#61. Hey Mama, We Need You! + What Do I Focus On In Our Homeschool?! Isn't It All Important?

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They're the joyful agains our children shout on the swings, the

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exhausting agains of cooking and laundry,

and the difficult agains of discipline.

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So much of what we do

as mothers is on repeat.

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So what if we woke up with clarity,

knowing which agains we were called

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to, and went to bed believing we

are faithful in what matters most?

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We believe God's Word is

the key to untangle from the

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confusion and overwhelm we feel.

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Let's look up together to embrace a

motherhood full of freedom and joy.

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Welcome back to the again, podcast

brought to you by entrusted ministries.

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I'm Stephanie Hickox.

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And before we get to today's episode,

I want to ask you for a favor.

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If you're a faithful listener, or even

if you've just found us and you have

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some great ideas about what we should be

bringing to the podcast, we would love

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to have you be part of a focus group.

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We also have one major project

coming your way in the new year.

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And I'm looking for some wise

committed women to help steer

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the ship and give us direction.

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I really want to make sure that we bring

something that ministers to moms, right.

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Where they're at.

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So I'm looking for a handful of

ladies that would like to contribute.

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It won't take more than an hour of your

time, but I hope that the influence

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you have on the podcast and on our

decisions would be a blessing to you.

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For the year to come.

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If you're interested, you can

email me at Stephanie at Dot com.

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That's S T E P H a N I E.

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At E w a C h.com.

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I'll put a link in the show notes and

I can't wait to hear your thoughts.

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Today I'm joined by the

amazing Jen Frackman.

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As we talk a little bit more about

homeschooling and Hawaii, it's

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been such a blessing in our homes.

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If you're homeschooling right now and

you need a little encouragement about

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why it could be such a great experience

and what a day could look like.

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We hope we remove a little

bit of that mystery and help

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you focus on the end goals.

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I also want to be so clear that

we believe that school choice

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is a personal conviction.

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Some have trumpeted their perspective

on this topic and made it sound

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like it's a biblical conviction.

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But in the spirit of Romans 14, we want

to honor other believers with our choices.

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Although Jen and I feel very

strongly about the benefits

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of homeschooling for us.

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We know that it's not for everyone.

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And we support how God has led you.

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To educate your children.

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We know it can feel lonely and at times

overwhelming to homeschool though.

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So when we talk about it on the

podcast, our heart is to encourage

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the moms that need a little pep talk.

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To keep that finish line in mind and

to think about why they're doing this.

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Jen: I get this question a lot, do you get

the question of, oh, were you a teacher?

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Like how are you able to teach your

kids if you were not a teacher?

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How do you address that?

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Stephanie: I say actually

I've had to unlearn a lot.

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Of what I was taught.

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And I feel that the Lord has been my

best teacher and on our last episode

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about homeschooling, I said, that

a mom is an expert on her child.

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And every year that I got a new

batch of students, I had to learn

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about them and it took a long time.

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But now I go into every year, like

knowing who my kids are, knowing

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what their strengths are, being

able to pray into Lord, I'm sensing

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this is going to be friction.

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How am I going to handle that?

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It takes a teacher so much longer

to, to anticipate those things,

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to learn about the student.

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And by the time she really knows them,

they're moving up to the next teacher.

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I think that there are a lot of

innate things about good teaching that

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we've all experienced and we've all.

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Had those moments of being engaged with

something we loved and like pedagogy

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is actually like the methodology

of teaching and how you teach.

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I think that we have more of that

innately in us and that we've

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learned a lot of that in our lives.

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I don't think I learned much of

that in my educational degree.

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And I would say I totally agree with

you what you were saying about at the

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beginning taking the time to let my

kids develop and you know if they're

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not going to read right at five.

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To just take a chill pill

and say, you know what?

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Actually, I would love

for you to love reading.

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And if it's going to

take a while, it's okay.

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I'm going to just keep reading to

you and yes, we're going to have some

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instruction, but I trust that eventually,

this is going to come naturally for you.

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And I realize that obviously some

children do need a little bit

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more intervention, but there is.

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A lot of research that says by

about age 12, regardless of when

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you learn to read, most kids are

going to be at the same level.

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There will be outliers, but overall, even

if the kids that learn to read at three

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are going to be at a middle school reading

level when they're 12, unless they've

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really been pushed, and the kids who learn

to read at eight are going to be there.

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I think we really have

to pray and be careful.

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And if we sense that something's off.

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And then of course, I think that

we should seek help we shouldn't

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just ignore it or shrug it off.

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But I just say that to encourage the

moms that you're not seeing a major

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problem, it just seems like it's not quite

clicking as quickly as you would hope.

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I've definitely seen that with some

of my kids in learning to read.

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And then all of a sudden

it was just there.

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And I see it in many subjects,

whether it's math facts or reading.

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Or sometimes memorizing something.

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Stephanie: I have felt such permission

to be patient with my kids and who

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they are in this setting, whereas

if they would have, if some of

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them, and we all have subjects

where we'd be labeled behind, right?

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If they were in a different

setting, it would have been

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like, oh, we might need to.

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Meet with a specialist.

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And are you doing this

every day with them?

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And just so much pressure and

labeling and even some shame that I'm

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really thankful that I just got to

delight in who they were becoming.

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So

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Jen: Yes,

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Stephanie: that I would not

have had in a school setting.

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And that's something I've had to

shrug off of my educational training.

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Jen: Yeah.

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Also, yeah, the comparison of, knowing

that someone next to you finished the

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test before you did the comparison of, oh

they're in the smarter classes than I am.

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All of that.

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Also just really let's

speak to the fact that.

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Nobody cares about your

kid like a mom, nobody.

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And so if there is something that

is wrong, no one is going to find

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an answer to figure out how to

help that kid more than a mom will,

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because a mom knows that kid and

loves that kid more than anyone else.

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And so the mom and the dad, obviously and.

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Encompassing both of them, but

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It always dawns on, or it always amazes

me when people are like, Oh, you're

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not a teacher and you're teaching.

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Yeah, but I love my kid

and I love learning.

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So pair those things together and

you got a great thing going here.

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Stephanie: Yes,

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Jen: we get to learn together.

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They often say that homeschooling

is you how do they say that?

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Like it.

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Something about you're fixing your

own education, but it's not fixing.

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What

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Stephanie: Redeeming.

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Redeeming your own

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Jen: Redeeming.

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Thank you.

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Yes.

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They often say that, that.

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Homeschool is redeeming

your own education.

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And there are things that my kids

are learning that I'm learning

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alongside that I'm like, no way.

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I was never taught this.

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Logic being one of them.

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When my daughter went through logic,

I had never taken a logic course ever.

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I'm like, all right, let's dive into it.

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And I love it.

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And it's one of my favorite things now,

but I didn't know that I knew how to

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do that, but I taught myself ahead.

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And then I taught her how to do it.

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And we're much smarter than

we give ourselves credit for.

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We can, and there's so

many different ways to.

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Arm ourselves with great material

out there online, different friends.

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You have the resources at your fingertips.

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You can figure this out.

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There is nothing that

you can't figure out.

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And if you can't figure it out

for whatever reason, it's okay.

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There are people that can

help you figure it out.

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I know when I had the reading specialist

come, it was like, yeah, I could read

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that whole, or I could go through the

Barton reading system, but that would

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take me forever to figure that out.

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You already mastered it.

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I'm going to pay you to do that.

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And I'm going to work alongside

on this other thing with my kids.

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And so for us, that just worked great.

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Yeah.

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Stephanie: To learn so much

because we're reading about,

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, history and it's so exciting.

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I just wasn't given a good comprehensive

synchronizing of this was happening

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over here while this was happening here.

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And how did they connect?

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And even what was happening in

church history with world history.

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And I am so loving having that

continually unwrapped for me.

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That's a great experience to be learning

it with my kids and for them too,

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hopefully they're

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Jen: I,

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Stephanie: enjoying nerding out with me.

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Jen, as you are planning your

homeschool year, how do you decide which

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curriculum you're going to purchase?

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Jen: That's great.

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I often will, first, I never

buy anything brand new.

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Because if I buy it brand new, I feel like

I have to be a slave to that curriculum

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because I spent so much money on it.

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So I always buy, use curriculum

so that I am in charge of it.

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And if I don't like it, and if it's

not working for our kids, I do not feel

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guilty not using it, and so that makes

it so much easier for me not to be a

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slave to it, but for it to work for us.

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Each year we go through, we assess where

the kids are at and how they best learn.

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I also am not going to purchase

four different curriculums for

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each kid because I can't learn

all the different curriculums.

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Now, I will say that when I see a

kid struggling in an area, if there

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is a one off curriculum that helps

in that specific area, I might

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purchase that to help them along.

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But If at all possible, I will maybe

just read that curriculum to myself,

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rent it from the library, whatever

it is, and read it, get the knowledge

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behind it, and then incorporate that

into the curriculum that I already have.

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Because to have all these

separate ones going while you're

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homeschooling for different levels

of ages is, it's really quite hard.

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So each year we do assess that.

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What are we going to need?

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What do we already have?

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What worked?

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What didn't work?

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And we fill it in with a

ton of really good books.

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And then we go from there.

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But I do every single homeschool

year, I stop and I pray and I

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plan out before I do anything.

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I just ask the Lord we trust you.

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You are leading this homeschool year.

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You know what is ahead of us this year.

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You know what we can handle,

what our capacity is and you

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know what you want us to learn.

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And so I submit to that and I humbly

ask for you to lead me and guide me

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well and to help me not to feel a slave

to what this, this plan that I have.

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Like I will plan my ways, but

you need to establish this.

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And so I submit to whatever

it is that you have for us.

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And Really just giving that

over to the Lord has helped

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me so much to have more peace.

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If we didn't get it all done

I trust the Lord in that.

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He's, he knows and he'll figure it

out and he'll make a way for us.

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There's no education

that doesn't have gaps.

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And so I know that I can't possibly teach

them everything, but I am giving them

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tools to be able to love learning and to

know how to find good information, where

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to find good information, and how to

process that information and what to do

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with that information, that's the biggest

parts that we want them to be able to do.

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So that eventually.

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As they become lifelong learners,

the rest of their life, they can

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always be growing and learning.

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And if they didn't get the math

level that they wanted in my school

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with them, By all means, go take

a class at a community college and

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get that when you're 20 years old.

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It doesn't matter.

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You can do it then.

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Your brain has developed even more.

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You can take in so much more.

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You can remember more.

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And you're, you have so much of a

broader, vast knowledge of things

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anyway to comprehend things.

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So maybe waiting until that time to, to

dive deeper into that harder course in

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math is the best thing for you anyway,

as opposed to shoving it down your

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throat when you're seven years old.

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Stephanie: I so agree with you

about not purchasing four different

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types of curriculum or, for history.

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It's like we have always done history

together and it's such a sweet time or

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we do science together and I think this

was inspired by someone else but in a

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book I read, I can't quite remember,

but I think I just adapted on it.

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But if you picture your family and

you're like jumping through a chain

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of islands, and you're trying to get

them, along this path of islands, and

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you have a youngest one who's over here

and an oldest one and a couple middle

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ones, and you're trying to get your

family moved, you could let the oldest

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child keep moving along and go at their

level, And you could let the youngest

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one kind of stay where they're at.

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But if you actually can grab hands and

move through in a way that works for

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all of you, maybe there's going to be

things that are a little bit simple for

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the oldest ones or a little bit that

are stretching for the youngest one.

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But maybe then you take another

subject and you're Reach the oldest

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one a little bit more and just see

what that youngest one picks up.

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And sometimes you're surprised by it.

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And sometimes you think, no, that's okay.

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They'll come back to it.

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But just trying to keep your

family together as you're going

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through some of the subjects

just helps maintain the sanity.

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And so I like that to

think of that picture.

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I agree with you.

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I pray so much through purchasing

curriculum and I have a cabinet

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that all of it has to go in.

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And if it's not going to fit in there,

I can't purchase it because I know that

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it's like a boundary and a capacity that

I have a desire to do so many things

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well, but I can only do so many things.

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And so I think the Lord kind

of gives me subjects of this is

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going to be a big priority for us.

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And obviously I want a great

solid plan of working through

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theology or scripture that year.

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But this year I was researching

spelling curriculum and I realized

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I was getting stressed out.

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I really realized I was battling.

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The idea that I might pick the wrong

one and I might mess up my kids.

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Like they might not be good spellers

because of the choice I make.

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And I know I've had friends say

to me before, and even people

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I respect of, you're not strong

enough to screw up your kids.

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And I was really praying

through that idea.

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Do I believe that biblically?

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Is that a biblical idea?

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And I think I see evidence of a

lot of drama in a lot of kids.

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So I don't, I think that we can actually

make really detrimental choices to

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our children, but I don't think we

can mess up God's plans for them.

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Like his plans cannot be thwarted.

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And I feel like Joseph is such a good

example of that, but The scripture

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that the Lord brought me to is in

Matthew 6, 33, when it says, Seek

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first his kingdom and all these

things will be added on to you.

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And I feel like if I ever take my eyes

off of the eternal goals or seeking

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his kingdom, then It's possible that

I'm going to make wrong choices.

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And obviously we will make wrong

choices anyway, but I just felt like

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that's what he was challenging me with.

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Keep your eyes on me first and

foremost, seek me first, and all

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these things will be added on to you.

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I will make it clear to you.

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But if you for a second, take your

eyes off me and start focusing so

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much on the curriculum decision or.

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Any part of the logistics of

this, you might go off track.

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And and we talked about James 1, 5

earlier in that promise of wisdom.

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And I just really appreciate that God

is going to faithfully guide us, but

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I have to start it by seeking him.

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That whole process just begins by God,

what do you want to accomplish here?

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And how can I be faithful to what

you want to do in my children and

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in the homeschool that we have?

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Jen: that meeting that I have with

the Lord, and then I have another

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one with Eric right before the school

year starts, and the two of us just

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go through and say, okay, what do

we feel like the Lord is saying?

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Laying on our hearts for this child

to grow in these years, in this

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year, what areas are they weak

in that need to be strengthened?

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What areas are they strong in

that we need to press further?

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Because they're doing really

well and they're growing here.

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So how can we press them in and push

them a little bit further in that?

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And what areas are like, You know what?

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This isn't as big of a deal.

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If this goes into the back seat

for a while, that's okay because

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whatever is more important.

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And so we try to go through and have

our top five list and we order them.

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And so for each kid, I just

write it on a piece of paper.

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They each get a section of the

paper and I have Olivia's top

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five and Josiah's top five.

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And then from that, we.

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Give a number if we have eight subjects,

I'm ordering them in letters or in number

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of importance for this year for you.

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That way, if we get overwhelmed,

if we have too much going on,

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if something is happening and we

are like, okay, we can only get.

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These things done this week.

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What's the most important?

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These three things go do those first.

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If we get that done, we

still have more time.

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Awesome.

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Go on to number four,

go on to number five.

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But if you only get those top

three done this week, that's okay.

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That's the most important anyway.

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That's what we wanting.

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We're wanting to make sure we

get into you and that has helped.

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So much, especially when

they're in high school because

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everything feels so important and

everything builds on each other.

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And so if you don't do this, then

how am I going to move on to this

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and how am I going to do this?

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And so if you can understand, you

know what, you can't do it all

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and you can't do it all perfectly.

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And what we're going to do is we're

going to take this portion, our

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daily bread from the Lord, and we're

going to do well on our daily bread.

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And this is our portion for this day.

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And then to rest in peace with that

and know they have the rest of their

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life and they can learn some of these

other things that didn't happen.

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And just to have peace about that,

that has been super helpful for us.

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That's fantastic.

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I so appreciate how intentional

you are and how intentional you

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are together and how that actually

helps dictate every step of the way.

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That's amazing.

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Stephanie: I've mentioned this before

on the podcast, but it just resonates

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so much with homeschool for me.

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In the book, Atomic Habits, he talks about

an experience he had talking to an Olympic

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coach, and he asked the Olympic coach,

what sets apart the Olympic athletes?

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This coach said, everybody wants to

think it's this amazing talent or they

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just have this passion, but actually

what it is, is the diligence to do

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the boring thing day in and day out.

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Like even when it gets boring that you

just don't give up, you keep doing it.

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And when I think about homeschool, as

much as I want to bring joy and delight

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in the love of learning, there have

to be Some of these common priorities

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that no matter how boring it feels that

we Commit to being people that read

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because God is a communicator and he

wrote a book and that's always something

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that I want to be part of their lives.

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And because we value God's word and

the written word, we commit to reading

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or because God is a God of order.

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We commit to being people who seek

out, math sense and memorizing our math

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facts and We're going to invest in these

common things and even when it feels

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boring, I think continuing to build

little by little by little, it will grow.

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And that's a thing I think as moms

of like children in the middle

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stages, we can see it, right?

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We can see the things that we've invested

that we've built little by little.

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: 00:20:44

And some of that you're like, Oh, thank

you, Lord, that you gave me that wisdom.

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And some of it I'm like, Okay, like

that was a thing that I wanted to build

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a little bit more and I can see that

more faithfulness is needed there.

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In homeschool, it is, it's definitely

a goal that I think that we just need

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to be faithful in the little things but

really know what our priorities are.

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Jen: We definitely talk with our

kids about how we grow their grit.

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We want them to have grit.

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We want them to love the toil.

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You are going to have toil

for the rest of your life.

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: 00:21:16

There's just things that need

to get done that are not fun.

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: 00:21:20

They're not enjoyable.

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: 00:21:21

You don't see the outcome.

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: 00:21:23

You don't see a benefit for it.

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: 00:21:25

It's called toil for a reason.

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: 00:21:27

But we have to work it.

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: 00:21:29

You have to work the toil and

you have to learn and teach

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yourself how to love the toil.

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: 00:21:35

When you can learn how to love the toil,

that is what develops the grit and gives

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: 00:21:39

you all of the character qualities that

helps you to keep going and to keep doing

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: 00:21:45

it and to do your best, even in the midst

of the hard, boring, mundane, all of that.

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Because there is toil and

that's just a part of life.

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: 00:21:52

And, Building that muscle while you're

young and learning how to do that while

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you're in middle school and junior

high and high school, that makes such a

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: 00:22:00

difference for who you become as an adult.

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: 00:22:03

Stephanie: Yes.

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And it's so satisfying to persevere.

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: 00:22:07

And I there are subjects right now,

is this worth us persevering in?

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: 00:22:12

But I often feel like if we can

do this, we could do anything.

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: 00:22:15

If we could, if, you could

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: 00:22:17

Jen: can decline this noun.

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: 00:22:19

Stephanie: Like you, you can really

teach yourself anything if you can

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: 00:22:22

persevere through some of these

subjects and yeah, work out that muscle.

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: 00:22:27

It's.

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It's very important because it is

working their character just as much.

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: 00:22:32

So we could talk forever about

homeschooling, and we will talk more,

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: 00:22:37

I think, even if you don't homeschool.

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: 00:22:40

Hopefully that there has been great wisdom

for you here about even freedom for if

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: 00:22:46

your teacher Child's teacher assigns a

lot of homework and how do you prioritize

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: 00:22:50

having peace in the home when they're

coming home with full backpacks or how do

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: 00:22:54

you make reading a priority in the home?

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: 00:22:57

We are so grateful that you keep

coming back and we hope that

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: 00:23:01

you're sharing the word about us.

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: 00:23:03

We know you're busy, Mama, so

we are truly grateful you joined

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: 00:23:07

us for this episode of Again.

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: 00:23:09

If you're looking for more information

about building your home on the

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: 00:23:12

foundation of Jesus Christ, head to www.

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: 00:23:16

EntrustedMinistries.

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: 00:23:18

com to learn more about our study for

moms, Entrusted with a Child's Heart.

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: 00:23:23

This scripture saturated study

has blessed families around the

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: 00:23:26

world, and we want it for you, too.

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: 00:23:29

Before you go, I want to pray

this benediction over you

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: 00:23:32

from 2 Thessalonians 1, 11 12.

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: 00:23:36

We're rooting for you.

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: 00:23:39

To this end, we always pray for you,

that our God may make you worthy of His

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: 00:23:44

calling, and may fulfill every resolve

for good and every work of faith by

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: 00:23:49

His power, so that the name of our Lord

Jesus may be glorified in you, and you in

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: 00:23:55

Him, according to the grace of our God.

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: 00:23:58

And the Lord Jesus Christ.

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: 00:24:01

Amen.

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: 00:24:02

Until we meet again.