#119. 5 Habits for the Tech-Wise Family: A Christian Parent's Guide to Screens, Pornography & AI with Protect Young Eyes CEO Chris McKenna (Part 2)

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This is the Again podcast where we believe that what you do

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over and over really matters to God.

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I'm Stephanie Hickox, and this is

brought to you by Entrusted Ministries.

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And if you're able to listen to this

podcast, then one of your against

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is probably managing devices and

technology For you and for your family.

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You're gonna be so blessed by the wisdom

and leadership of Chris McKenna, creator

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and CEO of Protect Young Eyes, and author

of Five Habits of the Tech Ready Family:

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Raising Wise Kids in a Wild Digital World.

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It's set to release on June

16th, but I got a sneak peek

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and read it cover to cover.

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I've got most of it highlighted and

underlined, and I'm ready to take action.

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I feel equipped and inspired rather

than overwhelmed, and that's exactly

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what I want for you because this area of

digital safety is not one we can ignore.

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Chris and I talked about why

it's so important to protect our

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kids and a little bit of the how.

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And I really want you to get your hands

on this book, So we're having a giveaway.

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You can find all the

details in our show notes.

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And I'm also gonna throw in our Entrusted

book that comes with our entire video

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series for individuals or for couples

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Best of luck.

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Let's get to it

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Chris: I don't want junk from the

internet to come into our home.

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Going back to our family values,

here are some of the reasons why.

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And that, I think, I've-- in

my experience, starts to build

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some of that digital trust with

our kids when they know why.

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It's not just a kid issue.

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This is a family issue that is for all

of us, and not just because we think

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you're gonna make a mistake online.

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Steph: Right.

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And it is such a call for us.

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I think all of us are gonna be convicted

by that first habit of modeling, our

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behaviors, and you give a great checklist,

as you said, of here's just some ideas,

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that maybe you could adjust and then

you talk a lot about how we're gonna

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protect the most vulnerable person

in our home, and so the guidelines we

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set up are something we're all gonna

commit to for the good of the family.

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As parents, we're so used to being,

"Oh, well, there's a standard for

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parents, there's a standard for

children," but would you talk a

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little bit more about your reasoning

about why we need to be modeling and

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engaging in what would protect them?

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Chris: Yes, and that you're right.

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L- in, in a legal sense,

there are different standards

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between minors and adults.

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Most of the world is built on that

model, whether it's for certain

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substances or alcohol or driving

or voting or whatever it might be.

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Driving's a little different

'cause that has an age of 16.

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But we have these lines where there

are different rules for different ages

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When it comes to our homes, though, we

have to recognize that every single thing

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that connects to the internet has the

possibility of connecting to Pornhub,

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has the possibility of connecting

to videos that show beheadings and

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horrible violence, have the possibility

of showing our children a whole

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range of things that are too mature.

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It's not just pornography.

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I think we're doing a pretty

good job as society of

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recognizing that that's an issue.

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There's a whole list of things

maturity-wise, adult-wise, that

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I just don't need my kids asking

questions about quite yet.

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So with that in mind, right, it's

not like, you know, if you had a

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set of encyclopedias in the house--

I just said a word that somebody

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like, "What's an encyclopedia?"

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Do you say Wikipedia?

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No, encyclopedia.

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These books that we used

to have in our home.

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You didn't have to necessarily

have a lock on them, because

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what's the worst that could happen?

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You maybe saw a little bit of nudity

or you saw a word or two you shouldn't,

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but that thing full of information

that was intended for adults and

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children had content in it that wasn't

going to cause me to need therapy.

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We have now allowed into our home

devices that are connected to a

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hundred million people and a hundred

million choices every single day.

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Every smart TV, even treadmills

that have internet on them,

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your smartwatch, everything.

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Think of how many things in your

home are connected to the internet.

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All right, so with that as context, we

have to ask the question: Who is the

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most vulnerable person in our home?

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And then compare that to the

list of things connected to

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the internet, and could any of

those things harm that person?

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And I use the word vulnerable

because in my home, that's not the

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youngest person in my house, right?

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My 16-year-old son, Grant, who has Down

syndrome, who has the curiosities and

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the drive of a 16-year-old, has the

executive function of a kindergartner

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and the stopping cues of a kindergartner.

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His curiosity and just impulsivity

can be so easily weaponized by

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a bright flashing screen that I

have to make sure that nothing in

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the home does no damage to Grant.

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He's the most vulnerable brain and

heart in our home in some ways.

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And we ask that question then for

different kids in different ways.

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But that's why, you know, when our kids

go to other homes, I'll use grandma

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and grandpa's house as an example.

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Grandmas and grandpas don't often think

about having a filter on their devices,

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but I want every grandparent listening

to this to ask, "Would everything

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connected to the internet in my home

do no harm to any of my grandchildren?"

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Steph: Mm-hmm.

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Chris: These are the kinds of

questions that we need to ask

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because there's so much power.

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You know, we've gotten so used

to carrying around a smartphone.

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Steph: Mm-hmm.

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Chris: But we step back and really

think about the insane amount

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of power that this thing has,

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Steph: Right

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Chris: I think we would see it differently

and treat it differently, especially

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with young children in the home.

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Steph: Yes.

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you talk about the different places

where they're most vulnerable, and

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on the bus, in the bedroom, in the

bathroom, at grandparents' home.

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It really does just make you think.

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even you said that 44% of children

with a school-issued computer

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have accessed a pornographic image

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Chris: That's

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Steph: the school computer.

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We just can't assume that

they're safe anywhere.

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this mandate before the Lord to disciple

and protect our kids, it goes everywhere,

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and we need to be considering that.

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And you're right, even walking

outside, But I appreciate that you,

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you go back to the relationship,

because you can't protect them from

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every circumstance or encounter, but

you can prepare them for everything.

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and you can do it from a

place of, "Because I love you,

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I'm training you in this."

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And your guides at the back are amazing,

too, of how would you talk about

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pornography, even with a five-year-old.

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If you were gonna walk on a path,

I would teach you about how to,

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protect yourself from danger.

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Will you share that analogy with us

and how you relate it to pornography?

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Chris: Sure.

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And it comes from a conversation I had.

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There was a dad who approached me after a

talk that I did at a local school, and he

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was curious about his son using an iPad

and what conversations should look like.

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And I'm a bit of an outdoor guy.

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I love to adventure and hike.

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And in the same way that if I was

sending my son out-- Actually, this

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act- this happened where my son wanted

to explore some nearby property, and I

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knew the man who owned that property.

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He's a farmer here that lives near us.

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He has 140 acres around us.

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And so I contacted this farmer first

just to get his permission, and then

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what happened was my son and I then

went and traveled kind of the path

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and scoped it out sort of together.

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"Oh, yep, okay, there's

a cliff over there.

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There's barbed wire over here,"

and kind of mapped out what that

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property looked like, and that

was my way of preparing him.

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And now he just goes and wanders around

there all the time, whenever he wants.

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In fact, he brought home a raccoon

skull the other day because he

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found that while hiking around.

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Great.

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Just a random skull in the garage.

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But the, the way, right, that you

connect that to what we were just talking

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about with pornography is, yeah, that's

right, there are going to be pitfalls.

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There are going to be dangers.

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There are going to be images

that our kids will bump into,

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even on school-issued devices.

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Have we actually sat down

and not just talked about it?

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That's the part that gets missed,

is we have to practice doing these

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things in the same way that maybe

they have piano lessons, and so they

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practice a piece, or they're a dancer,

and they practice that routine.

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These are the ways that we get stuff

from feeling good to thinking about

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them in the front of our brain, that

it's muscle memory, uh, you know, by

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doing it over and over and over again.

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So yeah, preparing the path, thinking

about that adventure, but knowing that

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now with devices, have our kids received

that same kind of instruction from us?

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And that was just a helpful way for

this one dad to go, "Okay, yeah.

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Now I can use that with my son

because he likes to be outside,"

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and that was a helpful way for him.

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And what's great about that, Stephanie, is

at a certain age, young, in this case, I

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think his son was five or six, you don't

have to even use the word pornography,

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Steph: Mm-hmm.

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Chris: and yet you've prepared your

son or daughter to know what to do

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when they see, whether it's images they

don't understand, people that are naked.

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I'm sure we've had a conversation

about private parts by age

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five, at least I hope so.

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These are ways that we can prepare them

without maybe saying a word that your

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son or daughter might not be ready for.

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Steph: Mm-hmm.

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am so thankful that your section on

where is the church, because this

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is something I just wrestle with.

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Entrusted, really stress the importance

of standing strong in biblical conviction,

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but, respecting personal convictions.

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But it almost feels like the church

is treating technology like a personal

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conviction when I think there are

so many aspects of it that are

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biblical convictions that, I mean,

there's just not gray area on what

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you would allow your children to see

or how you would protect your child.

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why do you think that the

church isn't raising the flag

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and addressing this head-on?

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Chris: Well, that's a question that

I hope when releasing this book and

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having more conversations that I

get to ask and to learn more about.

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I've been pretty forthright.

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In fact, in front of about 1,000

pastors at a conference last year,

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I pretty much called them out and

said, "Listen, I think about one

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sermon a month should be begging your

families not to introduce this darkness

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into the lives of their children."

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Right?

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I mean, if their role as a pastor

is the shepherd of a flock, I mean,

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imagine all the sheep carrying around

little wolves in their pockets.

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Would we be okay with that?

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Like, I just, I don't know if it's

a messy combination of they're also

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using it or they don't understand

it, or they maybe haven't…

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I don't know that that's true.

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I was gonna say maybe haven't

seen some of the harms.

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I'm sure their offices have been populated

with families who have had kids who

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have struggled with pornography, but

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Steph: Угу

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Chris: maybe it's just

a "I don't know how.

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I don't know how to

have this conversation.

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I don't know how to not be condemning."

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And I-- So I hope maybe my book

gives them a framework to work from.

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I mean, there's five habits that turn

into five sermons pretty quick, so

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there you go pastors and ministry

leaders listening to this, whether

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it's a small group study, it, you

know, works itself nicely into that.

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And those are layers that not only

do I have five habits and five layers

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of protection, but there are layers

in society, Stephanie, that also are

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responsible for protecting our children.

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It starts in the home, but

places of worship, right?

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I know it's Christians listening to

this, but I just had a presentation

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this past weekend with a Jewish

community over in Canada, right?

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Places of worship need

to be owning this issue.

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That is a layer in society that even

Jonathan Haidt talks about at great

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length in one of the chapters of "The

Anxious Generation," which is so critical.

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In addition to governments, in addition

to schools, in addition to companies

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doing their job, these layers in

society are all failing at some level.

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But I say this, as often as I can,

I love the work that Jonathan Haidt

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and "The Anxious Generation" has

done for the church through his book,

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even through a secular worldview.

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And I've spent time with Jonathan.

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I've been to the World

Economic Forum with him.

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He's a fabulous individual.

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In a time where he could be downshifting

and enjoying retirement because he's

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already achieved monstrous success,

he is pressing ahead and honestly

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doing the work of the church.

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I've said many times, I feel like

"The Anxious Generation" should

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have been our book to write.

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The church should have written that book.

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It took an amazing

secular humanist named Dr.

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Jonathan Haidt to do our job Now,

all truth, Philippians tells us, all

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truth is truth, is God's truth, and

it can be used in a number of ways.

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But we let that responsibility

go, and that's on us.

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And so I don't know what it'll take.

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I don't know all the reasons why.

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There's probably a book

to be written about that.

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Steph: Sure.

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Right.

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Chris: just see what's happening, and

that is not enough pastors are putting

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programs in place, having conversations,

and begging their families to delay

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as long as possible these technologies

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Steph: That's incredibly convicting.

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If it were just the issue of time alone

and the time this is robbing families

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of building relationships, that to me

is one of the most concerning aspects.

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It's that we're no longer pursuing

the best in our homes or in our

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churches, the level of distraction

and how we're letting our minds

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and our attention spans be robbed.

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I mean, entering into worship,

entering into a sermon, now you're

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constantly distracted, and you can

pull out the device if you want

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to if there's a lull in a sermon.

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if we're trying to protect the

developing minds of our kids, and we

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can see our, how it's impacting us…

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Chris: Yeah

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Steph: I realize how when you're in the

addiction, when you're in the struggle,

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and most of us have to admit, it's

happening to me too, and I'm not exactly

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where I wanna be in managing all of it,

but if we can recognize, this is affecting

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us spiritually, emotionally, physically,

relationally, and, and then it doesn't

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even just have to be the pornography talk.

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It's so many layers of

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Chris: It is

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Steph: our homes and protecting our kids.

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a lot of this is pursuing the best and

giving our kids that best childhood.

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So I appreciate that one of the habits

that you said was that work and play.

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And, our generation, it almost

seems like we're making it as

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hard for parents as possible, but

as easy for kids as it could be.

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And even your discussion on the

importance of chores was a really good

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thing for us to think about, because

if our kids are spending so much time

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on devices, how are they learning

real-world skills or how are they

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becoming part of our family and helping?

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Chris: And I have to give a lot of credit

to my, uh, good friend Melissa Griffin,

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who is globally known as the HR Mom.

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She was an executive in human resources

for many years, was watching interviewees,

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candidates show up completely

unprepared with some of these skills.

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And so she left that and now runs this

equipping organization for families.

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And that's her number one

thing, start with chores.

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You start with chores, you help them

feel like they have significance.

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They're part of a unit, your family,

that their contribution matters.

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That's trying to build a little bit

of that slower dopamine of executive

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function and seeing progress over time.

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And not everything runs on a seven-second

TikTok dopamine loop in life.

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Most things that are meaningful,

like a good job and a project

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and marriage and relationships

and parenthood, that takes time.

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And there's fruit eventually, but you

have to have some patience to get there.

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So give a lot of credit.

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I interviewed-- And I've known Melissa for

years, but she was gracious to allow me

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to carry some of her content then into the

book and to point out its significance,

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because in a digital world, we have to

anchor them in some of these real world

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activities to lead to resilient adulthood.

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I mean, that's what it's all about.

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Steph: Right.

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And as you're mentioning that you actually

know her and her research, when you

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recommend a device, you say that you've

actually met the creator, the CEO of

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the company, you respect the position

they're coming from, and you trust them.

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And that was helpful to read.

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Chris: definitely true.

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I've shook their hand.

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They're a good human.

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You know, they have a mission like ours.

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And the other thing, Stephanie, is

everything I've recommended, I've

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tried on my guinea pig children first.

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Steph: Uh-huh.

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Chris: you have to imagine, you

know, my daughter's 21 now, so she

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: 00:17:02

was in her teenage years not that

long ago, sort of when I was getting

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: 00:17:05

Protect Young Eyes off the ground.

305

: 00:17:07

You know, if you're a teen girl and your

dad is the head of Protect Young Eyes,

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: 00:17:10

that is a horrible spot to be in, is it?

307

: 00:17:13

Another thing that dad's trying.

308

: 00:17:14

" Dad, the router won't work again."

309

: 00:17:16

"Oh, I'm trying a new one."

310

: 00:17:17

"Oh, what's the password?"

311

: 00:17:18

You know?

312

: 00:17:18

Steph: Yes.

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: 00:17:19

Chris: So there you go.

314

: 00:17:21

Steph: We have tried the Pinwheel

phone and the TrueMe phone in our

315

: 00:17:25

home, and, there's that moment of,

"Oh my goodness, it would be half the

316

: 00:17:29

price to hand my kids my old iPhone."

317

: 00:17:32

I mean, less than half the

318

: 00:17:33

Chris: Yeah

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: 00:17:35

Steph: I'm like, "I don't care

how tight our budget is, I

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: 00:17:37

am not compromising on this."

321

: 00:17:39

So I was really happy to see that you were

agreeing that those are worthy options

322

: 00:17:44

Chris: They are, yeah

323

: 00:17:45

Steph: You say delay is the way,

and so you're not anti-tech, which I

324

: 00:17:49

think a lot of people will appreciate,

What are the guidelines you would

325

: 00:17:54

recommend for tech introduction

326

: 00:17:57

Chris: Every kid is a little bit

different, built a little bit different.

327

: 00:18:00

You have to know what

their tendencies are.

328

: 00:18:02

I was just in a conversation last

night with a parent who-- and it's a

329

: 00:18:06

little bit of a complicated situation

because they're fostering, and so foster

330

: 00:18:10

children often have past baggage and

attachment and other relational issues

331

: 00:18:15

that really complicate technology.

332

: 00:18:17

But he basically said, "Even as a

16-year-old, I can't give her a device.

333

: 00:18:22

Her impulse control is just so poor in

terms of regulation that we just can't."

334

: 00:18:28

And so that's kinda the first question

is knowing your child, knowing what their

335

: 00:18:33

vulnerabilities and their temptations are.

336

: 00:18:35

But, you know, then it's just a matter

of steps, no different than maybe

337

: 00:18:38

how you approached riding a bicycle.

338

: 00:18:40

You didn't go to the top of

the tallest hill and shove them

339

: 00:18:43

down and take video footage.

340

: 00:18:45

At least not if you're uh, probably

the sort of parent listening to your

341

: 00:18:48

podcast but you did some intentional

things to prepare them for that,

342

: 00:18:53

whether it was training wheels or a

balance bike or a helmet, or maybe

343

: 00:18:57

you did it on a sidewalk where they

could bail out on grassy surfaces.

344

: 00:19:01

You did all of these different

things to get them ready

345

: 00:19:03

for that sort of big moment.

346

: 00:19:05

And that's really all this is, whether

it's maybe starting with a watch and

347

: 00:19:09

it's not theirs, but they take it with

them when they're going somewhere so

348

: 00:19:13

that you can call them or text them.

349

: 00:19:15

Maybe then it's a device that's super

locked down, like Bark and others that

350

: 00:19:19

can be locked down pretty tight without

a browser, without any social media,

351

: 00:19:24

but they can still have that call you.

352

: 00:19:27

Not taking it to school, I'm not

a big fan unless there's supports

353

: 00:19:31

or other things in junior high.

354

: 00:19:32

You know, for example, my middle school

son doesn't take his phone to school.

355

: 00:19:35

It's not needed.

356

: 00:19:37

We pick him up.

357

: 00:19:37

He can call us from the

office if necessary.

358

: 00:19:39

So all of that to kind of say like

even when we're saying yes to certain

359

: 00:19:44

age-appropriate devices I'm wanting

them to tote it around as few times as

360

: 00:19:50

possible, like as little as possible.

361

: 00:19:52

I don't want it to become this extra limb.

362

: 00:19:55

Even though it's safe, even though it's

protected, it's sort of training them

363

: 00:19:59

psychosomatically that this is something

I need to carry with me all the time.

364

: 00:20:03

And that's, that's a mindset that I don't

want to set in for as long as possible.

365

: 00:20:09

Because how many of us as adults, when

we get in the car and go somewhere

366

: 00:20:12

and we forget our phone, you instantly

feel anxiety because we've been trained

367

: 00:20:18

now to think we have to have it.

368

: 00:20:20

And, and again, I'm not saying that

it's apples to apples with a 13-year-old

369

: 00:20:24

versus an adult, but that anxiety has

been trained into us a little bit.

370

: 00:20:29

Now, you can probably go get

groceries or you could probably

371

: 00:20:32

go fill up the car without it.

372

: 00:20:33

You're okay.

373

: 00:20:34

You're okay.

374

: 00:20:35

So those are some of the things

and then maybe progressing toward

375

: 00:20:38

when they have a dumber smartphone.

376

: 00:20:41

My 16-year-old, uh, son, he has

an old iPhone of mine that's

377

: 00:20:46

connected through screen time to

my phone, but he knows it was mine.

378

: 00:20:51

Actually, that handing down a

device isn't always a bad idea if

379

: 00:20:56

the appropriate steps have been

taken because you can communicate

380

: 00:21:01

the fact that it's your device.

381

: 00:21:03

That parent-led ownership component

is really important, and we talk

382

: 00:21:07

about that a lot in Habit Five,

that they don't own anything.

383

: 00:21:11

And so even to the extent, yeah, I'm,

I'm giving you an old device of mine.

384

: 00:21:14

It's still mine, I'm just gonna let you

use it, and here's how it's locked down,

385

: 00:21:18

and I can pick it up whenever I want.

386

: 00:21:19

I know the passcode I know how it wor-

like these are the sorts of mindsets

387

: 00:21:23

that even with an iPhone, if the right

steps have been taken, I think are okay.

388

: 00:21:29

So it's the steps, it's the

intentionality, it's the relationship,

389

: 00:21:32

it's the saying the things over and

over again so they know what your

390

: 00:21:35

expectations are, family values.

391

: 00:21:38

Again, how all the layers sort of build

up, how the habits build up to get to that

392

: 00:21:42

point where, yeah, you might say yes to

a smartphone and it might work out okay.

393

: 00:21:48

Steph: Yes.

394

: 00:21:48

So intentional.

395

: 00:21:50

And you talk about what if you feel

like you've gone too far and allowed

396

: 00:21:53

too much, what can you do at that point?

397

: 00:21:56

again, all of it has that banner of

love and being relational with your

398

: 00:22:00

kids Even if they're frustrated, They'll

hopefully look back and realize they

399

: 00:22:05

did it out of love and protection.

400

: 00:22:07

Chris: Those are tough.

401

: 00:22:08

The, "I need to take stuff back.

402

: 00:22:10

I need to take some things away."

403

: 00:22:11

That's, that's tough, which is why we

dedicated a whole appendix to the what if

404

: 00:22:16

I need to take some things away, right?

405

: 00:22:18

What does that look like?

406

: 00:22:19

And a lot of nuance there, and

that's where, you know, each of those

407

: 00:22:23

situations, Stephanie, is unique because

every kid is a little bit unique.

408

: 00:22:28

And so we do share a lot of tips there

in the book, but if that still doesn't

409

: 00:22:34

address all of the nuance and variation

that you might be dealing with, for

410

: 00:22:39

anybody listening to this who knows

that that's what they need to do, that's

411

: 00:22:42

exactly why we hand then parents off

to, we have a digital coaching community

412

: 00:22:49

that parents can go to to get one-on-one

help through some of these situations.

413

: 00:22:53

So Abby from my team, she's fabulous

mom, um, former, you know, high

414

: 00:22:58

school teacher, just checks all

the boxes and super technical.

415

: 00:23:01

And so she navigates a tool that

we call The Table, because we want

416

: 00:23:05

parents to come to the table to have

a conversation about these difficult

417

: 00:23:09

situations, and that's where Abby is

answering those questions all of the time.

418

: 00:23:13

So, you know, if you happen to read

that and you go, "Yeah, but there's

419

: 00:23:17

still this or that," there's always

this or that, and that's where we want

420

: 00:23:21

The Table to be a spot where parents

can land to ask some of those other

421

: 00:23:25

really difficult, unique questions.

422

: 00:23:28

Steph: Sure.

423

: 00:23:29

Would you talk a little bit more about AI?

424

: 00:23:32

You did address it a little bit in

the book, but I had an early copy,

425

: 00:23:36

and I know you put more content in

after this, but I, I will say that I

426

: 00:23:42

am pretty anti-AI, but you corrected

my thinking on something because I say

427

: 00:23:47

please and thank you, and my kids are

like, " Mom you don't have to say please.

428

: 00:23:51

It's a robot."

429

: 00:23:52

It was good for you to correct me,

" you're humanizing it, and don't do that."

430

: 00:23:56

Those little ways sometimes

that it creeps in and you're not

431

: 00:24:00

Chris: it.

432

: 00:24:00

does.

433

: 00:24:01

I love that your kids are the

ones who said something to you.

434

: 00:24:03

That's really funny.

435

: 00:24:04

Like, "Mom, you don't need

to be nice to the robot."

436

: 00:24:08

But I've had others who have said,

"Well, Chris, when they take over, I

437

: 00:24:11

want them to remember that I was nice."

438

: 00:24:13

I'm like,

439

: 00:24:13

"Wait a minute.

440

: 00:24:14

We are, we are not preparing

for 'Terminator' here."

441

: 00:24:17

Like, this is not, this

is not what I want.

442

: 00:24:20

you know, right at the very end, I

had some copies made, and that's one

443

: 00:24:23

that you got, and then right at the

very end, knowing that AI would be

444

: 00:24:26

changing very quickly, we added whole

sections related to AI companions and

445

: 00:24:31

other recent research related to AI,

and just some of the even ways that

446

: 00:24:36

it's gone really poorly, where suicide

and other tragedies have taken place.

447

: 00:24:41

Because AI, at the end of the day,

is a very sycophantic technology.

448

: 00:24:46

And what does that mean?

449

: 00:24:46

It means that it is highly complementary

and supportive of the things that

450

: 00:24:52

you're thinking and doing, and kind of

even your neuros- you know, whatever

451

: 00:24:57

neurotic activity or thoughts that

you might have, that I'm a genius

452

: 00:25:01

and I'm the one that's going to solve

this math equation or come up with

453

: 00:25:04

some formula that it'll kinda support

you and say, "Yes, you're capable and

454

: 00:25:09

good, and have you thought about this?"

455

: 00:25:10

And it just sorta keeps prodding

you down this path of you're awesome

456

: 00:25:16

without really holding you in check.

457

: 00:25:18

And so that's the part that can get,

for some kids, vulnerable in different

458

: 00:25:23

ways, can get a little bit dangerous,

who are entertaining certain extreme

459

: 00:25:28

ideas, who are entertaining certain

thoughts related to mental wellbeing.

460

: 00:25:33

And in front of something that doesn't

really care about you as a human and

461

: 00:25:38

is going to almost be like a yes to

everything that you say, that's not

462

: 00:25:43

the kind of feedback you're looking

for in the midst of those scenarios.

463

: 00:25:47

So that's why we have to be

just really careful with it.

464

: 00:25:50

No AI is used unsupervised.

465

: 00:25:53

That's sort of a basis.

466

: 00:25:55

Um, as I tell parents,

AI is the new porn talk

467

: 00:26:00

It took me a while to convince parents

to talk to their kids about pornography.

468

: 00:26:04

We don't have that much time with AI.

469

: 00:26:06

This is the new talk.

470

: 00:26:08

This is the conversation to be

reminding them that it's just sand

471

: 00:26:12

and metal, that it's not a savior.

472

: 00:26:16

Treat it like a hammer, not a human.

473

: 00:26:18

It's a tool, right?

474

: 00:26:20

It's got no soul, even though you can read

on certain landing pages for AI companion

475

: 00:26:25

websites that it has memory and a soul.

476

: 00:26:29

So the marketing is doing whatever

it can to make it sound as human.

477

: 00:26:34

That's this phenomena called

anthropomorphism, where it makes it

478

: 00:26:38

feel and look as human as possible.

479

: 00:26:41

And the phrase that I use now is that, you

know, social media came for our attention

480

: 00:26:46

this time, as you alluded to, right?

481

: 00:26:48

It's not just that pornography and gaming,

I mean, those are valid issues, but

482

: 00:26:52

the time that it consumes where it's…

483

: 00:26:56

I read an article one time that called

it the 30-minute ick, where you pick

484

: 00:27:00

up your phone to check one thing,

and you look up 30 minutes later

485

: 00:27:04

and you go, "What just happened?"

486

: 00:27:05

And you feel icky because you've

lost 30 minutes of life, right?

487

: 00:27:10

The 30-minute ick.

488

: 00:27:11

That's the attention component.

489

: 00:27:14

AI isn't trying to connect

us with 100 million people.

490

: 00:27:18

It's trying to connect with one,

you It's coming for our affection.

491

: 00:27:23

It's coming for our deep desire to

connect and feel seen and heard.

492

: 00:27:29

And that's what's so dangerous in

young people because, of course, we

493

: 00:27:33

as adults want to be seen and heard

and want someone to listen to us

494

: 00:27:37

and agree with us, and that's great.

495

: 00:27:39

But when you're a teenager during puberty,

that middle part of the brain which is

496

: 00:27:44

responsible for connection, that limbic

system which feels stress, which feels

497

: 00:27:50

arousal and anxiety and emotions and

love That is on fire during adolescence.

498

: 00:27:56

That's why things seem 10 times worse

sometimes when you're a teenager compared

499

: 00:28:01

to reality, and that's stuff that I

explore quite a bit in habit number four.

500

: 00:28:06

But then you pair that up with an AI that

never has drama, that's never messy, that

501

: 00:28:13

never cuts you down, and is always nice.

502

: 00:28:16

The paid version will even send you phone

calls and text messages during the day,

503

: 00:28:21

will be an AI girlfriend or boyfriend

and send you sexy selfies and videos.

504

: 00:28:26

It feels very human, and it scratches

a part of your brain deep down that

505

: 00:28:32

you really want, and that is connection

with something that cares about me.

506

: 00:28:36

So, we have to be reminding our kids over

and over and over again of its dangers,

507

: 00:28:42

that it's just sand and metal, that

it has no soul, that it has no wisdom.

508

: 00:28:48

It cannot stand in awe of

the creator God like we can.

509

: 00:28:52

It is none of these things that it is

impersonating in a very believable way.

510

: 00:29:00

So yes, we talk to our kids about

pornography, but if you're gonna

511

: 00:29:04

decide to do that, you might as

well keep going and talk about AI.

512

: 00:29:08

And these are some of the things that

I added very close to the end there

513

: 00:29:12

before we printed these ideas and

tips for having these conversations

514

: 00:29:16

related to artificial intelligence.

515

: 00:29:19

Steph: Thank you.

516

: 00:29:19

And it came across so clearly there,

but it really is throughout the book

517

: 00:29:23

to not be condemning our kids for the

weaknesses that we would be struggling too

518

: 00:29:28

if we were the 14-year-old handed this,

519

: 00:29:30

and and to give them grace and to

not be angry that they are struggling

520

: 00:29:36

with it, and to not put that barrier

because we want the relationship to

521

: 00:29:39

guide them into a place of victory.

522

: 00:29:42

Chris: So glad

523

: 00:29:43

Steph: The intentionality of how

you wrote this, and like I said,

524

: 00:29:47

this is the why and the how.

525

: 00:29:49

If you as a parent are overwhelmed at all,

or even if you feel like, "You know what?

526

: 00:29:53

I've got a good grip on that," this is

just gonna validate everything that you've

527

: 00:29:57

done and tell you to stay the course.

528

: 00:29:59

Like I said, I'm gonna give this

an absolute must read, and I'm--

529

: 00:30:02

I, I really do wanna talk to

my church staff about it too.

530

: 00:30:05

How can we be, equipping

the entire congregation?

531

: 00:30:08

Because this issue affects

532

: 00:30:10

Chris: It does.

533

: 00:30:10

Yep.

534

: 00:30:10

It's multi-generational.

535

: 00:30:11

Any grandparents on board, they actually

have a really critical role here.

536

: 00:30:15

Aunts and uncles who you maybe

don't have children yet, but you

537

: 00:30:18

are that key relationship in the

life of your niece or your nephew.

538

: 00:30:22

I mean, all of these relational

layers and the church.

539

: 00:30:25

So I'm so thankful that

you're doing that because them

540

: 00:30:27

stepping up really would help.

541

: 00:30:30

It really would

542

: 00:30:31

Steph: I know that you are so busy,

and I'm really grateful for the time

543

: 00:30:35

that you sat down with us today.

544

: 00:30:37

Thank you for all you're doing, and

I'm gonna be committing to pray for you

545

: 00:30:41

because this is such a big mantle you're

taking up, and it could not be more

546

: 00:30:45

Chris: Thank you, Stephanie.

547

: 00:30:46

I appreciate this time

548

: 00:30:48

Speaker 3: Aren't you so grateful

that you don't have to figure

549

: 00:30:50

this all out on your own?

550

: 00:30:52

I certainly am, and I wanna

help you get this book.

551

: 00:30:55

We have all the directions for

the giveaway in our show notes.

552

: 00:30:57

Check out those details and , get

back to those smiles and that sunshine