Episode 78

#78. Do Not Fear: He Gently Leads Those That Are With Young with Jen Stotz | Part 2

Did you listen to Part 1 yet? Start there first!

An AGAIN to surrender: fear. We work so hard to bless our children. We do all the things to set them up for success ... and if we're honest, we often wish we had all the control. What do we do when our worst fear happens? Will God be good to us? Are His plans really higher than our plans? What do I do when my friend is going through a tragedy? Is there anything practical I can do to help?

This testimony from Jen Stotz highlights the faithfulness of God to her and her husband as they received the terminal brain cancer diagnosis of their son. In part 1, Christian parents will be reminded to trust the Lord in all things. Even if the road is incredibly difficult, we do not walk it alone. If we have eyes to see, God's kindness will be evident. Jen reminds moms to cling to the Word of God in our trials. Whatever you are going through, this will be a reminder of where to place your trust.

Scriptures Referenced:

Hebrews 12:1

Hebrews 13:5

Isaiah 40:11

Matthew 7

Study Mentioned: Entrusted with a Child's Heart

Transcript
Steph:

They're the joyful agains our children.

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Shout on the swings, the exhausting

agains of cooking and laundry and

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the difficult agains of discipline.

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So much of what we do

as mothers is on repeat.

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So what if we woke up with clarity,

knowing which agains we were called to.

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And went to bed believing we are

faithful in what matters most.

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We believe God's word is

the key to untangle from the

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confusion and overwhelm we feel.

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Let's look up together to embrace a

motherhood full of freedom and joy.

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Welcome to the Again podcast where

we aim to redeem the over and over

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of motherhood for the glory of God.

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If you're anything like me, the over

and over that you wish you didn't have,

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un repeat is fearing for your children.

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Though the ages and stages of our

children may change, the love of

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a mother often causes her to fear.

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And that's why I think it's so important

that we surround ourselves with powerful

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testimonies of God's faithfulness.

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Hebrews 12, one says, therefore, since

we are surrounded by so great a cloud

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of witnesses, let us also lay aside

every weight and sin, which clings so

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closely, and let us run with endurance

the race that is set before us.

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I pray that part two of this powerful

interview with Jens Stotz would

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produce that fruit in your heart.

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Jen is on the board of

Entrusted Ministries.

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She also leads several Entrusted

with the child's heart groups,

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and she serves as a preschool

teacher pointing children to Jesus.

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As you hear Jen speak in the second

half of this interview, you'll notice

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that she has eyes to see the goodness

of God, but you'll also hear the

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kindness of the Lord towards them.

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And I hope that it builds up your faith

so that whatever you're facing, your fears

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and your anxious moments are lessened.

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This is a hard world and difficult things

do happen, but the Lord has promised

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he will never, never, never leave us.

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And in Isaiah 40 11, he also says he

will tend his flock like a shepherd.

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He will gather the lambs in his arms.

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He will carry them in his bosom and

gently lead those that are with young.

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He is with you mama, and that's

why we don't need to fear.

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If you didn't listen to

part one, start there first.

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We played it last week, but now

here's part two with the wisdom

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of the inspiring Jennifer Stats.

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Jen, you speak such words of life.

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It reminds me of a dear friend

that I have that just lost one of

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her sons in a motorcycle accident.

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He was only 20 years old and she

was recently reading Matthew seven

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when Jesus talks about the wise man

building his house upon the rock.

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And we talk about that all the time.

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It's one of the first stories

that you teach your children.

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But she said, I never really meditated

on the 10th of the passage, you already

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built the house Before the storm

came, you can't build it in the storm.

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Your house already needs to be built.

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And she told me that our house is built,

but we have some broken windows to repair.

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And that's what I'm thinking of as

you're talking about your marriage and

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the strong foundation on the Lord and

the trust that you had in each other.

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So when this horrible storm came, that

foundation was already set for you

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Jen S.:

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and for girls too, because you're walking

this and it was so hard as a mom to

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know that my girls were walking it too.

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It wasn't just Rob and I walking this.

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We had girls.

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Who we're having to flush this out to and

who we're trying to take care of us as

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we were trying to take care of them and,

watching us take care of the brother.

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And, there's this whole family dynamic

that added a little extra weight, but

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a little extra strength to it as well.

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Stephanie: So again, your girls,

one was in college already,

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Jen S.:

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both were in college.

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Emma was at, a senior at

Taylor University in Indiana.

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So she was four hours away.

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And then Ellie was a sophomore at

Loyola here in the city, but she was

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doing a study abroad term in Paris.

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So she had left in January and

he was diagnosed in February.

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that was extra crazy.

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Stephanie: If you don't mind,

and If they wouldn't mind,

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what was that like for them?

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Jen S.:

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Honestly, you would almost need to

ask them because my girls are also

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very fiercely protective of us.

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I know that, I talked to Emma and then

I called her boyfriend at the time.

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He wasn't her fiance yet.

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He was at Liberty University in Virginia.

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I had talked to him ahead of

time and said, Brandon, if it's

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cancerous, if it's bad, will you go?

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And he said, absolutely.

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So I said, it's terminal cancer.

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And he said, okay, I'm

getting in the car now.

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And so I knew at least she had.

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Him to care for her.

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But again, they're both young,

and That was as a mom, right?

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You're just like, if you could draw and

quarter your heart in four different

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places, one for my husband, who's grieving

the loss, impending loss of his son.

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And it changed all of what we

thought the next, 15 years of

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our life was going to look like.

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And then.

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My daughter, who at the time was a senior

in college and was trying to figure out.

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what she was going to do for for grad

school and none of them were local.

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And so now what do I do with a

brother with terminal cancer?

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And then you have a kiddo in

Paris and, watching her wrestle

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through what am I supposed to do?

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Do I come home?

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Gratefully, our pediatric oncologist

said you will have, This summer.

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If you're doing radiation,

you'll have this summer.

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She doesn't have to come home now.

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Now in the Lord's sweetness a

family from church actually flew

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her home for a long weekend.

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So I'm like she waltzes in,

John was asleep and a little

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mattress on my bedroom floor.

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And I was in my bed and all of a

sudden my kid who's supposed to

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be in Paris is standing there.

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It was amazing.

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And what, right?

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This is.

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Um, And that'll come later too,

like when you ask what people

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can do in this kind of situation.

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There's so many things, but the Lord

had definitely put that on their

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heart and then my Emma came home.

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That was two weeks after his diagnosis.

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She came home that weekend.

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And so I had all my chicks in the nest.

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I could actually see because it's one

thing for them to say, I'm doing okay.

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I'm talking to so and whatever.

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As a mama, to have your eyes on them.

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I need to see you.

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I need to hug you.

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I need to tuck you in under

my wing and know you're okay.

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And We were able to have that gift,

which was so sweet and so precious to me.

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But we walked it as a family.

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We told them like, this

isn't yours to carry.

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This is ours to carry.

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The Lord's called you to some

things, keep walking those things.

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But come home as often as you want.

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And so they did, they went on it, they

went on John's Make A Wish trip with

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us, they did, we did a huge family

vacation after that my oldest, who

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had worked at our favorite camp for,

years prior chose to stay home that

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summer instead of working camp so that

she could be with us and all together.

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Brandon her now husband moved and stayed

with her family from church in the

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area and got a job here for the summer.

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And so we were all together

as much as possible.

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And because I knew that they were

trying to carry things without.

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Having us have to carry their things too.

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Just on, on a totally practical

side, I made sure that everybody was

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willing to have a counselor after John

passed or even during the process.

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But.

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That's a whole nother story.

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It takes forever to get in with

a counselor that you jive with.

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So that's all.

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Yes.

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Oh my goodness.

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There's some needs to be

a better way to do that.

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But but yeah

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Stephanie: Speed

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Jen S.:

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I know for counselors, put everybody

around a table gosh, I would have

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signed up for that in a heartbeat.

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But yeah, just making sure that

they both had some Solid Christian

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friends who were there for them.

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We've been at our church for 30 years.

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So the pastors were able to care for them

and they had people that were on speed

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dial kind of thing, but also making sure

that they had the opportunity to have,

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professional help if needed, all the

things that you do to try and gird up

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your loins in a circumstance like this.

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But honestly, they too just had to

draw down on what they knew of the

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Lord, because that's why it's so

important to know his character, right?

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Because if your eyes are

focused horizontally, and that's

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where you're trying to get

your definition of who God is

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Because the world doesn't

define who he is, period.

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And so I'm grateful that they grew up

in a church and a school that continued

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to pour God's character and his love for

them and his sovereignty and all of that

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into them during those formative years.

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So then when they got to the point

where it was the rubber meets

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the road, do you believe this?

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They were able to see the Lord's hand

in spite of the painful circumstances.

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So that was a gift.

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And because I knew that they were solid

in their faith as a mom for all three of

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my kids, even for John, who was so rock

solid in the fact that he knew that God

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had him and that he was either going to

get healed here on earth or in heaven

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and either way it was God's to choose.

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That was a gift to me as a mom.

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That was a supernatural gift.

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Of faith that the Lord gave each of

my kids that I couldn't manufacture.

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I did my best to steward, but I

could not have manufactured that.

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That was a gift, and I'm

so grateful he gave it.

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Stephanie: Please tell us more about

John and how he was handling all of

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this news and what the things were

that gave him hope in the midst of

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Jen S.:

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of this.

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I don't know.

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John had a literally supernatural

unshakable faith that I

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couldn't explain to you.

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So we were in the hospital and he knew

he had a tumor and all these things.

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And then all of a sudden, at one point we

were talking about it and he said cancer.

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And I was like, Oh shoot.

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We never told him it was like cancerous.

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And that was a word that he knew

we were still in the hospital.

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It was like within hours of

knowing what he, what it was.

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And I said to him, yeah, buddy,

I said, it's a cancer tumor.

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And you might see us, crying a

little more often because it's

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something the doctors can't fix.

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They don't have anything that's going to

fix it, but we know that God can fix it

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if he so chooses and that's who we trust.

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And he literally said,

okay, and that was it.

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Like I would ask him like,

do you have any questions?

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Are you afraid of things?

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Is there any, and he

was like, no, I'm good.

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Like when we told him, cause the

tumor, was beat back by the radiation.

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We were super grateful.

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He was given almost a completely

normal summer, aside from some

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stomach issues from the radiation.

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He was, which we never

were told to expect.

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We were told that all the

tumors respond different.

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We met another kiddo who had.

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Was basically where John was when we

started all of these things like didn't

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couldn't walk well couldn't see well

You know, she was still She had been

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diagnosed the month before John and it

was a very clear picture to us of what

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miracles the Lord had done through this

radiation because we traipsed around the

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whole summer like things were absolutely

normal and Then in the fall and we started

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school together Rob and John and I jumped

it, Like he wanted to go back to school.

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We're like it's If the Lord chooses

to heal him and this tumor doesn't

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come back we don't want him to be

behind, I guess let's go to school.

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That's what you do in August, so we did.

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So we packed up and we all went

to school, which again was a gift

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because we were in the same building.

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So if John got tired, he could go up

to Rob's room or come to my classroom.

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And the school was so gracious with us.

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Honestly, he never came to my room.

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He always went to Rob's room.

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And he also just so happened to know when

the girl with the service dog was going to

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be in Rob's classroom and timed his time.

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for the service dog, but

that's a whole nother

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Stephanie: story.

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Jen S.:

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there.

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We went back to school in August,

and then in his late October

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scan, the tumor was growing again.

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And we had some kind of recurrence of

a few symptoms, so we had a feeling.

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me during the day, and that was

awful, and I called Rob while he

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was at school, which, also was hard

and gratefully our friend was able

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to go over and just be with him.

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I was with our friends, but

then, We had to bring John

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home from school and tell him.

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And he walked in the back door.

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Rob had picked him up and he walks

in the back door, drops his backpack.

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And he said, did the doctors call?

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And I said, yeah, buddy,

your tumor's growing again.

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And he said, okay, God decides.

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And he walked outside to play baseball.

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That was it.

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And like the, and so he started

the significant decline started

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the second week of November.

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And as he continued to go downhill, like

the day that he lost use of his whole, one

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whole side of his body, he just, he still

wanted to make breakfast for his sisters.

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So he just had me hold the bowl and he

scrambled the eggs with his right hand.

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He was, he just was, that was

the picture of surrender for me.

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It was, my God decides he loves me.

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He's for me.

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So on we go.

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And he did, he found ways to

find joy all the way through

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until the Lord took him home.

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And.

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Rob says often that John taught us

how to live well and how to die well.

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And he also, the other thing he

says, cause Rob is very wise, but is

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sometimes a man of very few words.

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He says, John taught me

that we serve to the end.

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Because that's what John did.

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As he was declining, he could

still use one finger and he

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would scroll and order things.

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He would just tap Rob's leg for

the credit card and he would

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order things for his friends.

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Like we, we got some bark box a

whole month after he died that

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he had ordered for the dogs.

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And He just wanted to bless people.

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Like he would go through

and order a whole menus.

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People were so gracious.

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They gave our family so much.

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I kid that's, again, that's

a whole nother podcast, but

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people were so generous with us.

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We had gift cards and we had all

these things and they had given

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financially to our family and

we just used it to bless John.

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And so he would sit and he would spend.

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45 minutes with, because he had

limited vision and limited mobility,

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ordering, making a whole Starbucks

order with all kinds of random things.

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He would pick a drink and he would

pick a, a bakery item for each

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person in the household and he

would order up the whole thing.

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And then we would haul him to the

car and half the time we'd take the

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dogs because they wanted, he wanted

to get them pop cups, but that's

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what, Honestly, that was John.

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That was who he was.

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And watching that taught us so much about

What it meant to live well and die well.

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I don't know how else to say it.

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Rob said it best.

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And so that was that.

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And like he woke up that, they

kept telling us a couple of weeks

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and he kept going and so we got to

Christmas and he petted me, he was

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sleeping in bed with me by that point

because he was so limited in like he

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couldn't get the words out very well.

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He was hard to understand.

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And and he couldn't,

didn't get a lot of volume.

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We kept him close, in

case he needed something.

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And so he pats me and wakes me up.

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He said, Mom, God gave

me another Christmas Eve.

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Like he just, that was

his perspective, truly.

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And yeah.

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And he was okay if he didn't, but he did.

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So I'm going to be grateful for it.

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And he really, he defied all odds.

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All of the things that they

told us were going to happen in

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his body were just different.

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John always marched to his own drummer.

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And so they told us all kinds of things,

like he was going to get sleepy and

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he would start sleeping more hours

a day at the end, and not at all.

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He went from, he started having the end of

life symptoms fully awake and fully aware

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and hanging out and watching his favorite

shows with us and he weathered it.

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And then on January 21st of 2023 the

Lord took him home and he had been

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using a talk board, but he had been

talking to us a couple hours before

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and that we had woken the girls up.

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They were with us.

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Like he passed as the sun rose, which

I thought was a beautiful thing.

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And we were all able to be together,

like from the beginning to end,

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the Lord showed himself Was it, It

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I,

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hoped it would be as far as what I

thought it would look like in my head.

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No it was different.

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It was different than what

they told us it would be.

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He had to fight through a whole lot more

things than he was supposed to have.

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But.

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And even our hospice nurses

like, I've not seen this before.

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I don't even know what to tell you.

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But God, but like God

strengthened him to the end.

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He had joy till the end, two days before

he passed, then the hospice nurses come,

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they always say on a, on a scale of one

to 10, like, how do you feel life is

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like in general, and he was like eight

or nine, like the whole way till two days

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before he passed, he was like maybe a.

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Six.

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And so I was like, she's okay,

and that was a gift from the Lord.

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So even though it didn't look the way

they had told us to expect and all the

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things the Lord architected it all.

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And that was super precious to us to look

back and see that his hand was on it all.

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We were able to be together.

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John was John till the end.

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And yeah, the Lord was just

faithful and good in it all.

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He passed at seven 15 ish in the morning.

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Oh.

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And we were all there together.

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He was able to pass at home and the

sun was rising as he walked into

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the arms of Jesus, which, you know,

and we were all there with him.

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We had a hospital bed and I had

him tucked into my arms and.

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There is something as a mom,

I wasn't losing my son, I was

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handing him off to Jesus and right?

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That's, as a mom, that's your

biggest goal as a mom, right?

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Know Jesus, know who he is, know

he's for you, he loves you, he

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created you and he has a great

plan for you now and for eternity.

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And I got to watch my son walk out every

single day of the Lord's plan for him.

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And I'll get to see

him again, right Steph?

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That's, this isn't the end of our story.

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And it's hard, cause people say

gone too soon or whatever that.

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I see him gone in the exact moment

that the Lord intended for him.

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He had accomplished his work here and

the Lord took him home to eternity,

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to perfection, to no more body parts

that didn't work, no more sin, no more

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any of it, perfect, healed and whole.

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And waiting for me someday in eternity.

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That's a gift and that's real to me.

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It's super real to me.

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And that's what I have to look forward to.

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Stephanie: That's such a beautiful

reminder to clinging to that reality,

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but I can't imagine how difficult it was.

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Seeing all that your son was enduring,

did you feel that you were waiting to

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grieve, that you were just trying to

enjoy every day with him while you had

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it and that you almost had the grief

on pause I'll grieve when he passes.

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Jen S.:

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Honestly, I think it was

completely the opposite.

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It was trying to force myself to be

fully present in every day because

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the grief was so heavy the whole time.

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And I actually learned last night,

I was, looking through something

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:

online and it was talking about, I

think it's called anticipatory grief.

373

:

When you know that a loss is coming.

374

:

I grieved while he was alive to be

honest, because as his mom, I was very

375

:

fearful of what the end would look like.

376

:

I knew what the medical, possibilities

were at the end and probabilities

377

:

what it was going to look like.

378

:

And I didn't want to see my

kid have to walk through that.

379

:

I, and I knew I would walk

through it holding his hand.

380

:

I didn't want to watch it.

381

:

And I didn't want him to walk it.

382

:

I didn't want my husband to have to walk

it because my boys were thick as thieves.

383

:

John, my husband said early on when

we found out, because John was a big

384

:

surprise, which is why there's 11 and

13 years between my girls and John.

385

:

But he knew that he was going to have

to be his buddy because he didn't

386

:

have any siblings around his age

and the girls were already like into

387

:

their activities and all the things.

388

:

And we were grateful because Rob was

a teacher from the time John was three

389

:

years old up until, still to this day.

390

:

So the two of those guys were thick

as thieves, they'd get home and Rob

391

:

and John would go in the backyard and

all the neighborhood kids would show

392

:

up and I feel like he was like the

Pied Piper, Rob would be in the yard

393

:

surrounded by all these little kiddos.

394

:

Stephanie: He's a very cool

395

:

Jen S.:

396

:

He is, I'm a huge fan.

397

:

But I knew that he also was losing,

I was losing my little sidekick

398

:

and he was losing his sidekick too.

399

:

And I didn't want that to happen.

400

:

To walk any of it.

401

:

I wanted to enjoy each day, but

I, it, yeah, I honestly, I think I

402

:

did most of my grieving that year.

403

:

We would the hardest part for me,

honestly, and it sounds so silly, but, we

404

:

went on these big vacations and we drove.

405

:

All the way out to Yellowstone

and the Grand Tetons.

406

:

We let John pick.

407

:

We had started doing national parks

and he had a passport and those were

408

:

the ones he picked for that summer.

409

:

And I get super car sick, so

I have to be the one to drive.

410

:

So my whole family's watching movies

in the minivan and I'm driving

411

:

with my thoughts and fighting

412

:

to keep my brain on the gifts and the joy

and the character of the Lord versus what.

413

:

Was unless God did a miracle, what

was to come was excruciating or, and

414

:

it would hit at the weirdest times.

415

:

Like I'd hear him.

416

:

He loved to play baseball and he

and Rob would play wiffle ball with

417

:

the dog in the backyard for hours.

418

:

And I'd be in the kitchen

making dinner and I'd hear the

419

:

crack of the wiffle ball bat.

420

:

And it would just like, all of a

sudden I'd be gutted, like much

421

:

longer until we lose that sound.

422

:

And all of those things

made that year so hard.

423

:

But.

424

:

In the Lord's kindness, it was

also full of exhausting joy.

425

:

Like we maxed out every second with John.

426

:

We just did, we had adventures and we

had the house was full of people and

427

:

anything he wanted to try, we tried.

428

:

Any adventure he wanted to have, we did.

429

:

And we were exhausted.

430

:

We

431

:

Stephanie: were

432

:

Jen S.:

433

:

exhausted, emotionally

and physically exhausted.

434

:

But there was so much joy.

435

:

And so I think that kind of, we were

able to outweigh a little bit of the

436

:

impending doom feel, at least for me,

that I would have to fight my way back to.

437

:

But today, and if the Lord is faithful

today, he will be faithful in that day.

438

:

But it was an exercise, man.

439

:

That was a, that was exhausting.

440

:

And after he passed I missed him

like crazy because John was a larger

441

:

than life personality, for sure.

442

:

So our home was very different.

443

:

So grateful to have seen the Lord

prove himself true to my boy and to

444

:

my family and that I didn't have to

brace myself for impact, for any more.

445

:

So really for me, grieving

was during that year.

446

:

And there's times afterwards, grief

is, I've seen an illustration that

447

:

grief is like a ball and a pain button.

448

:

And like it's, the pain is still there,

but the, but when the loss first happens,

449

:

the ball is huge and it fills up the back.

450

:

So you're hitting the

pain button all the time.

451

:

And that was very much the case.

452

:

And As time goes, the

pain doesn't get less.

453

:

It's just, you hit the

button a little less often.

454

:

The ball either gets smaller or the

box gets bigger, which I think is

455

:

a little better of an illustration.

456

:

The box has continued to get larger as

we've lived on life in the last two years.

457

:

But But man, there are still things

that'll hit that pain button.

458

:

And it's not, for me, it's

never been the big like the

459

:

holidays or the anniversaries.

460

:

Those aren't as hard.

461

:

For me it's the little sounds or

the I'm so grateful to be done with

462

:

November because last year, November was

463

:

November was when he

declined so significantly.

464

:

And last year, November, having all of

those first memories, like there was a

465

:

time that my back classroom door opened

on Veterans Day, which was his last day

466

:

at school, and Rob had brought him up

after the assembly and said, he's not

467

:

doing well, you need to take him home.

468

:

And that was his last day at school.

469

:

Wasn't really thinking much about it.

470

:

Last year and someone opened the back

door of my classroom and just the

471

:

literally the pit was in my stomach and

like it's those things that you can't

472

:

forecast, that you can't predict, that

you can't even brace yourself for.

473

:

You don't know when they're coming.

474

:

Those are still hard.

475

:

I never know when those are coming.

476

:

But there is always still a sweetness

that we got to do this at all.

477

:

I think especially John being a surprise.

478

:

And we had a knowledge from early on

that there was something different

479

:

that, Rob said when John was an infant,

he said, the girls, they were for us.

480

:

John is for the Lord.

481

:

And I don't know why that was

so very real to both of us.

482

:

And of course, Rob said it

well, like he always does.

483

:

That's always been the way that we felt

like that's, his name was John Aaron,

484

:

which in John means God is gracious.

485

:

And Aaron means strength.

486

:

And to see the way literally the

Lord chose that name for him.

487

:

We always had a very, clear understanding

that John for some reason was the

488

:

Lord's and was set apart for the Lord.

489

:

And not that helped, but it helped,

you know, I, I mean, I don't know

490

:

how to say it any better than that.

491

:

He was the Lord's and yeah, to

be able to walk that season and

492

:

learn from John while there is.

493

:

So much grief, man.

494

:

I miss that kid, I miss

the joy of being with him.

495

:

I miss the joy of, like I said earlier,

the way he would think about things in his

496

:

comments and all the things and watching

him grab hold of the Lord and reflect on

497

:

who the Lord was to him and walk that out.

498

:

That is, has always been my biggest

joy as a parent and watching

499

:

John do that was no different.

500

:

And I miss that.

501

:

But Yeah, grief is sneaky, but for

me, it was more grief before than now.

502

:

Now it's just a pain that I can deal with.

503

:

I think a lot of the anticipatory

grief was harder for me.

504

:

Stephanie: the fear of the unknown

or what seemed to be very known.

505

:

Yeah,

506

:

Jen S.:

507

:

for sure.

508

:

Stephanie: Do you have days or moments

where you think, I don't want to be

509

:

pouring into other people's children.

510

:

I want to be pouring into my own son.

511

:

Jen S.:

512

:

Not yet.

513

:

I won't say never, but because I

don't know if there will be a day.

514

:

I think what I have even more so now

is a desperation to pour into other

515

:

kids because we had an opportunity

to talk to the high school kids at

516

:

HCA because the whole school walked

it with us in an incredible way.

517

:

These kids from, the preschool all

the way through the high school,

518

:

they loved Don John's so well.

519

:

And They asked us to come and do a Q

and A chapel with the high school kids.

520

:

John passed in January and

they had us do that in April.

521

:

And I remember one of the things that I

said to them is listen, the Lord says, not

522

:

in this world, you might have trouble, but

in this world, you will have trouble, but

523

:

take heart for I have overcome the world.

524

:

but

525

:

you have to get to know him.

526

:

Now don't wait until that

day to figure out who he is.

527

:

Because if you wait until then,

You don't have the relationship.

528

:

It's a relationship, right?

529

:

And if we had napalm dropped on our

family day two of marriage, I don't know

530

:

what we would have done, but we had 30

years of relationship to draw down on

531

:

when working all of this out between

the two of us as a husband and wife.

532

:

The Lord is no different.

533

:

And even more do we need to

invest in our relationship now

534

:

so that when those days come,

535

:

We, we have that.

536

:

And I think that's what

I want to give moms now.

537

:

That's my, what I, and when I pour

into my preschoolers and when I talk

538

:

to these young moms, don't wait,

because man, can you imagine if I

539

:

told John about who God was and what

heaven was the day he was diagnosed?

540

:

But he was firm in where he was going

and the God that he knew, because

541

:

from the time he was little, we,

scripture was a daily thing, his

542

:

communication with God was very regular

and it wasn't a weird thing to all

543

:

of a sudden be talking about God.

544

:

He was.

545

:

the focal point of our life as a family.

546

:

Not that Rob and I did it perfectly.

547

:

My goodness, that's not

what I'm trying to say.

548

:

But I'm saying the importance of

549

:

pointing

550

:

your kids to Jesus.

551

:

And so I think right now that's outweighs.

552

:

Any of my other stuff, like there are

kids who need to be pointed to Jesus.

553

:

There are moms that need to be shown

how to point your kids to Jesus.

554

:

And not that I did it perfectly,

but God's word says things about

555

:

what it means to train up a child

and the wisdom in how to do that.

556

:

I guess I'm more fired up now than

I even was before, before all of

557

:

that energy went into my own kids.

558

:

And now in this new season, like Rob

and I prayed about it afterwards,

559

:

we're like, okay, Lord, we've always

just served where our kids were.

560

:

Cause that was our

first field of ministry.

561

:

So where do we serve in the church?

562

:

We serve in the children's ministry

or we serve alongside our kids

563

:

when they get too old for that.

564

:

We always found a way to serve where

our kids were or with our kids.

565

:

And all of a sudden, for the

first time in, 25 years, we were.

566

:

not bound by that.

567

:

And so we asked the Lord

what do you want us to do?

568

:

It's, we're yours, you choose.

569

:

And he said more of the same.

570

:

Stephanie: He said,

571

:

Jen S.:

572

:

on.

573

:

So we're still teaching.

574

:

We're still serving in

children's ministry.

575

:

We're still taking the

opportunities that we can.

576

:

To shepherd kids towards Jesus and until

he gives us different marching orders.

577

:

Yeah.

578

:

I feel like I'm grateful.

579

:

I'm, I don't have regrets with John and

I know we've talked about that before,

580

:

but Entrusted gave me the bones of

family ministry so much so that even

581

:

looking back, It had become so much

of a fabric of our family that I look

582

:

at him and I don't have huge regrets.

583

:

My whole goal and heart as a mom is

to point these kids to Jesus because

584

:

He's worthy and He is your only hope.

585

:

Stephanie: Yes.

586

:

Jen S.:

587

:

And I felt oh my goodness, like

I just saw a kid go from birth

588

:

to eternity and He did that.

589

:

He did that.

590

:

That's all I could have ever wanted.

591

:

Would it have been great

to have had more time?

592

:

Come on, of course it would.

593

:

You know, I want him here at Christmas.

594

:

I want to play our favorite

song and dance and be goofy.

595

:

I want to go look at lights

with him and all the things.

596

:

I loved being a mom.

597

:

I love being a mom of young kids,

and Rob even said the other day,

598

:

because the joy is different.

599

:

The joy is different now, of course it is.

600

:

And he said maybe that kind of joy

will be back someday with grandkids.

601

:

Because it's just, kids bring

a level of joy that's so

602

:

different than anything else.

603

:

But I'm

604

:

grateful to have had it.

605

:

And until the Lord gives us other

kids to pour into that degree and

606

:

grandkids or whatever, we'll just

continue to be grateful for the

607

:

opportunities he does give us and

608

:

Man,

609

:

point them all to Jesus because

that's what they need, you know?

610

:

Stephanie: I'm reminded of something

you said about, when he was

611

:

initially diagnosed and you knew it

was terminal, but a lot of people

612

:

were sending you, what about this?

613

:

What about this?

614

:

And can you bring us into that moment?

615

:

Jen S.:

616

:

I think oftentimes in in our community,

There is a lot of hope that there's some

617

:

sort of an alternative medicine answer to

something that we just haven't found yet.

618

:

And as a mom, I very much felt, I'm like

the logistics planner in the household.

619

:

I'm the one that makes it all happen,

and I very much felt like as people

620

:

were starting to send me links and

doctor suggestions and here's some

621

:

guy here that has a special magical

way of doing this, and, or here's.

622

:

This supplement that has a magical

way of doing this and all the things

623

:

like not that there's not validity to

those things, but I started to get so

624

:

stressed about it being up to me to

choose the right treatment for my son.

625

:

Like for my brother, he was an

adult and he was a physician.

626

:

He could choose what he

wanted to try and what he

627

:

didn't.

628

:

For decades.

629

:

John, that was up to Rob and I.

630

:

And because I'm more of the, was the more

of the advocate in between the doctors and

631

:

John, I felt the weight of that very much.

632

:

And I remember I was trying to

lay down on my couch and take a

633

:

nap while John was napping one day

and I was just wracked because I

634

:

had received all of these things.

635

:

I'm just, are we even

with the right doctors?

636

:

And are there treatments in Mexico?

637

:

And are there treatments in Canada?

638

:

And are there all the things?

639

:

And do we need to fly

somewhere and whatever?

640

:

And what's that look like?

641

:

And the Lord just literally, Spoke

peace to my heart and brought

642

:

the verse to mind that said, he

gently leads those with young.

643

:

And I remember thinking at the time

Lord, I never memorized that verse.

644

:

Like it wasn't what that's generally not

on one of my verse cards and whatever.

645

:

And but it spoke peace to my heart.

646

:

No, I see.

647

:

I see the way you love your son.

648

:

And.

649

:

I will gently lead you.

650

:

And man, do I have assurance that he did.

651

:

And it was super sweet because it was a

little full circle moment for me because

652

:

as we were going through Entrusted, then

the year after John died, hadn't been

653

:

through the curriculum in over 20 years.

654

:

And that verse popped up just

as one of the Betsy's verses

655

:

in what she was sharing.

656

:

It wasn't a memory verse, it was

just one of the verses in the study.

657

:

And I was like, that's where You know,

and so to see even that the Lord bring

658

:

like I said, his word doesn't return

to him void, but it accomplishes

659

:

the purposes for which it was sent.

660

:

He planted that in me 20 years earlier

to bring it to my heart and my mind in

661

:

that moment where I was like desperately

flailing around to find peace and he spoke

662

:

it to my heart in such a personal way.

663

:

Stephanie: So tender.

664

:

Jen S.:

665

:

He really is.

666

:

That's a great word for how he was with

us that whole season and has been He's

667

:

just been tender and sweet and dear to us.

668

:

I wouldn't trade

669

:

My

670

:

nearness with the Lord.

671

:

for not having to walk through I

don't want to watch my son ever

672

:

don't ever make me have to choose

for my son to walk through that

673

:

to have nearness with the Lord.

674

:

That would be an excruciating decision.

675

:

But I don't think I would ever, I

don't think I would ever trade who

676

:

he is to me now and the nearness that

I have with him now for anything.

677

:

That's precious to me.

678

:

And we had, like I said, we'd walked

through hard things before, but

679

:

there was when he says he's near

to the brokenhearted and saves

680

:

those who are crushed in spirit,

I had never been brokenhearted and

681

:

crushed in spirit the way I was then.

682

:

And the nearness of the Lord and

his consistent showing up in all

683

:

the things, in all the ways I

desperately needed him to help me.

684

:

is something that I can't describe

and can honestly never be more

685

:

Stephanie: You're making me think

of the song to so sweet to trust in

686

:

Jesus just to take him at his word.

687

:

And there's that line that

says, how I've proved him

688

:

or, and

689

:

Jen S.:

690

:

Yeah,

691

:

yeah.

692

:

Stephanie: and it almost feels wrong.

693

:

I didn't prove you, you

694

:

Jen S.:

695

:

you proved yourself,

696

:

right?

697

:

I had, I brought very little to

698

:

Stephanie: that.

699

:

Yes.

700

:

But

701

:

to know you believed

firmly in his goodness.

702

:

And now you know,

703

:

Jen S.:

704

:

yeah,

705

:

Stephanie: You saw it.

706

:

Jen S.:

707

:

absolutely.

708

:

And it's honestly, it's even

from a personal standpoint,

709

:

it's even been interesting.

710

:

I've shared with some friends

trying to even figure out what a

711

:

quiet time looks like after that.

712

:

Because it was such an intense

season of it was me and Jesus.

713

:

I had no idea.

714

:

Hope of just getting through a day

there was, so even now trying to figure

715

:

out like, oh, it almost seems stale

to have a checklist or to have my

716

:

little things in right, written down.

717

:

He's

718

:

so much more than that to me now.

719

:

And, so that's a whole nother thing

trying to figure out what that looks

720

:

like now in this season, but, the.

721

:

personal way with which he

walked our family through that

722

:

is something I can't describe.

723

:

I don't know.

724

:

Stephanie: right, you've done a

beautiful job of talking about the

725

:

Lord's faithfulness, but can you

share what others did that meant

726

:

so much to you and how we can come

alongside others in a circumstance like

727

:

Jen S.:

728

:

Golly, there's so much.

729

:

First thing I would say is send scripture.

730

:

But I had I started I have an Apple phone.

731

:

So I had it within the notes in my phone,

and people would send me scripture and I

732

:

just kept adding it to a note in my phone.

733

:

And so when I'd be, sleep

was elusive a lot of times.

734

:

So when I'd be awake, trying to beat

back those thoughts in the middle of

735

:

the night, I could pull up the note in

my phone and just go through all the

736

:

scripture Whether it was because of

stress or whether it was just because my

737

:

brain was scattered during that season,

it was very hard for me to sit down and

738

:

just read through a passage of scripture.

739

:

But verses like were balm to my soul.

740

:

And so to be able to sit and read

through those verses in the middle

741

:

of the night, or as we're sitting in

the, the waiting room at a doctor's

742

:

office or all the things send people

scripture because that's what has

743

:

the weight, they know you love them.

744

:

They know you care.

745

:

Sound of scripture.

746

:

Stephanie: Were there any

scriptures that felt insensitive

747

:

Jen S.:

748

:

went

749

:

Stephanie: a grief share training recently

and they were saying just be careful.

750

:

And I know we should

not take verses out of

751

:

Jen S.:

752

:

certainly.

753

:

Yes, right.

754

:

Stephanie: But.

755

:

I think it is loving to, even

if it's it might sting, but this

756

:

is what you need to cling to.

757

:

How do you discern which verses to

758

:

send?

759

:

Jen S.:

760

:

send?

761

:

I've been more on the receiving end

than the sending end lately, but I

762

:

think that has to be carefully prayed

through, like when I feel like the Lord

763

:

is pressing on my heart to send scripture

to somebody, I need to send it, I

764

:

don't know what it's going to mean to him.

765

:

I wouldn't for sure send things that

are out of context because I know that,

766

:

taking any of the promises of scripture

about giving someone a whole, you

767

:

Stephanie: know.

768

:

you don't need to Jeremiah 29, 11.

769

:

Jen S.:

770

:

Yeah.

771

:

I don't need, I didn't need that one.

772

:

Because that's not a promise for here on

773

:

earth.

774

:

And but.

775

:

Oh my word, the things that

people would send me to keep

776

:

my eyes on the Lord's goodness.

777

:

And I couldn't, honestly, I don't think

I, I couldn't get out of Psalms that year.

778

:

There was just something about

being able to read even just

779

:

a little passage of Psalms.

780

:

And I, John and I went through

Psalms and then we were going through

781

:

Matthew at the end, but we went

through Psalms and just reading the

782

:

way that it was like gut wrenching.

783

:

And yet, here's the Lord's goodness.

784

:

So many of the Psalms are that

juxtaposition of the grieving or the

785

:

struggling and the, and, but yet,

I believe I'll see the goodness of

786

:

the Lord in the land of the living.

787

:

Like I held onto that verse so often

because it wasn't just for eternity.

788

:

I still believed that I would see the

goodness of the Lord here in John's days

789

:

that were left and all those things.

790

:

I think those were precious to me.

791

:

I can't tell you how to pick scripts.

792

:

But

793

:

yes, make sure it's in,

make sure it's in context.

794

:

Cause I, yeah, that was a little

more frustrating if it wasn't.

795

:

But,

796

:

Stephanie: Sure.

797

:

Okay, how else did people support you?

798

:

You said financially,

799

:

gift

800

:

Jen S.:

801

:

oh yeah.

802

:

Like people my brother in law

made a like a GoFundMe for us.

803

:

that people could contribute to,

but it was really sweet because

804

:

he, what he put in there is, it's

not just for medical expenses.

805

:

It'll be for them to make memories.

806

:

And people were crazy generous.

807

:

And so we were able to

do things like that.

808

:

To celebrate the end of

radiation John took the whole

809

:

third grade class to medieval

810

:

Stephanie: he

811

:

would drive

812

:

back

813

:

Jen S.:

814

:

and forth, right?

815

:

Like random things, but things

that brought him so much joy.

816

:

Like I want to take all my friends,

we would drive back and forth down 90

817

:

past medieval times every time we went

to radiation every day for six weeks.

818

:

And he'd be like, Hey, could we?

819

:

Could we take my whole class there?

820

:

All right, let's do it.

821

:

So we did that and we did all of those

things, these great things that made him

822

:

like he was just full of life and the way

that people gave financially to us enabled

823

:

us to allow him to be full of life.

824

:

His wish trip, our trip out to the to,

to Yellowstone and all these things,

825

:

when he would say I want to, take my

friend to do this or can I, like he

826

:

would Amazon his friends random things,

it just, we could say yes to all of that

827

:

because people had been so generous to us.

828

:

And, meals, my goodness, from the time he

was diagnosed in February until we left

829

:

in May for our trip I didn't cook once.

830

:

People put meals in a cooler on our porch.

831

:

I would say that would be helpful.

832

:

Don't expect to visit with people.

833

:

I was, I had a limited amount

of time with my kiddos.

834

:

But I also definitely am the personality

that feels obliged to have a conversation

835

:

if you're bringing me a food.

836

:

So the fact that our friend was

like, put a cooler on the porch,

837

:

people can drop it off there.

838

:

Made that a huge gift to us.

839

:

Stephanie: Such wise advice.

840

:

Jen S.:

841

:

And then they did it all again

when he came home in November,

842

:

all the way into January.

843

:

So the fact that families, I didn't even

know, there were families that I had no

844

:

idea were just putting meals after meals

in the cooler on our porch was unreal.

845

:

My goodness, like they, they did things,

people did things like helping John's

846

:

class processes, like HCA is a tight

knit school, like we're more of a family

847

:

than we are, a school kind of thing.

848

:

And so these kids had grown up with him

from a lot of them from preschool, if not

849

:

before that, just in the church nursery.

850

:

So, The way that people loved on

his class and helped them make big

851

:

bulletin boards with pictures of

John and the countdown to the end

852

:

of radiation and all the things.

853

:

Because we are all so very aware of that.

854

:

That these kids were

walking it with our son.

855

:

So there was a separate kind of

grief there, honestly, for the

856

:

loss of, see, that's the part

that's going to get me, right?

857

:

The loss of innocence for those kids

that now at eight years old, we're

858

:

going to have to lose a friend.

859

:

And the way that people ministered

to those kids was huge to us.

860

:

So I would even say, look outside

the immediate family circle and

861

:

see who, who their people are.

862

:

The way people loved on my sister and

my nephews and because they're in the

863

:

same school we're around all the time.

864

:

We wanted people to pray.

865

:

We desperately needed people to

pray, but I didn't have the energy

866

:

to post prayer needs and all that.

867

:

And so my sister was able to take

that on and keep people updated.

868

:

And I think so many people walked

it with us because of that.

869

:

If you can delegate something like that

would be a great way to love on somebody

870

:

is to be that mouthpiece to share, the

mountaintops and the valleys, but also

871

:

to continually ask for prayer and keeping

it at the front of people's minds.

872

:

Like Rob and I said so many times I

don't know how we're going to walk this.

873

:

Once people go back to their normal lives

and stop praying for us, because there was

874

:

a sense of that weight and it was, Yes.

875

:

Oh, for sure.

876

:

And we knew that without

the shadow of a doubt.

877

:

But it was really sweet because I

was talking to your uncle David and

878

:

cause he had asked how we were doing.

879

:

And I was telling him that I said, we're

a little concerned, cause, cause we feel

880

:

like now like we're going to be past it.

881

:

And people aren't going to

be praying for us as much.

882

:

And he said, Jen, I was

reading the other day, that.

883

:

He is God with us, he is with you.

884

:

And that even brought it to a whole

nother level of, oh Lord, you're so sweet.

885

:

You walked us through it and now you are

still with us, in the days going forward.

886

:

So anyway, he's just been so

faithful and honestly, just pray.

887

:

Just pray.

888

:

Oh my goodness.

889

:

Pray for people.

890

:

Pray for people in the

middle of the night.

891

:

I would say that would be one

of my biggest pleas to you.

892

:

If you have a friend who's walking

this, like maybe even set on

893

:

timer for the middle of the night.

894

:

I had a friend tell me she's I'm up a

lot in the night and I pray for you then.

895

:

And there were so many nights that, I

just, Sleep wouldn't come or I would fall

896

:

asleep for an hour and then be wide awake.

897

:

And those were sweet moments, hard

moments with the Lord, but sweet moments.

898

:

But to know that I was being prayed

for pray for people walking it, cause

899

:

He carried me, he carried us, he

carried my family, he carried my son.

900

:

Yeah.

901

:

Stephanie: I didn't know you

at the time of John's passing.

902

:

So,

903

:

we didn't attend the service, but

I heard that you and Rob said from

904

:

the stage, you all have done so much

for us that we're going to spend the

905

:

rest of our lives paying it forward.

906

:

Jen S.:

907

:

Because we have to, honestly.

908

:

To whom much is given, much

is required, the Lord says.

909

:

And, we had written a letter because

we knew we couldn't get up there.

910

:

Our daughters spoke at John's funeral,

but we had written a letter that that we

911

:

had our friend who did the service read.

912

:

And there is a responsibility that comes

with having been loved to this magnitude

913

:

and Not just by the people of our

community, although that was something

914

:

absolutely unreal and people who attended

the funeral were blown away by the way our

915

:

community loved us so well but When the

Lord has done so much, I mean it was, it

916

:

would have been enough to have saved us.

917

:

It would have, none of those things we

deserve, but the fact that he carried us

918

:

through all of that and that he sustained

us and he sustained my kids and he

919

:

sustained John till the day he took him

home and that he had this reward waiting

920

:

for him, like that's an amazing gift.

921

:

We talk a lot about.

922

:

And the beauty of being a servant is

that it takes a control freak like me and

923

:

knocks the feet completely out from under

you and says no, you're here to serve.

924

:

It matters very little what you

want because you are a servant.

925

:

But yet.

926

:

you don't

927

:

serve, a hardened taskmaster.

928

:

You serve a heavenly father who

gave up everything Our God also

929

:

lost a son and also had to watch it.

930

:

And there is a sweetness in

knowing He chose that for me.

931

:

I would not have chosen this.

932

:

I'm grateful for it and I

wouldn't necessarily trade it now.

933

:

But I would not have chosen it.

934

:

I never would have chosen it to walk it.

935

:

And if the Lord gave me an option, I would

never walk something like that again.

936

:

I would want him to come back

tomorrow, take us all at the

937

:

same time and life is great, you

know, and like eternity together.

938

:

But like the word that we kept

talking about earlier, submission,

939

:

walking in submission to who he is

and his plans and purposes actually

940

:

a really beautiful, protective thing.

941

:

And I'm grateful that I had to submit

to a lot of things in life because

942

:

I am a bit of a control freak and

I really would like to do it my

943

:

Stephanie: way.

944

:

Jen S.:

945

:

But when you are a servant, he gets to

how best for you to serve your community.

946

:

And again, thank you.

947

:

We've been given much, and

so much will be And I am so

948

:

grateful to be able to do that.

949

:

We hope you've been encouraged

by the tenderness of the Lord

950

:

to Jen and her family as they

endured such a difficult trial

951

:

at Entrusted.

952

:

That's what we're all about, encouraging

moms to stay steadfast to the Lord and

953

:

enjoy each day with their children.

954

:

If you're looking for something

that would encourage you to do this.

955

:

Head to our website, www dot

Entrusted Ministries dot com, and

956

:

look into Entrusted with a Child's

Heart, our study for moms that is

957

:

based completely on the word of God.

958

:

And if you already know about it, please

tell a friend or write a review of

959

:

this podcast or share it with a friend.

960

:

We're counting on you to help build

families for the glory of God.

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About the Podcast

Show artwork for The Again Podcast on Christian Parenting: Redeeming the Repetition of Biblical Motherhood
The Again Podcast on Christian Parenting: Redeeming the Repetition of Biblical Motherhood
Christian Parenting, Biblical Motherhood, Faith, Family

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About your host

Profile picture for Stephanie Hickox

Stephanie Hickox

Stephanie has always delighted in God’s Word and in sharing it with others. Whether it is equipping mothers and leaders through Entrusted with a Child’s Heart, inspiring students when teaching at homeschool co-ops or children’s ministry, or homeschooling her own children, Stephanie’s life mission is to encourage others to follow faithfully and joyfully after Jesus—especially if they hold her favorite job title: mom.

Betsy Corning wrote Entrusted with a Child’s Heart in 1999 in response to the needs she saw in families as she and David counseled young parents just a few years behind them. Entrusted has been taught in hundreds of churches nationwide, been translated into several foreign languages, and has made its way around the world. More recently, Betsy received her Masters in Biblical Studies from The Master’s University and is developing a new Bible Study program called Get the Word Out. Her passion for God’s Word, discipleship, and teaching biblical principles as they apply to family life has remained strong to this day. One of the greatest blessings in Betsy’s life are her three grown children, their spouses, and ten grandchildren that keep her constantly in touch with every age and stage.

Jen Freckman Is an incredible wealth of wisdom. She will tell you a natural remedy for just about anything! She is also a voracious reader and she is just overflowing with quotes and guidance that she's encountered through reading and being faithful. She delights in her children and is a devoted mother. She is also an amazingly creative problem solver! Her solutions to manage her home and guide her children are inspiring.

Emily Deyo is such a treasure. She is an incredible encourager and servant-hearted woman. When she has the mic in front of her, so much value comes out! She is a wordsmith and her heart consistently beats for how she can encourage and serve others. She is a truly loving and attentive mother.

Join Betsy, Emily, Jen, and Stephanie as they share the wisdom only Scripture and on-the-job training can provide to help untangle the joyful calling of motherhood.