanie: And I

816

:

Krista/Bryan: women, they don't

understand that, that because their

817

:

brains do think so differently, right?

818

:

That his interpretation it comes

across like you're nagging,

819

:

you're saying he's inadequate, and

820

:

who's

821

:

Stephanie: gonna

822

:

Krista/Bryan: motivated by that?

823

:

If you felt

824

:

Stephanie: like

825

:

someone was

826

:

telling you you're

827

:

terrible at

828

:

your

829

:

job,

830

:

you're such

831

:

Krista/Bryan: failure.

832

:

Well, what

833

:

you wanna

834

:

do,

835

:

right?

836

:

So

837

:

men

838

:

shut

839

:

down,

840

:

they turn

841

:

into

842

:

themselves,

843

:

they become

844

:

Why

845

:

bother?

846

:

Right?

847

:

I

848

:

just

849

:

want

850

:

Stephanie: peace.

851

:

Krista/Bryan: to to Brian's point,

852

:

I

853

:

just

854

:

want

855

:

Stephanie: her

856

:

to

857

:

be So

858

:

Krista/Bryan: they're

859

:

inward.

860

:

Stephanie: And

861

:

then

862

:

what are

863

:

they often

864

:

doing that wives

865

:

are

866

:

additionally

867

:

complaining

868

:

Krista/Bryan: They're turning to

869

:

getting on

870

:

Stephanie: their

871

:

Krista/Bryan: phones to

872

:

watching

873

:

sports,

874

:

Stephanie: or those

875

:

Krista/Bryan: kinds of

876

:

things,

877

:

or

878

:

Stephanie: that's

879

:

flight mode,

880

:

Krista/Bryan: fight mode,

881

:

being

882

:

Stephanie: reactive,

883

:

snapping

884

:

back.

885

:

Now they're

886

:

passive

887

:

aggressive.

888

:

Well,

889

:

Krista/Bryan: don't respect

890

:

Stephanie: you

891

:

' you're

892

:

so angry.

893

:

Right?

894

:

Yeah.

895

:

So

896

:

it

897

:

becomes this cycle

898

:

that

899

:

spirals

900

:

downward.

901

:

He

902

:

does

903

:

things

904

:

Krista/Bryan: that

905

:

make

906

:

her

907

:

feel like,

908

:

Stephanie: i

909

:

Krista/Bryan: respect him.

910

:

So she treats him in more

and more disrespectful ways.

911

:

Stephanie: And finally

912

:

he

913

:

leadership role.

914

:

Krista/Bryan: While she wants it

915

:

anyway,

916

:

she

917

:

thinks

918

:

her way is best.

919

:

She wants to do it

920

:

Stephanie: the way she

921

:

Krista/Bryan: to do it.

922

:

right?

923

:

so, yeah I

924

:

I, definitely

925

:

see it

926

:

Stephanie: being,

927

:

like you

928

:

Krista/Bryan: in a lot

929

:

of

930

:

marriages, this slow

931

:

downward spiraling , that

gets to this place.

932

:

Even to the point where there can

be a little bit of role reversal.

933

:

Yeah.

934

:

She's now the one that

begins to lead the ship.

935

:

Yeah.

936

:

That's, it's a great way to put a

being a cycle, it starts somewhere.

937

:

Right.

938

:

And so there's different levels of this.

939

:

What's happened subtly at the beginning

to what happens later when they're in our

940

:

office and everything is much more Yeah.

941

:

Escalated.

942

:

Overt.

943

:

Yeah.

944

:

Escalated, it starts off

945

:

as

946

:

as you said it's maybe a lack of

appreciation for someone who's different.

947

:

Yes.

948

:

Right?

949

:

Yeah.

950

:

The man and woman do

something differently.

951

:

What do we do with that?

952

:

The idea that women may be, they

don't have appreciation for it.

953

:

For the difference.

954

:

They don't have respect for

the ways that it could be done

955

:

differently or possibly better.

956

:

Mm-hmm.

957

:

Even.

958

:

Mm-hmm.

959

:

Mm-hmm.

960

:

But within that, what happens

is a bit of discontent starts to

961

:

grow a little seed of discontent.

962

:

More and more things though

then become unsatisfactory.

963

:

Once you start feeling discontent,

more and more things aggravate you.

964

:

Right?

965

:

Yeah.

966

:

The shoes on the stairs didn't aggravate

you when you first got married.

967

:

But they aggravate you

now, that kind of thing.

968

:

But when that grows and grows, you start

to run into the risk of comparison.

969

:

And for a guy that's deadly, actually.

970

:

You start comparing your man

to what you read in the books.

971

:

Yeah.

972

:

You start comparing your

man to another family's man.

973

:

I wish he was more like Yeah.

974

:

For the number of times we hear that.

975

:

Yep.

976

:

Yes.

977

:

And sometimes it's well-meaning but it's

just as destructive when that happens.

978

:

, Problem is you start to idolize that.

979

:

You're idolizing a caricature.

980

:

You've created one in your

own mind, so to speak.

981

:

And when that's not met,

that idol isn't met.

982

:

All those behaviors that you are

mentioning grow and escalate a little bit.

983

:

It comes out

984

:

to

985

:

guys in various forms.

986

:

The words you say, how you

say it, you mentioned tone.

987

:

Yeah.

988

:

Body language.

989

:

Yeah.

990

:

The look, we all know the look, ah, right.

991

:

It's common

992

:

in

993

:

men's circles

994

:

to talk about the look Yeah.

995

:

Kind of thing.

996

:

But even comments to your

girlfriends, that we may or may not

997

:

know about.

998

:

But, you can maybe speak to

the pitfalls of that as well.

999

:

So look, there's

:

00:25:09,076 --> 00:25:12,436

all kinds of work that men need

to do in this cycle as well.

:

00:25:12,436 --> 00:25:15,886

And we spend a lot of counseling

sessions on that, but Yeah.

:

00:25:15,936 --> 00:25:16,386

Yeah.

:

00:25:16,386 --> 00:25:17,556

With women too.

:

00:25:17,556 --> 00:25:20,976

I'm thinking , you said talking to

the girlfriends and how that fuels the

:

00:25:20,976 --> 00:25:21,466

attitude

:

00:25:21,466 --> 00:25:22,396

of discontent.

:

00:25:22,396 --> 00:25:23,056

Absolutely.

:

00:25:23,056 --> 00:25:24,016

Our venting,

:

00:25:24,286 --> 00:25:24,886

while we might

:

00:25:24,886 --> 00:25:27,646

think that we're just venting and

we're getting healthy feedback,

:

00:25:27,796 --> 00:25:30,106

sometimes we're looking for validation.

:

00:25:30,106 --> 00:25:32,236

We're looking for affirmation

from our girlfriends and the

:

00:25:32,236 --> 00:25:35,326

venting actually becomes something

that is fueling our discontent.

:

00:25:35,326 --> 00:25:36,226

It becomes something that's

:

00:25:36,226 --> 00:25:37,796

more unhealthy.

:

00:25:37,796 --> 00:25:40,406

I'm parking a little bit too

on the idea of control though.

:

00:25:40,706 --> 00:25:42,196

And sometimes women

:

00:25:42,210 --> 00:25:42,376

Stephanie: it's

:

00:25:42,376 --> 00:25:42,646

about

:

00:25:42,646 --> 00:25:43,276

fear,

:

00:25:43,366 --> 00:25:43,636

Krista/Bryan: right?

:

00:25:43,636 --> 00:25:43,726

I

:

00:25:43,726 --> 00:25:43,996

wanna

:

00:25:43,996 --> 00:25:44,206

make

:

00:25:44,206 --> 00:25:44,776

sure all the

:

00:25:44,776 --> 00:25:45,436

things get done.

:

00:25:45,436 --> 00:25:46,696

I wanna make sure the kids

:

00:25:46,696 --> 00:25:46,816

Stephanie: are

:

00:25:46,816 --> 00:25:48,136

shepherded because they're

:

00:25:48,136 --> 00:25:48,496

only

:

00:25:48,496 --> 00:25:48,736

in our

:

00:25:48,736 --> 00:25:49,066

Krista/Bryan: house

:

00:25:49,066 --> 00:25:49,396

for so

:

00:25:49,396 --> 00:25:49,726

long,

:

00:25:49,726 --> 00:25:49,816

or.

:

00:25:50,126 --> 00:25:50,276

Oh,

:

00:25:50,276 --> 00:25:50,306

I

:

00:25:50,306 --> 00:25:50,486

wanna

:

00:25:50,486 --> 00:25:50,636

make

:

00:25:50,636 --> 00:25:50,786

sure

:

00:25:50,786 --> 00:25:50,876

the

:

00:25:50,876 --> 00:25:51,086

house

:

00:25:51,236 --> 00:25:51,716

cleaned before

:

00:25:51,716 --> 00:25:52,076

company,

:

00:25:52,136 --> 00:25:52,556

whatever it

:

00:25:52,576 --> 00:25:53,326

Stephanie: may be.

:

00:25:53,556 --> 00:25:56,556

Krista/Bryan: Women have fears, they

have anxieties, they have concerns.

:

00:25:56,646 --> 00:25:56,916

And

:

00:25:56,916 --> 00:25:57,696

I think sometimes

:

00:25:57,696 --> 00:26:00,936

that unknowingly is leading them

into a place where they're trying

:

00:26:00,936 --> 00:26:03,516

to control, they want him to do

it on their timeline and their

:

00:26:03,516 --> 00:26:04,086

way

:

00:26:04,436 --> 00:26:04,676

Stephanie: so

:

00:26:04,856 --> 00:26:05,246

feel

:

00:26:05,246 --> 00:26:05,726

better,

:

00:26:05,766 --> 00:26:06,036

Krista/Bryan: they

:

00:26:06,036 --> 00:26:06,696

feel more

:

00:26:06,696 --> 00:26:07,536

inner peace 'cause it

:

00:26:07,556 --> 00:26:07,796

Stephanie: got

:

00:26:07,796 --> 00:26:08,426

done

:

00:26:09,036 --> 00:26:09,231

Krista/Bryan: and

:

00:26:09,231 --> 00:26:09,366

then

:

00:26:09,386 --> 00:26:09,536

Stephanie: they're

:

00:26:09,536 --> 00:26:09,786

not

:

00:26:10,326 --> 00:26:12,996

Krista/Bryan: what's the

long term consequence of that

:

00:26:13,056 --> 00:26:14,256

on their husband's heart.

:

00:26:14,256 --> 00:26:14,526

If he

:

00:26:14,526 --> 00:26:14,826

would've

:

00:26:14,826 --> 00:26:16,266

done it a different way or

:

00:26:16,266 --> 00:26:16,326

it

:

00:26:16,326 --> 00:26:16,566

might've

:

00:26:16,566 --> 00:26:16,926

taken a

:

00:26:16,926 --> 00:26:18,006

little bit more time,

:

00:26:18,006 --> 00:26:20,136

and maybe we just needed to communicate a

:

00:26:20,396 --> 00:26:21,266

Stephanie: bit better.

:

00:26:21,426 --> 00:26:21,636

Krista/Bryan: But

:

00:26:21,636 --> 00:26:22,176

because I

:

00:26:22,176 --> 00:26:23,556

had fear and anxiety

:

00:26:23,586 --> 00:26:27,516

I took control of the ship and

I took a huge withdrawal out

:

00:26:27,516 --> 00:26:28,956

of my husband's bank account

:

00:26:28,986 --> 00:26:29,096

Stephanie: and

:

00:26:29,096 --> 00:26:29,306

his

:

00:26:29,306 --> 00:26:29,456

own

:

00:26:30,316 --> 00:26:31,826

self worth, so

:

00:26:31,956 --> 00:26:32,586

Krista/Bryan: I could feel a

:

00:26:32,586 --> 00:26:33,696

temporary peace.

:

00:26:33,696 --> 00:26:35,376

I paid a long-term consequence.

:

00:26:35,431 --> 00:26:35,731

Stephanie: Yeah.

:

00:26:35,736 --> 00:26:35,856

That's

:

00:26:35,856 --> 00:26:35,896

good.

:

00:26:36,041 --> 00:26:39,576

In a marriage, because I think

people have different perspectives

:

00:26:39,576 --> 00:26:47,001

of this, but is respect earned or

should you come in respecting that

:

00:26:47,001 --> 00:26:50,213

position of a husband and leader?

:

00:26:50,417 --> 00:26:50,627

I

:

00:26:50,627 --> 00:26:51,407

Krista/Bryan: think that

:

00:26:51,407 --> 00:26:51,587

there

:

00:26:51,587 --> 00:26:51,857

is

:

00:26:51,887 --> 00:26:51,947

Stephanie: a

:

00:26:51,947 --> 00:26:52,367

level

:

00:26:52,367 --> 00:26:52,457

of

:

00:26:52,457 --> 00:26:53,057

Krista/Bryan: respect

:

00:26:53,117 --> 00:26:55,487

that we're called to have

for every single person

:

00:26:55,487 --> 00:26:55,607

Stephanie: that

:

00:26:55,607 --> 00:26:55,817

God

:

00:26:55,817 --> 00:26:56,207

created

:

00:26:56,207 --> 00:26:56,357

in

:

00:26:56,357 --> 00:26:56,507

his

:

00:26:56,537 --> 00:26:56,847

Krista/Bryan: image.

:

00:26:56,987 --> 00:26:57,437

Everybody

:

00:26:57,587 --> 00:27:00,077

supposed to show a level of respect too.

:

00:27:00,177 --> 00:27:02,007

Sometimes women don't even have that

:

00:27:02,277 --> 00:27:02,487

for

:

00:27:02,487 --> 00:27:02,667

their

:

00:27:02,667 --> 00:27:03,357

husbands,

:

00:27:03,387 --> 00:27:06,417

whether they have grown up

in a matriarchal home, they

:

00:27:06,417 --> 00:27:06,987

have been

:

00:27:06,987 --> 00:27:07,287

hurt

:

00:27:07,287 --> 00:27:07,407

by

:

00:27:07,407 --> 00:27:07,467

a

:

00:27:07,467 --> 00:27:07,707

Stephanie: man

:

00:27:07,707 --> 00:27:07,797

in

:

00:27:07,797 --> 00:27:07,917

their

:

00:27:07,917 --> 00:27:08,667

Krista/Bryan: past.

:

00:27:08,907 --> 00:27:09,777

They're often

:

00:27:09,777 --> 00:27:13,707

coming in without respect

for what manhood even means,

:

00:27:13,977 --> 00:27:14,367

right?

:

00:27:14,637 --> 00:27:14,847

very

:

00:27:14,847 --> 00:27:15,327

beginning

:

00:27:15,387 --> 00:27:15,627

as

:

00:27:15,627 --> 00:27:16,077

simply

:

00:27:16,107 --> 00:27:16,647

Stephanie: an image

:

00:27:16,647 --> 00:27:17,127

bearer.

:

00:27:17,127 --> 00:27:17,147

Mm-hmm.

:

00:27:17,612 --> 00:27:17,762

Krista/Bryan: And

:

00:27:17,762 --> 00:27:18,122

so

:

00:27:18,122 --> 00:27:18,512

if

:

00:27:18,512 --> 00:27:18,902

that

:

00:27:19,172 --> 00:27:19,472

case

:

00:27:19,472 --> 00:27:19,562

and

:

00:27:19,562 --> 00:27:19,802

that's

:

00:27:19,802 --> 00:27:19,982

how

:

00:27:19,982 --> 00:27:20,162

we've

:

00:27:20,192 --> 00:27:20,552

Stephanie: started

:

00:27:20,552 --> 00:27:21,032

off,

:

00:27:21,092 --> 00:27:21,602

Krista/Bryan: then

:

00:27:21,662 --> 00:27:22,082

there's no

:

00:27:22,082 --> 00:27:23,582

way it can't even be earned.

:

00:27:23,612 --> 00:27:24,722

He could do anything that

:

00:27:24,722 --> 00:27:24,872

he

:

00:27:24,902 --> 00:27:25,382

Stephanie: wants

:

00:27:25,382 --> 00:27:25,892

to,

:

00:27:26,252 --> 00:27:26,762

Krista/Bryan: and she

:

00:27:26,762 --> 00:27:27,272

already

:

00:27:27,272 --> 00:27:27,482

has

:

00:27:27,482 --> 00:27:27,572

a

:

00:27:27,602 --> 00:27:28,562

Stephanie: disrespect

:

00:27:28,862 --> 00:27:29,942

Krista/Bryan: simply for the role

:

00:27:29,972 --> 00:27:30,032

Stephanie: of

:

00:27:30,972 --> 00:27:31,182

Krista/Bryan: and

:

00:27:31,182 --> 00:27:31,422

that

:

00:27:31,422 --> 00:27:31,812

husband

:

00:27:31,812 --> 00:27:32,232

is already

:

00:27:32,232 --> 00:27:32,712

doomed to fail

:

00:27:32,712 --> 00:27:34,482

Stephanie: before Right.

:

00:27:34,812 --> 00:27:35,622

So then

:

00:27:35,652 --> 00:27:36,202

Krista/Bryan: to that

:

00:27:36,202 --> 00:27:36,442

point

:

00:27:36,442 --> 00:27:37,162

about what

:

00:27:37,222 --> 00:27:37,312

Stephanie: is

:

00:27:37,312 --> 00:27:37,612

now

:

00:27:37,612 --> 00:27:38,122

earned,

:

00:27:38,662 --> 00:27:41,092

Krista/Bryan: God tells

me to respect my husband,

:

00:27:41,122 --> 00:27:41,392

Stephanie: whether

:

00:27:41,392 --> 00:27:42,442

he's in

:

00:27:42,442 --> 00:27:42,532

Krista/Bryan: a

:

00:27:42,532 --> 00:27:43,462

respectable

:

00:27:43,462 --> 00:27:44,032

Stephanie: way

:

00:27:44,032 --> 00:27:44,212

Krista/Bryan: in

:

00:27:44,212 --> 00:27:44,482

that

:

00:27:44,632 --> 00:27:45,502

moment or

:

00:27:45,502 --> 00:27:46,042

not.

:

00:27:46,102 --> 00:27:46,392

That's

:

00:27:46,392 --> 00:27:46,752

actually

:

00:27:46,752 --> 00:27:47,232

vertical

:

00:27:47,652 --> 00:27:47,832

Stephanie: me

:

00:27:47,832 --> 00:27:47,922

and

:

00:27:47,922 --> 00:27:48,702

the Lord.

:

00:27:48,852 --> 00:27:49,092

Krista/Bryan: Am

:

00:27:49,092 --> 00:27:49,872

I gonna have a

:

00:27:49,872 --> 00:27:50,952

respectful tone?

:

00:27:50,952 --> 00:27:51,732

A respectful

:

00:27:51,732 --> 00:27:52,357

Stephanie: attitude,

:

00:27:53,052 --> 00:27:53,742

Krista/Bryan: regardless of

:

00:27:53,742 --> 00:27:54,552

how my husband

:

00:27:54,552 --> 00:27:57,552

reacts or responds biblically, it's

:

00:27:57,552 --> 00:27:58,092

not

:

00:27:58,182 --> 00:27:58,692

really

:

00:27:58,692 --> 00:27:59,172

earned.

:

00:27:59,402 --> 00:28:00,482

Stephanie: that said,

:

00:28:00,902 --> 00:28:02,192

Krista/Bryan: if we give that

:

00:28:02,222 --> 00:28:02,732

Stephanie: attitude of

:

00:28:02,732 --> 00:28:06,212

Krista/Bryan: respect, we may be

cultivating something in the heart of

:

00:28:06,212 --> 00:28:08,582

our man that makes him want to rise

:

00:28:08,582 --> 00:28:10,232

Stephanie: to the occasion and

:

00:28:10,232 --> 00:28:10,922

now act

:

00:28:11,042 --> 00:28:11,282

Krista/Bryan: more

:

00:28:11,312 --> 00:28:12,902

Stephanie: respectable ways.

:

00:28:13,172 --> 00:28:14,282

When he does that,

:

00:28:14,582 --> 00:28:17,522

Krista/Bryan: now I feel

a sense of earned respect.

:

00:28:17,582 --> 00:28:18,572

Wow, he did

:

00:28:18,572 --> 00:28:19,142

Stephanie: this or

:

00:28:19,142 --> 00:28:19,802

that thing.

:

00:28:20,102 --> 00:28:20,492

Krista/Bryan: Wow.

:

00:28:20,522 --> 00:28:21,572

Stephanie: I'm so blessed

:

00:28:21,572 --> 00:28:22,922

to man like that.

:

00:28:23,162 --> 00:28:27,092

Now that comes out in

my tone and my attitude.

:

00:28:27,122 --> 00:28:28,682

He wants to act more

:

00:28:29,342 --> 00:28:29,612

Krista/Bryan: Right?

:

00:28:29,612 --> 00:28:30,182

And now the

:

00:28:30,182 --> 00:28:30,992

cycle begins

:

00:28:30,992 --> 00:28:32,012

Stephanie: to move upward.

:

00:28:32,342 --> 00:28:32,762

So

:

00:28:32,912 --> 00:28:33,362

Krista/Bryan: think

:

00:28:33,422 --> 00:28:33,872

Stephanie: it, it's a

:

00:28:33,872 --> 00:28:37,232

Krista/Bryan: both and we're We're

called to show it whether it has been

:

00:28:37,232 --> 00:28:38,162

Stephanie: earned or not,

:

00:28:38,492 --> 00:28:39,422

Krista/Bryan: but if a man

:

00:28:39,422 --> 00:28:39,962

Stephanie: is willing

:

00:28:39,962 --> 00:28:40,082

to

:

00:28:40,082 --> 00:28:41,042

Krista/Bryan: earn it, then

:

00:28:41,042 --> 00:28:42,752

it's just gonna grow even more

:

00:28:42,902 --> 00:28:43,082

Stephanie: there.

:

00:28:43,322 --> 00:28:44,162

Krista/Bryan: Similarly to

:

00:28:44,162 --> 00:28:44,612

love,

:

00:28:44,612 --> 00:28:45,362

we're to

:

00:28:45,362 --> 00:28:45,842

love

:

00:28:46,022 --> 00:28:46,232

Stephanie: the

:

00:28:46,232 --> 00:28:47,582

unlovable, but we

:

00:28:47,582 --> 00:28:47,852

all

:

00:28:48,032 --> 00:28:48,392

Krista/Bryan: we have

:

00:28:48,392 --> 00:28:48,842

Stephanie: those people

:

00:28:48,842 --> 00:28:48,932

in

:

00:28:48,932 --> 00:28:49,052

our

:

00:28:49,052 --> 00:28:49,412

lives

:

00:28:49,412 --> 00:28:49,652

that

:

00:28:49,892 --> 00:28:50,732

Krista/Bryan: a drain

:

00:28:50,732 --> 00:28:50,912

to

:

00:28:51,572 --> 00:28:51,812

It's

:

00:28:51,842 --> 00:28:52,172

Stephanie: hard

:

00:28:52,172 --> 00:28:52,442

Krista/Bryan: work

:

00:28:52,442 --> 00:28:52,592

to

:

00:28:52,622 --> 00:28:53,012

Stephanie: love them.

:

00:28:53,102 --> 00:28:53,492

Krista/Bryan: And

:

00:28:53,492 --> 00:28:53,612

then

:

00:28:53,612 --> 00:28:54,752

those people who are easy to

:

00:28:54,752 --> 00:28:55,262

Stephanie: love

:

00:28:55,997 --> 00:28:56,177

Krista/Bryan: they're

:

00:28:56,177 --> 00:28:57,047

showing us love as

:

00:28:57,047 --> 00:28:57,377

well,

:

00:28:57,377 --> 00:28:57,797

that there's

:

00:28:57,797 --> 00:28:59,567

reciprocity in the relationship.

:

00:28:59,567 --> 00:29:00,947

It's something that grows and

:

00:29:00,962 --> 00:29:01,577

Stephanie: it comes easy

:

00:29:01,772 --> 00:29:02,072

us.

:

00:29:02,387 --> 00:29:02,507

Krista/Bryan: I

:

00:29:02,507 --> 00:29:02,807

think

:

00:29:03,287 --> 00:29:04,007

can operate in

:

00:29:04,007 --> 00:29:05,537

that exact same way.

:

00:29:05,537 --> 00:29:05,747

When

:

00:29:05,762 --> 00:29:06,092

Stephanie: I'm

:

00:29:06,092 --> 00:29:06,482

giving

:

00:29:06,497 --> 00:29:06,827

Krista/Bryan: it,

:

00:29:07,157 --> 00:29:07,457

I'm

:

00:29:07,457 --> 00:29:07,697

now

:

00:29:07,697 --> 00:29:08,717

cultivating it.

:

00:29:08,747 --> 00:29:11,657

When he is responding to

that cultivation, I'm gonna

:

00:29:11,657 --> 00:29:11,897

give

:

00:29:11,912 --> 00:29:12,272

Stephanie: it even

:

00:29:12,272 --> 00:29:12,782

more

:

00:29:12,987 --> 00:29:13,377

Krista/Bryan: and now

:

00:29:13,437 --> 00:29:16,947

the earned respect makes the

marriage much more energizing.

:

00:29:16,947 --> 00:29:18,867

It makes it more joyful for him to lead.

:

00:29:19,017 --> 00:29:21,357

It makes it more joyful for her to follow.

:

00:29:21,372 --> 00:29:21,672

' Stephanie: cause

:

00:29:21,672 --> 00:29:21,882

she

:

00:29:21,882 --> 00:29:22,122

says,

:

00:29:22,122 --> 00:29:22,602

wow,

:

00:29:22,842 --> 00:29:23,112

he's

:

00:29:23,112 --> 00:29:23,592

awesome.

:

00:29:23,592 --> 00:29:23,862

I think

:

00:29:23,862 --> 00:29:24,042

he's

:

00:29:24,042 --> 00:29:24,222

all

:

00:29:24,222 --> 00:29:24,372

that

:

00:29:24,372 --> 00:29:24,432

in

:

00:29:24,432 --> 00:29:24,462

a

:

00:29:24,462 --> 00:29:24,702

bag

:

00:29:24,702 --> 00:29:25,002

of chips.

:

00:29:25,002 --> 00:29:25,122

Yeah.

:

00:29:25,207 --> 00:29:25,627

Krista/Bryan: Well, it might

:

00:29:25,627 --> 00:29:28,447

be important, maybe just

as a sidebar, is to say.

:

00:29:29,057 --> 00:29:31,637

What if we respect the husband?

:

00:29:31,637 --> 00:29:32,387

What does that mean?

:

00:29:32,387 --> 00:29:33,917

Does that mean we have to tolerate?

:

00:29:33,917 --> 00:29:34,217

That's

:

00:29:34,217 --> 00:29:34,427

a

:

00:29:34,427 --> 00:29:35,117

great point.

:

00:29:35,147 --> 00:29:36,257

Inappropriateness

:

00:29:36,257 --> 00:29:38,456

that abuse that's not what you're

saying when you talk about Absolutely.

:

00:29:38,461 --> 00:29:39,105

You're absolutely, I'm re right.

:

00:29:39,435 --> 00:29:40,665

I'm respecting my man.

:

00:29:40,665 --> 00:29:41,595

That doesn't mean I'm

:

00:29:41,595 --> 00:29:42,555

obeying, I'm,

:

00:29:42,715 --> 00:29:43,615

all of those things.

:

00:29:43,630 --> 00:29:43,631

Stephanie: right.

:

00:29:43,636 --> 00:29:44,230

It means I'm not

:

00:29:44,365 --> 00:29:45,265

Krista/Bryan: passive aggressive.

:

00:29:45,340 --> 00:29:45,490

Stephanie: I'm

:

00:29:45,490 --> 00:29:45,655

Krista/Bryan: not

:

00:29:45,720 --> 00:29:45,840

being

:

00:29:45,910 --> 00:29:47,000

manipulatives, I'm

:

00:29:47,000 --> 00:29:47,840

being unclear.

:

00:29:47,950 --> 00:29:48,321

It's a heart space.

:

00:29:48,321 --> 00:29:48,962

It's your heart space.

:

00:29:48,962 --> 00:29:48,963

Yeah.

:

00:29:49,585 --> 00:29:49,825

Right.

:

00:29:49,975 --> 00:29:52,435

It's not so much that, essentially safety.

:

00:29:52,555 --> 00:29:52,705

Yeah.

:

00:29:52,705 --> 00:29:54,625

It's not replacing safety.

:

00:29:54,675 --> 00:29:55,800

I guess is the key thing.

:

00:29:55,846 --> 00:29:56,956

on the guy's side, if I

:

00:29:57,021 --> 00:29:57,171

Stephanie: if

:

00:29:57,171 --> 00:29:57,291

I

:

00:29:57,291 --> 00:29:57,411

have

:

00:29:57,456 --> 00:29:58,416

Krista/Bryan: guy come in and say, my

:

00:29:58,431 --> 00:29:58,686

Stephanie: wife

:

00:29:58,956 --> 00:29:59,736

Krista/Bryan: respect me,

:

00:29:59,811 --> 00:30:00,051

Stephanie: we

:

00:30:00,051 --> 00:30:00,321

got a

:

00:30:00,321 --> 00:30:00,561

lot

:

00:30:00,561 --> 00:30:00,621

of

:

00:30:00,621 --> 00:30:01,281

sessions.

:

00:30:02,646 --> 00:30:02,796

Krista/Bryan: And

:

00:30:02,796 --> 00:30:02,946

It's

:

00:30:02,946 --> 00:30:03,456

not about

:

00:30:03,586 --> 00:30:04,076

wife.

:

00:30:04,126 --> 00:30:04,636

Honestly.

:

00:30:04,636 --> 00:30:06,166

It's okay, so what makes her say that?

:

00:30:06,216 --> 00:30:06,516

Right.

:

00:30:06,516 --> 00:30:07,926

What is in your lane?

:

00:30:08,116 --> 00:30:09,916

What is up with your heart?

:

00:30:09,946 --> 00:30:10,006

Yeah.

:

00:30:10,156 --> 00:30:11,986

What is up with your

vertical relationship?

:

00:30:12,406 --> 00:30:14,626

She has her own lane to deal with.

:

00:30:14,626 --> 00:30:18,226

So when I hear something like that

from a guy or a question like that,

:

00:30:18,226 --> 00:30:19,456

shouldn't she just respect me?

:

00:30:19,456 --> 00:30:20,356

'cause I'm her husband?

:

00:30:20,606 --> 00:30:22,406

Well, you respect all humans, as you

:

00:30:22,406 --> 00:30:22,766

said.

:

00:30:22,816 --> 00:30:23,206

But

:

00:30:23,356 --> 00:30:24,286

our focus is on

:

00:30:24,286 --> 00:30:24,406

are

:

00:30:24,406 --> 00:30:24,496

you

:

00:30:24,496 --> 00:30:25,246

respectable?

:

00:30:25,396 --> 00:30:25,666

Right.

:

00:30:25,666 --> 00:30:25,996

But that's

:

00:30:25,996 --> 00:30:26,596

our job.

:

00:30:26,651 --> 00:30:30,101

We don't want the wife to demand

her husband be respectable.

:

00:30:30,156 --> 00:30:30,396

But

:

00:30:30,411 --> 00:30:30,801

Stephanie: from man

:

00:30:30,846 --> 00:30:31,386

Krista/Bryan: man,

:

00:30:31,626 --> 00:30:32,286

we're talking about

:

00:30:32,286 --> 00:30:33,156

being respectable

:

00:30:33,156 --> 00:30:38,196

and that being your job, your role, your

God-given sanctification, if we will.

:

00:30:39,108 --> 00:30:40,223

Aren't they incredible?

:

00:30:40,395 --> 00:30:43,515

If you are thinking, you know

what, we could use a little tuneup.

:

00:30:43,830 --> 00:30:46,680

Or maybe you feel like the

whole engine needs to be taken

:

00:30:46,680 --> 00:30:48,570

apart and put back together.

:

00:30:48,840 --> 00:30:53,520

They're here for that too, so that we

counseling sees virtual clients all

:

00:30:53,520 --> 00:30:57,066

the time, and I could not encourage

you to follow up with them more.

:

00:30:57,337 --> 00:31:00,577

I will link their practice in the

show We hope we've got your ear

:

00:31:00,577 --> 00:31:05,643

for part two coming next week on

spiritual leadership and submission.

:

00:31:06,721 --> 00:31:07,891

Stephanie: We know you're busy, mama.

:

00:31:08,041 --> 00:31:12,901

So we are truly grateful you joined us for

this episode of again, if you're looking

:

00:31:12,901 --> 00:31:16,771

for more information about building your

home on the foundation of Jesus Christ,

:

00:31:17,251 --> 00:31:23,401

head to www dot Entrusted Ministries

dot com to learn more about our study

:

00:31:23,401 --> 00:31:25,531

for moms Entrusted with a child's Heart.

:

00:31:26,191 --> 00:31:29,341

This scripture saturated study

has blessed families around the

:

00:31:29,341 --> 00:31:31,021

world, and we want it for you too.

:

00:31:32,026 --> 00:31:36,196

Before you go, I want to pray this

benediction over you from Second

:

00:31:36,226 --> 00:31:38,926

Thessalonians one 11 through 12.

:

00:31:39,526 --> 00:31:43,036

We're rooting for you to this end.

:

00:31:43,096 --> 00:31:47,596

We always pray for you that our God

may make you worthy of his calling

:

00:31:48,016 --> 00:31:50,011

and fulfill every resolve for good.

:

00:31:50,791 --> 00:31:55,891

And every work of faith by his power

so that the name of our Lord Jesus

:

00:31:55,891 --> 00:32:00,451

may be glorified in you and you

and Him according to the grace of

:

00:32:00,451 --> 00:32:03,241

our God and the Lord Jesus Christ.

:

00:32:03,991 --> 00:32:04,561

Amen.

:

00:32:05,401 --> 00:32:06,191

Until we meet again.

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About the Podcast

Show artwork for The Again Podcast on Christian Parenting: Redeeming the Repetition of Biblical Motherhood
The Again Podcast on Christian Parenting: Redeeming the Repetition of Biblical Motherhood
Christian Parenting, Biblical Motherhood, Faith, Family

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About your host

Profile picture for Stephanie Hickox

Stephanie Hickox

Stephanie has always delighted in God’s Word and in sharing it with others. Whether it is equipping mothers and leaders through Entrusted with a Child’s Heart, inspiring students when teaching at homeschool co-ops or children’s ministry, or homeschooling her own children, Stephanie’s life mission is to encourage others to follow faithfully and joyfully after Jesus—especially if they hold her favorite job title: mom.

Betsy Corning wrote Entrusted with a Child’s Heart in 1999 in response to the needs she saw in families as she and David counseled young parents just a few years behind them. Entrusted has been taught in hundreds of churches nationwide, been translated into several foreign languages, and has made its way around the world. More recently, Betsy received her Masters in Biblical Studies from The Master’s University and is developing a new Bible Study program called Get the Word Out. Her passion for God’s Word, discipleship, and teaching biblical principles as they apply to family life has remained strong to this day. One of the greatest blessings in Betsy’s life are her three grown children, their spouses, and ten grandchildren that keep her constantly in touch with every age and stage.

Jen Freckman Is an incredible wealth of wisdom. She will tell you a natural remedy for just about anything! She is also a voracious reader and she is just overflowing with quotes and guidance that she's encountered through reading and being faithful. She delights in her children and is a devoted mother. She is also an amazingly creative problem solver! Her solutions to manage her home and guide her children are inspiring.

Emily Deyo is such a treasure. She is an incredible encourager and servant-hearted woman. When she has the mic in front of her, so much value comes out! She is a wordsmith and her heart consistently beats for how she can encourage and serve others. She is a truly loving and attentive mother.

Join Betsy, Emily, Jen, and Stephanie as they share the wisdom only Scripture and on-the-job training can provide to help untangle the joyful calling of motherhood.