Episode 99

#97. Am I Messing Up My Kids? It's A Question Many Christian Moms Are Asking, But How Can We Really Know the Truth?

You've wondered it. Maybe more than you care to admit. Maybe it's more of a subconscious whisper, but it's there nonetheless. When all around you are messages of fear and marketing ploys, even the strongest of Christian parents are second-guessing their methods. Listen to this peace-giving interview with author of Entrusted with a Child's Heart, Betsy Corning. She's a mom of three grown children, grandmother to ten grandkids, and has counseled countless overwhelmed and discouraged moms to find hope, peace, and direction in their parenting.

Scriptures Referenced:

Philippians 4:8

Colossians 2:8

Philippians 4:4-8

Titus 2

1 Corinthians 14:33

Resource Mentioned: Get the Word Out

Transcript
Speaker:

This is the Again podcast brought to

you by Entrusted Ministries, , and

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I'm your host, Stephanie Hickox.

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Today I'm gonna ask a really

scary question that I know

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many of us are thinking.

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Am I messing up my kids?

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Every time I turn around, it

seems like someone is telling me

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how I should be doing something

different, better, or how I need to

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buy their product to do it right.

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It takes a lot of discernment to sort

through all of these messages, and

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sometimes I don't even realize how it's

affecting me, but as I asked my Aunt

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Betsy, Betsy Corning, author and founder

of Entrusted Ministries to sit down with

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me and explain why we can have peace

in the midst of all of this chaos of

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culture, I asked her to reassure us

that we're not completely blowing it.

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Her answer was so peace giving

that I'm gonna have it on

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repeat and I hope you do too.

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This is one you really need to hear.

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Mama.

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They're the joyful agains our children.

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Shout on the swings, the exhausting

agains of cooking and laundry and

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the difficult agains of discipline.

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So much of what we do

as mothers is on repeat.

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So what if we woke up with clarity,

knowing which agains we were called to.

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And went to bed believing we are

faithful in what matters most.

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We believe God's word is

the key to untangle from the

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confusion and overwhelm we feel.

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Let's look up together to embrace a

motherhood full of freedom and joy.

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Stephanie: Recently we were together

and you said something that I really

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walked away and I just had to ponder.

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You said, moms are so worried today.

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They're so afraid they're going to

mess up their kids, but they need

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to know that it's going to be okay.

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And that's one of the greatest

blessings I've received from taking

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Entrusted and from just being able to

soak in your wisdom over the years.

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I think you present the truth of

scripture in such a hopeful way, the

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way God wants us to see it, that we

can have hope and peace even when we

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don't know the result, because we're

trusting in a good sovereign God.

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I will admit that even as I press into

the Lord consistently growing up and

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being this first generation to be

inundated with continual bad news, often

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devastating news all day long, even though

I really have pretty firm boundaries

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for myself about what I take in, I think

even being surrounded by others that are

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constantly taking in the bad information

or constantly receiving these updates,

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we're continually being fed how we can

do better as moms, what new studies are

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saying about what we've already done wrong

and how we're gonna mess up our kids if

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we don't buy, read and do this, and this.

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How can we counter this

onslaught of discouragement

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and doom and parent with hope?

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In a world that really is telling

us we are messing up our children if

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we don't do exactly what they say.

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Betsy: Yes, it's interesting,

this generation does have

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an information overload.

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And so what that's creating in

the minds and hearts of mothers

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and fathers can be overwhelming.

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So one thing we wanna do is limit our

input and definitely match it up against.

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The word of God.

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And so much of our hearts can be calmed

and comforted by the word of God.

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When I was, oh, maybe third or

fourth grade after school, I would

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watch this show with one of my

neighborhood friends called Get Smart.

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And it had a, the enemy the nemesis

of control, which was Get smart's.

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Agency was chaos.

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And I think that was very fitting

even way back there in the sixties,

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that chaos is the enemy of organized,

thought, rational reasonable thinking.

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And the Lord wouldn't have us go there.

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He wouldn't have our minds be

filled with things that are.

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Battling and we need to be dwelling,

as it says in Philippians , dwell on

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the things that are good and right,

and excellent and pure and lovely and

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all of these things, but we don't.

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We get pulled in by things

that are chaotic and that

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is the scheme of the devil.

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That is his number one ploy.

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He is a liar from the beginning.

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He's an accuser.

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He's gonna try to make you think

that you're an absolute failure.

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And I'm gonna say that I know that I

failed my kids at certain times of their

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lives, but I wasn't doing it at the

time thinking I'm gonna do this to fail.

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You we're always doing our best, and

it's really hurtful to a parent to

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think that their child would say.

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You failed me by doing this, you know,

because at the time we're always trying

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to do our very best with our kids.

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At least I hope that would

be our goal and our motive.

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But chaos is the instrument of Satan, and

he will do whatever he can to confuse us.

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It is the number one way that he

works in the ideology of people

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to make things seem uncertain.

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Now, so many kids today are

uncertain about who they are.

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It's all of this thing of chaos.

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And, it's really not just feeding on the

minds of parents, but on children too.

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And it's devastating.

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So what do we wanna do?

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We wanna dwell on the

things that are right.

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We wanna limit our input of

listening to counterfeits, and

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we wanna be able to identify.

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Is this a counterfeit or not?

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Well, we might say, I'm not sure

if it's a counterfeit and we can

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get some good advice, or we can

just stay away from certain things.

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Stay away from certain things that

are poisoned that make us think wrong.

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. So we can go to one of these verses

that we even memorized from Entrusted.

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It's one of my faves.

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It's Colossians two eight.

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It says, see to it that no one takes

you captive through philosophy and

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empty deception according to the

tradition of men, according to the

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elementary principles of this world,

rather than according to Christ,

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Christ gives us everything we need to

raise our kids, and we can get pulled

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in so many different directions and

so many different thought patterns.

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But our thought patterns are going back to

Philippians four starting with verse four.

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Rejoice in the Lord always.

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Again, I say rejoice.

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Let your gentle spirit

be known to all men.

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The Lord is near.

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The Lord is near.

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Be anxious for nothing but

in everything with prayer and

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supplication with thanksgiving.

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Let your requests be made known

to God the peace of God, which

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surpasses all understanding.

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All comprehension shall guard your

hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.

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And going on in verse eight.

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Finally, brethren, whatever is true.

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Whatever's honorable, whatever is right,

whatever is pure, whatever is lovely,

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whatever is of good repute, if there

is any excellence, and if anything

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worthy of praise, dwell on these things.

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The things that you've learned and

received, and heard and seen in me.

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Practice these things and the

God of peace will be with you.

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I love that because I know a couple

of times in my life when I was a young

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mother, when I was so overwhelmed with

anxiety about something and I laid in

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my bed and I prayed these verses and I

prayed, be anxious for nothing but in

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everything by prayer and supplication

with thanksgiving, let my request be

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made known to God and the peace of God.

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Will overwhelm, which

surpasses all comprehension.

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She'll guard my heart, all my emotion and

my mind, all my thoughts in Christ Jesus.

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Sometimes we just have to abandon all

those things and just go back to prayer

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and really concentrating on God and say,

I just submitted all to you, all this

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chaos in my heart and in my thoughts.

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I give it to you because you tell me

you are near, you are always near me.

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And you hear, this is my prayer to

settle my heart, settle my mind,

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and lead me in the right path.

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And he does.

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I love the thought that he's near.

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We could write these verses

down that say the Lord is near

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'cause they're super precious.

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So that's another way

that I would say to do it.

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But one thing I will say for sure,

and I mentioned it a little bit ago.

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As an older mother, I will say you will

do things that you wish you didn't do, but

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you don't know it at the time you think

you're doing the best that you can do.

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Somebody once asked me at a q and A

for Entrusted, do you have any regrets

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about how you raised your children?

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And I was younger then and, I said, no.

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I said, because they

were in their twenties.

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I remember thinking they weren't ready.

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They weren't ready.

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I still needed to teach them so

many things because I didn't feel

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like this was solidified in their

life and all those things that I

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was in a little bit of a panic.

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Now, I was a little bit older mom and

I had seen that in their twenties.

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Wow.

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Would you believe it?

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They continue to grow without me.

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Without me, right there.

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And why?

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Because the Holy Spirit

was sanctifying them.

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And that was a big lesson for me.

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The Holy Spirit continues to

sanctify them while I'm not,

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daily present in their lives.

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And thank goodness, thank goodness

that's how it's supposed to be.

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We are supposed to be letting go

and they are supposed to be learning

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how to live under the authority of

God's word and eventually leave and

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cleave to their new husband or wife.

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Well, anyway, that's what I was thinking.

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At that age, I was seeing that

sanctification continue on in my young

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adult children, and I was so grateful.

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But now that I'm older, I hear of certain.

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Things in their lives.

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And I think, I wish I could have,

responded differently so that

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you didn't go through that hurt.

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And I don't know, I think the Lord

is working on me because the Lord

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uses all of those things still to

sanctify us and to sanctify them and

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all the things that we go through.

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We can't really assess, , blame

to another person because it's

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the Lord that is allowing things

and he's testing our faith.

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And sometimes he can use the

mistakes of our parents to be a

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sanctifying influence in our lives.

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And he does.

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He miraculously works out all

these things , for those who are

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called according to his purposes.

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So if we're diligent to be

called according to his purposes.

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He's gonna work out those past hurts

for our good and for his glory.

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Because the person that can live

through certain hurts and say glory

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be to God, those are the person that

lives with peace in their heart,

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despite the chaos in the world.

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And I think we recognize the chaos.

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Definitely.

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We recognize the chaos.

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The chaos is just so much more in

our faces because of technology

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and information overload.

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But when I was a young mother and we

didn't have the internet, we still

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had parents who were afraid to bring

children into the world because

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they thought the world was an awful

place, even back when I was young.

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Obviously now it's snowballed

because things that you didn't

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maybe know about were happening.

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It's just we are so aware of

everything that's happening.

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We're so aware of human trafficking

and maybe it was happening, but

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I don't think it was happening at

the scale that it's happening now.

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I think evil is just rampant and out

of control, and that's how it will be.

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But that isn't supposed to grab

us by the ankles and pull us down.

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We are supposed to always be

looking up, not looking down.

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The Lord says, look up.

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Why?

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Why does he always say, look up?

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Because he's returning

and we're looking for him.

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We're not supposed to be looking down

at the world and all the chaos and

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confusion and awfulness around us.

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We do what we can do to help and

serve, but our eyes are to be up

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focused on him who's returning,

and to that we can be rejoicing

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As the verse says, rejoice always.

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Again, I say rejoice again.

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I say rejoice.

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The the Lord is near.

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The Lord is returning soon, and

you can have peace in your heart.

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You can overcome confusion

and chaos in your heart and

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in your mind, in your thoughts

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Stephanie: I feel, , convicted

and encouraged as you speak,

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and right as you began and you

were talking about the enemy.

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I thought about the tree that we were

commanded to not eat from the tree

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of the knowledge of good and evil.

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And I do think.

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That is such a temptation.

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If I just knew more, if I

understood more, I could set my

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kids or my family up for success.

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And so often we have these great

intentions of learning more, but

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then they conflict or they distract

from the things that we need to know

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and understand the most, which is

the character of God and his word.

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We were talking right before this

about breathing and how the structure

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of children's teeth and jaws

that's a real hot topic right now.

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And just that one thing I think,

wow, that's something I could focus

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on in my children all day long.

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I could look over at the position, oh

my goodness, they're mouth breathing

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again, or when I look at them.

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As they're sleeping in their beds.

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And I come in just for that last

prayer of the day and I put my hand

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on their leg, and I thank God for

these children but there are times

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where I walk in and I am like, oh

no, they're mouth breathing again.

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It starts this train

of worry in your brain.

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But really that is such a sweet

moment that I can have with the Lord,

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praying for deep, eternal things.

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Sometimes knowledge has been the

greatest enemy of peace in my parenting.

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And obviously we're certainly not calling

us to bury our heads in the sand but

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you began with that information overload

that we are absolutely inundated with

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knowledge to the point where we can't

possibly apply everything that we know.

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And I think we're being tempted to

throw off all sorts of wise boundaries.

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It doesn't really matter if that vitamin

is the perfect solution, because if

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you can't afford it, then the Lord

isn't calling you to act upon it.

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There's all of these wise boundaries

in God's word, I think about Mary and

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she was faithful with one thing, and

the Lord commended her faith for that.

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And we can get so distracted

and pulled so many directions in

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what we think is a good pursuit.

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And it might be a pursuit of

good, but one thing is better.

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And that battle, certainly can

be multiplied in motherhood because

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all of a sudden you care so deeply

about so many different people.

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But it really is an

opportunity to stay steadfast

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Betsy: there's so many different

directions that this could go in.

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It could go in, like you were

saying, the health choices

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that we make for our children.

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And obviously we do wanna

be informed about those.

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And there it goes into major choices

that we make for our children.

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They're educational choices.

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They're just, you know, what they

read, what they watch, what they

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listen to, what they see, everything.

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It's.

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These are all important and it

comes down very much to wisdom.

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And the Bible tells us that the fear

of God is the beginning of wisdom

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and we can get wisdom from the Bible.

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That's what wisdom really is.

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And if we were to come up

with a definition for wisdom?

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I think my husband says it is the

ability to apply the most God-honoring

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solution to any given situation.

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So how can we honor God with any solution

if it's not found through his word?

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Now, obviously we're not gonna find

mouth breathing in the Bible, but

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we're going to find so many basic

concepts and principles in the Bible.

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All that wisdom comes from God.

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And God says, if you think you

don't have it, then ask me for it.

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Get close to me because God created

us to have that relationship with him.

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Get close to him 'cause

he's already near you.

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So tune into him and tune out

a lot of these other messages.

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And we might say, it doesn't really talk

about mouth breathing, but God can give

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you direction on what is a good choice.

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And he can give you wisdom and discernment

about these things that are out in the

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world about the things that are confusing.

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It says He will direct our paths.

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When we lean on him, when we acknowledge

him, when we are grateful to him

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for all that he's given us in his

providence, he directs our paths.

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He helps us make that wise

God honoring decision.

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That's the path that we wanna take.

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If we say, Lord, help me make the best

God-honoring choice in this situation

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and pray for it, and your heart is

to do that with your husband, I'm

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sure that he will direct you in that.

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And if you find out you've made

mistakes that foolish impulsive mistakes

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somewhere along life with your kids.

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Be forgiving.

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Be forgiving of each other, I think

you'll be more understanding now,

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being a parent yourself when you grow

up and you see, I wish I would've

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done this a little different.

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I, I wish I would've made them eat their

vegetables, or I wish I would've not

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been so pushy with the, I don't know.

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We can go the spectrum to the

opposite end so easily on anything.

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So help us to be wise parents and

help us to focus on the Lord and

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direct our kids to want wisdom also.

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Stephanie: it makes me think about

Titus two, and I know that you talk

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about that so much in Entrusted that we

need to be looking to the older women,

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god's design for the intergenerational

body of Christ to thrive.

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And so often now if we're looking to

our phones or we're looking to Google

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for all of these solutions, then we're

really limiting the impact that the Lord

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wanted us to receive in discipleship,

that we can be looking to older women to

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say, wow, I'm getting lost in the weeds

here, but tell me, when you look back

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at raising your children, what are the

things that really mattered you speak

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such words of hope and perspective.

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We need that.

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We need to just not always be looking

at people in the same stage as us, which

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is commonly what these influencers are.

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And they might have something very

valid to say, but if that's really the

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majority of where we're going then we

do need to be cautioned about that.

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Betsy: Yes.

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And it's interesting because the

Bible says older women teach the

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younger women, teach them what?

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Teach 'em to love their husbands

and to love their children.

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It doesn't say.

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Smarter women.

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It doesn't say more powerful women.

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It doesn't say more

what it just says older.

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Why would it say older?

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Why would that be the word?

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Because they have that experience and

perspective going through saying, yes,

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I made some mistakes and it did impact

my kids , but I did the best I could

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with the Lord's help, I've tried to make

the wisest choices, but when I didn't

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we learned how to forgive each other.

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And the Lord has always been with us.

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And we see the Lord's faithfulness

in life, which is so important.

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We see the Lord's faithfulness to us.

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The other thing I wanna say

is teach the younger women.

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I get so much out of being with

younger women and there's such a.

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Privilege of being with younger women too.

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And I learn so much from them.

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They keep me up to date with

so many things, like what's

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the latest, this and that.

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And did you know that there's paper

out there made of stone, somebody had

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a tablet and it's looks like paper,

but it's stone and it's waterproof.

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And I just ordered some.

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And I think, how would I know this if

I wasn't with these younger women that

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keep me in tune with what's going on?

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And and plus they are so quick

and bright and knowledgeable and

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I really love being with them.

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So it's not just a one

way street by any means.

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It's valuable for the older women

to be with the younger women too.

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And I really love it.

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Stephanie: I think of the times

that I have sought an older woman.

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I can think of every coffee date and a

key takeaway I went in and this mom has a

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really impulsive child, but she's 15 years

down the road and I need to talk to her.

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I need to gain wisdom and the

help that that brought me or.

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know, This mom has a husband with

a chronic illness and I really

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need to receive encouragement

from her for my situation.

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There have just been different times

and I walk away feeling so ministered

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to, and often when I seek people

in my generation, I'm so grateful.

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It's kind of like the in the trenches

mentality oh, you're dealing with that

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too, and you feel an understanding.

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But I think that there's a greater

peace and problem solving overall

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when I do seek someone who's farther

down the road, uh, experientially

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than I am in a situation.

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Betsy: Because they've

been through it, right?

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And they've seen the faithfulness

of God, and I love that.

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And another verse that we had in

Entrusted was one Corinthians:

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For God is not a God of

confusion but of peace.

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As in all the churches of the saint, God

is not a God of confusion, but of peace.

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And if we're confused, if we feel we

live in a world of chaos and we just

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don't know who we are what decisions

to make, just know that God is a God

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of peace and he can calm your mind,

your thoughts and your emotions.

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When we just pray to him and ask

for that guidance, that wise,

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guidance that he alone can give.

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If we've encouraged you with

anything over the life of this

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podcast, I hope you've seen that.

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We wanna be the moms that

we were created to be.

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We have to seek the Lord first

and foremost, and we're doing

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everything we can to equip you

to do just that one resource.

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Get the word out is a Bible reading

devotional plan that is entirely

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tailorable for your lifestyle, and

we'll be cutting those prices for the

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holiday season so you can really make

sure that you're equipped to begin

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the New Year Faithful in the word.

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We're also creating a devotional podcast

to walk with you through the word.

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We're even gonna have a resource for your

kiddos, stay tuned for those details.

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We'll have more coming soon.

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We know you're busy, mama.

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So we are truly grateful you joined us for

this episode of again, if you're looking

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for more information about building your

home on the foundation of Jesus Christ,

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head to www dot Entrusted Ministries

dot com to learn more about our study

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for moms Entrusted with a child's Heart.

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This scripture saturated study

has blessed families around the

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world, and we want it for you too.

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Before you go, I want to pray this

benediction over you from Second

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Thessalonians one 11 through 12.

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We're rooting for you to this end.

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We always pray for you that our God

may make you worthy of his calling and

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may fulfill every resolve for good.

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And every work of faith by his power

so that the name of our Lord Jesus

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may be glorified in you and you

and Him according to the grace of

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our God and the Lord Jesus Christ.

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Amen.

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Until we meet again.

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About the Podcast

Show artwork for The Again Podcast on Christian Parenting: Redeeming the Repetition of Biblical Motherhood
The Again Podcast on Christian Parenting: Redeeming the Repetition of Biblical Motherhood
Christian Parenting, Biblical Motherhood, Faith, Family

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About your host

Profile picture for Stephanie Hickox

Stephanie Hickox

Stephanie has always delighted in God’s Word and in sharing it with others. Whether it is equipping mothers and leaders through Entrusted with a Child’s Heart, inspiring students when teaching at homeschool co-ops or children’s ministry, or homeschooling her own children, Stephanie’s life mission is to encourage others to follow faithfully and joyfully after Jesus—especially if they hold her favorite job title: mom.

Betsy Corning wrote Entrusted with a Child’s Heart in 1999 in response to the needs she saw in families as she and David counseled young parents just a few years behind them. Entrusted has been taught in hundreds of churches nationwide, been translated into several foreign languages, and has made its way around the world. More recently, Betsy received her Masters in Biblical Studies from The Master’s University and is developing a new Bible Study program called Get the Word Out. Her passion for God’s Word, discipleship, and teaching biblical principles as they apply to family life has remained strong to this day. One of the greatest blessings in Betsy’s life are her three grown children, their spouses, and ten grandchildren that keep her constantly in touch with every age and stage.

Jen Freckman Is an incredible wealth of wisdom. She will tell you a natural remedy for just about anything! She is also a voracious reader and she is just overflowing with quotes and guidance that she's encountered through reading and being faithful. She delights in her children and is a devoted mother. She is also an amazingly creative problem solver! Her solutions to manage her home and guide her children are inspiring.

Emily Deyo is such a treasure. She is an incredible encourager and servant-hearted woman. When she has the mic in front of her, so much value comes out! She is a wordsmith and her heart consistently beats for how she can encourage and serve others. She is a truly loving and attentive mother.

Join Betsy, Emily, Jen, and Stephanie as they share the wisdom only Scripture and on-the-job training can provide to help untangle the joyful calling of motherhood.