Episode 32

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Published on:

17th Apr 2024

The Heart of a Child: Disciplining the Mind, Will, and Emotions... Even with Strong-willed and Impulsive Children!

This episode relates to Lesson 9 of Entrusted with a Child's Heart as Jen, Emily, and Stephanie discuss how Christian parents can discern if their child's emotions, will, or mind need to be addressed in a discipline issue. They also cover how to adjust if impulsiveness is at play and give encouragement if a strong will is wearing mom and dad out!

Scriptures Mentioned:

James 1:5

Philippians 4:8

Psalm 131

Proverbs 10:19

Books Referenced:

Winnie the Pooh

War of Words


Other episodes mentioned:

Our Partnership with God

Transcript
Speaker:

Steph (2): They're the joyful agains

our children shout on the swings, the

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exhausting agains of cooking and laundry,

and the difficult agains of discipline.

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So much of what we do

as mothers is on repeat.

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So what if we woke up with clarity,

knowing which agains we were called

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to, and went to bed believing we

are faithful in what matters most?

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We believe God's Word is

the key to untangle from the

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confusion and overwhelm we feel.

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Let's look up together to embrace a

motherhood full of freedom and joy.

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Welcome to the again, podcast brought

to you by interested ministries.

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I'm your host, Stephanie Hickox.

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And today I am joined by the

incredible wordsmithing Emily

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deal and the wonderfully.

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Why?

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Stan Frackman.

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We are talking about the heart of

a child and how it is comprised

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of the mind will and emotions.

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How do we get to the heart

of a child as we discipline?

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Even if they're very

strong-willed or highly impulsive.

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And sometimes that bundle

is wrapped up into one.

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We feel you mama.

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There's lots of encouragement

to press on when it's hard.

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Though, I do want to say that

this episode is not intended to

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be a comprehensive discussion.

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If you are dealing with an impulsive

child, or a strong-willed child,

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We're just weaving that into the

conversation on reaching the heart

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of a child through discipline.

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Stay tuned though.

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We promise we will hit on those topics

again, as they are ones we have dealt

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with extensively and continue to manage.

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And Stuart in our home.

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And if you're in the middle of

it, we encourage you to keep

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pressing into the Lord for wisdom.

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He promises that when we seek

him for wisdom, he will answer.

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Dave's one five says, if any of you

lacks wisdom, let him ask God who gives

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generously to all without reproach.

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And it will be given to him.

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I have to confess that lately

I've had some head-scratching

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discouraging parenting.

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Situations that have left me wondering.

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So I am going to run to the

God of wisdom with you and ask

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for him to continue to lead me.

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And raising the children

that he has created.

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That they would bring him glory.

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And that he would guide me.

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And how to point them to him.

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All of this has made me think of

the recent eclipse that we saw.

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So close after Easter.

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And with my eclipse

glasses covering my eyes.

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I stared up at the disappearing sun

that was now being eclipsed by the moon.

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I couldn't help, but think about this

stone being rolled over the tomb.

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Often in our darkest moments we think.

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Where are you?

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God.

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What are you doing?

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I can't see you working.

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And yet when the stone rolled over

the tomb, God was absolutely at work.

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He had powerfully redeemed his

creation from the curse of sin.

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It was finished.

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And waiting to be revealed.

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And it makes you think about some of

those situations in parenting where it

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just feels like you're seeing darkness

and you're wondering God, where are you?

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Are you at work here?

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May we believe that his glory

and his goodness still shines.

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May we press into him.

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So we can correct where we've gone wrong.

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But also that we can remain steadfast.

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In the wisdom he's already brought to us.

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May you be blessed by this episode?

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And continue to seek to point the heart

of your child to a perfect savior.

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In this episode, we are diving into lesson

nine from entrusted, with a child's heart,

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as it relates to the heart of a child.

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Just to obey and to honor.

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If you have taken interested with the

child's heart before, you've probably

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noticed that Betsy said such a wonderful

foundation and the introduction

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through lessons eight and it's.

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practical throughout, but it truly

gets practical and lessons nine and

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10, and you're just ready to apply

all of the wisdom in your home.

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So, this is one of our favorites.

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If you have never heard about

interested with a child's heart, it

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is a biblical study and family life.

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And I like to call it a

systematic theology of parenting.

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It is the most comprehensive

resource I have ever seen.

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On biblical parenting and Betsy wanted

something for every age and every stage

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of parenting to be in every lesson.

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So this is not something you take

just when you have babies it covers.

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Toddlers to teenage years and beyond.

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And if you haven't had a chance

to take it, we encourage you to

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head to our website to learn more.

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Steph (2): Jen Frechman and Emily Dio are

both here, and we're going to be sharing

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some examples that we've experienced in

our own homes and with our own children

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and how we have seen this play out.

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Before we get into that I'm going to

ask, would you have considered yourself

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a strong willed child when you were

growing up or even would your parents

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have considered you a strong willed child?

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How would you describe your temperament

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?

Jen, I'm going to start with you on this one.

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I think I have a better

idea of your answer here.

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Jen: Okay.

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So I definitely would say that my mom

would say I was a strong willed child.

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A hundred percent.

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In fact, I.

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Would agree with her.

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I remember being very strong willed like

I would be Walking to go put clothes away

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in my room and my mom would say you need

to put your clothes away And I would turn

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around and be like, yeah I'll do it later

and not want to do it just because she

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had told me which I'm ashamed to say now

I'm like, oh my gosh, I can't believe it.

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I was so horrible She used to get pretty

frustrated because I was very strong.

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I would always question everything that

she was saying why did you have to this?

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And what rules were I, was I breaking?

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If you asked me to do this and just.

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Different things like I they had a family

rule that I wasn't allowed to get my

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ears double pierced until I was 18 for

whatever reason and she couldn't give

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me an answer and it used to bother me so

bad and I would fight her on it so much

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and now as an adult I can look back and

think I just needed to submit my will.

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This was their decision and I needed

to submit to that but it bothered me

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that she couldn't give me a reason

and now as an adult I realize.

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I don't need a reason.

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I need, and I don't need to understand.

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My job is not to understand.

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My job is to obey.

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And sometimes even with the

Lord, he doesn't give us a

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reason and we still need to obey.

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So I definitely would say I was

strong willed and my mom would agree.

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Steph: And you're the third born, right?

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And your sisters are not

as strong willed, correct?

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Jen: I am a third born and

no, my sister's Not at all.

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She said they would

just say, don't do this.

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And they would be like, okay.

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And they wouldn't do it.

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And the other one, she didn't even,

the firstborn, she didn't even

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need to tell her not to do it.

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She just never even thought of doing it.

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So I'm like, I definitely

broke all the molds.

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Steph: And then when she

wasn't expecting it, right?

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She's probably felt good about oh,

this parenting thing's going well.

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Jen: Yeah, yeah, that's what I should tell

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Steph: Yeah,

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emily, what would you say?

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Emily: I would say I was

not a strong willed child.

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I was pretty compliant.

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I just was so concerned about

disappointing my parents that I just

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didn't want to upset the apple cart.

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And I know.

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If mom's listening, I know

she would agree with me.

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Usually just took a look from my dad and

I was just like, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry.

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So no, I was not strong willed as a child.

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Jen: You're so

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Emily: I no, that doesn't mean

that transferred to adulthood.

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Steph: That's a follow up episode.

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Yeah.

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Emily: yes, that's a follow up episode,

but no, I, as a child, I just wasn't.

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What about you, Steph?

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Steph: I wasn't but I would

say I'm very strong on biblical

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principles or convictions.

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My dad would say to me, Stephanie,

everything's not so black and white.

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I think on things that I thought were

moral, I, had a strong backbone but

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advocating for myself I don't think so.

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As I'm listening to us describe this,

I can see how our own temperaments

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probably really come into play when

we're dealing with our own children.

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Jen, I think you probably have a lot

of gumption and fight in you to deal

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with the moments that your children

are strong willed, and Emily, you

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and I have talked about getting more

tearful when our kids are disobedient.

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I wonder how much that comes

into play in our own parenting.

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Jen: For sure.

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Emily: that's a very interesting thought.

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I'm sure it comes into play a lot

in how we parent and how we even

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just mold them in their thinking.

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It, and it doesn't mean

any of it's right or wrong.

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It's just how we're wired.

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So interesting.

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The first time I took entrusted.

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One of the quotes that stuck

in my mind most from the study.

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Was when Betsy says not

every child is strong-willed.

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But any will left unchecked.

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We'll be a strong, well, And that

was just so helpful for me because.

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When I had my child with my strongest.

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Well, I was just on high alert to make

sure I was being faithful to train him

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to submit his well to my authority.

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And then the child that

came after that one.

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has such a sweet temperament and.

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I was grateful for that saying in my head.

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To remind me,

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that I needed to be just

as diligent to train him.

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Even though he was not requiring as much

of my energy and attention in other areas.

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So for example, If he would

leave something on the floor.

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Which was a little bit more.

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That one's tendency.

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I would just hear the Lord prompting me.

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Still need to train him to be

faithful and, to be neat and tidy.

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Even though you're happy to

do this for him because, he is

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so easygoing much of the day.

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Steph: And I would have to check

myself and of course they each have

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their blessings and their strengths and

weaknesses and things that have been

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really easy for me for both of them.

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And then things that have been.

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Emily: Mm

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Steph: For example, when I told

my oldest, Alright, it's time to

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get rid of your pacifier, he was

like, Alright, and he whipped it in

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the garbage and never looked back.

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Or, even potty training.

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I can see how strong wills can be

really a blessing in some areas.

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We each have a temptation to sin, whether

it masquerades as a strong will or

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not, we are all capable of great sin.

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We do need to be molded and shaped

and pointed to the Lord, whether,

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those temptations are subtle or

much more in our parents faces.

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Evident.

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Emily: Yes in preparation for speaking

to this lesson today, I was going

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back through and reading my own notes.

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And it is amazing how the universal

language of the Bible meets every mom

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where they are all in different places.

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My children could not be more opposite,

complete opposite human beings.

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And this lesson.

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applied to them both

individually where they are.

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I have one child who was

driven by impulsivity.

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And then I have one child who needed,

full explanations for everything.

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I will never forget going through

this lesson and thinking, okay, I am

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equipped to do what needs done and

going home, telling my husband what I

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had learned, and, then just being at a

loss because I was following all of the

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principles that I was supposed to follow.

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And I was still stumped because

the impulsivity reigned supreme.

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And so this stage, and I'm talking like,

these are the young years of molding,

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like the discipline years, like before

when you are just investing, investing,

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investing before they even start school.

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I remember many nights crying myself

to sleep because I just thought I'm

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doing all the things I'm supposed to

be doing and none of it is working.

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And praise the Lord for his goodness.

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He always leads us to the right things.

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But through this stage, when

we were dealing with just heavy

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reaction we learned a few things.

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We learned that When you have a child

who's driven by impulsiveness to

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things, first of all, they have to

know, they have to know the boundaries,

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and even more so than a regular child.

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We all set boundaries for our children.

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But when you have this this drive that

you're dealing with and impulsivity,

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they have to know the boundaries, they

need help connecting the behavior with

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the outcomes, because in the moment,

they're not always thinking about what

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the consequence of their behavior will be.

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They're just like, oh, matchbox car

grabbing and Speeding it across the floor,

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but they're not realizing they're in a

room full of people and that's probably

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not the best thing and so when we're

talking about dealing with children

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in all of their different facets and

where they may be I just want to speak

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to the mom who's dealing with the

impulsive child and you are disciplining

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and you are doing all the things and

you're just totally at your wits end.

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You're not alone.

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First of all, and consistency

is completely the key.

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When I stopped to think about all

these years and I talked to my husband

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and I told him, what we were talking

about tonight, he was like, I wish I

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could speak to this also because these

years fused us together in marriage.

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Because we had so many conversations,

they brought us closer to our

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child because we saw the struggle.

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But we realized that consistency was key.

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Immediate discipline was what was needed.

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If we were at the store and something

had happened, something was touched

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that shouldn't have been touched,

or whatever the parameters were

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before we walked into the store we

had to deal with it immediately.

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There was no wait till we get home.

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That was our reality for a long time

we had to constantly reiterate we're

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going into a store, put your hands in

your pockets, don't touch anything.

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And then along the way give

praise that this was happening

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that, obedience was happening.

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But this lesson talking about the

will of a child and having their

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heart and being in their world and

understanding where they're coming from,

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all of this is covered in the lesson.

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And it was just such a sustaining

goodness and a reinforcement that we

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were on the right track and that through

some of our hardest years this was

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just such a sustaining force to know

that we were doing it the right way.

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We weren't seeing immediate fruit which

can also be discouragement when you're

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walking through that time because the

fruit isn't immediate, it's over a

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course of sometimes years but there

is light at the end of the tunnel.

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So that's our experience parenting

a child with impulsivity.

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Jen: We've been there as well.

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I would say a little bit more as this

child has gotten older, just trying

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to help this one, see that when you.

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you enter a room and you're talking

before you even get into the room to

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assess the situation if anyone's even able

and ready to listen to you, but you're

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just shouting out what you want to say.

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Like we've actually talked how,

and I know it sounds crazy, but

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the author of Winnie the Pooh,

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Said a little consideration,

a little thought for others

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makes all the difference.

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And we have said that so many times, just

consider others, think about this and,

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talking through like when you're doing

these things, especially as an older

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kid I agree with what Emily was saying,

when they're younger and the constant

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disciplining of Nope, not this, that, not

this, that, put this off, put this on.

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And the quick, happening of the

discipline to what, the offense was.

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But as they get older and you

can have these conversations

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with them okay, let's see what's

coming out of the heart right now.

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And what is being portrayed here?

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And really what's being portrayed is.

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A lack of self control, a lack sometimes

of awareness, of self awareness, they're

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growing and they're getting to be pre

teens and so they're still figuring

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themselves out, but trying to help them

understand, like when you come in the

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room, it's pretty selfish to just assume

that everybody wants to hear everything

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you want to say when you want to say

it and for how long you want to say it.

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And so just having the self awareness

to be like, okay, I don't need to say

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everything that's going through my brain.

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And I don't need that, that impulsiveness

of Oh, I have something to say on that.

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I have something to say on that.

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So do other people.

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And you don't always have to be heard.

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Dying to self a little bit.

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Not being prideful.

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Having self control is huge and

trying to understand your will.

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You have control.

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You have to exercise control over

your mind and over your will.

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That has to happen.

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It's not easy and it doesn't come easy.

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I think it's something that has

to be taught, even as an adult.

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I have to exercise

control over my own will.

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Emily: Yeah.

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Self control is a thing that has to

be taught, but when they're young,

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I feel like some kids are just

naturally apt at having self control.

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And some Might be a little harder.

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Steph: Yeah,

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Emily: so, yes.

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So Having the patience to keep

working and honing and working with

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them on it in the small years can

be really trying, but don't give up.

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Keep, keep trying, keep doing it

because it will all fuse together.

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But in those young years it is

hard to keep When you're constantly

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coaching, it's just weary.

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I remember those years being just weary.

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I remember thinking.

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Maybe there's just not an ability

to control, which is so silly,

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I know, but when you're sleep

deprived, you think a lot of things.

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And I thought maybe there just isn't

an ability, but, that's so wrong.

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I think even more a lack of structure,

immense structure is so helpful when you

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do have a child that just acts on impulse.

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Structure is so helpful.

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For you and

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Steph: the expectations, right?

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Emily: Constantly.

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Steph: In Philippians 4, it says, Finally,

brothers, whatever is true, whatever is

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honorable, whatever is just, whatever

is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is

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commendable, if there is any excellence,

if there is anything worthy of praise.

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Think about these things.

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I've tried to communicate, especially

to my impulsive one is it true?

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Is it lovely?

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Did that have to come out?

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Should it have stayed inside?

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And it's hard because you

don't want to be nitpicky.

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You don't want them to feel like

you're harping on these things.

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And yet it's a worthy, it's a worthy

endeavor to help them strengthen them.

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One Of.

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My friends in my small group, she is a

school social worker and she said, she's

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I've just learned you have to narrow

it down to as simple as possible and

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say, is it helpful or is it harmful?

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Is that helpful or is it harmful?

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Before it comes out of your mouth, you

have to ask yourself that question.

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And sometimes, making it as

simple as possible for them.

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I think for me the difficulty is, if

we're looking at the heart of a child

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being mind, will, and emotion, and you're

walking into the store, and the glass

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bowl is already on their head before

they've thought about it, and I can

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see in their eyes, Oh, I'm sorry, mom.

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I didn't mean to do that.

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And there's humility of heart and they're

repentant, but the bowl is already there.

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They didn't even, there

was no intention in it.

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So it's okay, this wasn't in your mind.

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This wasn't willful disobedience.

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It's not an emotion.

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And I think it got me stuck for a while

about, I don't know what to do here.

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I don't know.

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I don't want to shame you, but it does

seem like there's such a difference

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in ability and what you're capable of.

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But then again, saying That one of the

fruits of the spirit is self control.

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So I believe you may have to press

into the Holy Spirit even more, because

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of who you are, but I believe that

you can be victorious with the Lord.

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But, to frame it in a way

that's not shaming to them.

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And I think that there are so many

strengths of people that are, quick

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thinkers or quick reactors that God

can really use people like that.

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However,

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what a blessing when we can match that

quickness of thought with the self

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control and the wisdom of the Holy Spirit.

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There are so many Proverbs about when

words are many, sin is not absent,

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and talking about how our words

need to be measured, but it, it's

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definitely has left me very much Lord,

I don't know what to do in this area.

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I think you both had really

great words for that and to not

377

:

give up, to not grow weary in it.

378

:

Because we will see a harvest if

we keep pressing on in the Lord.

379

:

Emily: We have to remember that

God gave our children to us.

380

:

And we have to trust in that and that

he will give us the wisdom that we need.

381

:

And we have to have the ability to follow

through and Not given to the weariness

382

:

of motherhood, then you have to just

be consistent and keep on following

383

:

through and trust that He knows.

384

:

He gave us our children and in His

great providence, He already knew

385

:

and so just lean into that also

has been a huge help and a huge

386

:

comfort to me throughout the years.

387

:

Jen: I agree.

388

:

I think When I would get overwhelmed

and frustrated with my strong

389

:

willed one while they were little,

I would just remind myself, at least

390

:

they're showing me their cards.

391

:

And in some instances, as embarrassing

as it is, or as frustrating as it is,

392

:

I could see exactly what was going on.

393

:

And there were times where it was

like, okay, I know their cards and this

394

:

is where this is off in their heart.

395

:

And let's pray about this and let's,

Ask the Lord to give us a different

396

:

temperament, a different, whatever the sin

is Lord, fill us with your Holy Spirit.

397

:

Help us to have this instead.

398

:

And so often with the ones that were

not as strong willed, I had to really

399

:

stop and be like, okay, wait, what?

400

:

What is this in here?

401

:

I don't see it as easily.

402

:

It's a little bit more hidden.

403

:

And so that is weary in a different

way because it's not showing the

404

:

cards and you have to pull it out.

405

:

But a wise person draws that

out and takes the time to do it.

406

:

Whereas with the strong willed one,

it's got to be dealt with and it's

407

:

got to be dealt with right away.

408

:

Emily: This is where I have written

in my notebook and Betsy must have

409

:

said this throughout the lesson

I wrote, be part of their world.

410

:

And I just thought how, when you're

talking about that, Jen how important

411

:

it is for us to be a part of their

world, to understand where they're

412

:

coming Every mom knows where the heart

of their child lies, and understanding

413

:

where they're coming from will help us

to act in, whatever we need to act in.

414

:

Whether it's encouraging them,

disciplining them or just working

415

:

on, honing Self control, but we

have the ability to do that.

416

:

We just have to be involved in their world

and ask the Holy Spirit for him to lead

417

:

us and reveal to us what we need to see.

418

:

Jen: totally.

419

:

I appreciate it in the lesson where

she talks about the difference

420

:

between the mind, the will, and the

motions and how the mind, you replace

421

:

it, the ignorance, with teaching

and how often we might do that when

422

:

it is an emotion or a will thing.

423

:

With a will, you don't teach it.

424

:

It's that will needs it.

425

:

That's rebellion and

that needs discipline.

426

:

You don't teach a will because they're

not even willing to, in that moment,

427

:

they're not willing themselves to

humble themselves to want to know.

428

:

So there's You, the, with the mind

it's ignorance and teaching, with the

429

:

will it's rebellion and discipline,

and with emotion it's you replace

430

:

discouragement with encouragement.

431

:

And I think so often we can see a child

who's disobeying and think, Oh, they

432

:

just need some encouragement right now.

433

:

They're having a hard time obeying,

but no, that's actually not it.

434

:

If they're discouraged because they can't

do something well or they're trying to

435

:

cut something and they're getting angry

because they can't get their little

436

:

fingers around the scissors and they

can't get it and they're frustrated.

437

:

Oh yeah, you're discouraged.

438

:

You just need some encouragement.

439

:

It's okay, sweetie.

440

:

We'll get it.

441

:

Let me help you.

442

:

Let me show you how I cut

and maybe that will help you.

443

:

That encouragement is different than

looking at some child who is even.

444

:

Even if it's a strong will, if they're

blurting out or they're coming around

445

:

the corner constantly talking and like

how that encouragement, it might not be

446

:

the thing that child needs at that point.

447

:

And I think in today's society,

encouragement becomes the number one.

448

:

Oh, just encourage the

heart of your child.

449

:

Encourage.

450

:

Yes, we do need to encourage

them, but mainly that's for

451

:

the emotional side of it.

452

:

And there also needs to be teaching

and discipline involved as well.

453

:

Steph: And even,

454

:

If it's a repetitive thing, which gets

into the will, we don't Have to keep

455

:

clarifying all the time what the rules

are, they've been laid before them If

456

:

it's been made clear to them, which

of course is a godly thing to make the

457

:

expectations clear to our children.

458

:

When Betsy says, you have them

repeat directions back to you often.

459

:

I think that's a step that can be skipped

so easily just because there's so much

460

:

in a day to day that we're asking.

461

:

But when we know they've received the

message and that they understand what the

462

:

store rules or whatever the standard is,

each time we're going into the library,

463

:

I'm like, tell me the three rules.

464

:

They do so much better in that situation

than in situations I haven't clarified

465

:

it to them but I don't need to have

a big talk for coming out of the

466

:

library and one of them was broken.

467

:

I had a situation last summer

with one of my children.

468

:

I'm going to try to honor them and

not overshare in this, but I feel.

469

:

That it might be helpful in talking about.

470

:

Discerning the mind the

will and the motion.

471

:

So this child was not honoring

the boundary that I had placed

472

:

and where they were allowed to

go outside without permission.

473

:

I really want it to be able to look out

my kitchen window or if I was working

474

:

at the kitchen table and I wanted

to be able to look out and see them.

475

:

And this child.

476

:

Given some different

circumstances in their life.

477

:

Was struggling with loneliness.

478

:

And they really wanted to be able

to have the same boundaries that

479

:

the other neighbor children had.

480

:

And they were frequently disobeying me.

481

:

Obviously, this is, oh, we'll issue.

482

:

So there was repeated,

discipline over this same issue.

483

:

And they were not honoring

my clear expectations.

484

:

So it was a matter of the well, But as I

tried to get to the heart of the issue,

485

:

it became so evident that this child.

486

:

Felt that they were experiencing

ed deficit and that they thought

487

:

they could make up for it.

488

:

By having more time with their friends.

489

:

it, it felt so much like Adam

and Eve and the garden, not

490

:

chesting the Lord's provision.

491

:

For them.

492

:

And I, I could just trace this.

493

:

if I allowed this deception

to continue in their mind.

494

:

That there would.

495

:

Be such a pattern of sin.

496

:

And excusing it because.

497

:

Of distrust in, in God's

goodness and God's provision.

498

:

And so I really wanted to make

sure I helped them understand.

499

:

do you see.

500

:

The lie that you're believing.

501

:

God has provided for you in so many ways.

502

:

And that he is not

withholding goodness from you.

503

:

But then they also.

504

:

Could hear the value of friendship

to this child and wanted.

505

:

It was just a good moment for me to

make sure that I was providing for that.

506

:

And allowing them to have opportunities

to develop great friendships, because

507

:

I know how important that is to me.

508

:

of course, as we were getting to

the heart of all of us, it felt very

509

:

emotional And so there was an element.

510

:

of letting the child know how much I

love them and that this boundary is

511

:

for their protection and their safety.

512

:

and they've been entrusted

to me and I want to steward

513

:

that gift onto the Lord and.

514

:

it really was.

515

:

a combination of the mind,

the will and the motion.

516

:

Though, of course, it was mainly a

well issue that had to be submitted.

517

:

And it was really neat to see

that even though it took many

518

:

hours of my summers so much time,

519

:

And it was exasperating at times.

520

:

That I could see by the end of the summer.

521

:

Wow.

522

:

This child has really submitted

their will to my authority.

523

:

And there's just a tenderness from

going full circle over and over that.

524

:

that I just saw a softening

in their hearts and it was.

525

:

Really a blessing to see.

526

:

Emily: I love that Steph.

527

:

I feel like as you're speaking, I'm

thinking through and relating on a few

528

:

levels because I have one who is strong

in mind And because this one is strong in

529

:

mind, it can lead to being strong in will.

530

:

And we often tell this one to turn their

inner attorney off so we can just have a,

531

:

Jen: I like that.

532

:

Emily: We're not defending anything here.

533

:

We're having a conversation.

534

:

You can disarm.

535

:

Because this one always goes in

with all facts and ready to give

536

:

them like at the drop of a hat.

537

:

And this one's mind is so quick.

538

:

I can't tell you that we are all

the way at the end, but I have seen

539

:

tenderness and I have seen a coming

around and this has come with many

540

:

conversations and lots of prayer.

541

:

But I do see that mind shaping and I

actually, Looked over in church a few

542

:

weeks ago and just saw sweet little

note taking and just fully engaged.

543

:

And I thought this is how the Lord

and his goodness changes our mind

544

:

and our will and conforms it to his.

545

:

And so we're not all the way

there, but the Lord is graciously

546

:

leading us in those places.

547

:

I think.

548

:

Isn't motherhood just this huge, long

journey that we're on and we're just,

549

:

we keep molding and shaping and praying

and giving it to the Lord over and over?

550

:

Jen: Totally.

551

:

I get such encouragement from Psalm 131.

552

:

There's a couple of verses

that say, I wait for the Lord.

553

:

My soul waits.

554

:

And in his word, I hope my

soul waits for the Lord.

555

:

Oh Lord, my heart is not lifted up.

556

:

And then it goes on to say, but I

have calmed and quieted my soul.

557

:

I find as an adult, especially as I wait

on the Lord to work in my kids hearts on

558

:

things that as they're getting older and

we're not seeing the immediate discipline

559

:

fruit, we're not seeing maybe the changes

that we would hope for them or things

560

:

that just are going to be a while before

the Lord changes their heart in it.

561

:

And so you're just Quietly praying as

unto the Lord and lifting that child up

562

:

that the Lord would change their hearts.

563

:

I find myself having to

quiet my soul as well.

564

:

because my will can be like I can make you

obey as an older child, I can make this

565

:

happen, but I really want the heart there.

566

:

I'd rather just wait on the Lord

to change the heart so that there's

567

:

true repentance in his timing.

568

:

And allowing my heart to also be

quieted and calmed as I wait on him.

569

:

Because sometimes as they get older,

it's hard in those teen years.

570

:

There's some things that they need to

make a decision for themselves that

571

:

I wish I could just make for them.

572

:

Like I used to be able to a little

bit more when they were toddlers,

573

:

and so going back to that about the

mind, will and the emotions, even as

574

:

the parent, I have to quiet my soul.

575

:

And I even said that.

576

:

To one of the kids this week that I

need to quiet my soul as well and

577

:

there's this prayer that I got from

one of these books that I read.

578

:

I believe it was War of Words.

579

:

I think I've quoted about that one before.

580

:

But this is a prayer that I

pray often in my quiet time.

581

:

It talks about using our

words wisely and it says.

582

:

I admit that I have not always

recognized that my words belong to you.

583

:

I have not faithfully communicated

according to your example and plan.

584

:

I have claimed my words and my tone as

my own to be used for my own purpose.

585

:

I have listened to the great deceiver

and at many times and in many ways

586

:

spoken more like him than you.

587

:

I ask for your forgiveness,

Lord, and I plead for your help.

588

:

I know that you alone are

able to tame my tongue.

589

:

I offer my talk back to you that

I may speak up to your standard

590

:

and according to your design.

591

:

Help me not to tear down my own house.

592

:

Help me speak little with great

wisdom, and please gain me my

593

:

children's hearing and heart.

594

:

Help me pray more and lecture less.

595

:

Help me not to guilt

or shame them, Father.

596

:

And I just find as we're teaching

these older kids, there's so much

597

:

prayer that goes in because they

need that heart change to happen.

598

:

Emily: Yes.

599

:

Jen: And it takes a little bit

longer as they're older, sadly,

600

:

and hard, but yet you want that.

601

:

We want the Lord to be able to do

that and to see that fruit eventually.

602

:

I want it to be real fruit, not just.

603

:

to please mom or dad.

604

:

And I believe she says that in the

lesson too, about what motivates them.

605

:

I want them to be motivated at this age.

606

:

I want them to be motivated by

desiring the Lord and to glorify him.

607

:

And yes, I want them to love me enough

that they would want to obey me as well.

608

:

But it's past the I just want to obey

so that I can, you I have a happy heart

609

:

so I feel good about myself or all of

those things as they get older and they

610

:

can understand more of how the Lord

works in their hearts and their lives.

611

:

A lot of it is talking them through

with those things and just us waiting on

612

:

the Lord to change their heart as well.

613

:

Emily: Yes, as you were talking, Jen, I

was just thinking behavior modification.

614

:

It's not about behavior modification.

615

:

It's about heart work.

616

:

And when we're talking heart

work, it's never immediate.

617

:

Even in our own lives.

618

:

It's over the course of time

and sanctification and the

619

:

Lord continuing to work.

620

:

It does say here, I love this.

621

:

I underlined it and And I think

I'm going to type this out so I

622

:

remember, but she says, Discipline is

not the payment for the child's sin.

623

:

It is the boundary around his will.

624

:

Jen: I love that.

625

:

I have that on your lines as well.

626

:

That was so

627

:

Emily: that is so good.

628

:

How did I forget about that?

629

:

But that,

630

:

Steph: Yeah.

631

:

Emily: think, often it's so

hard for us to I think just as

632

:

moms, we feel guilty anyways.

633

:

But we can't feel guilty about

Taking the time to invest in

634

:

shaping, disciplining, and molding.

635

:

That's actually so loving.

636

:

It's unloving to not take the

time to invest in discipline and

637

:

discipling and and boundaries.

638

:

So it's such a loving thing that we do.

639

:

It is a hard thing and it would

actually be easier to sign off

640

:

and just hope for the best.

641

:

But that's just not an option for us.

642

:

Jen: No.

643

:

I also had in here that she may have

said it years ago and I don't remember

644

:

if it was, What cycle I took and when

she said it, but it was something

645

:

about praying for your children and

that if you really think about it, a

646

:

mother, like a parent, I should say

the parents and maybe the grandparents,

647

:

if you have Christian grandparents

are probably the only people that will

648

:

consistently pray for your child.

649

:

I need to take that so seriously that

I'm constantly lifting this child up.

650

:

And just this afternoon, we

were sitting on the steps.

651

:

That's where we do a lot of our discipline

talks and we talk about our heart and

652

:

everything, and I was with a child

this afternoon and just asking the Lord

653

:

to please work in this child's heart.

654

:

Here's the sin we've dealt with it.

655

:

We've disciplined, we've moved

forward, but Lord, we need you

656

:

to work in this child's heart.

657

:

We need you to change.

658

:

And, And we are asking and pleading

for you to help us and to help this

659

:

one and to change this thing and

just waiting on the Lord in that.

660

:

Just being mindful that we need to be

lifting our kids up in prayer and I'm

661

:

so thankful that my mom and I, my kids

grandparents are huge prayers that

662

:

they're constantly praying for them.

663

:

And I'm so grateful for that.

664

:

Steph: It reminds me of the

episode that we talked about our

665

:

partnership with God and that we can't

actually bring about sanctification

666

:

and we can't save our children

667

:

Emily: Yes.

668

:

Steph: and, When we take that

upon ourselves, that's when it

669

:

gets so, it's too much to bear.

670

:

Really, we're just faithfully pointing

them to the Lord and faithfully working

671

:

through these situations, holding

that mirror up so that we can, in a

672

:

loving way, see, do you see your sin?

673

:

Do you see your need for a holy savior?

674

:

And when we understand, like you were

saying, Emily, the quote of discipline

675

:

is not the payment for their sin.

676

:

It's really helping them

understand the need for Christ.

677

:

And I think it all does push us to have

a greater reliance upon prayer and.

678

:

And in a society when solutions

are running rampant,

679

:

of the things we could try or to do, but

nothing is more valuable than getting on

680

:

our knees and pleading for our children.

681

:

So yes, Lord, please convict us, draw

us to our knees, draw us to reliance

682

:

upon you as we are guiding our children

and a humility that we would be.

683

:

Quick to recognize where we're

lacking in one of these areas that,

684

:

that we can model for our children,

what it looks like to recognize

685

:

our sin and to take it to the cross

686

:

Emily: yes.

687

:

The lasting solution is never a quick fix.

688

:

, we are inundated with quick fixes

and reels and And just all the

689

:

things we're inundated with it but

the lasting change comes through

690

:

yielding and yielding and yielding.

691

:

I think also it's our children

seeing us doing that ourselves

692

:

and asking the Lord to constantly

change our hearts and our lives.

693

:

Steph: And when we see their sin as sin

before a holy God and not an offense to

694

:

us personally, that really That diffuses

any anger we might have, any frustration.

695

:

We all have a sinful nature and it doesn't

have to be so offensive to us personally.

696

:

It's offensive before a Holy God.

697

:

And then when we take that step back

and see the problem for what it is, we

698

:

can deal with it in a much calmer way.

699

:

Thanks again for listening.

700

:

We are so grateful, but in all

you have to do, you chose to

701

:

spend some of your time with us.

702

:

Before you go, we'd like to

ask you for a little favor.

703

:

If you've been listening to

our podcast and enjoying it,

704

:

would you please write a review?

705

:

This helps podcast platforms recommend

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706

:

for Christian parenting influences.

707

:

We also ask that you would help

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708

:

Take a second and share this

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709

:

Whether it's a friend

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710

:

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711

:

So that God's word makes its way

into as many homes as possible.

712

:

We know you're busy, Mama, so

we are truly grateful you joined

713

:

us for this episode of Again.

714

:

If you're looking for more information

about building your home on the

715

:

foundation of Jesus Christ, head to www.

716

:

EntrustedMinistries.

717

:

com to learn more about our study for

moms, Entrusted with a Child's Heart.

718

:

This scripture saturated study

has blessed families around the

719

:

world, and we want it for you, too.

720

:

Before you go, I want to pray

this benediction over you

721

:

from 2 Thessalonians 1, 11 12.

722

:

We're rooting for you.

723

:

To this end, we always pray for you,

that our God may make you worthy of His

724

:

calling, and may fulfill every resolve

for good and every work of faith by

725

:

His power, so that the name of our Lord

Jesus may be glorified in you, and you in

726

:

Him, according to the grace of our God.

727

:

And the Lord Jesus Christ.

728

:

Amen.

729

:

Until we meet again.

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About the Podcast

Again
Biblical Motherhood Untangled
So much of what we do as mothers is on repeat. Join us to redeem this repetition and untangle from the confusion and overwhelm of parenting. We'll follow the Agains in the Bible to focus on the things that matter most. Let's look up together to embrace a motherhood full of freedom and joy! This podcast is sponsored by Entrusted Ministries.

About your host

Profile picture for Stephanie Hickox

Stephanie Hickox

Stephanie has always delighted in God’s Word and in sharing it with others. Whether it is equipping mothers and leaders through Entrusted with a Child’s Heart, inspiring students when teaching at homeschool co-ops or children’s ministry, or homeschooling her own children, Stephanie’s life mission is to encourage others to follow faithfully and joyfully after Jesus—especially if they hold her favorite job title: mom.

Betsy Corning wrote Entrusted with a Child’s Heart in 1999 in response to the needs she saw in families as she and David counseled young parents just a few years behind them. Entrusted has been taught in hundreds of churches nationwide, been translated into several foreign languages, and has made its way around the world. More recently, Betsy received her Masters in Biblical Studies from The Master’s University and is developing a new Bible Study program called Get the Word Out. Her passion for God’s Word, discipleship, and teaching biblical principles as they apply to family life has remained strong to this day. One of the greatest blessings in Betsy’s life are her three grown children, their spouses, and ten grandchildren that keep her constantly in touch with every age and stage.

Jen Freckman Is an incredible wealth of wisdom. She will tell you a natural remedy for just about anything! She is also a voracious reader and she is just overflowing with quotes and guidance that she's encountered through reading and being faithful. She delights in her children and is a devoted mother. She is also an amazingly creative problem solver! Her solutions to manage her home and guide her children are inspiring.

Emily Deyo is such a treasure. She is an incredible encourager and servant-hearted woman. When she has the mic in front of her, so much value comes out! She is a wordsmith and her heart consistently beats for how she can encourage and serve others. She is a truly loving and attentive mother.

Join Betsy, Emily, Jen, and Stephanie as they share the wisdom only Scripture and on-the-job training can provide to help untangle the joyful calling of motherhood.