#79. Save Mother's Day Before It Starts!: A Guide to Help You and Your Crew Celebrate!

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They're the joyful agains our children.

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Shout on the swings, the exhausting

agains of cooking and laundry and

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the difficult agains of discipline.

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So much of what we do

as mothers is on repeat.

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So what if we woke up with clarity,

knowing which agains we were called to.

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And went to bed believing we are

faithful in what matters most.

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We believe God's word is

the key to untangle from the

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confusion and overwhelm we feel.

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Let's look up together to embrace a

motherhood full of freedom and joy.

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What if Mother's Day doesn't

feel like Mother's Day?

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Whether you've been invited into

a tradition that honors in-laws or

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the previous generation, or if you

have a husband who has it in his

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heart to be thoughtful but doesn't

quite make it to execution, how can

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we stop bitterness from overtaking

us when we serve 365 days a year?

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And would just love a little

break on a day that's intended

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to be about celebrating us.

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Of course, we want to

embrace Colossians three 17.

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Whatever you do in word or deed,

do everything in the name of

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the Lord Jesus, giving thanks

to God the Father through him.

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We encourage you to embrace a

servant hearted disposition just

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as our savior Jesus Christ did.

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But you do work hard all year.

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The Lord sees it and he cares.

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And we want our families to care too.

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In the spirit of Proverbs 31, her

children rise up and call her, blessed

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her husband also, and he praises her.

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So it's not wrong to desire a little

gratitude for the hard work, but

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let's be careful in our expectations

and how we express that good desire.

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I'm no stranger to this topic, and

I'm hoping that we can have a little

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preemptive strike here together to make

sure expectations aren't left unsaid and

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that hopes actually become realities.

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Let's save our Mother's

Day before it starts.

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I'm going to share with you five tips

that could have helped me have a much

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better Mother's Day over the previous

decade, and I'm hoping that they

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can spare you some friction as well.

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You are probably a much better

problem solver than I am.

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You've probably solved these things in

your home and in your marriage years

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ago, but as I listened to several friends

recently, I think there are several

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husbands out there that could use a

little helping hand from their wives.

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I think that whoever determined

that Mother's Day should fall before

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Father's Day made a serious misstep.

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Wouldn't it be ideal if we could model

to our husbands what it looks like

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to be served well and cherished on

Father's Day, and then he could quickly

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turn around and have Mother's Day

afterwards with that fresh in his mind?

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Instead, we try to surf him while on

Father's Day, and then we wait 11 months.

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And surely the example we tried

to provide is gone from his brain.

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I have to confess, we've had

some doozy mother's days and

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birthdays over the years.

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It's a perfect storm in our house.

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You have me who struggles to ask for

help or to delegate, and then you have

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my husband who struggles to plan ahead.

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to be truly transparent, my husband

knows that he needs to work on being

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more thoughtful and intentional,

and I can admit that I haven't

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always embraced the challenge.

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In Proverbs 31 that says the heart

of her husband trust in her and

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he will have no lack of gain.

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She does him good and not

harm all the days of her life.

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I am happy to serve, but I

will admit that I've had.

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Some tantrums over the years from

feeling like I'm not appreciated

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for all of my hard work.

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And as if our personalities

weren't enough, you throw a

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diagnosis of MS in the mix.

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And my husband's continual exhaustion

coupled with memory loss, really

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throws a wrench in the deal.

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Thankfully, we've grown

in our communication.

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I would say that these tips

I'm gonna offer have been hard

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fought, but truly helpful.

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Hopefully I'm catching you at the

beginning of your journey so that you can

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avoid some of our disastrous mistakes.

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I am going to guide you in asking

six questions that can help save your

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mother's day before it even starts.

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And then at the end, I'm going to

share the new plan I'm going to

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implement this year to combat my

unrealistic expectations, ensuring

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that I actually feel celebrated and

actually take a much needed break.

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Number one, what do I

really want on Mother's Day?

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Sometimes our expectations are so high and

so unrealistic for what we can accomplish

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in a day that our husbands don't even

have a chance at hitting the mark.

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I would love to sit outside

painting watercolor paintings

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while the sun shines down on me.

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Which of course will take several hours

if I wanna produce anything worth keeping.

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I'd also like to read a book,

nothing nonfiction, more, a

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novel that I can't put down.

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I'd also like to go for a hike, ending in

a picnic with some of my favorite foods.

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I'd enjoy playing a game with

my family, maybe sipping some

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yummy lemonade while we do it.

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It'd be great to have

breakfast in bed too.

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My point is, if you add up all

these activities, whether they sound

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great to you or whether your list

is erratically different, if you add

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them up, it would take quite a bit

of time to accomplish all of them.

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So given the fact that

Mother's Day is on a Sunday.

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And for me, I'm also

volunteering at church that day.

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And then have a commitment to our

food share I'm headed in with it being

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nearly impossible for me to accomplish

more than a few items on my list.

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If I get to two of them, I'll be lucky

if I can admit to myself beforehand

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that there's really not that much

time on a Mother's day to celebrate or

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relax, then all of a sudden I have to

get much more realistic about my hopes

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and visions and plans for the day.

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As I speak it out loud, I realize how

unrealistic my expectations of time are.

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And of course, I don't actually think

I could get all of that done in a

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Sunday, but it would be amazing.

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And sometimes I don't even know exactly

what I want on Mother's Day because.

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I have such a deficit for spending

time on the things I want to do

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in my current season of life.

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So here the pressure comes of getting so

many things done in one day and 1 24 hour

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period can't possibly live up to my hopes.

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This reminds me of something brilliant

that Sarah McKenzie wrote in her

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incredible book, teaching From Rest.

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This book is written to homeschoolers,

but I have found so many principles

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for other areas of motherhood as well.

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She recommends that we start

with a time budget as we plan.

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She says, when you create your family

budget, do you begin by listing all the

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things you'd like to be able to afford?

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Do you create a master list, a nice

mortgage, a new SUVA a family vacation

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somewhere tropical, a food allowance that

allows for eating out every single week.

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No.

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Then why on earth do you

do it with your time?

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Don't begin planning your day by listing

all the things you want to pack in.

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Begin by looking at what God gave you.

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I'll give you a hint.

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24 hours, as I was thinking about my

plans for Mother's Day and my hopes,

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this wisdom came back to my mind and

I realized if I actually looked at the

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schedule of the day and told myself, you

probably only have three to four hours

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to do something that you want, then I

realized I have to pick the one or two

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things that will make it special that day.

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And once I have that picked,

you know what I need to do?

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That brings me to question number two.

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Have I communicated

this clearly to my crew?

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That's how I can help pave the

way to make it a joyful day

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for myself and for my family.

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If I say, this is really the one

thing that I'm hoping to do as a

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family or by myself, and then let them

know what it is, I'm setting myself

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up for success and my family too.

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Yeah, perhaps your ideal is just

to have a nap, which is truly

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a worthy endeavor for a mom.

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Ask for it.

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Tell your family that's what you're

looking for, and be specific.

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If you want two hours by yourself with

absolutely no knocks at the door, no

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problems to solve, and no food to cook.

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Ask for it.

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Carve out the space in the plan

and let it be known what you need.

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I found that Mother's Day just feels so

short after we get home from church, and

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often when you have little ones, it feels

like you have to rush home, get everybody

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fed, and then get them down for naps,

and then half the day is already gone.

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So tip number three is what another

day bring more peace to you?

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Maybe a Saturday would allow you

to have fuller joy or relaxation.

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And that's fine.

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You could even pick the whole

weekend It would be great to do a

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few special things on Saturday and

something relaxing on Sunday too.

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But so often we're trying to pack

all this goodness into one day and

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it just can't handle the pressure

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we're headed towards

disillusionment, disappointment,

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and probably some bitterness.

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I think that's also ideal if you're trying

to honor your in-laws or your mother too.

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I have a sweet friend, Karen that

has had a tradition ever since she

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could walk to the grocery store, that

on Mother's Day she makes her mom

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breakfast, even though she's married

and has four children of her own.

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Now, Karen continues this servant

hearted tradition for her mom.

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I also know that Karen's birthday

falls right around Mother's Day.

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I believe generally they've chosen

to honor her on a different day and

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for Mother's Day to be about their

mothers, and I think this is so wise.

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We shouldn't have all of the

pressure to honor all of the

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women in our lives on one day.

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Let's spread out the joy,

spread out the cheer.

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Let's share the love with each

other, but not on the calendar.

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And that brings me to number four.

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Would time away be most renewing for you?

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We need to give ourselves a little more

grace sometimes what we need, most of all.

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Is just a moment away to

be renewed and refreshed.

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A break from answering questions

and solving problems, planning

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menus, and doing the laundry.

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When my friend Laura had little

ones, she asked for a night

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away in a hotel room by herself.

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At that point, I was newly married

and I didn't quite understand,

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but I totally get it now.

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She did this prior to Mother's Day,

but it was really renewing for her.

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We need to give ourselves permission

to do something that may not

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include the whole family, but we

know would be life-giving for us.

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And next on the list, is there

preparation I should choose?

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How can you make this day successful?

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For Yourself?

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So you've already clearly communicated

to yourself and to your crew.

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But is there something you

need to do to choose rest?

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If you have an expectation that you

can't cook on Mother's Day, then

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don't just keep moving in the kitchen

if that's what you really need.

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I have had many years on a super tight

budget, and I felt like we couldn't

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even order takeout but you know what?

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Sometimes cooking a nice meal is

really expensive, and I could have

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gotten creative To make takeout happen.

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Maybe I should have gotten something

nice for myself and then made my kids

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make their own little homemade lunchables

or throw something simple together.

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I know the splurges can be hard sometimes.

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Sometimes I find I need to work

really hard on a Saturday to make

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my Sunday how I want it to be.

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I don't like waking up to a messy

house on Mother's Day, so when

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I go to bed on Saturday night, I

like to have everything in order.

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I just like for it to be peaceful.

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So sometimes we need to set the

tone and prepare just like we

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would need to do for the Sabbath.

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And one of the ways that I choose

to implement this has to do

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with my next question as well.

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Am I training my kids for peace in

their future to often we are thinking

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about modeling being servant hearted

and we keep doing the things that

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seem so necessary, but sometimes.

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I think if we give our spouses

a little bit too much leeway in

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celebrating us, then we might be

setting up our children to not

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celebrate their future spouses well.

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My husband couldn't care less about

having breakfast in bed, and I didn't

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realize this until I had done it

probably eight to 10 times for him, and

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eventually he told me, you know what?

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I actually don't like eating in bed.

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He appreciated the special breakfast

I made him, but he wanted to eat

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it downstairs, and that was a good

opportunity for me to say, okay, I

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understand that, but I would love to

have breakfast in bed at some point.

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And through the years, I found that

a really simple way that I can make

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this happen is to make a french

toast casserole the night before.

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I'll link my favorite

recipe in the show notes.

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I've taught one of my sons, I

call him my little sous chef.

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He's just willing to help with

these things and he's my night

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owl, I'll send the other kids up to

bed and he'll stay up with me and

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we'll make this breakfast together.

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Then I'll put it in the fridge, go to

bed, and I leave the recipe out so that

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the next morning I'll ask my husband,

will you please go downstairs and

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preheat the oven and put the Castrol in?

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Often it gets complicated with us needing

to get up and get out the door for church.

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So again, I'm gonna put in another

vote for changing Mother's Day to

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another day in your home if needed.

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But I will say that sometimes it feels a

little bit silly to ask my kids to serve

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me in a certain way, but I think it's

about the heart that we do it in, and

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if we are really thinking about their

future and their character growth as well.

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If we say, i'd be so blessed and

I'd feel so cherished if you made

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this casserole for me so that I

don't have to cook on Mother's Day.

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I'm truly excited about helping

train up my sons, especially

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to serve their future spouses.

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If the Lord so has that

for them and their future.

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As my son has gotten older, I think

he could do the whole thing by

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himself, so I'm getting a little

bit more hands off and those years

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of training were all worth it.

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It's absolutely a blessing to me.

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All right.

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Finally, I wanna share

with you my master plan.

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I fully admit that I am in a season where

I'm struggling to find time for myself

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as a working, homeschooling caregiving.

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A mom, it almost feels like I have

a year of goals and I'm trying to

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accomplish them all on Mother's Day,

and I know that just can't happen.

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So I don't recommend

saving it all for one day.

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But I am being inspired

to implement something.

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I'm going to call either the

week of Wonderful or Happy

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Mama days, like happy holidays.

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I'm going to pick several things and

none of them is that extravagant.

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But I'm gonna pick several activities

and ask my family if I can have

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one each day for about a week.

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I wanna do something super enjoyable or

relaxing once a day, and I think it'll

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be really renewing at the end of it.

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There's an Elizabeth Elliot exhibit

about an hour from my house, and then

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also a fun brunch spot, so I'm gonna

take my kids to do that one day.

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Another day I'm gonna ask for that

breakfast in bed I mentioned, and

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after I eat, I'm going to stay in

bed and order some fun gifts for

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myself using those gift cards I've

been saving up for quite some time.

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Another day I just wanna play a game of

my choosing and make some fun smoothies.

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And another day, instead of cooking

dinner, I'm gonna ask someone

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else to make something simple.

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And I'm gonna sit on the couch

and read for fun another day.

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I'll get out those water or colors,

and another day I'll take a hike.

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I am really growing and advocating for

myself and my kids are getting older

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and they're able to help and rise

up and join me in these things more

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than they were when they were little.

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But I really do think it's setting

a great standard for them going

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forward and learning to serve others

and to listen to what's special.

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They know that on Christmas and on their

birthdays, I'm gonna listen to their list.

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We're gonna plot it out, and we think

about how we can make every hour of their

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birthday special, and I wanna train them

to think about how to do that for others.

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I also don't want my husband to

have to guess all the time at

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what I really need or what I want.

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We work hard.

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Stepping back to take some extra time to

rest once a year is a truly redemptive

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excuse to celebrate Mother's Day.

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May this list bring you clarity,

peace, joy, and unity in your home.

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and May you keep the heart

of Jesus Christ as you serve,

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We know you're busy, mama.

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So we are truly grateful you joined us for

this episode of again, if you're looking

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for more information about building your

home on the foundation of Jesus Christ,

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head to www dot Entrusted Ministries

dot com to learn more about our study

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for moms Entrusted with a child's Heart.

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This scripture saturated study

has blessed families around the

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world, and we want it for you too.

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Before you go, I want to pray this

benediction over you from Second

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Thessalonians one 11 through 12.

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We're rooting for you to this end.

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We always pray for you that our God

may make you worthy of his calling and

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may fulfill every resolve for good.

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And every work of faith by his power

so that the name of our Lord Jesus

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may be glorified in you and you

and Him according to the grace of

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our God and the Lord Jesus Christ.

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Amen.

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Until we meet again.