Episode 89

#88. Author and Former Influencer Erin Loechner Talks Technology, Parenting, Marriage, and Having Life Re-routed While Living with Intention | Part 1

It was a delight to get to know the lovely Erin Loechner more through this conversation, and we pray it blesses you! Erin has chosen a life of intentionality and prioritizes people over technology. You'll certainly be inspired and challenged by her perspective!

Find out more about our BRAND NEW videos for COUPLES!!!

Learn more about the Online Entrusted with a Child's Heart Class for Moms: Email stephanie@ewach.com.

Erin's Books:

Chasing Slow

The Opt-Out Family

Transcript
Stephanie:

They're the joyful agains our children.

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Shout on the swings, the exhausting

agains of cooking and laundry and

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the difficult agains of discipline.

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So much of what we do

as mothers is on repeat.

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So what if we woke up with clarity,

knowing which agains we were called to.

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And went to bed believing we are

faithful in what matters most.

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We believe God's word is

the key to untangle from the

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confusion and overwhelm we feel.

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Let's look up together to embrace a

motherhood full of freedom and joy.

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Welcome to the Again podcast, brought

to you by Interested Ministries.

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I'm your host, Stephanie Hickox,

and today I'm releasing the

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first part of an interview with

the incredible Erin Lochner.

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She's a former social media influencer

and HGTV Star and the author of the books

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Chasing Slow and the Optt Out Family.

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And she is every bit as endearing

and lovely as she seems.

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We recorded this a few months ago

and I thought that fall was the right

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time to release so that we could enter

into our new school schedules with

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intentionality and think about how we

wanna set the tone for our families as

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we move forward into the school year.

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If I'm honest though, there's another

reason I held onto this episode.

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You see, when I listen to a podcast

with a guest, I wanna hear from

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the guest and hear their expertise.

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But Erin in her loveliness turned this

interview into a conversation at parts,

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and she made it a little bit more about

me than I'm used to on this podcast.

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I'm leaving all of that in because the

words that she speaks are so encouraging.

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Perhaps you're in a season of

caregiving, whether it's for a

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child or a spouse or a parent.

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I really believe her words

are going to minister to you.

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And even though I'm slightly embarrassed

at how much Erin focused on me, it

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shows her true character and that

she sees people and her desire to

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not have a technology centered life

comes from a desire to love those

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the Lord has placed in her path.

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You're really gonna see that come

through in the way she converses

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and minister to me in this episode

she was so generous with her time.

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So we also have part two

and part three that we will

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release in the following weeks.

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I had so many questions.

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This episode, there's gonna be some

fun, some serious, and it's all covered

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with intentionality, and if you haven't

been introduced to Erin already,

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you're going to fall in love with her.

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I wanna make a couple really

important announcements

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before we get to the episode.

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First of all, we have long

intended to record videos for

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couples, and we did it this summer.

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We created Entrusted with the

child's heart videos for couples.

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We, of course, have our video series

for moms Entrusted with the child's

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heart, and those are in depth

comprehensive videos that are phenomenal,

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but these couples videos serve as

great recaps to the couples book.

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And guess what?

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We feel called to make it

completely free for you right now.

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To watch these videos, all you need to

do is order the couple's book for $20

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because we want you to have that to

look back on and to read along with it.

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and we'll give you access

to those streaming codes so

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you can watch all 17 videos.

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We pray that this brings mom and

dads together, even if they're

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tired and overwhelmed, and that

it brings unity in your home.

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I'll link to our website

in the show notes.

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I'd also like to announce

an important opportunity.

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Perhaps you've been listening to the

podcast and thinking, I would love to take

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and trusted with the child's heart, but

my church hasn't offered it at a time.

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I can take it.

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Or perhaps your church hasn't

been able to offer it yet.

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We want to minister to you, whether you're

near or far, or we're gonna make a way

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because we're having another online group.

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This would consist of you watching the

videos on your own time and then coming

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together with a group of moms from

across the country in an online format.

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I'll lead it and we'll discuss how

our homes can be transformed for the

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glory of God through the principles

Betsy teaches in the videos.

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We will get real, we'll go deep,

we'll talk practical strategies, and

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it'll all be centered on scripture.

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If you're interested in that

option, let's talk details.

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Email me@stephanieatewok.com.

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That's S-T-E-P-H-A-N-I e@ewh.com.

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I'm looking forward to meeting you, mama.

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. Erin, I came across your first book years

ago Chasing Slow when I saw it on my mom's

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bookshelf, and I was absolutely taken

aback by how beautiful the cover is, as

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well as how intriguing the title was.

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That idea of chasing slow and the way

that you were bringing beauty into

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everything, but also fighting against

the cultural trends It just really

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resonated with me and I tell people that

it was my favorite memoir I've ever read.

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As I was rereading it, I was meditating on

what is it that sets your writing apart?

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And I think it's the way that you

leave the art and the science of

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writing, because your transitions are

the most masterful and interesting

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of any book I've ever read.

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I make me wanna keep reading, but

also just pause and think about the

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intentional way that you combine words.

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And the manner that you weave

deep truth with everyday stories

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is really so thought provoking.

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So thank you for, for writing it

and I know that book has been out

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a while, but I highly encourage our

listeners to seek it out if they're

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looking for an enjoyable read.

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That's also a thought provoking.

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Erin: Ah, thank you.

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Oh my goodness.

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That's so kind.

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That's so kind to hear.

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Thank you.

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I love writing.

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It was, it was a wonderful thing to write.

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It was really, a remarkable

journey for me as a person too.

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If there's any writers out there

listening, once you write it all

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down and see it in black and white,

it, it does change your life.

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Stephanie: Oh, I'm sure it's a whole

nother level of accountability that

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those of us that have not authored

a book would not understand.

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I could not believe when I was rereading

it this time, and I got to the chapter

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where you, you entitled it the, again,

again, again, days, and I thought exactly

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she gets it the against of motherhood.

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And I was thinking about how our

agains as mothers are just as important

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as are not agains, that perhaps the

things we should do on a daily basis

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are sometimes just as important

as the things we aren't called to.

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And the message of chasing slow, it

just makes so much sense to me that your

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second book would be what it is, and

we're gonna focus more on that later.

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But I see how the Lord was stirring

in your heart from longer ago.

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Erin: Yeah.

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Oh, thank you.

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It's funny because I don't think of,

I mean, the books were written almost

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10 years apart from each other, and,

it's hard to see the parallels of the

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message until you look backward and you

recognize, oh, I think that that first

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book was really stripping away a lot of

kind of the American dream of motherhood,

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the American dream of life, and how,

what you see on the surface or what

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we're kind of encouraged to strive for

as a culture, uh, might not necessarily

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be the most aligned goal for kids, for

families, for just humanity in general.

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And this second book is the same

thing, but technology, right?

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Like what, what are the lies that

we're sort of sold to believe

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in terms of the ease in which

technology lulls a lot of us.

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Are they true to, a

good and beautiful life?

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And, I wanted to question

that a little bit.

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So yeah, thanks for kind of drawing

that line from here to there for us.

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Stephanie: Oh, definitely.

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And I think it's so fascinating that the

Lord gave you the heart for the message.

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Then you personally had the experience

of seeing the impact of technology

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on your life and on others, and

then you did all of this incredible

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research to bring it together for us.

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The way that you logically

approach it and help us question

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these lies we're believing about

technology is so inspiring.

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There are some books that you could

summarize for someone, but this

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is not a summarized worthy book.

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It certainly needs to be read it in its

entirety because I do think big tech

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has done an impressive job at selling

us these messages and taking time to

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actually unweave them from our thinking

is gonna take a lot of effort and.

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We need to devote some time

to the process, so I'm really

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grateful you're leading us in it.

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Erin: Oh, thank you.

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And the research was so much fun to do.

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Really?

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I didn't know that I was a researcher at

heart, but I'm a question asker for sure.

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And, and they go hand in hand.

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You know, you're just constantly

digging for, are we getting to

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the heart of the matter, right.

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Are we really getting

uncovering something new?

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and so I had a wonderful time doing it

actually, and it was a really, a faster

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process to write than the first one.

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But, but I was, I was so very convicted

because I had lived it, you know, I

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had lived kind of the underbelly of the

algorithm and I had really seen front

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row seats, and sat in the front row

seats of, of what This algorithm led

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world was doing to certainly me as a

person, I thought I was alone, right?

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I thought I was the only one that couldn't

handle it, and it turns out we're not

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built to handle a lot of the tech usage.

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So it was really, lovely to uncover that

and find that, hey, we're all in this

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together, and what are some solutions?

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Stephanie: I know that's jumping

into the second book, but I wanted

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to set the tone for our purpose here

today in helping mothers choose a

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different story for their families.

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And if we're feeling this check in

our spirits that this really isn't

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how I wanna spend my days, and I

don't want my children to look back

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and picture me on my phone, I want

them to picture me present with them.

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I know that's a message that the Lord

wants to resonate for our generation.

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Before we get into that a little bit

more, you mentioned you love to write

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and you were one of the original bloggers

you blogged before it was even a verb.

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I know your morning routine is one

of your most red blog posts, and

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it's not a typical morning routine,

but I would love for you to share

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is that, is that still your routine

and as your kids are getting older.

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What does a morning look like in your

house and, and how do you get it all done?

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Erin: Yeah.

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And I'm so glad you brought that up

because gosh, I don't remember when that

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routine was in ex, I mean, it would've

been a good five years ago, at least,

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right when I, when my littles were little.

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So my kids are 12, eight and four

now, and that is still my number

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one favorite morning routine.

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And it, and I'm, I'm sure

you're referencing, I would

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go to bed at six o'clock at

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night, um, just an hour before

my kids would go to bed and my

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husband would put them down, do

bath and books and all of it.

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And I would just head to bed and I would

wake up at 2:00 AM and I would just

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write in the dark and it was quiet.

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And then when my kids would wake

up at 6:00 AM or whatever time

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that would be, then I had the whole

day ahead and my work was done.

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You know, I had compartmentalized kind of

all of the alone time and the personhood

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that I needed and I had kind of spilled

it all out and I was emptied of all of

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that chatter and all of those thoughts.

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And then I could just be with my kids and

we could run our errands and do everything

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that we needed to do in the day and just

be together and be creative and have fun.

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So that is not what I do

anymore, but I do love it.

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I love it so much.

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It was my number one favorite

season in terms of kind of timing.

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With my kids older, we have a nightly

game of Monopoly every single night.

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It's just wild.

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that's the season we're in right now.

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And so we stay up late, late, late, late.

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My oldest daughter is a

night owl, so as my husband.

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And so, you know, sometimes they'll have

these fireside chats when the younger two

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go to bed and I don't wanna miss that.

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And so I have found that I've

kind of really sacrificed a lot

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of the sitting down work time.

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I don't get that daily anymore.

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I might get it weekly if that, where

I can have kind of an uninterrupted

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hour to myself, but it's rare.

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It's really rare.

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And that's okay.

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that's my preference.

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I've chosen that.

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I prefer to be with them,

when they're kind of open.

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They're very open in the evenings

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and, um.

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They need to have conversation that

I would like to be present for.

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Now the day to day is more

like, wake up with my youngest.

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if I can wake up before her,

I, I do like doing that, but

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that's not always the case.

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She's pretty early riser and

we wake up and we have just

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a slow entry into the day.

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We have a wall of picture books

and she'll choose whichever one

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she wants me to read that day.

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And then, sometimes we'll just like

go outside and watch the sunrise then

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we'll come in, play some Play-Doh

and by then kind of the other two are

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coming out of their slumber slowly.

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They're very slow risers.

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And then it's kind of

a self-serve breakfast.

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I think probably around 10 or 11 is

when the activity sort of kicks in.

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We homeschool, so, then

we'll do, then we do our.

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Core work, reading, writing, math,

then usually the afternoons are for

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exploring or for friends and, getting

together or trying a new area of woods

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or wherever we wanna walk or go or see.

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And, and then dinner and

monopoly pretty much every day.

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So it, it varies, but yeah, it's a

different morning routine than I once had.

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But I do, I do sometimes grieve that

beautiful season of quiet and darkness

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and, time alone with my thoughts.

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I don't have that as much as ace too.

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Stephanie: I love the

repetition of the monopoly.

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Maybe I should say the, again of

the monopoly, you know that your

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kids are gonna remember it because

you're doing it so frequently.

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I also homeschool, and have

tried the early, early morning.

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I thought four was early.

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But two, that's, that's amazing.

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Um, but I do find that when I can get a

lot done before they're awake, there's

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just a piece knowing I can enter in

with them in the rest of the day.

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But I have learned that

motherhood just needs to have this

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banner of flexibility over it.

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Erin: It does

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it.

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And I think too, you know, we have

in our head this idea of what makes a

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good mother, what makes a good rhythm,

or what makes a good household and if

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we're not in involving our kids in that

picture, our real kids, not the kids we

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want to have had, um, then, then we're,

we're missing so much of that bigger

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picture if, if they're not actually at

the core of it and at the heart of it.

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So, you know, I, I used to hate Monopoly.

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It's the longest game ever.

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I, and, but I just learned to love it.

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That's where they are.

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That's the game that they can all play,

that it overlaps all of their different

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passions, and we can tolerate it.

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And so it's a win-win.

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But, but I'm sure that, gosh, in a

couple weeks, in a couple months,

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who knows, this has been a long

running season, but I recognize.

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How quickly those seasons go.

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The ones we're ready to and

the ones we're not ready to.

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Maybe by, by the time this podcast

comes out, who knows, it'll be a

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different game entirely, or, uh, we'll

have picked up a different hobby.

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You just never know.

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Stephanie: And it's fun

to enter into all of that.

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I also would love to talk about your

desire to bring beauty to places and

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simplicity and minimalism and how.

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Through the seasons of motherhood and

the ages of children that you've adapted

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those values In your book, chasing

Slow, you mentioned that your oldest

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was quite the collector and that your

husband also falls in that category.

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so where are you now, with

balancing those values?

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Erin: Oh, gosh, that's a great question.

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And I haven't reflected on this

in a really long time, but, you

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know, they're still collectors.

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And now I have another collector,

my other daughter is my son.

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We're on the same team,

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man.

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We need two things.

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And, he's so simple and, his room

is always the tidy, spotless one.

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I do, I still have my preferences.

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They're still there.

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You know, I don't like having,

multiple spatulas and, and just a lot

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of excess to kind of sift through.

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But someone actually gave me

really, really good advice.

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And it was about homeschooling,

but I think it's really,

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helpful for any, any living.

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And it's just that things will be wasted.

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Materials will be wasted, resources

will be wasted, space will be wasted.

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Moments will be wasted, you know?

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But we have to get really

comfortable with that waste.

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And as somebody, I mean, I was raised

in a very resourceful home and frugality

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was absolutely highly elevated.

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And, and I love that I had that

upbringing because it taught

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me to, make the most of things.

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It taught me to reuse things.

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It taught me to get creative with things.

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And I'm so grateful for that.

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And yet I don't wanna lord that value

over all of the other ones that also

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teach creativity and that teach a couple

other things too, you know, which is

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grace for other people's vent and,

Making room for them and making space for

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all of their own personal preferences.

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And you know, I, I joke with my husband

a lot because he is absolutely, I

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would call it a pack rat, but yet he

will bring this, extra nut and bolt

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that he saved from building some

sort of other piece of furniture.

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And it will be exactly the thing

that we needed when we needed it.

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Right.

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He knows where it is.

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He knows how to find it.

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It's in his absolute mess of a wood shop,

but he knows where everything is and he

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uses it and he's, and he's making the

most of the space and the things that he

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has in a different way than what I would.

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So I have just learned to be really

flexible and to see, like we do

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in a family, to see that there

are many, many lovely ways to

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live and lovely outlooks on life.

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And that that's how God has made us.

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And the complexity of.

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Having different, different personalities

in one home and learning to live

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alongside each other is actually

a really great, wonderful thing.

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it does keep you really vibrant,

you know, it keeps you on your toes.

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And so we're having a blast

kind of dealing with all that.

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We actually lived in a camper last summer

on the side of a mountain, and so we were

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living in oh, very minimal square footage.

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And I remember how easy that was for

me and how challenging it was for

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some of the collectors in the family

to not have space for all of their

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creations and all of their things.

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And, um, the situation was

reversed and I was the one that

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had my way and no one else did.

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There are just different seasons

and experiences, but it gave us

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a lot of room for recognition

in other people's personality.

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Stephanie: And I think because you've

chosen margin in other areas, that you

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have more ability to embrace differences.

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I think the more you have busyness

in your home or running this way

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and that it's harder to embrace

differences in personalities.

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Erin: Oh, that's a great

thing to point out.

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It's, there is a lot of

margin in our calendar.

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I feel like if I had a packed

calendar and a packed house,

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I would feel really frenzied.

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But, yeah, we have slowed a lot of

other areas of life, and I do, I

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think it's important for moms to

be honest about themselves too.

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So, like one of my

non-negotiables is I cannot have.

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The kitchen counter be

your art studio today.

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But that can be at the dining

room table and we'll make sure

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to clear it off another time.

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There are still, boundaries in

place where we can honor each other.

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But, that's a great point.

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There is a lot of margin elsewhere.

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Stephanie: That reminds me of a blog

post of yours that I read years ago

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where you said, I'm doing this for

me when you do your Saturday morning

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cleaning, instead of letting bitterness

overtake you because you're leading the

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charge or because you're more invested

in it, um, that you just realize that

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this is one of your values and to have

everything cleaned up, and so it makes

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sense why perhaps your family doesn't

join in to the level that you do.

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And there was great marital

advice in there so I would

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highly recommend looking that up.

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It was such a cute little story there.

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Erin: Oh yeah, that's the truth.

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I, I think that that's probably a, a

really good, resentment avoider, you

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:

know, is when you can just recognize

that, I would be doing this in a

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:

house with my own things anyway.

364

:

Like, this is just my personal

preference is I want things to be clean.

365

:

Um, and now that the kids are older,

I think they do start to see the

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:

value of, oh yeah, we like our

house clean too, for the most part.

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:

But yet a lot of times they're like, okay,

well we'll help you do this for you, mom.

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:

We know that this, we're doing,

we're all on the same page.

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We're doing this for you.

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But it is nice when they get old

enough and they see that this

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:

is your thing and they help you.

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And they do, they really do.

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:

Stephanie: Absolutely they do.

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:

I think that there's one other pivotal

reason that chasing slow really

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:

resonated with me, and though my story

is certainly different than yours.

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:

I could definitely relate to your

husband having a diagnosis and yours is

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:

certainly a much more, extreme, diagnosis.

378

:

But we had a decade of symptoms before

we found out the cause, but I just found

379

:

that the way that you spoke about the lion

380

:

and the unknown of what life is going

to be and really a diagnosis, changing

381

:

what you expect your family to look like,

but also trying to see the Lord's best

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:

in it and trying to guide your family.

383

:

Well, I could really relate to a lot

of what you shared, if you don't mind.

384

:

Giving a little bit more details.

385

:

I would really appreciate if you

would invite our listeners into

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:

Ken's diagnosis and what that

journey has looked like for you.

387

:

Erin: Of course.

388

:

Wow.

389

:

Well, I'm, I'm so sorry about Yeah.

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:

I, I feel like there's a special

club for, spouses of anyone with any

391

:

sort of chronic anything, um, where

there's an unknown attached to it.

392

:

It's, it's a lot.

393

:

For us, , Ken has an

inoperable brain tumor and.

394

:

We did it, we were newlyweds,

I knew what I was getting

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:

into, but it was well worth it.

396

:

I just kind of did the thing

that we do as, as people where

397

:

we're like, it, doesn't matter

how much time I get with you.

398

:

Like it doesn't make any

sense to not spend the time.

399

:

I do get with you.

400

:

With you.

401

:

And so, we got married and yeah, he

just, he had started experiencing

402

:

vision changes, initially

went to get his brain scanned.

403

:

They found this inoperable brain tumor.

404

:

Honestly the first doctor he went

to, said, you've got 10 years to.

405

:

What I love, what I love and

so admire about him is he just

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:

kind of went right on living.

407

:

He went right.

408

:

He just, nothing changed about that.

409

:

His career path didn't change.

410

:

His aspirations didn't change.

411

:

He didn't go off the rails and say, okay,

well I'm gonna go, you know, skydiving

412

:

and do all of these crazy things that

I always wanted to do before I died.

413

:

He just kept living, he just kept

doing what he wanted to do anyway.

414

:

And

415

:

Stephanie: impressive.

416

:

Erin: it was so impressive to me.

417

:

It really was.

418

:

I don't know that I would've had

the same sort of, I don't think

419

:

that I would've had that stability.

420

:

So anyway, I will say that, we waited

a long time to have kids because I

421

:

think in the back of my head, I don't

know that I ever would've admitted

422

:

this to myself, but I think it's

interesting that almost 10 years to

423

:

the day is when we had our daughter.

424

:

And I think there was something

in my mind that was like.

425

:

What if, What if, what

if, what if, what if,

426

:

And I never ever would've recognized

that, but I, I'm quite sure it was there.

427

:

And now, you know, he's

still, he's doing great.

428

:

it hasn't grown.

429

:

It hasn't shrunk.

430

:

It hasn't moved.

431

:

It just, I have a vision that God is

kind of holding his hands around it.

432

:

And, um, that offers me so much peace that

just, it's gonna do what it's gonna do.

433

:

And in a way, it gave us such a beautiful,

strong start to marriage because we

434

:

recognized from the jump that none of

us are granted any, anything in life.

435

:

It's a gift.

436

:

It's not a given.

437

:

It is just, here we

are together, you know?

438

:

And, We can learn with that and from that.

439

:

I think it's taught us to hold life really

loosely, but still honor its weight,

440

:

which helps with parenting as well.

441

:

Stephanie: Sure.

442

:

Erin: And the update, from the book

is that, and it was interesting

443

:

to write a book about that because

how do I know how it's gonna end?

444

:

You know, I, I don't know.

445

:

And so it was a very, it was not

the Tidiest before and after, and

446

:

I am happy with that because no,

life is, there's always just, we

447

:

just have a, during, we just have a

during and a between and a middle.

448

:

And, I'm grateful that he's doing well

and really seems to be thriving and we're

449

:

really carrying those lessons forward

that we, that we've been learning.

450

:

Stephanie: It is so admirable the

way that you both have carried it.

451

:

I'm wondering if it has actually given

you permission to choose the way that

452

:

you live your days and that if you have

the here and now you're going to embrace

453

:

it and make the most of it in a way

that really we all should be living.

454

:

But has this kind of put that on the

forefront for you maybe of how do

455

:

we want this to look like for us?

456

:

Erin: That's really insightful because

yeah, I, I don't think that we care about

457

:

the standards or the expectations or the

measurement of society because we think,

458

:

well, we're already kind of playing by

different, a different timeline anyway.

459

:

Maybe, maybe not.

460

:

Who knows?

461

:

We don't know.

462

:

But what a gift to not know

that and what a gift to at least

463

:

consider and acknowledge that.

464

:

And I do wonder if we all

had kind of that fragment of.

465

:

Sort of our, our availability, right?

466

:

Like our, we, I think we

think that we are invincible.

467

:

And I think if we got a taste of

our very human fragile nature a

468

:

lot earlier in life, then we would

probably live a little bit differently.

469

:

So, we do, our life looks pretty different

and, and we really could care less.

470

:

We're fine with it.

471

:

It doesn't matter to us that we're

the weirdos and, um, we're just here.

472

:

But, okay.

473

:

So how are you?

474

:

Stephanie: That's so kind of you to ask.

475

:

So our situation is different,

like I said, because we saw

476

:

those symptoms so early on.

477

:

Looking back, I think really right

after we got married, I can start to

478

:

see the symptoms and the changes in

him, but we didn't know until about a

479

:

decade later that my husband had Ms.

480

:

And it's difficult to explain even the

impact a chronic diagnosis can have

481

:

on a family and the road for me to

figure out how do I serve my husband

482

:

in this, but also carry a heavy weight

for our family and and continually

483

:

living with these caregiver needs.

484

:

And then even knowing when do I ask for

help and, and how do I honor my husband in

485

:

this and how do I keep moving forward in

supporting him and, and how do we process

486

:

this individually and together I do feel

like a lot of it is hidden , and I've just

487

:

had to embrace the way that the Lord sees

and the way that he provides whether it's

488

:

someone showing up at our home, giving us

money just a couple days before Christmas

489

:

and saying, God sees you, and they were

people I'd never met before in my life.

490

:

We just have testimony after testimony

of God's faithfulness in the way

491

:

that he sees us and meets our needs.

492

:

There was one moment I remember just

feeling like, man, we are praying the same

493

:

things over and over and over for years

and not seeing a lot of fruit or change.

494

:

And I just felt the Lord impressed

upon my heart that sometimes the

495

:

miracle is that you're still standing.

496

:

Psalm 18 talks about how the gentleness of

the Lord makes you great and he helps you,

497

:

that your arms can bend a bow of bronze.

498

:

I felt the Lord was saying like,

I've given you the strength to endure

499

:

and I'm going to keep doing that.

500

:

So keep your eyes on me.

501

:

And it might not be a change in

circumstances, but I'm with you and the

502

:

Lord's presence has become my absolute

greatest treasure in all of it, in a way

503

:

that I might not have understood if the

story was one that I was trying to write.

504

:

Erin: Oh wow.

505

:

Uh, that's beautiful.

506

:

I,

507

:

man, I feel like you need to have

the rest of the podcast episode.

508

:

Okay.

509

:

Let's just talk, let's

just talk about you.

510

:

Um, that's beautiful.

511

:

Well, I love too how much room you

have just in that, in that bit.

512

:

You have just allowed so much room

for him to have a different experience

513

:

of, of it than you, because I think

there is such a, um, temptation to.

514

:

Sometimes being a united front, you

know, when there's a health crisis,

515

:

feels, we get the word confused with

like a uniformity kind of thing, right?

516

:

Like we have to, we have to sort

of, um, attack it in the same way.

517

:

And it's, it looks so much

different for the man.

518

:

It looks so much different for

the person dealing, you know,

519

:

physically and, and emotionally

with it versus the caretaker role.

520

:

You have to leave so much room for the

other person to process the way that

521

:

they're going to, which is gonna be

different for a man and a woman anyway.

522

:

So there's just so many different,

there's like this wide valley between

523

:

the two of you and that experience

and just the way that you've made

524

:

room for that and not tried to

bridge it all yourself or himself.

525

:

And, um, yeah, I just sense a lot of,

um, a lot of grace for each other there.

526

:

I, I just, yeah, that

seems really healthy.

527

:

Stephanie: Aw, thank you.

528

:

I, I think you're so right.

529

:

We have processed it differently

and to not, as you were talking

530

:

earlier about allowing for people's

different personalities and different

531

:

ways that the Lord has made us.

532

:

And I am, wanting to process

it deeply and talk about it.

533

:

So much talk.

534

:

And my husband's like, we'll

deal with it when we get there.

535

:

Let me just put one foot in front

of the other 'cause I'm tired and

536

:

that's what I need to do right now.

537

:

And to have respect for those different

things, but then for me to realize,

538

:

but then I do need to have someone to

talk to about it because that's fine

539

:

if, if that's not helpful for you.

540

:

But I'm gonna need that.

541

:

And it has been a journey

of giving myself permission.

542

:

I.

543

:

Of what it looks like or realizing

even what I'm capable of.

544

:

Erin: Yeah.

545

:

Yeah.

546

:

So you have support.

547

:

Stephanie: I, I have 20 friends I could

call in the middle of the night and

548

:

ask for prayer, you know, I struggle

because it's not a season of need.

549

:

It might be a lifetime of need.

550

:

I'm learning when is it

okay to ask for help?

551

:

Erin: Yeah, to gauge is this an

acute need or do I need to kind of

552

:

keep this in in reserves because

I might need it worse later?

553

:

You know, you're constantly, you're

constantly assessing your own need to

554

:

figure out is this, is this the time I

wanna use the get outta jail free court,

555

:

or the 9 1 1, which I would just encourage

you, you know, um, if you've got 20 people

556

:

walking with you in prayer, I would make

that known to those people too and just

557

:

say, Hey, I, just so you know, I don't

want to abuse the privilege of that

558

:

where you're walking in this with us and.

559

:

I mean, you know, as well as they

do that they would love to be of

560

:

help, even if it's not the 9 1 1.

561

:

Even if it's just the, I just

need a little bit of oxygen or a

562

:

little bit of beauty in my day.

563

:

Can I just have an hour?

564

:

And they would jump at it.

565

:

I know they would.

566

:

So, yeah, I, I mean, just to encourage

you, that's what they're there for.

567

:

Hmm.

568

:

That's a really good word.

569

:

Thank you.

570

:

I can so tell by your questions and your

wisdom that you can really relate to it.

571

:

Like I said, I could sense that in

your book, and I, I'm sure you can

572

:

relate to this part as well, that

you just wanna do things well, and

573

:

the season of being a mother is.

574

:

Something I've always dreamed about.

575

:

And this has forced us to slow our family.

576

:

And at times there's almost been a

resistance in my spirit to do that

577

:

because I want certain experiences and

opportunities for my kids, but I have

578

:

to see God's blessings in our family,

it's felt forced upon us, but, but I

579

:

do see how choosing a different pace

and my children having the benefit of

580

:

understanding how suffering grows you

and having empathy and compassion, that

581

:

they're gonna have values that, that

perhaps couldn't be taught on a soccer

582

:

field or in piano lessons and in a way

that seemed more important to me before.

583

:

Erin: Absolutely.

584

:

Yeah.

585

:

And I mean, it's like you said earlier,

it's, so much of it is what, um, you're

586

:

formed by what you do, by the rhythms of

your home that you keep, but also by the

587

:

ones that you don't and by the ones that

you're just not, um, you're just not going

588

:

to do for that season or for that time,

that time or that lifetime or whatever.

589

:

It's just is not going to be a reality.

590

:

And that's a hard reckoning sometimes

when there are, you can see all these

591

:

lovely ways to live and you want, I

think we've kind of been taught that

592

:

we can sort of take a little bit of

everything and kind of squeeze it and

593

:

morph it into something that's ours.

594

:

But, um.

595

:

You can't always do that.

596

:

You know, sometimes it's

the other way around.

597

:

Sometimes you take what's already

yours and then you just strip

598

:

away everything else and, and you

get to the same result really.

599

:

But one is more at the core, you and

your family and where the Lord has you.

600

:

And the other one is kind of a

Frankenstein method where you're

601

:

just kind of popping everything

in and seeing how it fits and then

602

:

just shifting from there, you know?

603

:

And so they're, they're both going

to get you somewhere, but, what

604

:

a beautiful journey that you're

starting where you actually are.

605

:

Stephanie: If you already knew

about Erin, I'm sure you love her

606

:

even more, and if this was your

introduction to her, I'm certain

607

:

you're just as endeared to her as I am.

608

:

Next week, I'll release part two of our

conversation where Erin and I discuss more

609

:

of this idea of going against the culture,

particularly in the realm of technology.

610

:

Erin continues to speak

graciously and lovingly, but she

611

:

calls us to something higher.

612

:

You won't wanna miss it.

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About the Podcast

Show artwork for The Again Podcast on Christian Parenting: Redeeming the Repetition of Biblical Motherhood
The Again Podcast on Christian Parenting: Redeeming the Repetition of Biblical Motherhood
Christian Parenting, Biblical Motherhood, Faith, Family

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About your host

Profile picture for Stephanie Hickox

Stephanie Hickox

Stephanie has always delighted in God’s Word and in sharing it with others. Whether it is equipping mothers and leaders through Entrusted with a Child’s Heart, inspiring students when teaching at homeschool co-ops or children’s ministry, or homeschooling her own children, Stephanie’s life mission is to encourage others to follow faithfully and joyfully after Jesus—especially if they hold her favorite job title: mom.

Betsy Corning wrote Entrusted with a Child’s Heart in 1999 in response to the needs she saw in families as she and David counseled young parents just a few years behind them. Entrusted has been taught in hundreds of churches nationwide, been translated into several foreign languages, and has made its way around the world. More recently, Betsy received her Masters in Biblical Studies from The Master’s University and is developing a new Bible Study program called Get the Word Out. Her passion for God’s Word, discipleship, and teaching biblical principles as they apply to family life has remained strong to this day. One of the greatest blessings in Betsy’s life are her three grown children, their spouses, and ten grandchildren that keep her constantly in touch with every age and stage.

Jen Freckman Is an incredible wealth of wisdom. She will tell you a natural remedy for just about anything! She is also a voracious reader and she is just overflowing with quotes and guidance that she's encountered through reading and being faithful. She delights in her children and is a devoted mother. She is also an amazingly creative problem solver! Her solutions to manage her home and guide her children are inspiring.

Emily Deyo is such a treasure. She is an incredible encourager and servant-hearted woman. When she has the mic in front of her, so much value comes out! She is a wordsmith and her heart consistently beats for how she can encourage and serve others. She is a truly loving and attentive mother.

Join Betsy, Emily, Jen, and Stephanie as they share the wisdom only Scripture and on-the-job training can provide to help untangle the joyful calling of motherhood.