Episode 10

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Published on:

11th Oct 2023

Untangling To Work or Not to Work... and Managing It As Well As You Can If You Do

Hey Mama, We know this can be a sensitive topic in Christian parenting circles and we feel the tension too. Listen in as Emily and Stephanie discuss convictions for prioritizing motherhood even when we are called to work, questions for determining what the Lord is calling us to, and tips for managing it all--though we won't promise there are easy fixes or solutions for this!

Scriptures Mentioned:

Isaiah 12:2-4

James 1:5

Psalm 18

James 3:16

Hebrews 6:19

Transcript
Speaker:

Welcome to another episode of

the again, podcast brought to

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you by interested ministries.

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I'm your host, Stephanie Hickox

and today I'm joined by Emily deal.

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We're continuing our untangled series.

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And we're delving into a topic

that is often a sensitive one.

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Today, we're talking about

untangling, being a working mom.

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With this episode.

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Our prayer is that you are encouraged to

seek the Lord for his best in your home.

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May you be met with empathy,

hope, and direction.

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We're so glad you're here.

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Emily, you and I both love lesson six

of entrusted with the child's heart.

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Talking about a mother's touch,

how a godly mother understands

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the significance of her role.

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And we've often talked about how

encouraging it was for Betsy to tell us.

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How truly influential we are in the home.

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Emily: Mm hmm.

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Stephanie: That lesson was like

a deep breath, thank you, Lord.

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I needed that encouragement.

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I needed to know that the things

that I do again and again matter to

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you and all of these unseen things.

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That they're seen by you,

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Emily: Mm hmm.

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Stephanie: Betsy says that our touch

brings security to our children, today

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we're talking about, our presence in

the home , so I want to start out with

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a couple questions that center on that.

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Okay, what is your favorite

way to rest and relax?

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Emily: Well, my favorite way

to rest and relax would be,

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I'm going to go with reading.

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There's several different routes I could

go here but I'm going to go with reading.

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I have a stack of books by my chair of

which I have not been able to open many

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of them, but I have wonderful intentions.

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So, I do love to read.

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I find that That it is the most relaxing

thing and and I enjoy it so much.

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So I'm going to go with reading.

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What about you, Steph?

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Stephanie: this is kind of silly.

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I love reading.

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I do.

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But it's fall and I love watching

the Packers play football.

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It's funny to say it's relaxing

because my blood pressure is

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probably not always the best.

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I get super into it, and , I think

there's just something about Sundays

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and in the fall and it gets cozy

and coming home after church, and

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as I look back at my childhood,

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Emily: hmm.

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Stephanie: I think we were coming and

going a lot and I knew on a Sunday

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we're going to church and we're

coming home and we're watching the

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Packers and that brought a true sense

of security to me and my dad loved

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football and so it's a really special

thing to look back at that with him

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Emily: hmm.

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Stephanie: and now my kids are getting

a little bit older and they're enjoying

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it with me and sometimes I get out

my whiteboard and explain to them

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so this is what a first out is and

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Emily: you go all out on this.

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I love it.

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Stephanie: And it's funny because

I probably understand 30 40

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percent of the game, but I

still, I know enough to love it.

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And we do a little Lambo Leap.

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If you're not a Green Bay fan, maybe

you don't understand that, but when the

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player scores and then he jumps into

the crowd, that's called a Lambo leap.

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So we have them in my home

where every time we score, I

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throw the kids into a chair.

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Emily: You know, one day Steph,

they're going to be too big.

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Stephanie: Yes, yeah, right.

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I think the older ones right now

are like, okay, mom, we're good.

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Emily: They might be throwing you one day.

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Stephanie: That would be great.

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It's a sweet, pause for me and I give

myself that time to relax and, and

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I also do like being creative, like

painting with watercolors or things,

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but I find that doesn't happen as much

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Emily: Yes, I hear you.

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I think we'll have time

for those things later on.

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That's what I tell myself.

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Stephanie: Yes.

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Yes.

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All right, next question.

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What do you love most about your home?

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Emily: So, I think a

couple things come to mind.

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I love that when we look out

our back, door, we see trees.

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So we moved here.

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It's been a year this month.

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We've moved to North Carolina.

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And one of my big things was

that I didn't want to see houses

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from my, the back of our house.

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So we see trees.

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I love that.

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But but I think the

thing I love most is my.

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Light fixtures in my house.

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Not all of them.

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I'm still working on changing some of

them, but our dining room one traveled

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with us from Illinois when we moved here.

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It was packed up so carefully

and it made its way.

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It didn't even go with the movers.

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It rode with me in our car and

it made it all the way here and

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it was packed so carefully and

nothing broke and Jake hung it.

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I think we still had boxes everywhere.

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I think it was like the second

week we were here because I just

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wanted to see it finally up.

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So my light fixture.

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Stephanie: Yeah.

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Aw, those things just

personalize it, right?

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When we're talking about a mother's

touch, those decor elements often

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speak so much to who we are and

creating a home for our kids,

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Emily: What about

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your home?

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Stephanie: Well, I got a very, very

extravagant gift last fall from a

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friend and she lives kind of far away

and she was just praying for a way

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that she could support me and love me.

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And I left her a message

one day just saying, I, I.

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I really, it was a long message and

just one line in it was, you know,

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my carpets are so disgusting and

it's, we're not going to be able to

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afford to replace them probably ever.

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And it's just really hard for me.

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And, and then she wrote later that

night and said, my husband and

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I would like to know how much it

would be to replace your floors.

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Emily: I love this story.

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Stephanie: yeah, it was

such an extravagant gift.

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And we have a new, beautiful hardwood

floors in our dining room and living room.

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And when my feet touch the floor

and when I see them, I feel so seen

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by the Lord, so loved by my friend

and her husband, just how they gave

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so sacrificially, so extravagantly.

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I.

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And that will forever be a moment

that I look back at as , wow, the Lord

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and the body of Christ blew me away

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I can't even pretend it was a need, it was a want and, I'm

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just blown away by that.

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Emily: Yes.

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I think something our listeners will

come to know and love about you,

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Stephanie, is that you have so many

of the stories like this, where God

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sees you and he's met your needs.

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And I am always encouraged

when, when you tell them.

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And so thank you for sharing that with us.

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Thank you so much.

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There are a couple of verses in Isaiah 12

and they say, behold, God is my salvation.

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I will trust and will not be afraid.

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For the Lord, God is my strength and my

song, and he has become my salvation.

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With joy, you will draw water

from the Wells of salvation.

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And you will say in that day,

Give, thanks to the Lord.

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Call upon his name.

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Make known his deeds among the peoples.

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For a claim that his name is exalted.

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And I've prayed that , Lord, will you

at that be me when I talk to women.

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What I just be drawing water.

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From Wells of testimonies of

salvation that you have done.

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And that you would be glorified.

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So.

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I got to say he has answered

that abundantly I'm so grateful

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Emily: He is so, so good in that way.

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Stephanie: Mm

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hmm.

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As we prayed about how to connect

this untangled episode to.

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The Entrusted Lesson of a Mother's

Touch and a Godly Mother Understanding

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the Significance of Her Role.

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And also, by receiving some questions

from people taking the study about

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being working mothers and what it

looks like to truly be invested

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in your children as you work.

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We felt like that would

be a really great topic.

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Though it may be difficult to talk

about and difficult to put into

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practice, that was what we arrived at

as the best topic for this episode.

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And we would never tell you not to work,

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but we would tell you to

ask God if you should.

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That is really our heart that if

you're a working mom, we want to

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encourage we're not going to give

you the world's message of you can

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do it all and you can do it all well.

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We think that.

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There are choices that need to

be made and it's not all about

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us and about our faithfulness and

about our ability to accomplish.

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It's about Christ and relying on him.

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So we're not trying to

promote superhero moms.

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We are really trying to press into the

biblical model and to prioritize the home,

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especially when our children are young.

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And I just think that a lot of moms are

entering the workplace because they don't

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know how much they are valued in the home.

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And if I didn't understand that this

was having an eternal impact, the day

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in day out mundane crumbs and diapers,

all of it would be so exhausting.

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And I can understand why.

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Some women would prefer an escape.

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we just want to remind you of

the eternal value of what you're

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doing and talk a little bit about

what that's looked like to us.

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And that's why Emily and I are on

this episode, because we both have

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experienced being a working mom.

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We know the Lord definitely

does call us to that sometimes.

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Emily, to kick us off, can I have you

tell our listeners what your work schedule

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is right now and remind us the ages

of your kids and how it's working for

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you?

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No pun intended.

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Sorry.

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Emily: yes, so I am working full time

right now, actually and I, while you

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were talking, Steph, the verse came to

mind in James 1, 5, that talks about If

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any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of

God, who gives generously to all without

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reproach, and it will be given him.

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And when we talk about working and

what God calls you to before you

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make any decision, seek wisdom

and ask wisdom and He will give

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it for your family individually.

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We're going to share where we're

at today, but the Lord may be

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leading you to something different.

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And if you seek Him and ask for

wisdom, He will grant it generously.

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And so I just want to encourage

a little bit before I tell where

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we're at to just seek God in every

choice that you make for your family.

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I am working right now full time

so I'm going to share my children's

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ages so you can kind of understand

the stage of life we're in.

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So Benjamin is 17, and then

I have a daughter who is 13.

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We are in the stage that

is very busy right now.

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And I am working at our church as the

family discipleship's pastor's assistant.

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I was not seeking this job out.

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This job came to me and was

kind of dropped in my lap.

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And so whenever anything in our life

has happened like that, we always

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stop and pause and then say, Lord,

what are you trying to show us here?

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That is where we found ourselves.

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But before I talk any more currently about

where we're at right now, I'm going to

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rewind a little bit and and tell you that

my choice in working has never been to

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fulfill a desire that I felt was missing.

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It's always been what

is best for our family?

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What season are we in right now?

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And what is best for our family?

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As we've have approached the different

seasons, that has been our philosophy.

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Going back to when the kids were young,

we made two very conscious decisions.

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And one being that I would

not, I would not work.

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Now I have had little part time

jobs, but when I say work, I mean

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by taking me out of our home.

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We made that choice that I would not work.

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And then two, we made our second

choice was that our children

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would have a Christian education.

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Both of those choices we made

have significant financial impact.

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And when I say that we have

taken it in seasons, we have.

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We have paused every season and

said, is this what you would

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have for us this season, Lord?

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And and we always

reassess and re evaluate.

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I was always with our children

when they were young and I

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wouldn't trade that for anything.

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Those years are so precious

and every moment counts.

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And I know there might be moms listening

thinking like, every moment counts.

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I'm exhausted and I want to nap.

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But

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It passes so quickly, and I can sit

here and tell you right now, at the age

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that I am, and at the stage that I am,

that I wouldn't trade being home with

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my children for any amount of, of money.

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Now, I know there are moms who are

in situations that are far beyond

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their control, and they, they need

to work, and I'm highly empathetic,

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and I believe God sees you in those

places, and he meets you there.

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And he fills the voids that,

that you know are in your life.

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If you find yourself in that place,

I'm not saying that this is the

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solution for everybody, but this

is where we found ourselves.

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I'm going to fast forward

to where we are now.

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So this, so I am working the job

kind of was just dropped in our

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lap, and the questions that kept

circling my mind were three questions.

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And that was...

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Is this going to be too

much for our marriage?

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Is it going to be too

much for our children?

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And when do I have time to be creative?

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And I know that sounds like

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such a silly thing, but being

creative is really what fuels me.

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It was so important to me.

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And we were talking earlier about

God seeing the little things.

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That is a little thing

that I find great joy from.

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Stephanie: Sure.

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Emily: My husband and I have talked

it out, and and we have found

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ourselves communicating more now

than we have ever communicated

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because we have to make this work.

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We are grateful for the job that

I have, but we are constantly

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reassessing and reevaluating and

saying, is this where we should be?

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Because I never want.

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a job I have to be greater than the

job that God has given me as a mother.

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And so I hold it loosely, knowing

that if it becomes too much for our

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family, that I, that I could walk away

because I never want that to overtake.

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the ultimate goal for our family.

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And so I love how Betsy says that,

you know, you're too busy when

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you're not able to keep your finger

on the pulse of your household.

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That's a wonderful reference point

as we have thought over the years,

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you know, whatever season we're in,

is this too much or is that too much?

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That's been a wonderful reference point.

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Stephanie: You have

such thoughtful wisdom.

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I really appreciate the way that you

process things and that you follow

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the Lord's leading having something

really practical to look back at.

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And even the foresight how are we going

to steward this opportunity and our lives

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so we make sure that it doesn't take over.

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And I just feel the need to

share with our listeners.

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In case they haven't read your beautiful

blog post about your son being born early.

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There were so many financial

strains upon your family early on.

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I love that you held to your convictions.

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And the things that you agreed

upon and that God provided.

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For you in them.

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You can head over to our

blog@interestedministries.com.

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To read Emily's beautiful blog

post about that season and

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how you can support others.

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Who are going through something like that.

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And then can you say again, those three

questions that you evaluated with?

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Emily: Is it going to be

too much for our marriage?

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Is it going to be too

much for our children?

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And when can I have time to be creative?

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Stephanie: So how do you prioritize

your marriage right now as you're

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Emily: Hmm, that is an excellent question.

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Stephanie: Other than, can you

frick up the kids your practice?

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Yeah, love ya.

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Yeah,

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Emily: Yes.

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Oh, I, I am grateful for my

husband in this season because

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he has really come alongside me.

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We often joke and say that no, no decision

we make right now is a sole decision.

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Everything is a two person decision

because we cannot function otherwise.

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So, this could not work if we didn't

communicate, communicate, communicate.

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There is no such thing

as over communicating.

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There have been weeks that we typically

would sit down on a Sunday evening

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and kind of go through the week.

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There have been weeks that that even

is overwhelming and so we do a day.

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That what does tomorrow look like

and what do we need to do for

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tomorrow to make things happen?

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And so, breaking it down and

going day by day, we also are very

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aware that the season we're in

right now will not last forever.

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Yes, we are busy.

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We're going to the games.

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We're both working.

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We're involved in our church, but

we know it won't last, and so we're

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trying to make the most of just all of

the busyness and trying to enjoy the

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busyness, if that makes sense, because

we know that In time, it will end.

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Our son is a junior this year,

and it won't always be this way.

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So we communicate all the time, daily

about what needs to happen next.

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And then for the kids, keeping

our finger on the pulse of

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what's happening in their lives.

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We always have dinner together, no matter

how busy it gets, always dinner together.

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And so we're talking things out there.

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Splitting the kids up and doing, as Ben

gets older Jake will do their devotions

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at night and so he has time to talk

with him and understand where he's at.

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And then I, the same with our daughter.

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And we're just, in all of that,

communicating and giving it to the Lord.

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The creative part, I, I seem to fit it in.

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Laughter.

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So, that part is working out just fine.

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Stephanie: when there's a will,

there's a way, I understand why you're

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willing to make it work because I

know that the school that your kids

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are at is such a blessing to them

and to your family and I know that it

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was worth moving cross country for.

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I mean it was part of what drew

you and so it makes sense to me

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that the Lord provided a way for

it to happen if it wasn't so life

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giving,

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the opportunities that your kids have

right now, you might feel differently

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Emily: that is an

excellent point, Stephanie.

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We could not have the fuel to

keep going if we didn't see the...

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Fruit of what we're putting in yes, the

school that we have our kids at the Lord

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graciously directed us to, and we see that

it's a hundred percent worth every effort.

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He opened the door, led us to this place.

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And so I guess maybe you could say

we're not running on fumes because

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we're, we're seeing the reward

of all that we're putting in.

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That does not mean that it

will always work out perfectly.

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I, I don't want to paint that picture,

but we see, we see the worth and the

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value, and we're willing to put the

time in to, to make it all happen.

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And the Lord has provided

a way to make it happen.

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And

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so when he does that.

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You just say, okay, Lord, I, I don't

know how I'm going to get all this

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done, but I'm daily giving it to you.

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Give me the energy that I need in the day

and give me the rest that I need at night.

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And he's so faithful to do

that through every season.

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Stephanie: And because you were so

faithful when they were little, you're

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seeing the fruit in their character now.

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You were all hands on then, and now you

are enjoying the fruit, not just in

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their opportunities, but in their hearts.

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And so you're maintaining the

relationship instead of trying

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to build one in your busyness.

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Emily: Yes, if, if moving across

the country does nothing else, it

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will fuse your family together.

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So that has helped when we moved, you

know, we were rebuilding everything.

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We were rebuilding friendships

and church and school and even

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where the grocery store is.

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Because we went through all of that

together and prayed together and just,

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this, that would be a whole other episode

of just seeing God move mountains.

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Our children watched us walk through

it and they walked through it with us.

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And that just fuses us so closely.

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And so when the kids would come

home after moving, they would

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come home after their first day

of school and say, I met a friend.

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We were all so excited with them because

we all wanted to meet new friends.

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But yes, God is so faithful.

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And And he does fuse us

together in that way.

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And the time put in the deposits we made

in the beginning, we're able to take small

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withdrawals out right now because we.

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We sacrificed and did what needed done.

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It meant a lot of no's to things,

to little things, so we could have

378

:

a greater yes to the big things.

379

:

And, I think that if there's anything

that I could encourage moms as they're

380

:

evaluating this, like, do I work?

381

:

Do I not work?

382

:

And again, everybody's

circumstance is different.

383

:

But I would always say, is the little

yeses worth what you're going to be

384

:

saying no to in the future or vice versa?

385

:

I never regret that time that

I put in when they were young.

386

:

No money amount would make me regret that.

387

:

I never regret that.

388

:

That's relationship building

and character building and it

389

:

was just such a sweet time.

390

:

Stephanie: Yes, it does

amaze me how quickly it goes,

391

:

So my story It's different than yours.

392

:

And I just don't have a desire to achieve.

393

:

Mostly I've just, I really want

to be a mom and I want to be there

394

:

for my kids and I want to disciple

395

:

Emily: hmm.

396

:

Stephanie: And I hope this doesn't

come across as prideful, but.

397

:

I have this deep seated belief

that me, when I'm pursuing Christ,

398

:

is the best thing for my kids.

399

:

That it's not extracurriculars,

it's not experiences, not toys,

400

:

but my love pointing them to

Christ is the best thing for them.

401

:

I, I don't even know if I would have

been able to put that into words a

402

:

couple years ago, but I've realized

that that has really guided me in

403

:

my motherhood, that often finances

would just say, no, we can't do that.

404

:

We can't put them in that.

405

:

They can't attend that.

406

:

And I've had a piece about that's okay.

407

:

Like Lord.

408

:

Help me to direct them while in our home.

409

:

I'm going to enjoy snuggling up

with them and reading books and

410

:

that'll be our sweet experiences.

411

:

And finding ways to do all

the tricks to be able to stay

412

:

at home, cutting every cost.

413

:

I'm going to do cloth diapers.

414

:

I'm going to make all the

baby food, everything I could

415

:

do to stay home with them.

416

:

Figuring out, okay, if we just pay

for this one membership to the zoo,

417

:

I can take them all the time and

it's really not going to cost much.

418

:

And that would be a Christmas present.

419

:

It was kind of this fun thing,

but how the Lord would provide so

420

:

that I could be with my children.

421

:

But we've experienced job loss

a couple times, and after my

422

:

husband was diagnosed with MS.

423

:

there was a point where his job

ended and he had been looking and

424

:

looking and looking for a job.

425

:

And it was reaching about a year

and a half and the Lord had been

426

:

providing and I had taught at different

homeschool co ops and things like

427

:

that, but I hadn't done anything

that would take me out of the home.

428

:

And it was just getting to the

point where what are we going to do?

429

:

We're eating up so much of our savings.

430

:

And it really is amazing how the

Lord preserved us and held us.

431

:

But, I, I remember seeing this job, a

local church said that they were looking

432

:

for a children's ministry director.

433

:

And I thought, Oh, that'll be perfect.

434

:

Cause they'll want

someone in the evenings.

435

:

for things like Iwana, and they'll

need someone on the weekends.

436

:

And so maybe I can still homeschool and

be home with my kids and then do that.

437

:

And I started the application process

and they were like, no, we would

438

:

want you in the office every day.

439

:

And.

440

:

My heart just sank and I

thought, I can't do that.

441

:

And my husband is so tired and just the

noise of the kids is really hard for him.

442

:

And so I knew it's not going

to work for us to switch here.

443

:

I need to be the one with them.

444

:

And...

445

:

I brought that back to my husband, they

would want me every day in the office.

446

:

And he said, I think you should pursue it.

447

:

And I was just crushed.

448

:

So I called my Aunt Betsy and

asking for wisdom, what should I do?

449

:

You know, my heart to

be home with my kids.

450

:

And she said, what if you work for me?

451

:

And I told her.

452

:

Oh, no, no, no, no.

453

:

You pray about that.

454

:

I don't want you just offering that.

455

:

And she said, Stephanie, I already

have been praying about it for a year.

456

:

So the Lord is just so sweet that

even though I wouldn't have had

457

:

a desire to work, that if, if

I'm going to, he provided it in

458

:

something that means so much to me.

459

:

I am grateful every day that I

have an opportunity to spread

460

:

God's word to bless the family.

461

:

That this study that I believe

in so much that I know transforms

462

:

families through God's word.

463

:

That I get to spread

the knowledge of that.

464

:

It really is a blessing.

465

:

That's more of my story.

466

:

And my youngest was three at the time.

467

:

Obviously, I'm saying this for my

job, and so if I say I'm overwhelmed

468

:

in many days, it's too much.

469

:

I, I realize there is some irony here,

but there are many days where I'm like, I

470

:

don't know how I can manage it all, Lord.

471

:

Just being a caregiver for my husband

and he, he does work now, and we're

472

:

so grateful, but I am still very

much needed, and it's not like we're

473

:

doing this for Anything extravagant,

I, need to work so we can pay our

474

:

mortgage and have food to eat.

475

:

Our family is still reliant

very much on me financially.

476

:

I do continue to homeschool because

I want to have that nearness and

477

:

that closeness with my children.

478

:

I'm trying to work from home.

479

:

Watch them be a support to my husband and

it is a lot, but I do see that the Lord

480

:

strengthens me and I want to share one of

my favorite, scriptures the Lord gave me.

481

:

And this was actually before I started

working, but I was just praying one day,

482

:

like, Lord, come on, just felt like

blow after blow to our family and so

483

:

many funerals and losses and struggles

financial, relational, so many things.

484

:

And I was like, Lord, where's the miracle?

485

:

We need help.

486

:

And I just felt this sense that sometimes

the miracle is that you're still standing.

487

:

That.

488

:

After all that you've gone through, that

you're still able to stand and endure

489

:

and that the Lord gives you strength.

490

:

That was my miracle for a long time.

491

:

And I still, I believe that every day

that the strength that the Lord gives me,

492

:

I, I will continue to be thankful for.

493

:

And Psalm 18 is, is my

banner when I'm weary.

494

:

I'm going to share some of my

favorite verses from that chapter.

495

:

It says, I love you, O Lord, my strength.

496

:

The Lord is my rock, and my fortress,

and my deliverer, my God, my rock, in

497

:

whom I take refuge, my shield, and the

horn of my salvation, my stronghold.

498

:

I call upon the Lord who is worthy to be

praised, and I am saved from my enemies.

499

:

And verse 6 says, In my distress I called

upon the Lord, to my God I cried for help.

500

:

From his temple he heard my voice,

and my cry to him reached his ears.

501

:

And then I'm skipping to verses 18 and 19

when it says, But the Lord was my support,

502

:

he brought me out into a broad place, he

rescued me because he delighted in me.

503

:

Then verses 28 through 36 say, for it

is you who light my lamp, the Lord my

504

:

God lightens my darkness for by you.

505

:

I can run against a troop and by

my God I can leap over a wall.

506

:

This God his way is perfect.

507

:

The word of the Lord proves true.

508

:

He is a shield for all those who take

refuge in him for who is God but the

509

:

Lord and who is a rock except our God.

510

:

The God who equipped me with

strength and made my way blameless.

511

:

He made my feet like the feet of a

deer and set me secure on the heights.

512

:

He trains my hands for war so that

my arms can bend a bow of bronze.

513

:

You have given me the shield of your

salvation and your right hand supported

514

:

me and your gentleness made me great.

515

:

You gave a wide place for my steps

under me, and my feet did not slip.

516

:

And then 39 says, For you equipped

me with strength for the battle.

517

:

Those verses have really encouraged

me and brought me strength that

518

:

this, this God, He is my strength.

519

:

He is my source.

520

:

He knows my situation.

521

:

He hears my cries for

help and He sustains me.

522

:

so when I'm weary, I can turn

to Him for Him to fill me and to

523

:

order my days, to give me wisdom.

524

:

Lord, what's it gonna look like today?

525

:

This is the list and I don't know

how I can possibly get through

526

:

it, but you're gonna guide me.

527

:

And I, I pray that, this role that the

Lord has called me to, to be financially

528

:

faithful, to serve my family, that it

will be a great witness to my children.

529

:

That This isn't what I planned,

but I'm asking that Lord, when they

530

:

look back, will they not see a mom?

531

:

That's really busy, but would they look

back and see, wow, mom did everything

532

:

she could to be faithful to our family.

533

:

And I pray that that would be a great

character lesson for them, and maybe even

534

:

better than the silly creative projects

I would do if I had a different schedule.

535

:

Emily: Yes, we never know how and when

God is going to use the pieces of our

536

:

lives and the choices we've made to put

into play for our children, and even

537

:

their children, the impact of our choices.

538

:

I love that you said the miracle

is that you're still standing and I

539

:

thought, how convicting is that we

want often the miracle to be something

540

:

great and big and something tangible

that we can have or show for our

541

:

faithfulness, but the miracle that

we're still standing sometimes.

542

:

I've found that what God calls

us to, He equips us for greatly,

543

:

and it doesn't fade over time.

544

:

Whatever God has called you to doesn't

fade in six months when it gets hard.

545

:

It just...

546

:

Becomes a testing ground as to whether

we will be faithful to the thing

547

:

he's called us to, but he always

548

:

equips us with what we

549

:

need every single time.

550

:

I can look back across our young

years of child rearing and say with

551

:

great confidence that God provided

in the places that he led us to.

552

:

Stephanie: Mm-hmm.

553

:

Emily: And your testimony is a

testimony of that, Stephanie.

554

:

Stephanie: I found that I think

I've, even in the busyness, I've

555

:

become more faithful to the word

than I ever was because I need it.

556

:

I really need it to get through.

557

:

I need to start my day with that and

I'm so thankful for how he renews me.

558

:

Emily: Yes.

559

:

Stephanie: And definitely would say I

have more of a tendency to be a Martha.

560

:

But, he's helped me to be more of a Mary.

561

:

One thing is needed.

562

:

And I better start my day with

that one thing, otherwise the

563

:

dominoes just aren't gonna fall.

564

:

I'm not saying it in a superstitious

565

:

Emily: No.

566

:

In a needful way.

567

:

Stephanie: yes, it's a reliance upon him.

568

:

I don't think, on the days that

I don't start with him, it's not

569

:

like that can't go well because

I didn't master the formula.

570

:

It's more oh, wow, Lord, thank you.

571

:

When I slowed down with you, all of

a sudden it made more sense where

572

:

I was supposed to put the priority.

573

:

Emily: And it brings such richness to

our, even our thinking throughout the day.

574

:

And I have slowed myself down in reading

and will read a chapter or if something

575

:

jumps out at me, even a half a chapter.

576

:

To slow down and dwell on it and

think on it throughout the day

577

:

because it doesn't, it does bring

richness to your thought process.

578

:

It is not a formula you, as you were

saying, but it's just a system that

579

:

he blesses us for, and he blesses us

in doses of of wisdom and thoughts.

580

:

I love the end of James 3 where it

says, A harvest of righteousness is

581

:

sown in peace by those who make peace.

582

:

And that has kind of been the

thought for our home is that I want

583

:

it to be a place of peace for my

family when they come home at night.

584

:

I don't want it to be chaotic

filled, even though we're all

585

:

running our separate schedules.

586

:

If we can keep peace in our home and

keep God in the center and keep the main

587

:

thing, the main thing being God, then

our home will be full of peace, even

588

:

in the midst of all of the schedules.

589

:

Stephanie: We'll talk more about this

in another episode, but I think the idea

590

:

of anchors in our schedule and having

consistent things that we go to, that's

591

:

really helpful for kids to establish

security and consistency in the home.

592

:

So if they know, okay, every Sunday night,

this is something we do as a family.

593

:

Every Friday night,

this is something we do.

594

:

I think that just helps build

consistency and they know what to expect.

595

:

And I felt that the Lord just

put this little check question.

596

:

I'm going to call like a

heart check, home check.

597

:

If you have a child that's struggling

with anxiety in your home, I would

598

:

encourage you to ask the Lord if

your life is too busy, if there's

599

:

not enough peace in the home.

600

:

And I know that's not always the case.

601

:

anxiety is really rampant

in children right now.

602

:

And I do wonder if there's a

connection with the busyness.

603

:

With just needing to have some

slow time as a family to really

604

:

get to the heart of things.

605

:

Mmhmm.

606

:

Emily: yes, that's, that

is such a good word, Steph.

607

:

In Hebrews 6, 19, when you said

anchored was brought, this is the

608

:

verse for the year at our kids school.

609

:

I have it hanging by my computer, but it

says we have this as a sure and steadfast

610

:

anchor of the soul, a hope that enters

into the inner place behind the curtain.

611

:

But that God is the

anchor of all that we do.

612

:

And I love that thought of having

things that anchor our homes.

613

:

And that was an excellent

word about anxiety.

614

:

I've often said that we

take things in seasons.

615

:

That's just how we run our house.

616

:

We just take it in seasons.

617

:

And just because something works

for one season doesn't mean

618

:

it's going to work for the next.

619

:

And our kids face a lot and they

come home with a lot and they hear

620

:

a lot at school and amongst friends.

621

:

And then we place on them a

schedule and then a sports schedule.

622

:

and it's a lot.

623

:

So constantly assessing and just being

an, a wise advocate for their schedules

624

:

is something that is so needed

especially for an anxiety ridden child.

625

:

Stephanie: Have you ever heard of the book

Devoted, Great Men and Their Godly Moms?

626

:

Emily: I have heard of it,

but I have not read it.

627

:

Stephanie: I listened to it audiobook,

I think last summer, it was on

628

:

Hoopla, and it was so encouraging.

629

:

It's by Tim Chalice, He profiles

about 10 godly men and the role that

630

:

their mother played in their lives.

631

:

And it's interesting because some

are more modern men and some are,

632

:

know, hundreds of years back.

633

:

And it was really interesting to

see so many different situations.

634

:

Some of them had fathers who were

preachers and traveling all the time.

635

:

And so the mom was really

consistent in the home.

636

:

Some of them were not walking with

the Lord, but the mother was faithful

637

:

and continued to pray for them.

638

:

One of them, their father passed

away when, when all the kids

639

:

were very young and the mother

continued to work and to provide.

640

:

And it was just neat to see how God

can take any situation that when we're

641

:

partnering with him there will be

fruit when we're doing it onto him.

642

:

We would never want a woman to feel

shame because God's called her to work.

643

:

We wouldn't want a woman to feel

less than because she's at home.

644

:

We want...

645

:

Each of us to be seeking Christ and,

once you and your husband decide this

646

:

is the best choice for our family

that you've worked through with the

647

:

Lord, trusting God for that fruit.

648

:

Even this summer as I was preparing for

the podcast I had hard moments we went to

649

:

visit my mother in law and my kids were

swimming in the pool and mean, there was

650

:

a day I just wept and I wanted to be in

the pool with my kids, but I had to work

651

:

and I thought, oh man, are my kids gonna

look back and think, huh, mom sure worked

652

:

on that podcast a lot and be resentful,

but it was I think a week or two later

653

:

and we were at a park and some kids We

had never met them before, but some kids

654

:

were kind of being rude to my kids and,

and my boys said, Mom, we wanted to say

655

:

to them, Oh yeah, our mom has a podcast.

656

:

And it made me laugh so hard.

657

:

like, Okay, well, let's be humble.

658

:

And of course we talked through it, but

I thought that was even the sweetness of

659

:

the Lord that my kids could be resentful.

660

:

Of, of me doing this big project for work,

but know that they're so proud of it.

661

:

they're really thankful and they

want to check the analytics.

662

:

when I say, Oh, I need to record.

663

:

They're not thinking again, mom.

664

:

Sorry, again, it

disincorporates all the time.

665

:

Does it, they're, they're not

thinking that they're like, Oh great.

666

:

What's this episode about?

667

:

And so I see even , that

fruit that the Lord provides.

668

:

It's just helpful to keep going,

like, thank you, Lord, you're

669

:

providing, even in my kids hearts.

670

:

I did want to say one thing, though,

that I do notice about myself when I'm

671

:

being pulled in a lot of directions.

672

:

I feel that my ability to problem solve

in my home and develop solutions, or even

673

:

to be consistent in solutions I have, that

that's where I kind of struggle sometimes.

674

:

The Lord does give me a lot of

energy to persevere, but some days

675

:

I feel like there'll be a problem

like, I don't know what to do.

676

:

And I don't have always the mental

capacity to work through it.

677

:

So that would be a thing too

that I would encourage moms.

678

:

If your mental load and your emotional

load are so heavy, you might be able to

679

:

physically achieve everything you need to,

but I do feel emotionally healthy in it.

680

:

or Is there a reset, something you

can take out, maybe you really do

681

:

have to work, but then maybe you can't

volunteer at church on the weekends.

682

:

We're so obligated to, know,

our performance minded society

683

:

and we need to achieve.

684

:

And sometimes the most godly thing to

do is to say no to some of those things

685

:

that are good, to make sure our home.

686

:

is a place of peace.

687

:

Emily: Hmm.

688

:

Stephanie: we don't want to be giving

our best in every other arena and

689

:

giving our children our leftovers.

690

:

Emily: Yes, yes, being protectors

of our home and constantly

691

:

reassessing where it's at.

692

:

And being emotionally healthy

is just as important as

693

:

you said, as physically

getting everything done.

694

:

And our kids are so wise and they know

when they're getting the leftovers.

695

:

Stephanie: Yep.

696

:

Emily: So, yes, I, I do find it

encouraging though, that when you

697

:

are giving it over to the Lord,

As you said earlier that he is the

698

:

one who multiplies your efforts.

699

:

I have found

700

:

Stephanie: Mm

701

:

Emily: in that.

702

:

because there have been so many

times that I've been so weary and

703

:

and I've gotten like little notes

from my daughter saying, mom, thanks

704

:

for all the hard work you're doing.

705

:

And And it's just such an encouragement

when our kids do see the efforts

706

:

we put in, but being fully aware

not to give them the leftovers, and

707

:

making conscious decisions, and as

you were talking about, not feeling

708

:

guilty to saying no to other things,

709

:

Stephanie: hmm.

710

:

Emily: because the greatest payoff

is our family, that in the end

711

:

of it all, the greatest payoff is

the faithfulness to steward our

712

:

family and our time with them well.

713

:

And it's so easy to get wrapped

up in doing for this and that.

714

:

You're downstream before you realize it.

715

:

That's happened so many times to me.

716

:

And then, you know, I have to wind it

backwards and say, all right, we can

717

:

throw this out of the boat and this

out of the boat and this out of the

718

:

boat.

719

:

And what I really need is to is

to just be there for my family.

720

:

So it's constantly reevaluating

and pulling things back.

721

:

that's so good.

722

:

It makes me think of the

feeding of the 5,000.

723

:

And Jesus basically says to

the disciple, what do you have?

724

:

Give it to me.

725

:

And sometimes I look around at what other

mothers are able to give their children.

726

:

And I think I used to be able to do more.

727

:

And I used to have more to give.

728

:

Whether it's homeschooling or.

729

:

arranging play dates and

stewarding friendships.

730

:

All of.

731

:

These different things and activities,

and it's hard to not compare.

732

:

But the Lord has put

that passage on my heart.

733

:

Of what do you have to give?

734

:

Give it to me.

735

:

And he can do so much more with

my surrender little, then I

736

:

could do with a hundred percent.

737

:

Emily: Yes.

738

:

Your bread and fishes

with him multiplying it.

739

:

is far greater than your best performance.

740

:

Stephanie: Yeah.

741

:

And I do think, isn't it culturally,

there's just that trend to give

742

:

your kids every opportunity.

743

:

Emily: I find myself falling into

that trap myself and thinking like,

744

:

I need to get them here and they

need to be at this point by this age.

745

:

Do we even know the right

people to introduce them to?

746

:

So there are futures like secured?

747

:

And in all of that planning and

processing, we're leaving God out

748

:

of it all for him to work it out

749

:

for.

750

:

for.

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:

our children's good and for his glory.

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:

We plan

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:

them right out of our plans.

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:

Stephanie: Right.

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:

I can see doors that were shut

in my life and opportunities

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:

that didn't happen that I

757

:

really wanted,

758

:

and it just made the doors clear

that I was supposed to walk through.

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:

Emily: Yes.

760

:

Stephanie: It might have

been hard at the time.

761

:

And I've had to grieve some of those

things, thank you, Lord, that you

762

:

have made your call on my life clear.

763

:

Emily: Yes.

764

:

Closed doors are his protection so often.

765

:

Stephanie: And Chapter 6 in

Entrusted also talks about their

766

:

best 15 minutes of the day.

767

:

You can really be there for your children

and steward their hearts every day.

768

:

If you are truly connecting with

them on a daily basis, all of

769

:

those deposits add up over time.

770

:

So, it is possible, if the Lord is

calling you to be working outside

771

:

the home, it's possible to keep

those connections with your children.

772

:

But, I would encourage parents To try

to be as daily connecting with them as

773

:

possible, regardless of their age, instead

of trying to make up for it in big chunks,

774

:

it's those little moments every day.

775

:

There's that sweet quote that says, listen

to the little things when they're little.

776

:

And they'll tell you the

big things when they're big.

777

:

I'm paraphrasing, but it's

such a sweet thought, right?

778

:

Because what's little to them

they're little, that's big to them.

779

:

And we might be thinking, okay,

yep, it's another Lego creation.

780

:

It's another drawing.

781

:

It's another doll outfit.

782

:

But yes, tell me about it.

783

:

What did you like about it?

784

:

Hearing all those things, keeping

connected to their heart, it keeps the

785

:

pathway open so that as they grow, they

still know that Mom wants to listen.

786

:

And I'm going to talk to her.

787

:

All right.

788

:

We have officially used up enough of your

time, especially if you are a working mom.

789

:

But I just want to leave you with

one of my favorite ways to spend time

790

:

with my kids as they've gotten older.

791

:

I've picked one of them to

cook dinner with me each night.

792

:

And it was just such a

sweet time maybe there.

793

:

Grating cheese or.

794

:

Helping Me prep the vegetables and

add the pasta noodles to the water.

795

:

Different.

796

:

little things that they can do.

797

:

And it was a sweet time for us

to connect just with one of them.

798

:

And then I trained my other kids.

799

:

To give us some space because

when it was their turn and their

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:

siblings are going to respect them.

801

:

So these 15 minutes a day, they

don't have to be this set apart time.

802

:

Where you're just pouring into your child.

803

:

They can do life with you and

connect with you in that way.

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About the Podcast

Again
Biblical Motherhood Untangled
So much of what we do as mothers is on repeat. Join us to redeem this repetition and untangle from the confusion and overwhelm of parenting. We'll follow the Agains in the Bible to focus on the things that matter most. Let's look up together to embrace a motherhood full of freedom and joy! This podcast is sponsored by Entrusted Ministries.

About your host

Profile picture for Stephanie Hickox

Stephanie Hickox

Stephanie has always delighted in God’s Word and in sharing it with others. Whether it is equipping mothers and leaders through Entrusted with a Child’s Heart, inspiring students when teaching at homeschool co-ops or children’s ministry, or homeschooling her own children, Stephanie’s life mission is to encourage others to follow faithfully and joyfully after Jesus—especially if they hold her favorite job title: mom.

Betsy Corning wrote Entrusted with a Child’s Heart in 1999 in response to the needs she saw in families as she and David counseled young parents just a few years behind them. Entrusted has been taught in hundreds of churches nationwide, been translated into several foreign languages, and has made its way around the world. More recently, Betsy received her Masters in Biblical Studies from The Master’s University and is developing a new Bible Study program called Get the Word Out. Her passion for God’s Word, discipleship, and teaching biblical principles as they apply to family life has remained strong to this day. One of the greatest blessings in Betsy’s life are her three grown children, their spouses, and ten grandchildren that keep her constantly in touch with every age and stage.

Jen Freckman Is an incredible wealth of wisdom. She will tell you a natural remedy for just about anything! She is also a voracious reader and she is just overflowing with quotes and guidance that she's encountered through reading and being faithful. She delights in her children and is a devoted mother. She is also an amazingly creative problem solver! Her solutions to manage her home and guide her children are inspiring.

Emily Deyo is such a treasure. She is an incredible encourager and servant-hearted woman. When she has the mic in front of her, so much value comes out! She is a wordsmith and her heart consistently beats for how she can encourage and serve others. She is a truly loving and attentive mother.

Join Betsy, Emily, Jen, and Stephanie as they share the wisdom only Scripture and on-the-job training can provide to help untangle the joyful calling of motherhood.