Episode 77

#77. Do Not Fear: He Gently Leads Those That Are With Young with Jen Stotz | Part 1

An AGAIN to surrender: fear. We work so hard to bless our children. We do all the things to set them up for success ... and if we're honest, we often wish we had all the control. What do we do when our worst fear happens? Will God be good to us? Are His plans really higher than our plans?

This testimony from Jen Stotz highlights the faithfulness of God to her and her husband as they received the terminal brain cancer diagnosis of their son. In part 1, Christian parents will be reminded to trust the Lord in all things. Even if the road is incredibly difficult, we do not walk it alone. If we have eyes to see, God's kindness will be evident. Jen reminds moms to cling to the Word of God in our trials. Whatever you are going through, this will be a reminder of where to place your trust.

Scripture Referenced: Isaiah 40:11

Study Mentioned: Entrusted with a Child's Heart

Transcript
Stephanie:

My heart in having you on is that we could take what is

2

:

probably a mother's greatest fear.

3

:

And say, look how the Lord

was so kind to you even in it.

4

:

And that those listening, that their

faith would be built up to greater

5

:

surrender to the Lord with their

children and even with themselves.

6

:

That's the impact that you've had on me

already and I would just love for you to

7

:

be able to bless our listeners with that.

8

:

Steph: They're the joyful

agains our children.

9

:

Shout on the swings, the exhausting

agains of cooking and laundry and

10

:

the difficult agains of discipline.

11

:

So much of what we do

as mothers is on repeat.

12

:

So what if we woke up with clarity,

knowing which agains we were called to.

13

:

And went to bed believing we are

faithful in what matters most.

14

:

We believe God's word is

the key to untangle from the

15

:

confusion and overwhelm we feel.

16

:

Let's look up together to embrace a

motherhood full of freedom and joy.

17

:

Welcome to the Again podcast where

we aim to redeem the over and over

18

:

of motherhood for the glory of God.

19

:

If you're anything like me, the over

and over that you wish you didn't have,

20

:

un repeat is fearing for your children.

21

:

Though the ages and stages of our

children may change, the love of

22

:

a mother often causes her to fear.

23

:

Every mom I know is trying to set her

children up for success across the

24

:

board to thrive spiritually, physically,

emotionally, relationally, mentally,

25

:

academically, and all of those endeavors

are in our heads, causing us to be

26

:

intentional, but also often quick

to worry, be anxious, and to fear.

27

:

Today in part one of this conversation,

you're going to hear a much needed

28

:

testimony from my dear friend, Jens Stotz.

29

:

Not only is Jen on the Board of

Entrusted Ministries, she also leads

30

:

several Entrusted with the child's heart

groups, and she serves as a preschool

31

:

teacher pointing children to Jesus.

32

:

I'd like to say this will be a

treat for you, but it's actually

33

:

going to be more like steak,

veggies, and your vitamins too.

34

:

Her testimony is one, none of us would

choose to have, but she beautifully

35

:

shares how the Lord was faithful and

kind to her, to her family and to her

36

:

son as they received his terminal brain

cancer diagnosis and eventually placed

37

:

him right back into the arms of Jesus.

38

:

You will have goosebumps over and

over at God's faithfulness, but also

39

:

at Jen's choice of walking in faith

and the preciousness of a little

40

:

boy who had eternity on his heart.

41

:

Wherever you're at today, whatever the

fears are that you wrestle with, I pray

42

:

that you can join me in laying those

at the feet of Jesus and trusting him.

43

:

As Isaiah 40 11 says, he will

tend his flock like a shepherd.

44

:

He will gather the lambs in his arms.

45

:

He will carry them in his bosom and

gently lead those that are with young.

46

:

He is with you mama, and that's

why you don't need to fear.

47

:

Enjoy the wisdom of the

inspiring Jennifer Stotz

48

:

Stephanie: jen, I want to ask you a couple

get to know you questions before we get

49

:

into the heart of our interview today.

50

:

What brings you joy on a daily basis?

51

:

Jen S.:

52

:

I, it's, daily is a tricky question

because I love so many things, but I think

53

:

the biggest thing that's been the most

consistent through my life is kiddos.

54

:

Because I get to teach preschool,

the things that they say and the

55

:

way that they see the world and the

wonder with which they interact.

56

:

Take in new things.

57

:

That gives me so much joy and I would

do that forever and ever if I could

58

:

just watch kiddos discover things and

the way their eyes light up and the

59

:

way they express themselves is so real

and raw and authentic and joyful to me.

60

:

That's my thing.

61

:

Stephanie: fantastic.

62

:

Did you think when your kids

were that age, preschool age,

63

:

was it really a special season

where you loved it in particular?

64

:

Or were you surprised when the

Lord led you in this direction?

65

:

Jen S.:

66

:

direction?

67

:

I have always said that every

age was my favorite age.

68

:

As I started to become a mom, I was

like, Oh my gosh, this is amazing.

69

:

It's such a great age.

70

:

And then we would hit the next milestone.

71

:

It was like, Oh, wow, now this is amazing.

72

:

The only one I was really afraid

of was the teenage years because

73

:

I was not a nice teenager.

74

:

Um, And the Lord was just so

gracious and gave me wonderful

75

:

relationships with my teenage girls.

76

:

And and now as adults, it's a

whole different level of amazing.

77

:

And yeah, I think the Lord was gracious

in that every stage, while hard there was

78

:

not a lot there, I don't know if there

were any easy stages or any easy phases.

79

:

But But they were all

pretty joyful and awesome

80

:

Stephanie: Okay, we're going

to have you back to talk about

81

:

Jen S.:

82

:

teenagers,

83

:

Stephanie: parenting.

84

:

Jen S.:

85

:

You might wanna ask my

teenagers first, but yeah.

86

:

Stephanie: If you could snap your

fingers and have gained any one

87

:

quality or attribute, what would it be?

88

:

Jen S.:

89

:

I don't know what you would call

this attribute, but I'm now in

90

:

the stage where I have adult kids.

91

:

I'm having to learn what it means to

have my 50 years worth of perspective,

92

:

but let them learn The things that the

Lord wants to teach them and make their

93

:

own choices and walk in those things.

94

:

And so what maybe restraint

would be a good word for it.

95

:

It's an interesting thing to

come to the point where you've

96

:

been the one to instruct and

lead and guide for 20 some years.

97

:

And now especially even for my

married daughter, she's making

98

:

choices with her husband.

99

:

And my mama heart wants to make things

easy for them, but that's where it's

100

:

my earthly, heart rather than the heart

of a good and godly father who wants

101

:

them to learn and to grow and easy

is not always best she was so sweet.

102

:

I asked her like, okay I'm new at this,

you know you're the guinea pig with all

103

:

of this, like what do I need to know?

104

:

And she said so sweetly, she

said, maybe wait until we ask

105

:

for input before you give advice.

106

:

And I was like, that's wisdom right there.

107

:

I'm still not great at

it, but I'm learning.

108

:

So that would be the attribute.

109

:

If I could snap my fingers and be a

seasoned, wise, supportive, loving.

110

:

Perfect parent of adult kids.

111

:

That's what I would do because I want

very much to be a blessing to them

112

:

in this season for both my girls.

113

:

Stephanie: Good for you for asking

114

:

Jen S.:

115

:

question.

116

:

You gotta be careful when you ask these

questions, but I would rather know,

117

:

Stephanie: and that shows that you

do have a wonderful relationship that

118

:

she felt comfortable to tell you and

Great to figure that out in the early

119

:

Jen S.:

120

:

Yeah, right?

121

:

They've 20 years in.

122

:

Mom, maybe you should've.

123

:

Yeah.

124

:

Stephanie: Yes, but I can relate

even with my kids their ages.

125

:

I learned that lesson already.

126

:

I,, I just want to impart that to you,

127

:

Jen S.:

128

:

Let me help you!

129

:

Stephanie: No, our character

actually is refined past that point.

130

:

Jen S.:

131

:

Don't

132

:

Stephanie: don't need

to be tempted by that.

133

:

And it's, no, it doesn't work that way.

134

:

Jen S.:

135

:

And it didn't work that way when

I was a kid, so why would I think

136

:

it would work just by, Oh no,

let me tell you how to do it.

137

:

And so then, I didn't learn that way.

138

:

I learned in the fire.

139

:

And it made the blessings

all that much sweeter.

140

:

So I don't want to take that from them

either, once you've walked through

141

:

the fire and you see the Lord grow

your faith and all those things.

142

:

I wish I could hand them the

richness of that without having

143

:

to walk through the hard seasons.

144

:

Stephanie: right?

145

:

Jen S.:

146

:

But

147

:

then I would be robbing those,

faith growing, faith building, faith

148

:

testing, faith proving experiences.

149

:

but it's hard to watch Ismael.

150

:

Stephanie: Oh, absolutely.

151

:

Just every question.

152

:

I'm like, Oh, I have another topic.

153

:

I want to have you on for it.

154

:

Yes.

155

:

Jen is just absolutely, as you can

tell already a wealth of wisdom,

156

:

but so humble and so authentic.

157

:

And I know I told you this recently

at the entrusted event, but,

158

:

Your example of choosing joy in difficult

circumstances ministers to me on a regular

159

:

basis I don't get to see you that often,

but every time I do, it's such a joy.

160

:

And I see you just pressing into

the Lord for that perspective.

161

:

And something actually happened this

week that was really frustrating.

162

:

10 hours of work just gone because

of a quick decision one of my kids

163

:

made with the podcast being again,

I was like everything I do is undone

164

:

but I worked really hard on that thing

and now it's gone and I was just so

165

:

discouraged and I thought of you This

means nothing in light of eternity.

166

:

This is nothing.

167

:

I can be disappointed for a moment,

but I can't meditate on this.

168

:

And I certainly am not going to let

my child think that this is more

169

:

important than him, but those are just

instances the Lord brings you to mind.

170

:

I think my heart in having you

on is that we could take what is

171

:

probably a mother's greatest fear.

172

:

And say, look how the Lord

was so kind to you even in it.

173

:

And that those listening, that their

faith would be built up to greater

174

:

surrender to the Lord with their

children and even with themselves.

175

:

That's the impact that you've had on me

already and I would just love for you to

176

:

be able to bless our listeners with that.

177

:

Thank you so much for being here.

178

:

Jen S.:

179

:

Of course, any way I can.

180

:

Any way I can.

181

:

Stephanie: Tell us about your husband,

tell us about how many children you

182

:

have and then, and we know you're

a preschool teacher, so what does

183

:

your life look like these days?

184

:

Jen S.:

185

:

So Rob and I have been married for

30 years and we have three kiddos.

186

:

My Emma is 24 and she's

a school counselor.

187

:

She's married to Brandon.

188

:

And I'm so Grateful they

live in the area now.

189

:

They just moved back in May.

190

:

So I'm super happy to have her home.

191

:

We have our Ellie who is in her

first year of law school at NYU.

192

:

She's going out to save the world as

an international human rights attorney.

193

:

That's her goal.

194

:

And so she's in New York now.

195

:

But thank goodness for FaceTime because

that makes it not seem so far away.

196

:

And and then we had our son, John who

passed away in:

197

:

And our life these days looks

like, whatever most empty

198

:

nester's lives look like.

199

:

I don't know.

200

:

We don't have a ton of empty nester

friends, so we're blazing the trail

201

:

but I'm super grateful that I really

do love my husband and he's like my

202

:

favorite person to hang out with.

203

:

Because we have a whole lot of time

now, which we never had before.

204

:

So that's that's what we're doing

these days is what does that look like,

205

:

Lord, what do you want us to do in this

new season and how do you want us to

206

:

serve because he also is a teacher.

207

:

At Harvest Christian

Academy here in Elgin.

208

:

And he teaches high school

and middle school art.

209

:

And I get to have the

littles in the preschool.

210

:

So it's pretty neat that we've had

a ministry that we can do together

211

:

rather than going our separate

ways for work and our separate

212

:

ministries and things like that.

213

:

We've said for a long time, we

get onto the ark two by two.

214

:

So, um, We're I, you get

one of us, you get both of

215

:

Stephanie: us

216

:

Jen S.:

217

:

It's just the way it works.

218

:

But we love that.

219

:

And so we're able to just

serve together and whatever way

220

:

that the Lord opens the doors.

221

:

And we're just grateful to continue

to have ministry and community be

222

:

open now in a new and different way to

whatever the Lord might have for us.

223

:

Stephanie: You definitely

are both so ministry minded

224

:

and it's incredibly evident.

225

:

I can see how the Lord has

used each of your gifts.

226

:

To do it in a different

way, but so complimentary.

227

:

And I think that must be so refreshing

to just have your passions and your

228

:

values so aligned so like minded.

229

:

Jen S.:

230

:

fun.

231

:

I was 20.

232

:

When we got married, he was 23.

233

:

We were kind of babies.

234

:

And we've said so often because we moved

straight from our parents household

235

:

into our married household Everything

we've done has been built together.

236

:

We learned how to be adults together.

237

:

We learned, our adult walks with

the Lord have been together.

238

:

There wasn't a coming

together of two adults.

239

:

It was two kids figuring it out together.

240

:

And that leads to a lot of bumps

in the road, but it also, like I

241

:

was saying earlier for my grown

daughters, there's a sweetness to that.

242

:

And there's a depth of faith.

243

:

That I think the Lord allowed us

to walk through a lot of through

244

:

the years that was because he's

so good and he goes before us and

245

:

he'll be our rear guard, right?

246

:

Like he was going before us and preparing

our hearts for so many of the things

247

:

that we would encounter along the way.

248

:

And none of them I can't say none of them.

249

:

A lot of it was fun, but there were some

unfun things too, but all of it with

250

:

fruit and and I'm super grateful for that.

251

:

Stephanie: You're both

such a beautiful example.

252

:

Jen S.:

253

:

Lord, I am a hot mess.

254

:

I bring very little to

the table that is my own.

255

:

And you probably wouldn't

want it anyway, but.

256

:

I

257

:

Stephanie: can't tell.

258

:

I know that you're such an entrusted

promoter and share with us how you came

259

:

to know about entrusted and how your role

with the ministry has changed and morphed

260

:

Jen S.:

261

:

sure.

262

:

I didn't grow up in a Christian home,

and when I had my own daughter my

263

:

husband had the blessing of growing up

in a Christian home, but I came with

264

:

very little to contribute to that.

265

:

But I had a desperate

desire not to screw it up.

266

:

That was my big thing.

267

:

I kept saying, Lord I don't I get

one shot with each of these kids.

268

:

You're going to need to show me because

I have no clue how to point them to you

269

:

and I'm going to fall on my face and

still did even with entrusted and with

270

:

walking with the Lord, I still fell

on my face and still do enough times.

271

:

But I was pleading with him for, Direction

and for wisdom and for guidance because

272

:

I saw these amazing Christian families

and that's what I wanted for my kids.

273

:

But I had no idea how to get there.

274

:

And so we were at church at the time

and Betsy had just started teaching

275

:

Entrusted when my when my oldest was born.

276

:

I think we missed the first year

she taught it but jumped in the

277

:

second year and only because I did

a community Bible study that had a

278

:

nursing moms group because I didn't

want to drop her off in the nursery.

279

:

So that was how I ended up in

entrusted and my goodness, like

280

:

there is so much in that study.

281

:

I, even as a mom of a one and a half

year old at the time, I devoured it.

282

:

There was so much that was, and I

want to do this with my family, and

283

:

I want to do this with my family, and

if I could just do this with them,

284

:

and then and so it really gave me a

roadmap, but I'm also one of those

285

:

people that needs to understand the why.

286

:

I don't like just a step by step, I need

to understand why I'm doing what I'm

287

:

doing, because if I don't understand the

why behind it then I'm going to come up

288

:

against a situation that isn't black and

white or that hasn't been explained to

289

:

me before, and I'm not going to have the

tools to make A God honoring decision.

290

:

And so I loved that entrusted started

with the authority of God's word and who

291

:

is he, and then worked forward and built

a vision for the family out of that.

292

:

And so that was an amazing year.

293

:

I took it the first year and then I took

it again the next year because, and by

294

:

then I was pregnant with number two.

295

:

And there was just so

much meat in the study.

296

:

Any study that's going to have me

do scripture memory, I'm already

297

:

going to love because that's I'm

always very much a that's nice that

298

:

there are human words and human

understanding and a human take on things,

299

:

But,

300

:

God's word is the only

thing that's infallible.

301

:

And which we can even talk more

about later when we talk about all

302

:

the things that's gone on in our

family, but that's what I want.

303

:

I want what God says about things.

304

:

And I absolutely loved the study and

then after a couple years of taking the

305

:

study and asking, my sister took it, I

asked for the CDs for Christmas, like I

306

:

had, like I was like a, I was frustrated.

307

:

I was feasting on it all then I

actually stepped out and I ran the

308

:

children's ministry for a bunch of

years that went on during Entrusted.

309

:

So I got to see other moms just

consistently fed and directed by

310

:

God's word through the ministry.

311

:

And then we had our baby John and

we we moved out from the Rolling

312

:

Meadows area to the Elgin area.

313

:

And so the raising two children.

314

:

teens and an infant was a very

different it's a very different task.

315

:

So I stepped out of doing

children's ministry for that season.

316

:

And over those years I saw An

increasing need as the people that

317

:

I was in circles with had not had

the benefit of having that teaching.

318

:

Back when I raised my girls, that was,

hordes of women were taking it and we

319

:

all spoke the same language and we raised

our kids with the same basic needs.

320

:

Based level of understanding of

what the Lord was asking us to do.

321

:

And as our son started growing

up, I started to see that absence.

322

:

And as my husband and I were teaching,

we started to see such a need for that,

323

:

a biblical understanding of what it means

to teach your kids to honor the Lord.

324

:

And We had started asking if we could

bring the entrusted study back, and the

325

:

Lord has been gracious, and this is now my

second year having an entrusted group of

326

:

sweet HCA moms, that's Harvest Christian

Academy mamas that are there are actually

327

:

three groups going on at HCA right now

depending on their time preferences and

328

:

things like that, and there is There is

something precious about watching moms who

329

:

are desperate for direction and wisdom.

330

:

And I see a lot of the same

desperation that I had.

331

:

Lord, I want to do this right.

332

:

I want to do it in a way that honors you.

333

:

But the world is so loud.

334

:

And the internet is so loud.

335

:

And everything is a quick

fix and all the things.

336

:

And I just see such a for women

to have the truth of scripture.

337

:

As applied to their families and this

high calling that we have as moms.

338

:

So it is huge joy to me to see that being

taught again with the new curriculum.

339

:

So even the bands of influence

was something that wasn't in

340

:

it when I took it the first

341

:

Stephanie: Sure.

342

:

And then you're also a board member

now for Entrusted, which, yeah, it's

343

:

so exciting because I love having

your perspective of you being in there

344

:

with the moms and you know what it's

been, what Entrusted has been for

345

:

you personally, but then you're also

seeing how it's impacting women and We

346

:

always want to have our pulse on what

are moms really, getting right now.

347

:

And are there things

that are confusing still?

348

:

Or could we clarify this?

349

:

Or what are the resources we

could be equipping moms with?

350

:

So I'm so grateful for you.

351

:

And

352

:

Jen S.:

353

:

excited about it.

354

:

I love seeing the Lord expand

this ministry and use it, and

355

:

generation after generation.

356

:

Like I'm grateful that my girls, if

the Lord gives them children someday,

357

:

have access to these resources.

358

:

Otherwise I was going to have to be

buying your old resources and tell them

359

:

to figure out how to add cell phones

and digital media into the curriculum

360

:

because there's just so much of value

there that I'm so grateful to be a part

361

:

of seeing the ministry move forward.

362

:

So thank you for the

363

:

Stephanie: Yes, thank you.

364

:

As you're ministering to these young moms,

what are some things that really stand

365

:

out to you that this generation of moms

is doing well and is passionate about?

366

:

Jen S.:

367

:

I

368

:

think The pandemic has given families

opportunity to have much more proximity

369

:

than I think some traditional families

have had with all the opportunities to

370

:

work from home mom and dad sometimes are

are very available and There's not as

371

:

much commute, there's things like that.

372

:

So I think spending time together has

been more of an opportunity than it was

373

:

when I was raising my girls, when it was

more of a traditional work environment

374

:

that was available to families.

375

:

And so I think they have opportunities

to see a lot more firsthand

376

:

than they have in the past.

377

:

That leads to its own struggles,

378

:

Stephanie: Yes.

379

:

Jen S.:

380

:

we can talk about that if you're going

to ask the other half of the question.

381

:

But I think the proximity alone

gives a richness to a family

382

:

that that traditionally families

have not yet been able to have,

383

:

at least not in the last, 40, 50

384

:

Stephanie: That's a great perspective.

385

:

It was almost like a reset for families.

386

:

Certainly.

387

:

And then what are some things that

you, just a general caution that

388

:

you would have for moms today?

389

:

Jen S.:

390

:

My general caution would

be you can't do it all.

391

:

I think that's the trap of the being

able to work from home so often is that

392

:

see, you can work from home and take

care of your kids and, and be the wife

393

:

and serve in ministry and all that.

394

:

You can do all the things because

you work at home now or because you

395

:

have an opportunity to work at home.

396

:

And I think the social media

world is still in the place of

397

:

telling women they can do it all.

398

:

And I will say that there will always

be a cost, whether it be to your work

399

:

or to your family, depending on how

well you balance your priorities and

400

:

your commitments and things like that.

401

:

So I guess my caution would be

Don't buy into the pressures of the

402

:

world because an employer can get a

hundred different applicants to do

403

:

a job, but your kids get one mom.

404

:

And it is a fleeting season.

405

:

To be able to make the,

406

:

And each person has different capacity.

407

:

I wouldn't, I would never presume

to tell somebody what their capacity

408

:

is and that you can only work X

number of hours and still be a good

409

:

mom or all the things you and your

husband need to make that agreement.

410

:

But I think, I would just,

yeah, caution moms not to buy

411

:

into the you can have it all.

412

:

Weigh it out with the Lord.

413

:

When Betsy talks about being able to keep

your thumb on the pulse of your family,

414

:

that's a super important guideline.

415

:

Because odds are if you are not keeping

your thumb on the pulse of your family,

416

:

There's not someone else who and that

can lead some really hard directions and

417

:

you can get pretty far down a road before

it screams at you and you take notice.

418

:

Stephanie: Yes I've actually even

approached Betsy with things recently

419

:

I'd still have a huge desire for this?

420

:

And she's like, Someday.

421

:

not this season, like when

will I go back, for to finish my

422

:

master's or yeah, not right now

423

:

Jen S.:

424

:

Yeah, you

425

:

Stephanie: Okay.

426

:

Yes, right but I you can get caught up

in that but won't that make me better

427

:

at my job or will that help provide

better or But no, be fully where you are.

428

:

It's hard to discern those things

too, and I think because you entered

429

:

in so fully as a mom, you're able

to enter in fully where you are now.

430

:

Jen S.:

431

:

I agree.

432

:

Yeah.

433

:

Stephanie: I think embracing the

season and the blessings it brings.

434

:

Jen S.:

435

:

And we used to there was an old

pastor that used to tell us, good

436

:

things become bad things when they

take the place of the best things.

437

:

And so we've done that as a family quite

a bit, like that has come back to us,

438

:

trying to gauge, okay, this is a good

thing, this is a really good thing.

439

:

But what is the cost?

440

:

And does it, will it cost the best thing?

441

:

And if that's the case, then It's not

a wise decision and it would be most

442

:

honoring to the Lord to set the good

aside for now to focus on his best.

443

:

Stephanie: Yes.

444

:

Jen S.:

445

:

and that's hard.

446

:

It's easy to say, Oh yeah,

this is a great saying.

447

:

Isn't that wonderful?

448

:

It's going to be so cut and dry and

449

:

Stephanie: Yep, yep.

450

:

Jen S.:

451

:

which, it's not.

452

:

But again, that's where we exercise our

faith muscles and walk it through with the

453

:

Lord and with our spouse and one, one day

at a time for all of us in those regards.

454

:

Stephanie: Yep.

455

:

Oh, for sure.

456

:

Jen S.:

457

:

for sure.

458

:

Alright, I'm going to throw hard one.

459

:

okay.

460

:

I'm ready.

461

:

Stephanie: If you could give

a description for biblical

462

:

motherhood, how would you define it?

463

:

Jen S.:

464

:

Oh, golly.

465

:

I think the first thing that comes

to mind is when Scripture talks

466

:

about Jesus laying down His life.

467

:

And When you become a mom, there

is so much you need to lay down

468

:

because for this sweet short season,

469

:

not that your life needs to become

child focused, that's not what I'm

470

:

trying to say, but there is a season

where our flesh can get in the way.

471

:

in a way that impacts not only us,

but the next generation as well.

472

:

And I think in so many ways, we

need to lay down our desires, our

473

:

opinions, our our flesh, our sin,

our all those things in order to

474

:

stay out of the way of the Lord.

475

:

training up our kids through us.

476

:

so I think laying down our lives and

our goals for the wellbeing of our

477

:

family and the wellbeing of our kids.

478

:

And honestly for me, even putting

aside my ideals, the way I thought my

479

:

family should look, the way I thought

things should go and all of those

480

:

things laying those down in able, in.

481

:

to make room for what the Lord

actually intended in my life.

482

:

That to me was, would be

what biblical motherhood is.

483

:

Laying down myself and picking

up Christ and loving your kids,

484

:

obviously imperfectly because, we're

here in the now and the not yet, not

485

:

in the not yet, but to be able to.

486

:

Die to yourself so often and it can be as

simple as my coffee stone cold because I

487

:

poured it six hours ago And then put the

cup down and then the day happened you

488

:

know, it can be as simple as not drinking

a warm cup of coffee or as big as I need

489

:

to you know, quit a job that I love to

pour into my kids for this season or

490

:

Take a night job that I loathe in

order to provide in a way that I can

491

:

be with my kids during the season.

492

:

I don't know, there are so many, it's

different for each person, but that

493

:

laying down of self as modeled to us,

through the life of Christ is what

494

:

I would see as biblical motherhood.

495

:

Stephanie: There's a lot of surrender,

496

:

Jen S.:

497

:

Yes, a lot.

498

:

And not just surrender, I think.

499

:

Surrender is such an amazing word because

it's not even just surrender of things.

500

:

For my family or to my kids.

501

:

I think it's also surrender to the Lord's

plans and to him as an act of worship.

502

:

I think that's one of the most

beautiful parts of motherhood.

503

:

I feel like it's a very fearful and

holy thing to take on motherhood.

504

:

It really is.

505

:

But, oh my word, the richness

and the beauty and the joy

506

:

and The paycheck is very

507

:

Stephanie: large.

508

:

You can't take

509

:

Jen S.:

510

:

can't take it to the

bank, but it's very large.

511

:

When you see that what it's actually

cost you is so very little in

512

:

comparison to the reward, I think

that's a pretty amazing gift.

513

:

Stephanie: They bring so much joy, All

my favorite people are over here, right?

514

:

Jen S.:

515

:

Right?

516

:

Absolutely.

517

:

Makes it hard when they grow up.

518

:

It's wait, but my favorite

people live all over the country.

519

:

That's terrible.

520

:

But yeah, the joy is unparalleled.

521

:

Absolutely.

522

:

As is the sacrifice.

523

:

But,

524

:

Stephanie: Yeah.

525

:

But so worth it.

526

:

let's talk a little bit

more about that surrender.

527

:

Sure.

528

:

And You experienced, a

very tragic loss with John.

529

:

And I know that this isn't your

first experience with loss.

530

:

You've had several really

traumatic instances.

531

:

Would you mind sharing a little

bit about your experience in

532

:

Jen S.:

533

:

Sure.

534

:

It was interesting, the I remembered

thinking as a young adult wow, all

535

:

these families are going through

such hard things, but our family has

536

:

been shielded from all those things.

537

:

And look at wow, look at this

season of of, almost rest from

538

:

what I was seeing elsewhere.

539

:

And I think the Lord used that.

540

:

I was thinking about that today.

541

:

I think the Lord used that.

542

:

and has continued to bring it

to mind to remind me that he was

543

:

preparing me in the season of rest.

544

:

And I'm so grateful when I was a

kid, I used to hope that the Lord

545

:

would, Lord, why can't you just show

me who the person is ahead for me

546

:

and can't show me all these things.

547

:

And then I would be able to trust

you, and now as a, as an adult,

548

:

I'm like, Oh foolish kiddo.

549

:

I was so silly.

550

:

I'm grateful he didn't show me.

551

:

But in 2010 my dad, who was a daily

part of our lives almost daily, he he

552

:

and my mom have been together since

my mom was 12 and my dad was 13.

553

:

They were junior high sweethearts in

a tiny little town in Indiana, and

554

:

he was the small town boy made good.

555

:

He ended up being an executive

at an ad agency in Chicago,

556

:

worked there his whole career.

557

:

Ended up when he retired, he was on the

board of directors and did very well.

558

:

Retired at 55 and they celebrated their

40th anniversary and my mom's 60th and

559

:

we had a big thing and it was wonderful.

560

:

And then in December of 2010 Two days

before Christmas, on the 23rd, he had

561

:

a fall down their basement stairs and

fractured a vertebrae two of them,

562

:

and was in the hospital for two days,

and then that Christmas morning,

563

:

we had to choose to let him go.

564

:

And so my sister and brother and I and

our spouses were all there with my mom

565

:

and my dad as he stepped into eternity.

566

:

That was the first time I had ever

experienced something like that up close.

567

:

I had never been with someone

when they passed away.

568

:

I had never I'd never been without a dad.

569

:

There's My dad didn't know the Lord

until after my daughter was born.

570

:

And so he was not a perfect parent by

any means, but he loved us so very much.

571

:

There was never a doubt in

my mind that he wasn't doing

572

:

everything he was doing for us.

573

:

And so to all of a sudden not have that

covering or protection, I remember sitting

574

:

and tucking into a little corner in a

hallway at Northwest Community Hospital,

575

:

and Crying out to the Lord Lord, I have

never been without my dad to take care of

576

:

me, you are going to need to do it because

I can't do this without that protection.

577

:

But it also was a sweet time of I

remember the Christmas Eve, after

578

:

Christmas Eve services at church A couple

of our dear friends who were pastors

579

:

came over to the hospital and were

praying with us around my dad's bed.

580

:

And as we were praying, the Lord made it

so clear that this is why he sent his son.

581

:

Because it wasn't supposed to be

like this pain, death, brokenness.

582

:

We chose that and he saved us from that.

583

:

And I think back to that moment.

584

:

And it's one of those things that's

so clear, I can tell you exactly

585

:

where I was standing, where everybody

else was standing around my dad's

586

:

hospital bed and all the things.

587

:

And I think back to that moment and

that was when the Lord began to cement

588

:

in my heart that, His ways are not my

ways, and that's a very good thing.

589

:

And so we walked through that with my

dad, and then in, that was:

590

:

then in 2015 my brother, who was a

pediatric orthopedic surgeon got a very

591

:

rare form of cancer, and he, Fought with

it for a year with a two year old and

592

:

a four year old and then passed away.

593

:

And so now we had a different dynamic.

594

:

We were walking through that

watching a family be a young

595

:

family um, be impacted by that.

596

:

And the Lord was so gracious

because in watching my brother.

597

:

Who, because he was a physician, knew.

598

:

from the very beginning that he had

a sarcoma and he knew that type of

599

:

cancer that he had, if the first

treatment, I remember him telling

600

:

me, if this first treatment doesn't

work, I'm pretty much a goner.

601

:

And he endured some

pretty rough surgeries.

602

:

The tumor was between

his heart and his lungs.

603

:

When you, deal with a giant

surgery like that and then go

604

:

into chemo and all those things.

605

:

His body was pretty beat up and

but he was doing everything he

606

:

could to be around for his boys.

607

:

So he chose all these clinical

trials and kept trying, even though

608

:

as a physician, he knew that that

the odds were not in his favor.

609

:

So he did that for, almost a year.

610

:

And then passed away in 2015.

611

:

And in the sweetness of the Lord, that

was we can talk about my son, John, in

612

:

a minute, but the Lord brought those

things to mind as we were walking John

613

:

in some pretty sweet ways that he used

those circumstances to continue to remind

614

:

us of his goodness and his faithfulness.

615

:

And that even in those dark days that

he was working and he was for us and

616

:

that was pretty precious to be able to

have seen and proved out before we hit

617

:

the big valley, the, each valley you

think is a little bit deeper and then

618

:

you hit the really big one and you're

like, holy cow, okay, here we go, all

619

:

right, Lord, you got to make sure you

are everything you said you're going

620

:

to be because I cannot walk this and

I can tell you with a surety he is.

621

:

Stephanie: Thank you.

622

:

I know I didn't warn you

623

:

Jen S.:

624

:

oh, I don't mind at all.

625

:

No, it's all his story.

626

:

This is a, we know we've been entrusted

with something, to use the tag word

627

:

Yes,

628

:

but we do know that we've been entrusted

with a testimony that Screams of his

629

:

goodness in the midst of some dark.

630

:

And so I don't mind talking about those

at all because I really, like I said,

631

:

I have nothing to bring to the table.

632

:

It was all him.

633

:

And if it wasn't, I wouldn't

be here to talk to you.

634

:

Cause I have nothing in

and of myself of value.

635

:

It has all been the way he has done great

things because he is able and I'm not,

636

:

Stephanie: able and

637

:

Jen S.:

638

:

That I'm here.

639

:

So

640

:

that was my dad and my brother.

641

:

And then in 2022 our son who was

eight at the time started having some

642

:

concerning symptoms and they didn't know

if he had COVID a couple months before.

643

:

They didn't know if it was long

COVID related or things like that.

644

:

And We ended up taking him to,

after a weekend of watching symptoms

645

:

and our doctor had given us some

guidelines, we ended up taking him

646

:

to the ER on Valentine's morning.

647

:

And they found that he had

a tumor in his brainstem.

648

:

And by the next morning we knew

it was something called DIPG

649

:

Diffuse Intrinsic Pontine Glioma,

which is terminal at diagnosis.

650

:

And Life changed a whole lot.

651

:

Stephanie: Yeah,

652

:

Jen S.:

653

:

It changed a whole lot that day.

654

:

It is interesting to have walked and

seen people with diagnoses afterwards

655

:

and have that feeling in the pit of my

stomach that your life is changing today.

656

:

And

657

:

that's not terrible.

658

:

There's beauty, there's so much beauty

in it, but to know that That depth of

659

:

change and the way that news like that

can shake everything that you know and

660

:

your plans and your priorities and all

the things like it just shakes everything.

661

:

And yeah, so that was our February 14th,

662

:

Stephanie: and I imagine that the doctors

had said it could be this, it could

663

:

be this, it could be this, and that's

probably the thing that you're thinking

664

:

just don't come back as this, right?

665

:

Jen S.:

666

:

They were actually, it's funny because I

asked the ER doctor, she was wonderful.

667

:

I wish I could say it would take me

hours to talk about how amazing she

668

:

was and truly a gift from the Lord.

669

:

Like she, even in the midst of COVID

when you weren't supposed to have any,

670

:

she smuggled the elders from the church

back to pray over my son before we went

671

:

down to Lurie's and all the things.

672

:

Like she was unreal.

673

:

Gave me Motion sickness

medicine from her own purse,

674

:

so

675

:

I could ride in the ambulance with my

son, because I am terribly motion sick.

676

:

So like they cared for us so well,

and that was totally from the Lord.

677

:

But DIPG is if not the only one

of very few that is 99 percent

678

:

diagnosable from scan alone.

679

:

I think I did ask her when she

showed me, she drew on the little

680

:

whiteboard in blue marker, the

funny things you remember, right?

681

:

But she drew on the little

whiteboard in the little ER stall

682

:

that we were in, his brain and the

brainstem and where the tumor was.

683

:

And I said to her, it

could be benign, right?

684

:

She said, it could.

685

:

And she said, she gave me the best

advice that I received, probably

686

:

that whole thing from a doctor.

687

:

She said, please don't Google anything.

688

:

She said, let the doctors tell you

689

:

once

690

:

they have a firm diagnosis,

stay off the internet.

691

:

And honestly, like that was a gift.

692

:

Because once we had an official diagnosis

and once things unraveled from there

693

:

and they started to explain things

there was a lot I didn't need to know.

694

:

There was a lot that was unavoidable

or should have been unavoidable, but

695

:

yet the Lord spared us from that.

696

:

I didn't need to add to my mental

arsenal of trying to take my

697

:

thoughts captive on a daily basis.

698

:

So yeah, so that was that, but

there really wasn't they offered us.

699

:

Things in the hospital.

700

:

So he was down at Lurie's, which

is amazing, it's an amazing place.

701

:

And so they offered us

biopsies and things like that.

702

:

He might be able to qualify

for a clinical trial.

703

:

But they also told us his doctor

is one of the top pediatric

704

:

neuro oncologists in the country.

705

:

And she said, I will tell you in

the last 50, I believe it was 50.

706

:

My brain was a little hazy at the

time, but she, this was as they

707

:

were telling us the diagnosis.

708

:

She said, in the last 50 years, there

is nothing beyond the treatment,

709

:

the radiation treatment that he had

that they offer that has made it.

710

:

It passed stage one and that's

where they test for dosage and

711

:

safety for this type of cancer.

712

:

So there weren't even like phase

two, it's showing promise, they were

713

:

only testing for dosage and safety.

714

:

And I remembered saying to her at the

time and like I said, these, all the

715

:

memories, like I'm, I can picture the

room, I can picture the order that the

716

:

specialists were sitting in and my husband

and I and I remembered saying to her you

717

:

cannot give my son any more days than

the Lord has already written for him.

718

:

I don't want you to give him more days.

719

:

If you have anything that will

give him good days, we'd be

720

:

interested in hearing about that.

721

:

And because we had watched my brother

walk through all these clinical trials

722

:

and all that, that just made his body so

toxic, and, he just suffered for a year.

723

:

We didn't want to do that to John.

724

:

And because

725

:

we firmly believed that God is who

he says he is, and when he said each

726

:

one of his days was written before,

one of them came to be that was true.

727

:

We said, what are the risks?

728

:

What are the side effects

of this radiation?

729

:

And they told us, and they were minimal.

730

:

And we said, we will do that.

731

:

And Because we also said,

and what happens if we don't?

732

:

And they said, he has

maybe two months max.

733

:

And so we said, okay radiation

it is we'll take that path.

734

:

But beyond that, we're just going

to live and trust the Lord with it.

735

:

So my husband, even I was out of the room

calling my two daughters who were one was

736

:

out of town for college and one was out of

the country doing a study abroad program.

737

:

So I was out calling them to giving,

Give them the official diagnosis.

738

:

I know it was a little bit crazy.

739

:

But the neurosurgeon came in and

he was explaining to Rob all of

740

:

the things and, and they don't do

surgery on this because it's in the

741

:

brainstem, that's the control panel for.

742

:

Everything for all the signals

from the brain to the body.

743

:

And so the guy was explaining to him

there's this much of a percent chance

744

:

that either it could keep bleeding

or we could hit something or dah.

745

:

And Rob said, I'm already

losing at the odds game.

746

:

And there's really not like

he did the quick cost benefit

747

:

analysis and he's no, thank you.

748

:

We'd like to take our son home.

749

:

And And even in that, there was

sweetness because and this is an

750

:

aside from being a parent, but on the

marriage side When, and this could be

751

:

a whole nother podcast we could talk

752

:

Stephanie: I wanted to

ask you about aspect.

753

:

Jen S.:

754

:

but when I think a lot of families, when

they walk through this the odds are not

755

:

good for a husband and wife to, to stay

together after the loss of a child.

756

:

But in the Lord's wisdom, I have spent.

757

:

At that time, 28 years, now 30 years

learning what it means to submit to

758

:

my husband, not in some, Neanderthal

way, world way, but in a beautiful

759

:

God ordained way and My husband has

learned what it's meant for 30 years

760

:

to love his wife as Christ loved the

church and give himself up for me.

761

:

And so When we get to those big deal

moments when he made a choice No,

762

:

we're not going to do the biopsy.

763

:

We're not pursuing, a whole

mess of clinical trials.

764

:

We're going to take our son home because

this is a terminal cancer and we're

765

:

not going to put him through the things

that we watched my brother go through.

766

:

I was at complete peace letting him

make that choice for our family.

767

:

And again, that's nothing of me.

768

:

It's because the Lord has made it.

769

:

Grown that in us for 30 years.

770

:

And so in that moment when it was

hardest it could have been hardest.

771

:

It was actually quite easy to feel loved

and protected by him taking the weight

772

:

of that on his shoulders and saying, I am

choosing this for my God and for my son.

773

:

And we're going to walk this way.

774

:

And, oh my goodness, it

was a relief to follow.

775

:

Steph: We know you're busy, mama.

776

:

So we are truly grateful you joined us for

this episode of again, if you're looking

777

:

for more information about building your

home on the foundation of Jesus Christ,

778

:

head to www dot Entrusted Ministries

dot com to learn more about our study

779

:

for moms Entrusted with a child's Heart.

780

:

This scripture saturated study

has blessed families around the

781

:

world, and we want it for you too.

782

:

Before you go, I want to pray this

benediction over you from Second

783

:

Thessalonians one 11 through 12.

784

:

We're rooting for you to this end.

785

:

We always pray for you that our God

may make you worthy of his calling and

786

:

may fulfill every resolve for good.

787

:

And every work of faith by his power

so that the name of our Lord Jesus

788

:

may be glorified in you and you

and Him according to the grace of

789

:

our God and the Lord Jesus Christ.

790

:

Amen.

791

:

Until we meet again.

Next Episode All Episodes Previous Episode

About the Podcast

Show artwork for The Again Podcast on Christian Parenting: Redeeming the Repetition of Biblical Motherhood
The Again Podcast on Christian Parenting: Redeeming the Repetition of Biblical Motherhood
Christian Parenting, Biblical Motherhood, Faith, Family

Listen for free

About your host

Profile picture for Stephanie Hickox

Stephanie Hickox

Stephanie has always delighted in God’s Word and in sharing it with others. Whether it is equipping mothers and leaders through Entrusted with a Child’s Heart, inspiring students when teaching at homeschool co-ops or children’s ministry, or homeschooling her own children, Stephanie’s life mission is to encourage others to follow faithfully and joyfully after Jesus—especially if they hold her favorite job title: mom.

Betsy Corning wrote Entrusted with a Child’s Heart in 1999 in response to the needs she saw in families as she and David counseled young parents just a few years behind them. Entrusted has been taught in hundreds of churches nationwide, been translated into several foreign languages, and has made its way around the world. More recently, Betsy received her Masters in Biblical Studies from The Master’s University and is developing a new Bible Study program called Get the Word Out. Her passion for God’s Word, discipleship, and teaching biblical principles as they apply to family life has remained strong to this day. One of the greatest blessings in Betsy’s life are her three grown children, their spouses, and ten grandchildren that keep her constantly in touch with every age and stage.

Jen Freckman Is an incredible wealth of wisdom. She will tell you a natural remedy for just about anything! She is also a voracious reader and she is just overflowing with quotes and guidance that she's encountered through reading and being faithful. She delights in her children and is a devoted mother. She is also an amazingly creative problem solver! Her solutions to manage her home and guide her children are inspiring.

Emily Deyo is such a treasure. She is an incredible encourager and servant-hearted woman. When she has the mic in front of her, so much value comes out! She is a wordsmith and her heart consistently beats for how she can encourage and serve others. She is a truly loving and attentive mother.

Join Betsy, Emily, Jen, and Stephanie as they share the wisdom only Scripture and on-the-job training can provide to help untangle the joyful calling of motherhood.