#70. I Get So Emotional... and So Do My Kids! : Modeling and Training Our Children to Handle Emotions Biblically | Part 1
Anxiety, anger, frustration, jealousy, envy, impatience... what's a Christian family to do? Thankfully, God's Word has MUCH to say on this topic! Jen, Emily, and Steph begin this series on healthy, biblical emotional development to share the purpose of our emotions and how they can cause us to draw near to the Lord rather than have us draw back in shame or disconnect us from Him. Processing emotions well helps Christian mothers stay near to their children's hearts and lovingly point them to find their hope in Christ alone.
Books Referenced:
Entrusted with a Child's Heart By Betsy Corning
The Hiding Place by Corrie Ten Boom
Scriptures Mentioned:
2 Cor 10:5
Phil 4:6-8
Psalm 50:14
Transcript
They're the joyful agains our children shout on the swings, the
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:exhausting agains of cooking and laundry,
and the difficult agains of discipline.
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:So much of what we do
as mothers is on repeat.
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:So what if we woke up with clarity,
knowing which agains we were called
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:to, and went to bed believing we
are faithful in what matters most?
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:We believe God's Word is
the key to untangle from the
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:confusion and overwhelm we feel.
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:Let's look up together to embrace a
motherhood full of freedom and joy.
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:Welcome back to the again podcast
I have the honor of being here
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:with Emily Dio and Jen Freckman.
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:And I am Stephanie Hickox.
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:We are so grateful that
you are here to listen.
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:And we feel the weight of this
topic as we talk about emotions.
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:There is so much that we can talk about
both in how we steward our own emotions
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:onto the Lord and also how we train
and develop emotions in our children.
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:This is a nuanced topic and we only
want to say what the Lord would have us.
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:So we just feel that it would
be best to begin this episode in
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:prayer and humility that our words
would be edifying to the Lord.
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:Heavenly Father, we come before
you and we thank you for all
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:that you have done in our lives.
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:We have countless testimonies
of your faithfulness.
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:Lord, we thank you that you are a
Lord that is available to us, that we
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:can draw near to you and that we can
approach your throne of grace with
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:confidence, Lord, you are a holy God and
we just want to speak of you honorably.
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:And we want to relate to
you as your word asks.
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:And as it guides us, I pray that
any words that are of ourselves.
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:And that are not glorifying to you
would just fade away from our minds.
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:And that what would remain
would be truth that has spoken
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:in love and seasoned with salt.
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:We thank you, Jesus, for your
example on this earth and how
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:winsomely you spoke, and we desire
to follow you and your example.
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:So I just pray that the words of our
mouths and the meditations of our
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:hearts would be pleasing in your sight.
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:Oh Lord, our rock and our redeemer.
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:We thank you, Holy Spirit, for the way
that you will guide this conversation.
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:And I pray for the moms listening.
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:That they would be Bereans, that they
would seek out your word for themselves.
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:That anything that just sounds
off to them, that they would
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:search it out in your word.
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:But Lord, I pray that you would only
allow us to speak what is true of you.
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:And I pray also that we would be
edified by this conversation, that
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:you would bring us to a place of
unity and that you would guide.
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:There
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:are a lot of memes and jokes on
social media these days joking
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:about how different our childhood
Was our generation, our era, how
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:different it was from today's
children and how they're being raised.
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:And I, we hear a lot about
the, get outside and don't
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:come back in until it's dark.
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:If you're thirsty, grab a drink out of
the hose , but I think attending emotions,
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:I would definitely put in that category.
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:I would say that many of us, the way we
were raised, there was more independence.
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:It, I don't believe it was as
much of a requirement for mothers
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:to be as in tune with their
children's emotional development.
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:And I'm not even saying that's all bad.
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:I think that there were
some benefits from that.
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:But it seems as though we have
swung the pendulum and moms today
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:are incredibly in tune with their
children, incredibly observant.
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:Obviously, whenever we swing so
dramatically, then there are new
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:cautions that we need to be aware of.
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:And we want to be mothers who
are steadfast in the word of God,
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:not directed by cultural trends.
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:But it is really hard if you
feel like, Oh, wow, that mom is
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:so in tune with her children.
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:I want to be like that, or I'm
just balancing what, how would the
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:Lord have me relate to my children?
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:So we are going to talk
a lot about that tonight.
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:But so much of this is how do we as
women, as mothers, how are we modeling
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:healthy emotions for our children?
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:Because it really does
need to start with us.
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:Entrusted, Lessons 10, and I would
say 14 as well, really emphasize
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:moms having healthy emotions and not
letting our anger get full reign in us.
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:Emily, do you remember Lessons
10 and 14 and how they impacted
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:you as you took Entrusted?
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:Emily: I remember speaking to emotion
specifically, I remember I actually
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:went out to lunch with Betsy.
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:And I felt like my oldest was withdrawing
a little bit and I remember she had told
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:me, Emily, you can't let them retreat
into their head, you have to draw it out.
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:And I'm looking back, that's
really my first encounter with.
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:Dealing with emotions now, temper
tantrums and all of that when they're
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:little, of course, we all know and
acknowledge that is a reality that
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:we're all dealing with, but then when
they get older and we're speaking to
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:them giving words to their emotions.
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:Then it's a whole other game and we have
kids that speak so eloquently to their
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:emotions and then we have kids that
struggle and sometimes retreat and don't
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:want to give words to their emotions
and honestly, they probably can't there,
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:sometimes they're just so in their head.
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:So when you're asking a mom to be in
tune with their children's emotions,
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:it's just like this fine little string
that they have to be in tune with.
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:And each child has a fine little
string that they have to understand.
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:And as we were preparing for this, I
just thought the vastness That, that
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:our creator made us in and the detail
that he gave us really blows my mind.
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:Emotions are actually a beautiful thing.
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:And we look in the Bible and
we see David who was extreme.
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:I just see him as extremely emotional.
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:He wrote these beautiful Psalms and
he speaks to the beauty of the Lord
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:and just so eloquently describes him.
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:And I feel like he had to be emotional.
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:We have these attributes the Lord gave
us, and we're teaching our children
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:from preschool to elementary to middle
to high about how how to control
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:emotions, express emotions, give
words to emotions, suppress emotions.
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:And and so we're talking them
through all of that and it's
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:a gift to be able to walk.
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:alongside them as we go
through what all that means.
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:Steph: reminds me of that quote,
if you listen to the little things
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:when they're little, they'll tell
you the big things when they're big.
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:And I think emotions,
that's definitely true.
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:If we are aware and available for them,
for What they're going through, then
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:they're going to keep us in the loop
as they grow that 15 minutes a day,
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:principal and entrusted is so valuable
because I think often parents are
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:like, I'll wait till they're older.
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:I'll wait till they're in junior high,
and then we'll start having these
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:deep talks, but that bonding, that
practice of hearing your children's
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:hearts needs to start so early.
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:So I think that is a
fantastic way to keep your.
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:Pulse on your children.
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:Jen: Piggybacking on what Emily was
saying with the drawing it out, that
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:stuck out to me as well during that
session when Betsy talked about that.
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:And I remember thinking like, okay,
when my child is retreating and being
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:quiet, I need to ask them, like, what's,
what's going on in your, in your heart?
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:What's going on in your mind?
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:And sometimes they don't know
at those little tiny ages.
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:They don't really know.
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:They can't, they don't have words for it.
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:Like you had mentioned, they don't
really understand it, but as they're,
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:as they're Older and you see them, you
know, withdrawing and, and just kind
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:of being in there stuck in their head.
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:I think oftentimes as the teen years
come up, they become focused on
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:in what is going on in their head.
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:What are they thinking in it?
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:And they replay things in their minds and
they, they work things out in their minds
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:without sometimes not every kid, but some
kids without expressing it to the parents
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:and letting them know how they're feeling.
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:And so helping them to not be
constantly evaluating the things
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:that are going through their
minds in them, in their minds.
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:By themselves and saying to them,
like, wait, what, when you meant that,
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:or when you said that, what did you
mean when you said nobody at school
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:likes me, what did you mean by that?
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:Does that really mean that nobody likes
that you, or are you having problems with.
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:One of your friends, and
that's making you sad.
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:And that makes you feel
like nobody likes you.
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:And so drawing that out of them, but also
I think a key thing for what scripture
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:talks about with how we handle our
emotions is that we need to make sure
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:that we take every thought captive.
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:Every thought captive second Corinthians
10, 15 says, take every thought
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:captive and make it obedient to Christ.
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:And I think that's the biggest thing
we need to tell these teenagers as.
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:Okay, wait, wait, hold on.
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:Before you are constantly
repeating this to yourself, you
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:need to take that thought captive.
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:Is that something that the
Lord wants you to think about?
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:Is it pure?
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:And what, what does the Lord
want you to think about?
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:Things that are like Philippians
4, 8, things that are pure and
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:true and honorable and lovely
and just and commendable and
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:excellent and praiseworthy.
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:Okay.
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:So if it's one of those, yes,
Keep thinking about that.
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:That's awesome.
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:But if it doesn't line up to that
in scripture, then you need to take
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:that thought captive and you need to
make that thought obedient to Christ.
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:So if your thought is, I'm not loved
or I'm not appreciated at school, okay,
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:how can I make that obedient to Christ?
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:Well, what is it that the Lord would say?
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:First, if I'm struggling with
that, then that means that That's
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:something that makes me sad.
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:That means I need to bring it to Christ.
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:I need to tell him about it and allow
him to take the weight off of me.
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:Lord, I'm feeling like
nobody at school likes me.
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:That's how we take that thought captive
because we just telling ourselves over
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:the, and over in our head and thinking
about it that way does us no good.
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:But when we take it captive
and make it obedient to Christ.
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:Now we've laid it at his throne
and that is, that took it captive
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:and made it obedient to him.
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:So I think that's a huge key part that
some of society is not talking about.
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:Even in the Christian realm, I find
a lot of believers really don't talk
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:about how we take our thoughts captive.
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:Steph: And sometimes, a thought that
keeps coming to mind, is conviction.
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:The Lord is trying to
convict you of something.
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:Maybe the thought is, I'm
not a good friend and that's
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:why people don't like me.
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:Or maybe there's some truth to it.
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:We need to process it with the Lord
and actually Or maybe he's he's
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:calling us to be a better friend to
others and then that will result in
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:greater friendships and I, I just
think that sometimes that, it's like
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:people will twist it either way, right?
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:Either they're not taking thoughts
captive and they're letting their
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:brains just run free, or they're
taking every thought captive.
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:When actually the Lord would have
you process and meditate upon that
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:and see how you can transform into
the likeness of Christ through
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:what he's laying on your heart.
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:Jen: For sure.
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:But I think that would
fall under the category of.
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:Making it obedient to Christ.
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:You did the same thing, but you,
by saying, Oh, maybe I'm not
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:being a good friend, then that
thought has become obedient to
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:Christ because you've realized,
Oh, this is how I can change this.
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:You know?
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:So I do think it's funny.
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:Cause when I think about that, the
first thought that comes to my mind
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:is Betsy ten boom in the hiding place.
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:When you read about her story, she had.
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:Every reason for anxiety, anger
bitterness, resentment, every emotion
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:that you could ever think of, she had
every reason for it, being stuck in a, a
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:concentration camp and having fleas that
are biting her and sleeping with eight
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:women in a bed and it just was, it was
absolutely horrible, but what did she do?
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:She literally thought nonstop
about God and literally she
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:thanked God for every single thing.
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:And so she took those thoughts and she
changed it around and made it captive
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:and she, keeping her mind on him.
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:And helped her heart to
not go astray from him.
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:And so sometimes I think when we are,
when we, and we're stuck in our heads
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:being like, wait, Lord, I want to be
thinking about what it is that you have
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:for me here and how I can thank you.
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:And as we were reading this book together
in our family, I was like, there is
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:no way in my sinful mind that I would
have thanked God for those fleas.
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:I know without a shadow of a doubt,
I would have been the first one to
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:be like, God, you created these fleas
and you can also kill these fleas.
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:So please make these
fleas leave this room.
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:I don't want them anymore.
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:I would be praying it away.
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:But Betsy in her wonderful heart and
her sinless, it seems heart she actually
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:prayed and thanked the Lord for the fleas.
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:And by doing so, she took her thoughts
captive, she made him obedient to
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:Christ, and she did not pray away her
greatest blessing like I would have.
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:Because in the end of the book, you
find out that the reason that no
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:concentration camp policemen or, or,
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:Steph: the guards.
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:Jen: The guards, no guards came in
the room was because of the fleas.
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:So here, sinful Jen, I would have been
praying away the greatest blessing that
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:God has for me, but she took what God
had for her and thanked him for it.
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:And because of that.
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:That was her greatest blessing,
and she got out of her head.
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:She, she kept herself from going
insane and becoming a lunatic
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:and becoming resentful and
bitter and angry and depressed.
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:I mean, if anybody has a reason
to be depressed, it would
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:be her in that situation.
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:And she did it by thanking the Lord
and keeping those thoughts captive.
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:Steph: Absolutely.
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:And it sometimes it's just, it's the
baby steps of, okay, I'm just gonna,
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:I'm going to walk in obedience in this.
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:I don't feel it, but I'm going
to trust you Lord, because
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:I'm going to honor your word.
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:And I love Philippians 4, 8, the verses
you just quoted about whatever is
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:true, whatever is lovely, whatever is
honorable, think about these things.
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:It's preceded by be anxious for
nothing and why, and then the verse
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:before that is Let your reasonableness
be made known to everyone.
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:The Lord is at hand.
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:Like every time in scripture, we're told
to not be anxious or to not be afraid.
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:So often it's because he is
with us and it's the presence of
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:God that's holding us together.
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:It's not, it's because I feel
there's so many religions that are,
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:about your mental strength, right?
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:And it's about attaining this
level of meditation or something.
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:But we're meditating on the fact
that the Lord is with us and
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:we trust in his good character.
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:And so that's why we can endure suffering.
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:That's why we can go through these trials
because we believe in the goodness and the
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:sovereignty and the power and the might of
the Lord that I think that helps transform
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:when we have the trust in his character.
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:And that's what sets us apart from
other religions that might also
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:recommend Being mentally diligent,
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:Jen: Mm hmm.
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:Mm hmm.
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:Emily: So we have to teach our kids that
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:sometimes their anxiety comes
from the negative distraction
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:that lead to negative emotion.
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:We talked about, in the beginning I
had said that our emotions are good.
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:We do have displays of it in the Bible
and how it was displayed for the pray,
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:the glory and praise of the Lord.
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:And, but also.
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:We, there's there is a hard side that
our kids are dealing with because
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:there's more distraction these days.
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:Jen you were talking about how, she didn't
pray her hardest thing away but I think
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:we look for Instant comfort and because
we don't want the uncomfortableness
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:of what we have to be in and so that
negative distraction leads to a negative
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:emotion and we have to teach our kids
that filter and how to filter all of that
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:so that the right, we're seeing it in
a right way and making, that our center
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:and I think that's where, uh, I think
that's where maybe our greatest struggle
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:is CO is teaching our kids to, to cope
with all of this and as they filter
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:everything that would lead to the right
emotions and not the negative emotions.
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:Jen: Totally.
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:I think I I'm reminded of the
verse in Psalm 50, 14 offered to
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:God as sacrifice of thanksgiving.
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:Whenever I think of sacrifice, I
think of like, you know, the altar
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:and killing and death and, not good,
like sacrifices usually are giving
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:up something that is it is not good.
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:It's just strength surrendering
or destroying something.
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:And then you hear the term
Thanksgiving in there as well.
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:And Thanksgiving is a happy thing.
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:You're, you're rendering thanks
for something, usually a joyful
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:expression of gratitude for favor
or, or mercy or something like that.
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:But here, a sacrifice of
Thanksgiving, those two words
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:together don't seem to fit.
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:And so in today's society, when we don't.
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:Still offer things upon the altar.
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:We don't, you know, do a we don't kill
a lamb and put it on the altar anymore
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:as our sacrifice, our sacrifices of
today's world are whatever is causing
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:us anxiety that That is our sacrifice
and so we take whatever it is that's
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:causing us the anxiety if it's the the
fear of what might happen in the future
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:to, or the, the worry about how our kids
are going to handle any situation, any,
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:any, Fear, any anxiety that we have,
we take that and we offer that upon the
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:throne of Christ as our sacrifice to him.
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:We offer that sacrifice of worry and
of doubt and fear and exhaustion.
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:We offer that unto the throne and
that becomes our offer of thanksgiving
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:because it's, thank you, Lord.
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:Thank you that you are taking this
and you are making something from.
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:ashes, and you are going to make
it into something beautiful.
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:And so I'm laying this on
your throne and I am saying, I
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:don't want to pick it back up.
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:It is my sacrifice to you and I
need you to help me with this.
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:And when we offer a sacrifice to God and
we call upon him in our trouble, he will
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:deliver us and he will be glorified in it.
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:And.
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:The delivering does not always mean
that every single thing turns out
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:exactly how we pray for it, right?
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:Like, that doesn't happen.
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:That's not always that way, but
our hearts can still be delivered.
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:Betsy still died in the concentration
camp, but her heart was delivered
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:because she constantly was offering
these sacrifices of thanksgiving
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:to the Lord and thanking him over
and over for even the hard things
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:that came into her, into her life.
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:And when we.
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:Offer that he is glorified and he orders
our heart rightly and that I think is
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:what is happening to our kids these days.
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:Their hearts are disordered and
when they have anxiety and when
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:they have any fear or worry or
doubt, they're stuck in their heads.
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:They're not thinking, taking
their thoughts captive.
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:They're not bringing it
to the throne of the Lord.
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:They're not thanking him for these
things and you get all messed up.
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:And I think.
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:Betsy Tinboom was such a great example
of how to help order your mind rightly.
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:Steph: hmm.
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:Well, and It's very hard to order
it rightly when we are constantly
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:facing distractions and so many
different, everybody's highs and lows.
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:And if you're on social media or
even the news, how does that play
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:with our emotions, the, what the past
few generations have gone through
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:by just having world news is quite.
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:New in history.
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:And so you add to that just all of the
technological advances and there's.
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:Fight, flight or freeze, but the freeze
can be the numbing of just scrolling
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:on social media so that you're never
really allowing yourself to feel.
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:You saw a post, it made you
feel envy, but you're just
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:gonna scroll to the next thing.
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:And oh, I laughed.
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:And then I'm gonna
scroll to another thing.
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:And, oh, that made me feel sad.
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:But I'm gonna scroll to the next thing,
and you might be feeling 10 emotions.
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:Five minutes, but you're not
allowing yourself to really
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:meditate on any of them or let any
of them connect you with the Lord.
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:And I believe that is one of the
main purposes of emotions, is to
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:make you aware of your need for the
Lord and to run to him with them.
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:Emotions were intended to inform us.
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:So that we run to him.
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:They also connect us with each other.
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:We need each other.
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:I feel like that's a
very misunderstood thing.
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:If our culture tells us all
emotion, Is good because right
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:now how we feel is paramount.
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:How we feel trumps biology.
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:How we feel trumps every reality
I can identify as how I feel.
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:That is not how we were created.
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:No, there is truth.
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:And then our emotions need to follow that,
but we can still name how we're feeling.
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:It is not a sin to say, I am
lonely, Lord, would you fill that?
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:Emily: yeah,
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:Steph: That is a good thing to, to
just recognize the lack in your life.
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:Maybe you need to be transformed
and say, no, actually, Lord, you
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:have provided helped me to be
grateful for what I have here.
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:Or maybe I do have a lack of.
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:Human provision for that, but
Lord, you will meet my needs and.
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:If we take it to him, he does help us
rewrite the story that we're telling
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:ourselves, that narrative, but if
we don't take the time to really
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:understand what am I numbing or what
am I running from, and I think often
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:people can run from in good ways.
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:It literally could be running or, but
if that becomes a, you not running
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:to the Lord, it becomes a problem.
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:Jen: Right.
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:Steph: Yeah.
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:We all need to evaluate what do I do
when I have those triggering moments?
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:How do I handle it?
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:And as mothers, if we are numbing
ourselves, and then all of a
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:sudden the kids get a little bit
noisy in the background and you
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:realize Oh, that's when I snapped.
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:But did it have anything to do
with the kids being rambunctious?
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:Or was it because I just looked at
something that made me feel sad or
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:envious or jealous or hurt or Excluded?
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:I feel so often the triggers have to do
with things that we need to take to the
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:Lord and not actually with our parenting.
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:Emily: I feel like my mind is running
all these different places because
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:I just want to speak to ever just
speak to everything all at once
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:because you said so many things that
just triggered all these thoughts.
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:But
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:Steph: huh.
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:Emily: Jen, what that my mind just
kept thinking as you were talking,
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:Oh, so sometimes God puts us in
uncomfortable places to grow us.
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:What?
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:We don't want to be uncomfortable.
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:Can we just grow in comfort, please?
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:But think that he puts us in those places
so we can come back and rely on him.
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:But And as you were talking, Stephanie,
I just kept thinking like, not only
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:are we numbing out, but our kids now,
social media is a whole other topic
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:that that whether we do or don't allow
our kids personally, we don't I'm not
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:saying that's that, everybody has to
make their own decision, but But I know,
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:especially girls struggle with feeling,
they already are struggling with these
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:emotions of feeling left out, what's
wrong with me, no one likes me, all
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:of these emotions, and then they're
scrolling and seeing all these things.
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:We have to be aware of how our kids
are processing what they're seeing, not
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:only on social media, but in school and
friend groups and what people are saying.
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:And if they made the team and I'm
on this team, I but I'm trying out
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:for the other and just all of the
things that they're going through,
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:we have to be really so in tune.
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:To their little hearts because it's
being pulled and tugged in so many ways.
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:And just tending to their heart
and emotion through all of that
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:as they walk through it all
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:Jen: For
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:Emily: is something that's so important,
but as you were talking about to the
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:Lord, we have voids and and we're filling
them with all of the mind numbing
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:things and the easy things instead of.
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:Doing the heart, the deep heart work
of plowing to whatever that emotion is
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:that we, maybe he's trying to root out.
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:Or maybe he's trying to
grow us in that area.
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:But we have to be in tune with the
Lord as he leads us to to grow and root
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:out these different emotions we face.
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:Jen: Totally.
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:I think, I think you're so right
and you're so onto something.
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:I think we as a culture may very well
be pushing down, numbing, medicating,
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:ignoring, therapisting Out of true
deliverance that the Lord wants us to
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:bring out this sin out of our lives or,
or this situation that is super sad.
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:It may not be sin.
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:It may just be an emotion of hurt and pain
that we have to work through, but working
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:out our own salvation with fear and
trembling and working these things out.
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:It takes work.
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:It takes time to acknowledge
and to wait for clarity from God
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:on where my heart or mind is.
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:It went off.
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:Where did my thinking go off, Lord?
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:Why am I feeling this way?
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:It takes time and work to humble
ourselves and to offer that upon
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:the throne as a sacrifice to him.
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:And it takes time to wait on him to answer
us and to give us the heart that we need.
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:It's not instant.
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:It's not quick.
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:It is.
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:It takes time.
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:And then it takes time and work to
figure out, okay, Lord, until you
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:move in this area, tell me what is the
next right thing that I need to do?
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:What is the next right thing?
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:Move.
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:What is the next right thought that I
need to have and to trust him that he
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:will make everything work out in the end
for my good, even if it doesn't go the
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:way I want, and that takes the fear away.
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:But as Elizabeth Elliott used to
say all the time, I accept it.
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:I do not like it, Lord, but I accept it.
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:And, and trusting that he continues to be
in the business of taking ashes and making
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:beauty, and Go and busy ourselves serving
others and praying for, for deliverance
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:from this and working it out in our brain.
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:But getting our minds off ourselves
and getting our minds fixed
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:on the Lord, that takes work.
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:It's way easier to run to
Instagram and just numb ourselves.
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:Done.
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:No, I'm just kidding.
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:Steph: Yes, I
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:Actually we are far
from done on this topic.
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:In the weeks to come, we will
be fire hosing scriptures on
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:emotions that the Lord has used to
work in us and in our parenting.
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:We will share some personal
testimonies of working through
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:emotions in our own motherhood
and even some natural solutions.
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:The Lord has provided
to help us biologically.
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:There's so much more to come.
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:We'll see you next week.
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:But before you go, I just like to ask
you to leave a review for the podcast.
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:We want to help as many moms
as possible who are looking for
473
:biblical encouragement to find it.
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:And your review will help that happen.
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:Steph: We know you're busy, Mama,
so we are truly grateful you joined
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:us for this episode of Again.
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:If you're looking for more information
about building your home on the
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:foundation of Jesus Christ, head to www.
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:EntrustedMinistries.
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:com to learn more about our study for
moms, Entrusted with a Child's Heart.
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:This scripture saturated study
has blessed families around the
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:world, and we want it for you, too.
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:Before you go, I want to pray
this benediction over you
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:from 2 Thessalonians 1, 11 12.
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:We're rooting for you.
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:To this end, we always pray for you,
that our God may make you worthy of His
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:calling, and may fulfill every resolve
for good, and every work of faith by
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:His power, so that the name of our Lord
Jesus may be glorified in you, and you in
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:Him, according to the grace of our God.
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:And the Lord Jesus Christ.
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:Amen.
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:Until we meet again.