Episode 78
#78. Do Not Fear: He Gently Leads Those That Are With Young with Jen Stotz | Part 2
Did you listen to Part 1 yet? Start there first!
An AGAIN to surrender: fear. We work so hard to bless our children. We do all the things to set them up for success ... and if we're honest, we often wish we had all the control. What do we do when our worst fear happens? Will God be good to us? Are His plans really higher than our plans? What do I do when my friend is going through a tragedy? Is there anything practical I can do to help?
This testimony from Jen Stotz highlights the faithfulness of God to her and her husband as they received the terminal brain cancer diagnosis of their son. In part 1, Christian parents will be reminded to trust the Lord in all things. Even if the road is incredibly difficult, we do not walk it alone. If we have eyes to see, God's kindness will be evident. Jen reminds moms to cling to the Word of God in our trials. Whatever you are going through, this will be a reminder of where to place your trust.
Scriptures Referenced:
Hebrews 12:1
Hebrews 13:5
Isaiah 40:11
Matthew 7
Study Mentioned: Entrusted with a Child's Heart
Transcript
They're the joyful agains our children.
2
:Shout on the swings, the exhausting
agains of cooking and laundry and
3
:the difficult agains of discipline.
4
:So much of what we do
as mothers is on repeat.
5
:So what if we woke up with clarity,
knowing which agains we were called to.
6
:And went to bed believing we are
faithful in what matters most.
7
:We believe God's word is
the key to untangle from the
8
:confusion and overwhelm we feel.
9
:Let's look up together to embrace a
motherhood full of freedom and joy.
10
:Welcome to the Again podcast where
we aim to redeem the over and over
11
:of motherhood for the glory of God.
12
:If you're anything like me, the over
and over that you wish you didn't have,
13
:un repeat is fearing for your children.
14
:Though the ages and stages of our
children may change, the love of
15
:a mother often causes her to fear.
16
:And that's why I think it's so important
that we surround ourselves with powerful
17
:testimonies of God's faithfulness.
18
:Hebrews 12, one says, therefore, since
we are surrounded by so great a cloud
19
:of witnesses, let us also lay aside
every weight and sin, which clings so
20
:closely, and let us run with endurance
the race that is set before us.
21
:I pray that part two of this powerful
interview with Jens Stotz would
22
:produce that fruit in your heart.
23
:Jen is on the board of
Entrusted Ministries.
24
:She also leads several Entrusted
with the child's heart groups,
25
:and she serves as a preschool
teacher pointing children to Jesus.
26
:As you hear Jen speak in the second
half of this interview, you'll notice
27
:that she has eyes to see the goodness
of God, but you'll also hear the
28
:kindness of the Lord towards them.
29
:And I hope that it builds up your faith
so that whatever you're facing, your fears
30
:and your anxious moments are lessened.
31
:This is a hard world and difficult things
do happen, but the Lord has promised
32
:he will never, never, never leave us.
33
:And in Isaiah 40 11, he also says he
will tend his flock like a shepherd.
34
:He will gather the lambs in his arms.
35
:He will carry them in his bosom and
gently lead those that are with young.
36
:He is with you mama, and that's
why we don't need to fear.
37
:If you didn't listen to
part one, start there first.
38
:We played it last week, but now
here's part two with the wisdom
39
:of the inspiring Jennifer Stats.
40
:Jen, you speak such words of life.
41
:It reminds me of a dear friend
that I have that just lost one of
42
:her sons in a motorcycle accident.
43
:He was only 20 years old and she
was recently reading Matthew seven
44
:when Jesus talks about the wise man
building his house upon the rock.
45
:And we talk about that all the time.
46
:It's one of the first stories
that you teach your children.
47
:But she said, I never really meditated
on the 10th of the passage, you already
48
:built the house Before the storm
came, you can't build it in the storm.
49
:Your house already needs to be built.
50
:And she told me that our house is built,
but we have some broken windows to repair.
51
:And that's what I'm thinking of as
you're talking about your marriage and
52
:the strong foundation on the Lord and
the trust that you had in each other.
53
:So when this horrible storm came, that
foundation was already set for you
54
:Jen S.:
55
:and for girls too, because you're walking
this and it was so hard as a mom to
56
:know that my girls were walking it too.
57
:It wasn't just Rob and I walking this.
58
:We had girls.
59
:Who we're having to flush this out to and
who we're trying to take care of us as
60
:we were trying to take care of them and,
watching us take care of the brother.
61
:And, there's this whole family dynamic
that added a little extra weight, but
62
:a little extra strength to it as well.
63
:Stephanie: So again, your girls,
one was in college already,
64
:Jen S.:
65
:both were in college.
66
:Emma was at, a senior at
Taylor University in Indiana.
67
:So she was four hours away.
68
:And then Ellie was a sophomore at
Loyola here in the city, but she was
69
:doing a study abroad term in Paris.
70
:So she had left in January and
he was diagnosed in February.
71
:that was extra crazy.
72
:Stephanie: If you don't mind,
and If they wouldn't mind,
73
:what was that like for them?
74
:Jen S.:
75
:Honestly, you would almost need to
ask them because my girls are also
76
:very fiercely protective of us.
77
:I know that, I talked to Emma and then
I called her boyfriend at the time.
78
:He wasn't her fiance yet.
79
:He was at Liberty University in Virginia.
80
:I had talked to him ahead of
time and said, Brandon, if it's
81
:cancerous, if it's bad, will you go?
82
:And he said, absolutely.
83
:So I said, it's terminal cancer.
84
:And he said, okay, I'm
getting in the car now.
85
:And so I knew at least she had.
86
:Him to care for her.
87
:But again, they're both young,
and That was as a mom, right?
88
:You're just like, if you could draw and
quarter your heart in four different
89
:places, one for my husband, who's grieving
the loss, impending loss of his son.
90
:And it changed all of what we
thought the next, 15 years of
91
:our life was going to look like.
92
:And then.
93
:My daughter, who at the time was a senior
in college and was trying to figure out.
94
:what she was going to do for for grad
school and none of them were local.
95
:And so now what do I do with a
brother with terminal cancer?
96
:And then you have a kiddo in
Paris and, watching her wrestle
97
:through what am I supposed to do?
98
:Do I come home?
99
:Gratefully, our pediatric oncologist
said you will have, This summer.
100
:If you're doing radiation,
you'll have this summer.
101
:She doesn't have to come home now.
102
:Now in the Lord's sweetness a
family from church actually flew
103
:her home for a long weekend.
104
:So I'm like she waltzes in,
John was asleep and a little
105
:mattress on my bedroom floor.
106
:And I was in my bed and all of a
sudden my kid who's supposed to
107
:be in Paris is standing there.
108
:It was amazing.
109
:And what, right?
110
:This is.
111
:Um, And that'll come later too,
like when you ask what people
112
:can do in this kind of situation.
113
:There's so many things, but the Lord
had definitely put that on their
114
:heart and then my Emma came home.
115
:That was two weeks after his diagnosis.
116
:She came home that weekend.
117
:And so I had all my chicks in the nest.
118
:I could actually see because it's one
thing for them to say, I'm doing okay.
119
:I'm talking to so and whatever.
120
:As a mama, to have your eyes on them.
121
:I need to see you.
122
:I need to hug you.
123
:I need to tuck you in under
my wing and know you're okay.
124
:And We were able to have that gift,
which was so sweet and so precious to me.
125
:But we walked it as a family.
126
:We told them like, this
isn't yours to carry.
127
:This is ours to carry.
128
:The Lord's called you to some
things, keep walking those things.
129
:But come home as often as you want.
130
:And so they did, they went on it, they
went on John's Make A Wish trip with
131
:us, they did, we did a huge family
vacation after that my oldest, who
132
:had worked at our favorite camp for,
years prior chose to stay home that
133
:summer instead of working camp so that
she could be with us and all together.
134
:Brandon her now husband moved and stayed
with her family from church in the
135
:area and got a job here for the summer.
136
:And so we were all together
as much as possible.
137
:And because I knew that they were
trying to carry things without.
138
:Having us have to carry their things too.
139
:Just on, on a totally practical
side, I made sure that everybody was
140
:willing to have a counselor after John
passed or even during the process.
141
:But.
142
:That's a whole nother story.
143
:It takes forever to get in with
a counselor that you jive with.
144
:So that's all.
145
:Yes.
146
:Oh my goodness.
147
:There's some needs to be
a better way to do that.
148
:But but yeah
149
:Stephanie: Speed
150
:Jen S.:
151
:I know for counselors, put everybody
around a table gosh, I would have
152
:signed up for that in a heartbeat.
153
:But yeah, just making sure that
they both had some Solid Christian
154
:friends who were there for them.
155
:We've been at our church for 30 years.
156
:So the pastors were able to care for them
and they had people that were on speed
157
:dial kind of thing, but also making sure
that they had the opportunity to have,
158
:professional help if needed, all the
things that you do to try and gird up
159
:your loins in a circumstance like this.
160
:But honestly, they too just had to
draw down on what they knew of the
161
:Lord, because that's why it's so
important to know his character, right?
162
:Because if your eyes are
focused horizontally, and that's
163
:where you're trying to get
your definition of who God is
164
:Because the world doesn't
define who he is, period.
165
:And so I'm grateful that they grew up
in a church and a school that continued
166
:to pour God's character and his love for
them and his sovereignty and all of that
167
:into them during those formative years.
168
:So then when they got to the point
where it was the rubber meets
169
:the road, do you believe this?
170
:They were able to see the Lord's hand
in spite of the painful circumstances.
171
:So that was a gift.
172
:And because I knew that they were solid
in their faith as a mom for all three of
173
:my kids, even for John, who was so rock
solid in the fact that he knew that God
174
:had him and that he was either going to
get healed here on earth or in heaven
175
:and either way it was God's to choose.
176
:That was a gift to me as a mom.
177
:That was a supernatural gift.
178
:Of faith that the Lord gave each of
my kids that I couldn't manufacture.
179
:I did my best to steward, but I
could not have manufactured that.
180
:That was a gift, and I'm
so grateful he gave it.
181
:Stephanie: Please tell us more about
John and how he was handling all of
182
:this news and what the things were
that gave him hope in the midst of
183
:Jen S.:
184
:of this.
185
:I don't know.
186
:John had a literally supernatural
unshakable faith that I
187
:couldn't explain to you.
188
:So we were in the hospital and he knew
he had a tumor and all these things.
189
:And then all of a sudden, at one point we
were talking about it and he said cancer.
190
:And I was like, Oh shoot.
191
:We never told him it was like cancerous.
192
:And that was a word that he knew
we were still in the hospital.
193
:It was like within hours of
knowing what he, what it was.
194
:And I said to him, yeah, buddy,
I said, it's a cancer tumor.
195
:And you might see us, crying a
little more often because it's
196
:something the doctors can't fix.
197
:They don't have anything that's going to
fix it, but we know that God can fix it
198
:if he so chooses and that's who we trust.
199
:And he literally said,
okay, and that was it.
200
:Like I would ask him like,
do you have any questions?
201
:Are you afraid of things?
202
:Is there any, and he
was like, no, I'm good.
203
:Like when we told him, cause the
tumor, was beat back by the radiation.
204
:We were super grateful.
205
:He was given almost a completely
normal summer, aside from some
206
:stomach issues from the radiation.
207
:He was, which we never
were told to expect.
208
:We were told that all the
tumors respond different.
209
:We met another kiddo who had.
210
:Was basically where John was when we
started all of these things like didn't
211
:couldn't walk well couldn't see well
You know, she was still She had been
212
:diagnosed the month before John and it
was a very clear picture to us of what
213
:miracles the Lord had done through this
radiation because we traipsed around the
214
:whole summer like things were absolutely
normal and Then in the fall and we started
215
:school together Rob and John and I jumped
it, Like he wanted to go back to school.
216
:We're like it's If the Lord chooses
to heal him and this tumor doesn't
217
:come back we don't want him to be
behind, I guess let's go to school.
218
:That's what you do in August, so we did.
219
:So we packed up and we all went
to school, which again was a gift
220
:because we were in the same building.
221
:So if John got tired, he could go up
to Rob's room or come to my classroom.
222
:And the school was so gracious with us.
223
:Honestly, he never came to my room.
224
:He always went to Rob's room.
225
:And he also just so happened to know when
the girl with the service dog was going to
226
:be in Rob's classroom and timed his time.
227
:for the service dog, but
that's a whole nother
228
:Stephanie: story.
229
:Jen S.:
230
:there.
231
:We went back to school in August,
and then in his late October
232
:scan, the tumor was growing again.
233
:And we had some kind of recurrence of
a few symptoms, so we had a feeling.
234
:me during the day, and that was
awful, and I called Rob while he
235
:was at school, which, also was hard
and gratefully our friend was able
236
:to go over and just be with him.
237
:I was with our friends, but
then, We had to bring John
238
:home from school and tell him.
239
:And he walked in the back door.
240
:Rob had picked him up and he walks
in the back door, drops his backpack.
241
:And he said, did the doctors call?
242
:And I said, yeah, buddy,
your tumor's growing again.
243
:And he said, okay, God decides.
244
:And he walked outside to play baseball.
245
:That was it.
246
:And like the, and so he started
the significant decline started
247
:the second week of November.
248
:And as he continued to go downhill, like
the day that he lost use of his whole, one
249
:whole side of his body, he just, he still
wanted to make breakfast for his sisters.
250
:So he just had me hold the bowl and he
scrambled the eggs with his right hand.
251
:He was, he just was, that was
the picture of surrender for me.
252
:It was, my God decides he loves me.
253
:He's for me.
254
:So on we go.
255
:And he did, he found ways to
find joy all the way through
256
:until the Lord took him home.
257
:And.
258
:Rob says often that John taught us
how to live well and how to die well.
259
:And he also, the other thing he
says, cause Rob is very wise, but is
260
:sometimes a man of very few words.
261
:He says, John taught me
that we serve to the end.
262
:Because that's what John did.
263
:As he was declining, he could
still use one finger and he
264
:would scroll and order things.
265
:He would just tap Rob's leg for
the credit card and he would
266
:order things for his friends.
267
:Like we, we got some bark box a
whole month after he died that
268
:he had ordered for the dogs.
269
:And He just wanted to bless people.
270
:Like he would go through
and order a whole menus.
271
:People were so gracious.
272
:They gave our family so much.
273
:I kid that's, again, that's
a whole nother podcast, but
274
:people were so generous with us.
275
:We had gift cards and we had all
these things and they had given
276
:financially to our family and
we just used it to bless John.
277
:And so he would sit and he would spend.
278
:45 minutes with, because he had
limited vision and limited mobility,
279
:ordering, making a whole Starbucks
order with all kinds of random things.
280
:He would pick a drink and he would
pick a, a bakery item for each
281
:person in the household and he
would order up the whole thing.
282
:And then we would haul him to the
car and half the time we'd take the
283
:dogs because they wanted, he wanted
to get them pop cups, but that's
284
:what, Honestly, that was John.
285
:That was who he was.
286
:And watching that taught us so much about
What it meant to live well and die well.
287
:I don't know how else to say it.
288
:Rob said it best.
289
:And so that was that.
290
:And like he woke up that, they
kept telling us a couple of weeks
291
:and he kept going and so we got to
Christmas and he petted me, he was
292
:sleeping in bed with me by that point
because he was so limited in like he
293
:couldn't get the words out very well.
294
:He was hard to understand.
295
:And and he couldn't,
didn't get a lot of volume.
296
:We kept him close, in
case he needed something.
297
:And so he pats me and wakes me up.
298
:He said, Mom, God gave
me another Christmas Eve.
299
:Like he just, that was
his perspective, truly.
300
:And yeah.
301
:And he was okay if he didn't, but he did.
302
:So I'm going to be grateful for it.
303
:And he really, he defied all odds.
304
:All of the things that they
told us were going to happen in
305
:his body were just different.
306
:John always marched to his own drummer.
307
:And so they told us all kinds of things,
like he was going to get sleepy and
308
:he would start sleeping more hours
a day at the end, and not at all.
309
:He went from, he started having the end of
life symptoms fully awake and fully aware
310
:and hanging out and watching his favorite
shows with us and he weathered it.
311
:And then on January 21st of 2023 the
Lord took him home and he had been
312
:using a talk board, but he had been
talking to us a couple hours before
313
:and that we had woken the girls up.
314
:They were with us.
315
:Like he passed as the sun rose, which
I thought was a beautiful thing.
316
:And we were all able to be together,
like from the beginning to end,
317
:the Lord showed himself Was it, It
318
:I,
319
:hoped it would be as far as what I
thought it would look like in my head.
320
:No it was different.
321
:It was different than what
they told us it would be.
322
:He had to fight through a whole lot more
things than he was supposed to have.
323
:But.
324
:And even our hospice nurses
like, I've not seen this before.
325
:I don't even know what to tell you.
326
:But God, but like God
strengthened him to the end.
327
:He had joy till the end, two days before
he passed, then the hospice nurses come,
328
:they always say on a, on a scale of one
to 10, like, how do you feel life is
329
:like in general, and he was like eight
or nine, like the whole way till two days
330
:before he passed, he was like maybe a.
331
:Six.
332
:And so I was like, she's okay,
and that was a gift from the Lord.
333
:So even though it didn't look the way
they had told us to expect and all the
334
:things the Lord architected it all.
335
:And that was super precious to us to look
back and see that his hand was on it all.
336
:We were able to be together.
337
:John was John till the end.
338
:And yeah, the Lord was just
faithful and good in it all.
339
:He passed at seven 15 ish in the morning.
340
:Oh.
341
:And we were all there together.
342
:He was able to pass at home and the
sun was rising as he walked into
343
:the arms of Jesus, which, you know,
and we were all there with him.
344
:We had a hospital bed and I had
him tucked into my arms and.
345
:There is something as a mom,
I wasn't losing my son, I was
346
:handing him off to Jesus and right?
347
:That's, as a mom, that's your
biggest goal as a mom, right?
348
:Know Jesus, know who he is, know
he's for you, he loves you, he
349
:created you and he has a great
plan for you now and for eternity.
350
:And I got to watch my son walk out every
single day of the Lord's plan for him.
351
:And I'll get to see
him again, right Steph?
352
:That's, this isn't the end of our story.
353
:And it's hard, cause people say
gone too soon or whatever that.
354
:I see him gone in the exact moment
that the Lord intended for him.
355
:He had accomplished his work here and
the Lord took him home to eternity,
356
:to perfection, to no more body parts
that didn't work, no more sin, no more
357
:any of it, perfect, healed and whole.
358
:And waiting for me someday in eternity.
359
:That's a gift and that's real to me.
360
:It's super real to me.
361
:And that's what I have to look forward to.
362
:Stephanie: That's such a beautiful
reminder to clinging to that reality,
363
:but I can't imagine how difficult it was.
364
:Seeing all that your son was enduring,
did you feel that you were waiting to
365
:grieve, that you were just trying to
enjoy every day with him while you had
366
:it and that you almost had the grief
on pause I'll grieve when he passes.
367
:Jen S.:
368
:Honestly, I think it was
completely the opposite.
369
:It was trying to force myself to be
fully present in every day because
370
:the grief was so heavy the whole time.
371
:And I actually learned last night,
I was, looking through something
372
:online and it was talking about, I
think it's called anticipatory grief.
373
:When you know that a loss is coming.
374
:I grieved while he was alive to be
honest, because as his mom, I was very
375
:fearful of what the end would look like.
376
:I knew what the medical, possibilities
were at the end and probabilities
377
:what it was going to look like.
378
:And I didn't want to see my
kid have to walk through that.
379
:I, and I knew I would walk
through it holding his hand.
380
:I didn't want to watch it.
381
:And I didn't want him to walk it.
382
:I didn't want my husband to have to walk
it because my boys were thick as thieves.
383
:John, my husband said early on when
we found out, because John was a big
384
:surprise, which is why there's 11 and
13 years between my girls and John.
385
:But he knew that he was going to have
to be his buddy because he didn't
386
:have any siblings around his age
and the girls were already like into
387
:their activities and all the things.
388
:And we were grateful because Rob was
a teacher from the time John was three
389
:years old up until, still to this day.
390
:So the two of those guys were thick
as thieves, they'd get home and Rob
391
:and John would go in the backyard and
all the neighborhood kids would show
392
:up and I feel like he was like the
Pied Piper, Rob would be in the yard
393
:surrounded by all these little kiddos.
394
:Stephanie: He's a very cool
395
:Jen S.:
396
:He is, I'm a huge fan.
397
:But I knew that he also was losing,
I was losing my little sidekick
398
:and he was losing his sidekick too.
399
:And I didn't want that to happen.
400
:To walk any of it.
401
:I wanted to enjoy each day, but
I, it, yeah, I honestly, I think I
402
:did most of my grieving that year.
403
:We would the hardest part for me,
honestly, and it sounds so silly, but, we
404
:went on these big vacations and we drove.
405
:All the way out to Yellowstone
and the Grand Tetons.
406
:We let John pick.
407
:We had started doing national parks
and he had a passport and those were
408
:the ones he picked for that summer.
409
:And I get super car sick, so
I have to be the one to drive.
410
:So my whole family's watching movies
in the minivan and I'm driving
411
:with my thoughts and fighting
412
:to keep my brain on the gifts and the joy
and the character of the Lord versus what.
413
:Was unless God did a miracle, what
was to come was excruciating or, and
414
:it would hit at the weirdest times.
415
:Like I'd hear him.
416
:He loved to play baseball and he
and Rob would play wiffle ball with
417
:the dog in the backyard for hours.
418
:And I'd be in the kitchen
making dinner and I'd hear the
419
:crack of the wiffle ball bat.
420
:And it would just like, all of a
sudden I'd be gutted, like much
421
:longer until we lose that sound.
422
:And all of those things
made that year so hard.
423
:But.
424
:In the Lord's kindness, it was
also full of exhausting joy.
425
:Like we maxed out every second with John.
426
:We just did, we had adventures and we
had the house was full of people and
427
:anything he wanted to try, we tried.
428
:Any adventure he wanted to have, we did.
429
:And we were exhausted.
430
:We
431
:Stephanie: were
432
:Jen S.:
433
:exhausted, emotionally
and physically exhausted.
434
:But there was so much joy.
435
:And so I think that kind of, we were
able to outweigh a little bit of the
436
:impending doom feel, at least for me,
that I would have to fight my way back to.
437
:But today, and if the Lord is faithful
today, he will be faithful in that day.
438
:But it was an exercise, man.
439
:That was a, that was exhausting.
440
:And after he passed I missed him
like crazy because John was a larger
441
:than life personality, for sure.
442
:So our home was very different.
443
:So grateful to have seen the Lord
prove himself true to my boy and to
444
:my family and that I didn't have to
brace myself for impact, for any more.
445
:So really for me, grieving
was during that year.
446
:And there's times afterwards, grief
is, I've seen an illustration that
447
:grief is like a ball and a pain button.
448
:And like it's, the pain is still there,
but the, but when the loss first happens,
449
:the ball is huge and it fills up the back.
450
:So you're hitting the
pain button all the time.
451
:And that was very much the case.
452
:And As time goes, the
pain doesn't get less.
453
:It's just, you hit the
button a little less often.
454
:The ball either gets smaller or the
box gets bigger, which I think is
455
:a little better of an illustration.
456
:The box has continued to get larger as
we've lived on life in the last two years.
457
:But But man, there are still things
that'll hit that pain button.
458
:And it's not, for me, it's
never been the big like the
459
:holidays or the anniversaries.
460
:Those aren't as hard.
461
:For me it's the little sounds or
the I'm so grateful to be done with
462
:November because last year, November was
463
:November was when he
declined so significantly.
464
:And last year, November, having all of
those first memories, like there was a
465
:time that my back classroom door opened
on Veterans Day, which was his last day
466
:at school, and Rob had brought him up
after the assembly and said, he's not
467
:doing well, you need to take him home.
468
:And that was his last day at school.
469
:Wasn't really thinking much about it.
470
:Last year and someone opened the back
door of my classroom and just the
471
:literally the pit was in my stomach and
like it's those things that you can't
472
:forecast, that you can't predict, that
you can't even brace yourself for.
473
:You don't know when they're coming.
474
:Those are still hard.
475
:I never know when those are coming.
476
:But there is always still a sweetness
that we got to do this at all.
477
:I think especially John being a surprise.
478
:And we had a knowledge from early on
that there was something different
479
:that, Rob said when John was an infant,
he said, the girls, they were for us.
480
:John is for the Lord.
481
:And I don't know why that was
so very real to both of us.
482
:And of course, Rob said it
well, like he always does.
483
:That's always been the way that we felt
like that's, his name was John Aaron,
484
:which in John means God is gracious.
485
:And Aaron means strength.
486
:And to see the way literally the
Lord chose that name for him.
487
:We always had a very, clear understanding
that John for some reason was the
488
:Lord's and was set apart for the Lord.
489
:And not that helped, but it helped,
you know, I, I mean, I don't know
490
:how to say it any better than that.
491
:He was the Lord's and yeah, to
be able to walk that season and
492
:learn from John while there is.
493
:So much grief, man.
494
:I miss that kid, I miss
the joy of being with him.
495
:I miss the joy of, like I said earlier,
the way he would think about things in his
496
:comments and all the things and watching
him grab hold of the Lord and reflect on
497
:who the Lord was to him and walk that out.
498
:That is, has always been my biggest
joy as a parent and watching
499
:John do that was no different.
500
:And I miss that.
501
:But Yeah, grief is sneaky, but for
me, it was more grief before than now.
502
:Now it's just a pain that I can deal with.
503
:I think a lot of the anticipatory
grief was harder for me.
504
:Stephanie: the fear of the unknown
or what seemed to be very known.
505
:Yeah,
506
:Jen S.:
507
:for sure.
508
:Stephanie: Do you have days or moments
where you think, I don't want to be
509
:pouring into other people's children.
510
:I want to be pouring into my own son.
511
:Jen S.:
512
:Not yet.
513
:I won't say never, but because I
don't know if there will be a day.
514
:I think what I have even more so now
is a desperation to pour into other
515
:kids because we had an opportunity
to talk to the high school kids at
516
:HCA because the whole school walked
it with us in an incredible way.
517
:These kids from, the preschool all
the way through the high school,
518
:they loved Don John's so well.
519
:And They asked us to come and do a Q
and A chapel with the high school kids.
520
:John passed in January and
they had us do that in April.
521
:And I remember one of the things that I
said to them is listen, the Lord says, not
522
:in this world, you might have trouble, but
in this world, you will have trouble, but
523
:take heart for I have overcome the world.
524
:but
525
:you have to get to know him.
526
:Now don't wait until that
day to figure out who he is.
527
:Because if you wait until then,
You don't have the relationship.
528
:It's a relationship, right?
529
:And if we had napalm dropped on our
family day two of marriage, I don't know
530
:what we would have done, but we had 30
years of relationship to draw down on
531
:when working all of this out between
the two of us as a husband and wife.
532
:The Lord is no different.
533
:And even more do we need to
invest in our relationship now
534
:so that when those days come,
535
:We, we have that.
536
:And I think that's what
I want to give moms now.
537
:That's my, what I, and when I pour
into my preschoolers and when I talk
538
:to these young moms, don't wait,
because man, can you imagine if I
539
:told John about who God was and what
heaven was the day he was diagnosed?
540
:But he was firm in where he was going
and the God that he knew, because
541
:from the time he was little, we,
scripture was a daily thing, his
542
:communication with God was very regular
and it wasn't a weird thing to all
543
:of a sudden be talking about God.
544
:He was.
545
:the focal point of our life as a family.
546
:Not that Rob and I did it perfectly.
547
:My goodness, that's not
what I'm trying to say.
548
:But I'm saying the importance of
549
:pointing
550
:your kids to Jesus.
551
:And so I think right now that's outweighs.
552
:Any of my other stuff, like there are
kids who need to be pointed to Jesus.
553
:There are moms that need to be shown
how to point your kids to Jesus.
554
:And not that I did it perfectly,
but God's word says things about
555
:what it means to train up a child
and the wisdom in how to do that.
556
:I guess I'm more fired up now than
I even was before, before all of
557
:that energy went into my own kids.
558
:And now in this new season, like Rob
and I prayed about it afterwards,
559
:we're like, okay, Lord, we've always
just served where our kids were.
560
:Cause that was our
first field of ministry.
561
:So where do we serve in the church?
562
:We serve in the children's ministry
or we serve alongside our kids
563
:when they get too old for that.
564
:We always found a way to serve where
our kids were or with our kids.
565
:And all of a sudden, for the
first time in, 25 years, we were.
566
:not bound by that.
567
:And so we asked the Lord
what do you want us to do?
568
:It's, we're yours, you choose.
569
:And he said more of the same.
570
:Stephanie: He said,
571
:Jen S.:
572
:on.
573
:So we're still teaching.
574
:We're still serving in
children's ministry.
575
:We're still taking the
opportunities that we can.
576
:To shepherd kids towards Jesus and until
he gives us different marching orders.
577
:Yeah.
578
:I feel like I'm grateful.
579
:I'm, I don't have regrets with John and
I know we've talked about that before,
580
:but Entrusted gave me the bones of
family ministry so much so that even
581
:looking back, It had become so much
of a fabric of our family that I look
582
:at him and I don't have huge regrets.
583
:My whole goal and heart as a mom is
to point these kids to Jesus because
584
:He's worthy and He is your only hope.
585
:Stephanie: Yes.
586
:Jen S.:
587
:And I felt oh my goodness, like
I just saw a kid go from birth
588
:to eternity and He did that.
589
:He did that.
590
:That's all I could have ever wanted.
591
:Would it have been great
to have had more time?
592
:Come on, of course it would.
593
:You know, I want him here at Christmas.
594
:I want to play our favorite
song and dance and be goofy.
595
:I want to go look at lights
with him and all the things.
596
:I loved being a mom.
597
:I love being a mom of young kids,
and Rob even said the other day,
598
:because the joy is different.
599
:The joy is different now, of course it is.
600
:And he said maybe that kind of joy
will be back someday with grandkids.
601
:Because it's just, kids bring
a level of joy that's so
602
:different than anything else.
603
:But I'm
604
:grateful to have had it.
605
:And until the Lord gives us other
kids to pour into that degree and
606
:grandkids or whatever, we'll just
continue to be grateful for the
607
:opportunities he does give us and
608
:Man,
609
:point them all to Jesus because
that's what they need, you know?
610
:Stephanie: I'm reminded of something
you said about, when he was
611
:initially diagnosed and you knew it
was terminal, but a lot of people
612
:were sending you, what about this?
613
:What about this?
614
:And can you bring us into that moment?
615
:Jen S.:
616
:I think oftentimes in in our community,
There is a lot of hope that there's some
617
:sort of an alternative medicine answer to
something that we just haven't found yet.
618
:And as a mom, I very much felt, I'm like
the logistics planner in the household.
619
:I'm the one that makes it all happen,
and I very much felt like as people
620
:were starting to send me links and
doctor suggestions and here's some
621
:guy here that has a special magical
way of doing this, and, or here's.
622
:This supplement that has a magical
way of doing this and all the things
623
:like not that there's not validity to
those things, but I started to get so
624
:stressed about it being up to me to
choose the right treatment for my son.
625
:Like for my brother, he was an
adult and he was a physician.
626
:He could choose what he
wanted to try and what he
627
:didn't.
628
:For decades.
629
:John, that was up to Rob and I.
630
:And because I'm more of the, was the more
of the advocate in between the doctors and
631
:John, I felt the weight of that very much.
632
:And I remember I was trying to
lay down on my couch and take a
633
:nap while John was napping one day
and I was just wracked because I
634
:had received all of these things.
635
:I'm just, are we even
with the right doctors?
636
:And are there treatments in Mexico?
637
:And are there treatments in Canada?
638
:And are there all the things?
639
:And do we need to fly
somewhere and whatever?
640
:And what's that look like?
641
:And the Lord just literally, Spoke
peace to my heart and brought
642
:the verse to mind that said, he
gently leads those with young.
643
:And I remember thinking at the time
Lord, I never memorized that verse.
644
:Like it wasn't what that's generally not
on one of my verse cards and whatever.
645
:And but it spoke peace to my heart.
646
:No, I see.
647
:I see the way you love your son.
648
:And.
649
:I will gently lead you.
650
:And man, do I have assurance that he did.
651
:And it was super sweet because it was a
little full circle moment for me because
652
:as we were going through Entrusted, then
the year after John died, hadn't been
653
:through the curriculum in over 20 years.
654
:And that verse popped up just
as one of the Betsy's verses
655
:in what she was sharing.
656
:It wasn't a memory verse, it was
just one of the verses in the study.
657
:And I was like, that's where You know,
and so to see even that the Lord bring
658
:like I said, his word doesn't return
to him void, but it accomplishes
659
:the purposes for which it was sent.
660
:He planted that in me 20 years earlier
to bring it to my heart and my mind in
661
:that moment where I was like desperately
flailing around to find peace and he spoke
662
:it to my heart in such a personal way.
663
:Stephanie: So tender.
664
:Jen S.:
665
:He really is.
666
:That's a great word for how he was with
us that whole season and has been He's
667
:just been tender and sweet and dear to us.
668
:I wouldn't trade
669
:My
670
:nearness with the Lord.
671
:for not having to walk through I
don't want to watch my son ever
672
:don't ever make me have to choose
for my son to walk through that
673
:to have nearness with the Lord.
674
:That would be an excruciating decision.
675
:But I don't think I would ever, I
don't think I would ever trade who
676
:he is to me now and the nearness that
I have with him now for anything.
677
:That's precious to me.
678
:And we had, like I said, we'd walked
through hard things before, but
679
:there was when he says he's near
to the brokenhearted and saves
680
:those who are crushed in spirit,
I had never been brokenhearted and
681
:crushed in spirit the way I was then.
682
:And the nearness of the Lord and
his consistent showing up in all
683
:the things, in all the ways I
desperately needed him to help me.
684
:is something that I can't describe
and can honestly never be more
685
:Stephanie: You're making me think
of the song to so sweet to trust in
686
:Jesus just to take him at his word.
687
:And there's that line that
says, how I've proved him
688
:or, and
689
:Jen S.:
690
:Yeah,
691
:yeah.
692
:Stephanie: and it almost feels wrong.
693
:I didn't prove you, you
694
:Jen S.:
695
:you proved yourself,
696
:right?
697
:I had, I brought very little to
698
:Stephanie: that.
699
:Yes.
700
:But
701
:to know you believed
firmly in his goodness.
702
:And now you know,
703
:Jen S.:
704
:yeah,
705
:Stephanie: You saw it.
706
:Jen S.:
707
:absolutely.
708
:And it's honestly, it's even
from a personal standpoint,
709
:it's even been interesting.
710
:I've shared with some friends
trying to even figure out what a
711
:quiet time looks like after that.
712
:Because it was such an intense
season of it was me and Jesus.
713
:I had no idea.
714
:Hope of just getting through a day
there was, so even now trying to figure
715
:out like, oh, it almost seems stale
to have a checklist or to have my
716
:little things in right, written down.
717
:He's
718
:so much more than that to me now.
719
:And, so that's a whole nother thing
trying to figure out what that looks
720
:like now in this season, but, the.
721
:personal way with which he
walked our family through that
722
:is something I can't describe.
723
:I don't know.
724
:Stephanie: right, you've done a
beautiful job of talking about the
725
:Lord's faithfulness, but can you
share what others did that meant
726
:so much to you and how we can come
alongside others in a circumstance like
727
:Jen S.:
728
:Golly, there's so much.
729
:First thing I would say is send scripture.
730
:But I had I started I have an Apple phone.
731
:So I had it within the notes in my phone,
and people would send me scripture and I
732
:just kept adding it to a note in my phone.
733
:And so when I'd be, sleep
was elusive a lot of times.
734
:So when I'd be awake, trying to beat
back those thoughts in the middle of
735
:the night, I could pull up the note in
my phone and just go through all the
736
:scripture Whether it was because of
stress or whether it was just because my
737
:brain was scattered during that season,
it was very hard for me to sit down and
738
:just read through a passage of scripture.
739
:But verses like were balm to my soul.
740
:And so to be able to sit and read
through those verses in the middle
741
:of the night, or as we're sitting in
the, the waiting room at a doctor's
742
:office or all the things send people
scripture because that's what has
743
:the weight, they know you love them.
744
:They know you care.
745
:Sound of scripture.
746
:Stephanie: Were there any
scriptures that felt insensitive
747
:Jen S.:
748
:went
749
:Stephanie: a grief share training recently
and they were saying just be careful.
750
:And I know we should
not take verses out of
751
:Jen S.:
752
:certainly.
753
:Yes, right.
754
:Stephanie: But.
755
:I think it is loving to, even
if it's it might sting, but this
756
:is what you need to cling to.
757
:How do you discern which verses to
758
:send?
759
:Jen S.:
760
:send?
761
:I've been more on the receiving end
than the sending end lately, but I
762
:think that has to be carefully prayed
through, like when I feel like the Lord
763
:is pressing on my heart to send scripture
to somebody, I need to send it, I
764
:don't know what it's going to mean to him.
765
:I wouldn't for sure send things that
are out of context because I know that,
766
:taking any of the promises of scripture
about giving someone a whole, you
767
:Stephanie: know.
768
:you don't need to Jeremiah 29, 11.
769
:Jen S.:
770
:Yeah.
771
:I don't need, I didn't need that one.
772
:Because that's not a promise for here on
773
:earth.
774
:And but.
775
:Oh my word, the things that
people would send me to keep
776
:my eyes on the Lord's goodness.
777
:And I couldn't, honestly, I don't think
I, I couldn't get out of Psalms that year.
778
:There was just something about
being able to read even just
779
:a little passage of Psalms.
780
:And I, John and I went through
Psalms and then we were going through
781
:Matthew at the end, but we went
through Psalms and just reading the
782
:way that it was like gut wrenching.
783
:And yet, here's the Lord's goodness.
784
:So many of the Psalms are that
juxtaposition of the grieving or the
785
:struggling and the, and, but yet,
I believe I'll see the goodness of
786
:the Lord in the land of the living.
787
:Like I held onto that verse so often
because it wasn't just for eternity.
788
:I still believed that I would see the
goodness of the Lord here in John's days
789
:that were left and all those things.
790
:I think those were precious to me.
791
:I can't tell you how to pick scripts.
792
:But
793
:yes, make sure it's in,
make sure it's in context.
794
:Cause I, yeah, that was a little
more frustrating if it wasn't.
795
:But,
796
:Stephanie: Sure.
797
:Okay, how else did people support you?
798
:You said financially,
799
:gift
800
:Jen S.:
801
:oh yeah.
802
:Like people my brother in law
made a like a GoFundMe for us.
803
:that people could contribute to,
but it was really sweet because
804
:he, what he put in there is, it's
not just for medical expenses.
805
:It'll be for them to make memories.
806
:And people were crazy generous.
807
:And so we were able to
do things like that.
808
:To celebrate the end of
radiation John took the whole
809
:third grade class to medieval
810
:Stephanie: he
811
:would drive
812
:back
813
:Jen S.:
814
:and forth, right?
815
:Like random things, but things
that brought him so much joy.
816
:Like I want to take all my friends,
we would drive back and forth down 90
817
:past medieval times every time we went
to radiation every day for six weeks.
818
:And he'd be like, Hey, could we?
819
:Could we take my whole class there?
820
:All right, let's do it.
821
:So we did that and we did all of those
things, these great things that made him
822
:like he was just full of life and the way
that people gave financially to us enabled
823
:us to allow him to be full of life.
824
:His wish trip, our trip out to the to,
to Yellowstone and all these things,
825
:when he would say I want to, take my
friend to do this or can I, like he
826
:would Amazon his friends random things,
it just, we could say yes to all of that
827
:because people had been so generous to us.
828
:And, meals, my goodness, from the time he
was diagnosed in February until we left
829
:in May for our trip I didn't cook once.
830
:People put meals in a cooler on our porch.
831
:I would say that would be helpful.
832
:Don't expect to visit with people.
833
:I was, I had a limited amount
of time with my kiddos.
834
:But I also definitely am the personality
that feels obliged to have a conversation
835
:if you're bringing me a food.
836
:So the fact that our friend was
like, put a cooler on the porch,
837
:people can drop it off there.
838
:Made that a huge gift to us.
839
:Stephanie: Such wise advice.
840
:Jen S.:
841
:And then they did it all again
when he came home in November,
842
:all the way into January.
843
:So the fact that families, I didn't even
know, there were families that I had no
844
:idea were just putting meals after meals
in the cooler on our porch was unreal.
845
:My goodness, like they, they did things,
people did things like helping John's
846
:class processes, like HCA is a tight
knit school, like we're more of a family
847
:than we are, a school kind of thing.
848
:And so these kids had grown up with him
from a lot of them from preschool, if not
849
:before that, just in the church nursery.
850
:So, The way that people loved on
his class and helped them make big
851
:bulletin boards with pictures of
John and the countdown to the end
852
:of radiation and all the things.
853
:Because we are all so very aware of that.
854
:That these kids were
walking it with our son.
855
:So there was a separate kind of
grief there, honestly, for the
856
:loss of, see, that's the part
that's going to get me, right?
857
:The loss of innocence for those kids
that now at eight years old, we're
858
:going to have to lose a friend.
859
:And the way that people ministered
to those kids was huge to us.
860
:So I would even say, look outside
the immediate family circle and
861
:see who, who their people are.
862
:The way people loved on my sister and
my nephews and because they're in the
863
:same school we're around all the time.
864
:We wanted people to pray.
865
:We desperately needed people to
pray, but I didn't have the energy
866
:to post prayer needs and all that.
867
:And so my sister was able to take
that on and keep people updated.
868
:And I think so many people walked
it with us because of that.
869
:If you can delegate something like that
would be a great way to love on somebody
870
:is to be that mouthpiece to share, the
mountaintops and the valleys, but also
871
:to continually ask for prayer and keeping
it at the front of people's minds.
872
:Like Rob and I said so many times I
don't know how we're going to walk this.
873
:Once people go back to their normal lives
and stop praying for us, because there was
874
:a sense of that weight and it was, Yes.
875
:Oh, for sure.
876
:And we knew that without
the shadow of a doubt.
877
:But it was really sweet because I
was talking to your uncle David and
878
:cause he had asked how we were doing.
879
:And I was telling him that I said, we're
a little concerned, cause, cause we feel
880
:like now like we're going to be past it.
881
:And people aren't going to
be praying for us as much.
882
:And he said, Jen, I was
reading the other day, that.
883
:He is God with us, he is with you.
884
:And that even brought it to a whole
nother level of, oh Lord, you're so sweet.
885
:You walked us through it and now you are
still with us, in the days going forward.
886
:So anyway, he's just been so
faithful and honestly, just pray.
887
:Just pray.
888
:Oh my goodness.
889
:Pray for people.
890
:Pray for people in the
middle of the night.
891
:I would say that would be one
of my biggest pleas to you.
892
:If you have a friend who's walking
this, like maybe even set on
893
:timer for the middle of the night.
894
:I had a friend tell me she's I'm up a
lot in the night and I pray for you then.
895
:And there were so many nights that, I
just, Sleep wouldn't come or I would fall
896
:asleep for an hour and then be wide awake.
897
:And those were sweet moments, hard
moments with the Lord, but sweet moments.
898
:But to know that I was being prayed
for pray for people walking it, cause
899
:He carried me, he carried us, he
carried my family, he carried my son.
900
:Yeah.
901
:Stephanie: I didn't know you
at the time of John's passing.
902
:So,
903
:we didn't attend the service, but
I heard that you and Rob said from
904
:the stage, you all have done so much
for us that we're going to spend the
905
:rest of our lives paying it forward.
906
:Jen S.:
907
:Because we have to, honestly.
908
:To whom much is given, much
is required, the Lord says.
909
:And, we had written a letter because
we knew we couldn't get up there.
910
:Our daughters spoke at John's funeral,
but we had written a letter that that we
911
:had our friend who did the service read.
912
:And there is a responsibility that comes
with having been loved to this magnitude
913
:and Not just by the people of our
community, although that was something
914
:absolutely unreal and people who attended
the funeral were blown away by the way our
915
:community loved us so well but When the
Lord has done so much, I mean it was, it
916
:would have been enough to have saved us.
917
:It would have, none of those things we
deserve, but the fact that he carried us
918
:through all of that and that he sustained
us and he sustained my kids and he
919
:sustained John till the day he took him
home and that he had this reward waiting
920
:for him, like that's an amazing gift.
921
:We talk a lot about.
922
:And the beauty of being a servant is
that it takes a control freak like me and
923
:knocks the feet completely out from under
you and says no, you're here to serve.
924
:It matters very little what you
want because you are a servant.
925
:But yet.
926
:you don't
927
:serve, a hardened taskmaster.
928
:You serve a heavenly father who
gave up everything Our God also
929
:lost a son and also had to watch it.
930
:And there is a sweetness in
knowing He chose that for me.
931
:I would not have chosen this.
932
:I'm grateful for it and I
wouldn't necessarily trade it now.
933
:But I would not have chosen it.
934
:I never would have chosen it to walk it.
935
:And if the Lord gave me an option, I would
never walk something like that again.
936
:I would want him to come back
tomorrow, take us all at the
937
:same time and life is great, you
know, and like eternity together.
938
:But like the word that we kept
talking about earlier, submission,
939
:walking in submission to who he is
and his plans and purposes actually
940
:a really beautiful, protective thing.
941
:And I'm grateful that I had to submit
to a lot of things in life because
942
:I am a bit of a control freak and
I really would like to do it my
943
:Stephanie: way.
944
:Jen S.:
945
:But when you are a servant, he gets to
how best for you to serve your community.
946
:And again, thank you.
947
:We've been given much, and
so much will be And I am so
948
:grateful to be able to do that.
949
:We hope you've been encouraged
by the tenderness of the Lord
950
:to Jen and her family as they
endured such a difficult trial
951
:at Entrusted.
952
:That's what we're all about, encouraging
moms to stay steadfast to the Lord and
953
:enjoy each day with their children.
954
:If you're looking for something
that would encourage you to do this.
955
:Head to our website, www dot
Entrusted Ministries dot com, and
956
:look into Entrusted with a Child's
Heart, our study for moms that is
957
:based completely on the word of God.
958
:And if you already know about it, please
tell a friend or write a review of
959
:this podcast or share it with a friend.
960
:We're counting on you to help build
families for the glory of God.