Episode 70

#70. I Get So Emotional... and So Do My Kids! : Modeling and Training Our Children to Handle Emotions Biblically | Part 1

Anxiety, anger, frustration, jealousy, envy, impatience... what's a Christian family to do? Thankfully, God's Word has MUCH to say on this topic! Jen, Emily, and Steph begin this series on healthy, biblical emotional development to share the purpose of our emotions and how they can cause us to draw near to the Lord rather than have us draw back in shame or disconnect us from Him. Processing emotions well helps Christian mothers stay near to their children's hearts and lovingly point them to find their hope in Christ alone.

Books Referenced:

Entrusted with a Child's Heart By Betsy Corning

The Hiding Place by Corrie Ten Boom

Scriptures Mentioned:

2 Cor 10:5

Phil 4:6-8

Psalm 50:14

Transcript
Steph:

They're the joyful agains our children shout on the swings, the

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exhausting agains of cooking and laundry,

and the difficult agains of discipline.

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So much of what we do

as mothers is on repeat.

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So what if we woke up with clarity,

knowing which agains we were called

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to, and went to bed believing we

are faithful in what matters most?

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We believe God's Word is

the key to untangle from the

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confusion and overwhelm we feel.

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Let's look up together to embrace a

motherhood full of freedom and joy.

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Welcome back to the again podcast

I have the honor of being here

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with Emily Dio and Jen Freckman.

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And I am Stephanie Hickox.

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We are so grateful that

you are here to listen.

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And we feel the weight of this

topic as we talk about emotions.

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There is so much that we can talk about

both in how we steward our own emotions

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onto the Lord and also how we train

and develop emotions in our children.

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This is a nuanced topic and we only

want to say what the Lord would have us.

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So we just feel that it would

be best to begin this episode in

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prayer and humility that our words

would be edifying to the Lord.

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Heavenly Father, we come before

you and we thank you for all

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that you have done in our lives.

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We have countless testimonies

of your faithfulness.

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Lord, we thank you that you are a

Lord that is available to us, that we

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can draw near to you and that we can

approach your throne of grace with

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confidence, Lord, you are a holy God and

we just want to speak of you honorably.

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And we want to relate to

you as your word asks.

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And as it guides us, I pray that

any words that are of ourselves.

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And that are not glorifying to you

would just fade away from our minds.

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And that what would remain

would be truth that has spoken

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in love and seasoned with salt.

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We thank you, Jesus, for your

example on this earth and how

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winsomely you spoke, and we desire

to follow you and your example.

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So I just pray that the words of our

mouths and the meditations of our

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hearts would be pleasing in your sight.

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Oh Lord, our rock and our redeemer.

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We thank you, Holy Spirit, for the way

that you will guide this conversation.

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And I pray for the moms listening.

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That they would be Bereans, that they

would seek out your word for themselves.

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That anything that just sounds

off to them, that they would

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search it out in your word.

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But Lord, I pray that you would only

allow us to speak what is true of you.

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And I pray also that we would be

edified by this conversation, that

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you would bring us to a place of

unity and that you would guide.

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There

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are a lot of memes and jokes on

social media these days joking

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about how different our childhood

Was our generation, our era, how

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different it was from today's

children and how they're being raised.

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And I, we hear a lot about

the, get outside and don't

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come back in until it's dark.

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If you're thirsty, grab a drink out of

the hose , but I think attending emotions,

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I would definitely put in that category.

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I would say that many of us, the way we

were raised, there was more independence.

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It, I don't believe it was as

much of a requirement for mothers

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to be as in tune with their

children's emotional development.

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And I'm not even saying that's all bad.

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I think that there were

some benefits from that.

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But it seems as though we have

swung the pendulum and moms today

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are incredibly in tune with their

children, incredibly observant.

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Obviously, whenever we swing so

dramatically, then there are new

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cautions that we need to be aware of.

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And we want to be mothers who

are steadfast in the word of God,

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not directed by cultural trends.

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But it is really hard if you

feel like, Oh, wow, that mom is

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so in tune with her children.

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I want to be like that, or I'm

just balancing what, how would the

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Lord have me relate to my children?

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So we are going to talk

a lot about that tonight.

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But so much of this is how do we as

women, as mothers, how are we modeling

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healthy emotions for our children?

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Because it really does

need to start with us.

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Entrusted, Lessons 10, and I would

say 14 as well, really emphasize

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moms having healthy emotions and not

letting our anger get full reign in us.

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Emily, do you remember Lessons

10 and 14 and how they impacted

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you as you took Entrusted?

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Emily: I remember speaking to emotion

specifically, I remember I actually

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went out to lunch with Betsy.

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And I felt like my oldest was withdrawing

a little bit and I remember she had told

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me, Emily, you can't let them retreat

into their head, you have to draw it out.

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And I'm looking back, that's

really my first encounter with.

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Dealing with emotions now, temper

tantrums and all of that when they're

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little, of course, we all know and

acknowledge that is a reality that

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we're all dealing with, but then when

they get older and we're speaking to

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them giving words to their emotions.

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Then it's a whole other game and we have

kids that speak so eloquently to their

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emotions and then we have kids that

struggle and sometimes retreat and don't

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want to give words to their emotions

and honestly, they probably can't there,

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sometimes they're just so in their head.

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So when you're asking a mom to be in

tune with their children's emotions,

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it's just like this fine little string

that they have to be in tune with.

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And each child has a fine little

string that they have to understand.

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And as we were preparing for this, I

just thought the vastness That, that

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our creator made us in and the detail

that he gave us really blows my mind.

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Emotions are actually a beautiful thing.

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And we look in the Bible and

we see David who was extreme.

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I just see him as extremely emotional.

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He wrote these beautiful Psalms and

he speaks to the beauty of the Lord

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and just so eloquently describes him.

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And I feel like he had to be emotional.

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We have these attributes the Lord gave

us, and we're teaching our children

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from preschool to elementary to middle

to high about how how to control

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emotions, express emotions, give

words to emotions, suppress emotions.

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And and so we're talking them

through all of that and it's

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a gift to be able to walk.

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alongside them as we go

through what all that means.

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Steph: reminds me of that quote,

if you listen to the little things

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when they're little, they'll tell

you the big things when they're big.

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And I think emotions,

that's definitely true.

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If we are aware and available for them,

for What they're going through, then

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they're going to keep us in the loop

as they grow that 15 minutes a day,

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principal and entrusted is so valuable

because I think often parents are

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like, I'll wait till they're older.

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I'll wait till they're in junior high,

and then we'll start having these

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deep talks, but that bonding, that

practice of hearing your children's

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hearts needs to start so early.

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So I think that is a

fantastic way to keep your.

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Pulse on your children.

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Jen: Piggybacking on what Emily was

saying with the drawing it out, that

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stuck out to me as well during that

session when Betsy talked about that.

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And I remember thinking like, okay,

when my child is retreating and being

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quiet, I need to ask them, like, what's,

what's going on in your, in your heart?

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What's going on in your mind?

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And sometimes they don't know

at those little tiny ages.

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They don't really know.

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They can't, they don't have words for it.

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Like you had mentioned, they don't

really understand it, but as they're,

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as they're Older and you see them, you

know, withdrawing and, and just kind

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of being in there stuck in their head.

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I think oftentimes as the teen years

come up, they become focused on

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in what is going on in their head.

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What are they thinking in it?

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And they replay things in their minds and

they, they work things out in their minds

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without sometimes not every kid, but some

kids without expressing it to the parents

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and letting them know how they're feeling.

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And so helping them to not be

constantly evaluating the things

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that are going through their

minds in them, in their minds.

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By themselves and saying to them,

like, wait, what, when you meant that,

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or when you said that, what did you

mean when you said nobody at school

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likes me, what did you mean by that?

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Does that really mean that nobody likes

that you, or are you having problems with.

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One of your friends, and

that's making you sad.

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And that makes you feel

like nobody likes you.

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And so drawing that out of them, but also

I think a key thing for what scripture

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talks about with how we handle our

emotions is that we need to make sure

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that we take every thought captive.

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Every thought captive second Corinthians

10, 15 says, take every thought

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captive and make it obedient to Christ.

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And I think that's the biggest thing

we need to tell these teenagers as.

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Okay, wait, wait, hold on.

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Before you are constantly

repeating this to yourself, you

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need to take that thought captive.

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Is that something that the

Lord wants you to think about?

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Is it pure?

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And what, what does the Lord

want you to think about?

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Things that are like Philippians

4, 8, things that are pure and

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true and honorable and lovely

and just and commendable and

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excellent and praiseworthy.

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Okay.

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So if it's one of those, yes,

Keep thinking about that.

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That's awesome.

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But if it doesn't line up to that

in scripture, then you need to take

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that thought captive and you need to

make that thought obedient to Christ.

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So if your thought is, I'm not loved

or I'm not appreciated at school, okay,

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how can I make that obedient to Christ?

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Well, what is it that the Lord would say?

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First, if I'm struggling with

that, then that means that That's

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something that makes me sad.

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That means I need to bring it to Christ.

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I need to tell him about it and allow

him to take the weight off of me.

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Lord, I'm feeling like

nobody at school likes me.

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That's how we take that thought captive

because we just telling ourselves over

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the, and over in our head and thinking

about it that way does us no good.

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But when we take it captive

and make it obedient to Christ.

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Now we've laid it at his throne

and that is, that took it captive

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and made it obedient to him.

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So I think that's a huge key part that

some of society is not talking about.

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Even in the Christian realm, I find

a lot of believers really don't talk

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about how we take our thoughts captive.

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Steph: And sometimes, a thought that

keeps coming to mind, is conviction.

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The Lord is trying to

convict you of something.

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Maybe the thought is, I'm

not a good friend and that's

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why people don't like me.

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Or maybe there's some truth to it.

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We need to process it with the Lord

and actually Or maybe he's he's

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calling us to be a better friend to

others and then that will result in

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greater friendships and I, I just

think that sometimes that, it's like

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people will twist it either way, right?

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Either they're not taking thoughts

captive and they're letting their

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brains just run free, or they're

taking every thought captive.

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When actually the Lord would have

you process and meditate upon that

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and see how you can transform into

the likeness of Christ through

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what he's laying on your heart.

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Jen: For sure.

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But I think that would

fall under the category of.

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Making it obedient to Christ.

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You did the same thing, but you,

by saying, Oh, maybe I'm not

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being a good friend, then that

thought has become obedient to

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Christ because you've realized,

Oh, this is how I can change this.

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You know?

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So I do think it's funny.

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Cause when I think about that, the

first thought that comes to my mind

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is Betsy ten boom in the hiding place.

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When you read about her story, she had.

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Every reason for anxiety, anger

bitterness, resentment, every emotion

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that you could ever think of, she had

every reason for it, being stuck in a, a

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concentration camp and having fleas that

are biting her and sleeping with eight

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women in a bed and it just was, it was

absolutely horrible, but what did she do?

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She literally thought nonstop

about God and literally she

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thanked God for every single thing.

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And so she took those thoughts and she

changed it around and made it captive

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and she, keeping her mind on him.

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And helped her heart to

not go astray from him.

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And so sometimes I think when we are,

when we, and we're stuck in our heads

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being like, wait, Lord, I want to be

thinking about what it is that you have

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for me here and how I can thank you.

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And as we were reading this book together

in our family, I was like, there is

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no way in my sinful mind that I would

have thanked God for those fleas.

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I know without a shadow of a doubt,

I would have been the first one to

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be like, God, you created these fleas

and you can also kill these fleas.

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So please make these

fleas leave this room.

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I don't want them anymore.

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I would be praying it away.

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But Betsy in her wonderful heart and

her sinless, it seems heart she actually

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prayed and thanked the Lord for the fleas.

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And by doing so, she took her thoughts

captive, she made him obedient to

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Christ, and she did not pray away her

greatest blessing like I would have.

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Because in the end of the book, you

find out that the reason that no

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concentration camp policemen or, or,

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Steph: the guards.

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Jen: The guards, no guards came in

the room was because of the fleas.

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So here, sinful Jen, I would have been

praying away the greatest blessing that

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God has for me, but she took what God

had for her and thanked him for it.

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And because of that.

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That was her greatest blessing,

and she got out of her head.

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She, she kept herself from going

insane and becoming a lunatic

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and becoming resentful and

bitter and angry and depressed.

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I mean, if anybody has a reason

to be depressed, it would

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be her in that situation.

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And she did it by thanking the Lord

and keeping those thoughts captive.

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Steph: Absolutely.

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And it sometimes it's just, it's the

baby steps of, okay, I'm just gonna,

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I'm going to walk in obedience in this.

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I don't feel it, but I'm going

to trust you Lord, because

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I'm going to honor your word.

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And I love Philippians 4, 8, the verses

you just quoted about whatever is

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true, whatever is lovely, whatever is

honorable, think about these things.

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It's preceded by be anxious for

nothing and why, and then the verse

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before that is Let your reasonableness

be made known to everyone.

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The Lord is at hand.

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Like every time in scripture, we're told

to not be anxious or to not be afraid.

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So often it's because he is

with us and it's the presence of

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God that's holding us together.

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It's not, it's because I feel

there's so many religions that are,

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about your mental strength, right?

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And it's about attaining this

level of meditation or something.

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But we're meditating on the fact

that the Lord is with us and

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we trust in his good character.

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And so that's why we can endure suffering.

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That's why we can go through these trials

because we believe in the goodness and the

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sovereignty and the power and the might of

the Lord that I think that helps transform

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when we have the trust in his character.

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And that's what sets us apart from

other religions that might also

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recommend Being mentally diligent,

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Jen: Mm hmm.

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Mm hmm.

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Emily: So we have to teach our kids that

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sometimes their anxiety comes

from the negative distraction

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that lead to negative emotion.

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We talked about, in the beginning I

had said that our emotions are good.

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We do have displays of it in the Bible

and how it was displayed for the pray,

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the glory and praise of the Lord.

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And, but also.

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We, there's there is a hard side that

our kids are dealing with because

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there's more distraction these days.

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Jen you were talking about how, she didn't

pray her hardest thing away but I think

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we look for Instant comfort and because

we don't want the uncomfortableness

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of what we have to be in and so that

negative distraction leads to a negative

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emotion and we have to teach our kids

that filter and how to filter all of that

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so that the right, we're seeing it in

a right way and making, that our center

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and I think that's where, uh, I think

that's where maybe our greatest struggle

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is CO is teaching our kids to, to cope

with all of this and as they filter

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everything that would lead to the right

emotions and not the negative emotions.

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Jen: Totally.

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I think I I'm reminded of the

verse in Psalm 50, 14 offered to

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God as sacrifice of thanksgiving.

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Whenever I think of sacrifice, I

think of like, you know, the altar

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and killing and death and, not good,

like sacrifices usually are giving

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up something that is it is not good.

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It's just strength surrendering

or destroying something.

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And then you hear the term

Thanksgiving in there as well.

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And Thanksgiving is a happy thing.

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You're, you're rendering thanks

for something, usually a joyful

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expression of gratitude for favor

or, or mercy or something like that.

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But here, a sacrifice of

Thanksgiving, those two words

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together don't seem to fit.

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And so in today's society, when we don't.

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Still offer things upon the altar.

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We don't, you know, do a we don't kill

a lamb and put it on the altar anymore

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as our sacrifice, our sacrifices of

today's world are whatever is causing

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us anxiety that That is our sacrifice

and so we take whatever it is that's

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causing us the anxiety if it's the the

fear of what might happen in the future

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to, or the, the worry about how our kids

are going to handle any situation, any,

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any, Fear, any anxiety that we have,

we take that and we offer that upon the

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throne of Christ as our sacrifice to him.

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We offer that sacrifice of worry and

of doubt and fear and exhaustion.

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We offer that unto the throne and

that becomes our offer of thanksgiving

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because it's, thank you, Lord.

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Thank you that you are taking this

and you are making something from.

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ashes, and you are going to make

it into something beautiful.

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And so I'm laying this on

your throne and I am saying, I

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don't want to pick it back up.

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It is my sacrifice to you and I

need you to help me with this.

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And when we offer a sacrifice to God and

we call upon him in our trouble, he will

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deliver us and he will be glorified in it.

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And.

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The delivering does not always mean

that every single thing turns out

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exactly how we pray for it, right?

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Like, that doesn't happen.

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That's not always that way, but

our hearts can still be delivered.

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Betsy still died in the concentration

camp, but her heart was delivered

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because she constantly was offering

these sacrifices of thanksgiving

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to the Lord and thanking him over

and over for even the hard things

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that came into her, into her life.

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And when we.

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Offer that he is glorified and he orders

our heart rightly and that I think is

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what is happening to our kids these days.

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Their hearts are disordered and

when they have anxiety and when

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they have any fear or worry or

doubt, they're stuck in their heads.

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They're not thinking, taking

their thoughts captive.

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They're not bringing it

to the throne of the Lord.

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They're not thanking him for these

things and you get all messed up.

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And I think.

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Betsy Tinboom was such a great example

of how to help order your mind rightly.

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Steph: hmm.

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Well, and It's very hard to order

it rightly when we are constantly

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facing distractions and so many

different, everybody's highs and lows.

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And if you're on social media or

even the news, how does that play

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with our emotions, the, what the past

few generations have gone through

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by just having world news is quite.

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New in history.

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And so you add to that just all of the

technological advances and there's.

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Fight, flight or freeze, but the freeze

can be the numbing of just scrolling

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on social media so that you're never

really allowing yourself to feel.

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You saw a post, it made you

feel envy, but you're just

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gonna scroll to the next thing.

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And oh, I laughed.

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And then I'm gonna

scroll to another thing.

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And, oh, that made me feel sad.

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But I'm gonna scroll to the next thing,

and you might be feeling 10 emotions.

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Five minutes, but you're not

allowing yourself to really

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meditate on any of them or let any

of them connect you with the Lord.

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And I believe that is one of the

main purposes of emotions, is to

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make you aware of your need for the

Lord and to run to him with them.

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Emotions were intended to inform us.

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So that we run to him.

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They also connect us with each other.

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We need each other.

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I feel like that's a

very misunderstood thing.

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If our culture tells us all

emotion, Is good because right

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now how we feel is paramount.

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How we feel trumps biology.

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How we feel trumps every reality

I can identify as how I feel.

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That is not how we were created.

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No, there is truth.

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And then our emotions need to follow that,

but we can still name how we're feeling.

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It is not a sin to say, I am

lonely, Lord, would you fill that?

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Emily: yeah,

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Steph: That is a good thing to, to

just recognize the lack in your life.

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Maybe you need to be transformed

and say, no, actually, Lord, you

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have provided helped me to be

grateful for what I have here.

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Or maybe I do have a lack of.

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Human provision for that, but

Lord, you will meet my needs and.

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If we take it to him, he does help us

rewrite the story that we're telling

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ourselves, that narrative, but if

we don't take the time to really

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understand what am I numbing or what

am I running from, and I think often

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people can run from in good ways.

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It literally could be running or, but

if that becomes a, you not running

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to the Lord, it becomes a problem.

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Jen: Right.

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Steph: Yeah.

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We all need to evaluate what do I do

when I have those triggering moments?

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How do I handle it?

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And as mothers, if we are numbing

ourselves, and then all of a

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sudden the kids get a little bit

noisy in the background and you

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realize Oh, that's when I snapped.

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But did it have anything to do

with the kids being rambunctious?

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Or was it because I just looked at

something that made me feel sad or

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envious or jealous or hurt or Excluded?

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I feel so often the triggers have to do

with things that we need to take to the

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Lord and not actually with our parenting.

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Emily: I feel like my mind is running

all these different places because

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I just want to speak to ever just

speak to everything all at once

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because you said so many things that

just triggered all these thoughts.

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But

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Steph: huh.

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Emily: Jen, what that my mind just

kept thinking as you were talking,

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Oh, so sometimes God puts us in

uncomfortable places to grow us.

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What?

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We don't want to be uncomfortable.

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Can we just grow in comfort, please?

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But think that he puts us in those places

so we can come back and rely on him.

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But And as you were talking, Stephanie,

I just kept thinking like, not only

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are we numbing out, but our kids now,

social media is a whole other topic

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that that whether we do or don't allow

our kids personally, we don't I'm not

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saying that's that, everybody has to

make their own decision, but But I know,

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especially girls struggle with feeling,

they already are struggling with these

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emotions of feeling left out, what's

wrong with me, no one likes me, all

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of these emotions, and then they're

scrolling and seeing all these things.

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We have to be aware of how our kids

are processing what they're seeing, not

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only on social media, but in school and

friend groups and what people are saying.

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And if they made the team and I'm

on this team, I but I'm trying out

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for the other and just all of the

things that they're going through,

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we have to be really so in tune.

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To their little hearts because it's

being pulled and tugged in so many ways.

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And just tending to their heart

and emotion through all of that

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as they walk through it all

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Jen: For

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Emily: is something that's so important,

but as you were talking about to the

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Lord, we have voids and and we're filling

them with all of the mind numbing

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things and the easy things instead of.

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Doing the heart, the deep heart work

of plowing to whatever that emotion is

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that we, maybe he's trying to root out.

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Or maybe he's trying to

grow us in that area.

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But we have to be in tune with the

Lord as he leads us to to grow and root

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out these different emotions we face.

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Jen: Totally.

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I think, I think you're so right

and you're so onto something.

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I think we as a culture may very well

be pushing down, numbing, medicating,

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ignoring, therapisting Out of true

deliverance that the Lord wants us to

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bring out this sin out of our lives or,

or this situation that is super sad.

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It may not be sin.

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It may just be an emotion of hurt and pain

that we have to work through, but working

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out our own salvation with fear and

trembling and working these things out.

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It takes work.

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It takes time to acknowledge

and to wait for clarity from God

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on where my heart or mind is.

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It went off.

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Where did my thinking go off, Lord?

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Why am I feeling this way?

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It takes time and work to humble

ourselves and to offer that upon

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the throne as a sacrifice to him.

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And it takes time to wait on him to answer

us and to give us the heart that we need.

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It's not instant.

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It's not quick.

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It is.

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It takes time.

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And then it takes time and work to

figure out, okay, Lord, until you

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move in this area, tell me what is the

next right thing that I need to do?

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What is the next right thing?

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Move.

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What is the next right thought that I

need to have and to trust him that he

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will make everything work out in the end

for my good, even if it doesn't go the

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way I want, and that takes the fear away.

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But as Elizabeth Elliott used to

say all the time, I accept it.

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I do not like it, Lord, but I accept it.

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And, and trusting that he continues to be

in the business of taking ashes and making

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beauty, and Go and busy ourselves serving

others and praying for, for deliverance

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from this and working it out in our brain.

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But getting our minds off ourselves

and getting our minds fixed

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on the Lord, that takes work.

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It's way easier to run to

Instagram and just numb ourselves.

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Done.

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No, I'm just kidding.

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Steph: Yes, I

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Actually we are far

from done on this topic.

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In the weeks to come, we will

be fire hosing scriptures on

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emotions that the Lord has used to

work in us and in our parenting.

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We will share some personal

testimonies of working through

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emotions in our own motherhood

and even some natural solutions.

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The Lord has provided

to help us biologically.

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There's so much more to come.

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We'll see you next week.

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But before you go, I just like to ask

you to leave a review for the podcast.

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We want to help as many moms

as possible who are looking for

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biblical encouragement to find it.

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And your review will help that happen.

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Steph: We know you're busy, Mama,

so we are truly grateful you joined

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us for this episode of Again.

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If you're looking for more information

about building your home on the

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foundation of Jesus Christ, head to www.

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EntrustedMinistries.

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com to learn more about our study for

moms, Entrusted with a Child's Heart.

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This scripture saturated study

has blessed families around the

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world, and we want it for you, too.

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Before you go, I want to pray

this benediction over you

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from 2 Thessalonians 1, 11 12.

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We're rooting for you.

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To this end, we always pray for you,

that our God may make you worthy of His

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calling, and may fulfill every resolve

for good, and every work of faith by

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His power, so that the name of our Lord

Jesus may be glorified in you, and you in

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Him, according to the grace of our God.

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And the Lord Jesus Christ.

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Amen.

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Until we meet again.

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About the Podcast

Show artwork for The Again Podcast on Christian Parenting: Redeeming the Repetition of Biblical Motherhood
The Again Podcast on Christian Parenting: Redeeming the Repetition of Biblical Motherhood
Christian Parenting, Biblical Motherhood, Faith, Family

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About your host

Profile picture for Stephanie Hickox

Stephanie Hickox

Stephanie has always delighted in God’s Word and in sharing it with others. Whether it is equipping mothers and leaders through Entrusted with a Child’s Heart, inspiring students when teaching at homeschool co-ops or children’s ministry, or homeschooling her own children, Stephanie’s life mission is to encourage others to follow faithfully and joyfully after Jesus—especially if they hold her favorite job title: mom.

Betsy Corning wrote Entrusted with a Child’s Heart in 1999 in response to the needs she saw in families as she and David counseled young parents just a few years behind them. Entrusted has been taught in hundreds of churches nationwide, been translated into several foreign languages, and has made its way around the world. More recently, Betsy received her Masters in Biblical Studies from The Master’s University and is developing a new Bible Study program called Get the Word Out. Her passion for God’s Word, discipleship, and teaching biblical principles as they apply to family life has remained strong to this day. One of the greatest blessings in Betsy’s life are her three grown children, their spouses, and ten grandchildren that keep her constantly in touch with every age and stage.

Jen Freckman Is an incredible wealth of wisdom. She will tell you a natural remedy for just about anything! She is also a voracious reader and she is just overflowing with quotes and guidance that she's encountered through reading and being faithful. She delights in her children and is a devoted mother. She is also an amazingly creative problem solver! Her solutions to manage her home and guide her children are inspiring.

Emily Deyo is such a treasure. She is an incredible encourager and servant-hearted woman. When she has the mic in front of her, so much value comes out! She is a wordsmith and her heart consistently beats for how she can encourage and serve others. She is a truly loving and attentive mother.

Join Betsy, Emily, Jen, and Stephanie as they share the wisdom only Scripture and on-the-job training can provide to help untangle the joyful calling of motherhood.