Repeating Yourself Again and Again? You might need the "Every Day Before You Say Chart"!

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They're the joyful agains our children shout on the swings, the

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exhausting agains of cooking and laundry,

and the difficult agains of discipline.

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So much of what we do

as mothers is on repeat.

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So what if we woke up with clarity,

knowing which agains we were called

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to, and went to bed believing we

are faithful in what matters most?

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We believe God's word is

the key to untangle from the

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confusion and overwhelm we feel.

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Let's look up together to embrace a

motherhood full of freedom and joy.

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Thank you so much for listening

to the again, podcast.

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This is brought to you by

interested ministries and I'm

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your host, Stephanie Hickox.

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Today, I'm joined by Betsy Corning

or aunt Betsy as I call her.

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And we're going to talk about something

incredibly memorable if you've ever

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taken and trusted with a child's heart.

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You're sure to remember the chart.

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It's commonly referred to as

that, but the official name is the

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every day before you say chart.

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It's an incredible resource that Betsy

developed when her kids were young.

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And I can absolutely vouch

for the effectiveness

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before we get to that conversation,

I would like to mention something

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about the last few episodes.

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We've focused heavily on the

blessings of obedience and the

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blessings of fearing the Lord.

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And they truly are all over scripture.

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. BUt I wanted to make sure it was clear.

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That we aren't teaching our

children to obey for the blessings.

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And we don't fear God for the blessings.

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We love honor and obey

him because he's worthy.

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It's in his character to bless us though.

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Hebrews 11, six states.

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And without faith, it is

impossible to please him.

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For whoever would draw near to

God must believe that he exists.

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And that he rewards those who seek him.

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We actually, please God, when

we believe in his goodness.

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And I love that opportunity to teach

our children that God is a rewarder.

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That one, we live with faith

and we believe in his goodness.

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And his mightiness his majesty

that he is the God of creation.

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That he is the God who set

up a plan of salvation.

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Even before that.

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And that he is the God who is

near and can solve our problems.

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He is pleased by that faith.

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I also thought about many

examples in scripture.

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Specifically Shadrach, Meshach

and Abednego came to mind.

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When questioned if they were

going to refuse to serve.

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The image that never

can answer had set up.

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They said, oh, Nebuchadnezzar.

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We have no need to answer

you in this matter.

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If this be, so our God whom

we serve is able to deliver us

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from the burning fiery furnace

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and he will deliver us out of your hand

oaking, but if not be it known to you.

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Okay.

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That we will not serve your

gods or worship the golden

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image that you have set up.

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This is such a beautiful example.

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Of the fear of God.

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Because they understand that

they may be giving their lives.

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But they know that God is worthy.

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What an excellent model

as we chain our children.

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Integrity.

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Doesn't always seem to be

rewarded on this earth.

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But he turned 30.

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It is.

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let's continue to teach our children.

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To be motivated.

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By a pure heart.

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That honors the God of the universe.

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Because he is so worthy.

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before we get to today's episode,

I'm going to remind you of what's

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to come in the next month or so.

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Next week, Emily and I will be joining

you for a special episode, talking

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about our Thanksgiving traditions.

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And after that we'll have a Thanksgiving

devotional and then we'll dive into

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Christmas and advent traditions.

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As well as talking about some

ideas for reading through the

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Bible and new year's traditions.

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We have some natural

solutions coming your way.

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For cleaning ideas, beauty and

solving health issues that you

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certainly encounter as a mom.

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we've got a lot coming we hope

you stay tuned and are spreading

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the word to your friends

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Alright, today I am joined by Aunt

Betsy, or Betsy Corning, hello, and

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we are going to talk about the chart.

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The Every Day Before You Say chart,

and this is an amazing resource

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that Betsy developed when her kids

were younger, what is the phrase you

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use that Necessity is the author of

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the mother of Invention,

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Betsy: they say, yes.

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And I think that's so true.

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So when I was at the point of my

children being, late preschool and up to

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sixth grade, I thought, how can I help

them develop some disciplines without

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having to constantly be reminding them?

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So this is What you said the every

day before you say, so I don't have

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to feel like I'm saying or reminding

them constantly, but that they can self

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motivate to accomplish these things.

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And they're also motivated by a little

reward at the end of the month, but

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it's a delayed gratification because

they really have to be patient,

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they really have to work for it.

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Steph: And I think we can all

relate that we appreciate a little

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accountability or a little motivation

and when you write something down,

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it's helpful to be faithful with it.

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And I really love how this is not a chore

chart, although you may include a few

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chores on it to help your children develop

faithfulness or initiative, it really is

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helpful in stewarding their character.

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And taking things that you've already

trained them in, and, setting that

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expectation that this is something that

mom expects you to do before you're asked,

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and to stay consistent and faithful in it.

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Betsy: And if they don't do it, then

they don't do it, and they don't get the

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reward for it, which is the payout at

the end of the month, or the reward of

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actually developing the good habit of it.

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Of course, that's the main goal that

we're trying to do there with the kids.

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So what would some of

these tasks or disciplines?

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Possibly be.

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And I would say.

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You're going to gauge these according

to the age of your children.

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So if you have children ranging from

age three to sixth grade, you're

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going to want to include the three

year old because they just want to

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be a part of what everybody's doing.

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So you can put a couple things in

there just saying, did you pick up your

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shoes and put them away or did you put

your laundry in the laundry bin and

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they can get a point for that or...

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Certain things like that are simple

for them so they're included and then

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of course the other tasks for your

older children would be a little bit

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more difficult and probably a little

bit higher reward and for an example

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of that I would say homework complete

By 7 o'clock, they come home from

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school, they get a little bit of time,

just down time, but then they need to

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manage their time well and get on the

homework so that they're not saying at 9.

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30 or 9, I didn't get my homework done.

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And that would be different for you.

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How would that look

different for you, Steffi?

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Steph: Sure.

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As a homeschooler, I expect them

to be done with their work around 3

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if possible, and if they diligently

complete their schoolwork and are done

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at 3, that's a couple points each day,

is it a problem if they finish at 4?

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No, not really for me.

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That's fine.

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If that's how they want to steward

their time, but they learn, wow, I

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was really efficient, and I got that

streamlined, and then I was able to

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have a lot more free time to play.

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Instead of, the day that I took

many breaks throughout the day.

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That didn't go as well for me.

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But I love them learning that now.

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Instead of, in college they're

really developing those skills

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and, whether you homeschool or your

children go to school somewhere else.

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I think that's such a

great thing to steward.

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Also, the morning routine is really

important to me that my children are

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going to their Bible without being

asked and brushing their teeth and.

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I would like for the bed to be made,

but I have to admit I'm a little bit

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lax with that these days because of

their lofts and bunk beds and things.

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But

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MIC2: I

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can't

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Betsy: make those either

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Steph: And but I'll put certain things

like I want all of the, the pajamas in

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the hamper, and you to be dressed, teeth

brushed, Bible read, and breakfast eaten

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Betsy: wow.

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Imagine having those things done and

you didn't even have to say anything.

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They did it before you said it, and

that's the thing at in the evening,

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you would mark the chart and you would

give them the designated points for

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the tasks that they did that day.

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And I don't even know if I would,

they are tasks, but they're more

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something that you wanna discipline

in their lives like you want.

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I want them to be diligent about it.

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I guess we could say that we're really

building good habits, good solid habits.

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Do we want them to brush

their teeth twice a day?

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Yes.

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But if they don't, they're

not going to get their points.

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If they don't hang their wet towel up,

they're just not going to get the points.

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If they don't get their homework done,

they're just not going to get the points.

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And by the end of the

month, they see that.

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I wish I would have hung my

towels up and brushed my teeth.

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That should be the easiest

one to get the points for,

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Steph: right?

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It really is neat to see every month when

they come downstairs and they'll see the

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new chart on the fridge and I like to

decorate them according to the month.

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As I know you always did, Aunt Betsy,

and they'll get very excited about

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it and then they'll look, Oh, what

is mom really looking for this month?

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And there will be some things that,

Reading your Bible faithfully, that's

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always something I'm looking for, but

there'll be a new thing that okay we

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need to practice kindness more, and so

when I see you going out of your way to

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be thoughtful or kind to someone, then

that's going to be a point this month,

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because I really want to encourage that.

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Betsy: And I like to encourage

things between siblings.

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So I might say, can you help your

younger sibling learn in a won verse?

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And that would be a

certain number of points.

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Or would you read to

the youngest one or the.

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Next to the youngest one, or whatever,

and a certain number, reading 15 minutes

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a day can get them two points, and I'm not

even having to say, you need to do this,

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or would you do this, while I'm making

dinner, they're reading to their sibling,

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and that just frees me up a little bit.

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Steph: And that's fantastic, because

Taking what could be a competitive

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situation of the chart, now you're

turning it into something that's

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building the sibling relationships.

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And after that is gone from the

chart, that might be a habit

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that they've developed that they

continue to do, and realize, oh,

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that was a fun time when we read

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MIC2: And

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Betsy: the way that you do that, yeah,

they might just want to keep doing

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that whether it's on the chart or

not, and that's the goal, isn't it?

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So the next month you might

not put that on at all.

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Maybe they got tons of points this month

for that and you might put it on the

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next month or you might take it off.

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But it'll reappear again at some time and

you'll know whether they kept doing it

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or not if they learned the good habit.

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So there's an ebb and flow to this for

sure and you have to wade out their

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They're ebbs and flows sometimes, but we

as moms have to be consistent because,

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just because they have a month where

they just don't feel like doing any of

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this, to some point, you have to say

you can't go to school in your pajamas,

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or maybe you can at your house, I don't

know, but You are working on these things

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together and it's, it's really amazing

how they will even spur each other on or

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they may be competitive with each other.

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And that's not a bad thing either, because

at the end of the month, maybe one of

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them worked really hard and they had a

higher reward and the other one will say.

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Now I really wish I would have

worked harder and then they're

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eager to go the next month.

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But kids have different

temperaments and so you can watch

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this develop in your children.

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I just found it really useful.

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It was so useful to us that we did it

for many years and my kids remember me

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coming out the beginning of the month.

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You definitely had to have that chart

ready by the first of the month.

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And they'd be so excited to see what did

it look like this month, what does mom

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have on there, what came off, because

you want to keep it new and fresh so

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that they're excited about doing it.

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And you might have something on

there also that you think, let's

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see if we can do this that you

don't have any screen time today.

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And I will make that a lot of points.

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If you can just, avoid any

kind of screen time today.

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Providing you don't have

to do something for school.

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That could get you a lot of points.

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Maybe you do something maybe,

so maybe it's like that.

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So it's not just necessarily that

you do something, but maybe it's

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that you are not doing something.

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Steph: It really reminds me of...

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A verse that you use in Troopers, the

coordinating curriculum to Entrusted

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with a Child's Heart, to teach the

children this concept of initiative.

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And Proverbs 6, 6 8 says,

Go to the Aunt O'Sluggard,

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consider her ways, and be wise.

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Without having any chief officer

or ruler, she prepares her bread in

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summer, and gathers her food in harvest.

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This is such a Biblical principle that

we reap what we sow often in life.

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And so we're training our children that,

yes, put in the hard work, put in the

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diligence, develop these great habits.

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And there is a blessing

that comes from that.

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I think, we can all relate to.

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You can't just start flossing

a couple days before you go to

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the dentist, maybe some people

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could

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get away with it, I know,

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Betsy: think

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Steph: THat might have been one of the key

lessons in my 30s, that maintaining things

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is so much better than this mad dash,

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Betsy: now I have a bad story but my

husband who has never had a cavity in

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his life and he doesn't floss either

it's so maddening because I'm like

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always doing all these things but he

goes to the dentist and the hygienist

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says when did you last floss your teeth

and he's like Well, the better question

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would be, when did you last lost 19?

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And I feel like, Oh my

goodness, that's pretty bad.

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Steph: Oh, that's so funny.

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some people can get away with

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Betsy: That was a friend

of a friend that I know.

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Yeah.

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Okay.

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So back to the chart a little bit.

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I think that it was so helpful to us.

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Maybe it's something that would

be helpful to you or maybe not.

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I think Stephanie will have some pictures

up so you can follow along with, so it'll

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make more sense with what we're saying.

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. But at the end of the

month, you assign a certain.

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monetary value to each point.

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Maybe it's a dime.

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Maybe it's a quarter.

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Certainly, I don't think more than that.

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But you don't want them to get,

be getting too terribly much

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money at the end of the month.

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But then you put a little bit away

for savings, a little bit away for

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some charitable service project or

person, compassion or whatever it is.

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And then then they have some spending

money, but it's also teaching them really

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how to manage their money a little bit.

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And if they got very little month,

then they're pretty much motivated

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to pick it up for the next month.

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And I would say this isn't really

effective with somebody over sixth

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grade because at that point they will

start babysitting and get fifteen,

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twenty dollars an hour, which is what

they might get in a month in the chart.

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That sort of is that transition period.

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But for younger kids in grade school

together, grammar school, they...

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They really, it was so effective.

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Only mom can write on the chart.

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That was the rule.

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Except dad, if he came in and

had a definite demerit that was,

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it was called dad's demerit.

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He wrote it in red and you definitely

never wanted to get one of those.

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But only a couple demerits possible

where there's, four to six or more

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ways that they can earn the money.

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And the demerits were only, usually

they would be one, minus one point.

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I think a dad's demerit was

actually minus 10 points.

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But, you just pretty much never

wanted to have that on the chart.

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And of course, if we had that on there,

we didn't really necessarily have

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the chart out for everybody to see.

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But, usually hung on the refrigerator.

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I've got to get them out and show them

to the kids now and see what they'd say.

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But yeah, that it just

was so effective for us.

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Steph: I took a break off from the chart

this last month and I've thought, man, I'm

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doing a lot more of the housework because

it's just nice for my kids to have that

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visual reminder and it's just so helpful

but something I developed a couple months

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ago is that they each have a May chore A

must chore and a get out the door chore.

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The may chore is something that's really

helpful, but they don't have to do

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it, but they can earn a point for it.

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The must chore is, okay, maybe one of

them has to wipe off The toothpaste on

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the bathroom counters every day and one

of them needs to sweep the hardwood floors

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and another one fills up our Berkey water

filter and another one sets the table,

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and they're all age appropriate for them.

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That's been really helpful and then I

realized, when we need to get out the

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door one of them can fill up the water

bottles, one of them can make sure that

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the bunny has everything they need.

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Another can gather any activities.

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And then another one might help me gather

swimsuits or blankets or beach towels.

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Wow, this is helping me quite a bit.

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And it didn't take very long.

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These are all things

they're capable of doing.

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It was just to be able to put it on the

chart and say, this is my expectation

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that if we're going to go somewhere

fun, I need a little help for it.

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: 00:18:02

And so it's neat to see how you can

think about the things, maybe the pain

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points in your parenting, the things

that you are reminding too much, the

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things that you're hoping you see more.

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or just some of those struggles and

if you've really trained them in them

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: 00:18:21

then maybe you just need something

like the chart to reinforce and remind

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them that this is an expectation

and let's stay faithful in this.

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Betsy: I think it was great what

you said as far as you stopped doing

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the chart for one month and the

difference that you could see, they

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just and this is true because it's

not really an ingrained habit yet.

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And so sometimes that's helpful to see.

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buT that's the.

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point of it.

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: 00:18:48

Like we, if we're really going to do

it, we don't want to give up easily.

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: 00:18:52

We want to be consistent.

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: 00:18:54

And so if we're consistent and we drop

off one item one month we can kind of

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see, it's really interesting for us as

moms to watch our kids with different

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: 00:19:05

temperaments and how they take to

it and what they will strive for.

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: 00:19:12

And what is motivates them, but but

over time with their learning that they

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: 00:19:18

are, we want them to be intrinsically

motivated and over time that kind of

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: 00:19:23

takes place, but you have to ride out

those waves of the ebb and flow and be

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: 00:19:29

consistent yourself to really make it

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Steph: efficien.

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. Yes.

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: 00:19:33

And I think anchoring the point

giving at the end of the night to

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something that you do consistently.

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For us, I do our vitamins at night, and

as they're taking their vitamins, I pull

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out the chart and we give the points then.

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And since that's something I

faithfully do every night with the

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: 00:19:51

vitamins, I know I'm going to be

faithful with the chart as well.

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: 00:19:55

That's very helpful to

be consistent with it.

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: 00:20:02

MIC2: So that's very they would

come down by the kitchen table and

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: 00:20:04

we would just, be doing that last

little drink of water or whatever.

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: 00:20:08

We'd mark the chart.

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: 00:20:09

They'd sit around and then...

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We'd go up to bed.

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: 00:20:13

So that was it.

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: 00:20:14

What would be more discouraging

than you say you could earn these

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: 00:20:17

points, but then we're not there

every day to mark the points.

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: 00:20:21

So it take some consistency

on mom's part to do this.

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: 00:20:26

Some people are big systems

people and some people aren't.

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: 00:20:29

It might not be for everyone, but it

was very effective for our household.

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: 00:20:33

Steph: And I think it, it targets so

many different goals that we have with

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: 00:20:39

our kids that it's really, if you're

not a big systems person, I would say

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: 00:20:44

this is ideal because it's one system

with so much fruit and I just think we

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: 00:20:50

need to be careful to not have too many

systems, too many routines for our kids.

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: 00:20:54

We want to make sure that they

know what are the really important

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: 00:20:57

things that we're striving for.

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: 00:20:58

What are the big goals that we have?

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: 00:21:00

I've also heard one mom said, I

tried the chart and I gave my daughter

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: 00:21:05

a demerit and she had a meltdown.

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: 00:21:07

So I don't think the

chart's gonna work for us.

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: 00:21:09

But I said, no, actually the chart is

pointing out an opportunity for you to

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: 00:21:14

address that your daughter really maybe

is too hard on herself when she fails,

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: 00:21:20

or maybe she's trying to manipulate you.

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: 00:21:22

There's a lot going on there, and

the chart isn't the problem it's

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: 00:21:27

an opportunity to steward that or

sometimes maybe we're going to see

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: 00:21:32

competition between the siblings, but.

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: 00:21:35

Isn't it a great thing to teach our

kids, when you work hard, there is often

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: 00:21:40

a bonus at the end and someday you're

going to have a boss and it's going to

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: 00:21:44

be important that you're diligent and,

ultimately we're teaching that they do

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: 00:21:48

this all before the Lord, but I think

it's healthy to teach, yes, you're right,

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: 00:21:53

your sibling worked really hard and that's

why they got more money than you, but

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: 00:21:57

you had the same opportunity and next

month you're going to have a chance.

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: 00:22:03

To earn that much money as well.

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: 00:22:05

And so are you gonna give up because

there's a little competition?

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: 00:22:09

Or are you gonna take

that same opportunity?

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: 00:22:12

MIC2: And I think if we look at this

beyond just sort of a mechanical exercise,

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: 00:22:18

but an opportunity to see into sort of

some finer inner workings of our kids

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: 00:22:23

and their temperaments, that we can help

them build good habits and disciplines in

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: 00:22:30

life by just, you do, when you do this,

you start to see those things come out.

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: 00:22:37

And it's really interesting.

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: 00:22:39

Steph: It is.

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: 00:22:39

I definitely notice different

patterns in my children.

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: 00:22:43

Some are, have...

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: 00:22:44

Such tremendous initiative, but then they

might have a little bit more propensity

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: 00:22:49

to earn demerits, and I might have a

laid back one, and he's not going to get

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: 00:22:54

very many demerits, but he might not be

getting as many for taking initiative in

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: 00:22:59

things and you see how this really refines

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: 00:23:02

Those areas that sandpaper.

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: 00:23:04

Betsy: Yes.

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: 00:23:06

So if there's something that wasn't

really clear in what we explained

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: 00:23:09

here, it is on our website, and

Steph can tell you more about that.

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: 00:23:14

Absolutely.

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: 00:23:15

I'm really, really excited because we

have a sale coming up, a TIS the season

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: 00:23:20

sale, it's going to go live on black

Friday and last for several weeks we're

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: 00:23:27

going to have two items featured.

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: 00:23:29

The first is the chart.

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: 00:23:32

We have printed out 11 by 17

and really great paper that will

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: 00:23:37

hold up for the whole month and

you can decorate it yourselves.

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: 00:23:40

It is a 24 pack.

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: 00:23:42

So this'll last you for two

years and those are going to

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: 00:23:46

be for sale on our website.

414

: 00:23:48

For a limited time, we only

have a limited number of them.

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: 00:23:51

please be looking for that.

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: 00:23:53

And black Friday.

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: 00:23:55

We will also have the interested with

the child's heart book for couples.

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: 00:24:00

Normally this book is $25, but it

is going to be on sale for $15.

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: 00:24:06

And if you've been listening

and you're thinking, how can

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: 00:24:08

I get my husband on board?

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: 00:24:10

That's exactly why Betsy and David

wrote this book together to help bring

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: 00:24:15

the truths of God's word to couples.

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: 00:24:18

It's really comprehensive and you

can take your time going through it.

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: 00:24:23

in the meantime, if you feel like

I can not wait until black Friday,

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: 00:24:27

I need to print out a copy of this

right now you can head to our website.

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: 00:24:31

And trusted ministries.com.

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: 00:24:34

On the resource page and we have

all the details about the chart.

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: 00:24:39

And you can even print off a copy.

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: 00:24:42

Of course, you might not have a

very large printer at home to use,

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: 00:24:46

but We encourage you to start,

even if you have to start small.

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: 00:24:50

And we are so grateful for your support.

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: 00:24:53

We ask that you would consider

following us on social media,

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: 00:24:57

on Instagram or Facebook.

434

: 00:24:59

Or writing a review.

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: 00:25:01

did you know that I pray

over you after every episode?

436

: 00:25:05

We know that you are doing

some hard work at home.

437

: 00:25:08

And it can feel weary and

discouraging and some days you're

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: 00:25:12

not seeing very much fruit.

439

: 00:25:14

So stick around so we can

pray some scripture over you.

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: 00:25:16

You got this mama

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: 00:25:18

Steph: We know you're busy, Mama,

so we are truly grateful you joined

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: 00:25:22

us for this episode of Again.

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: 00:25:24

If you're looking for more information

about building your home on the

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: 00:25:27

foundation of Jesus Christ, head to www.

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: 00:25:31

EntrustedMinistries.

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: 00:25:33

com to learn more about our study for

moms, Entrusted with a Child's Heart.

447

: 00:25:38

This scripture saturated study

has blessed families around the

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: 00:25:41

world, and we want it for you, too.

449

: 00:25:44

Before you go, I want to pray

this benediction over you

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: 00:25:47

from 2 Thessalonians 1, 11 12.

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: 00:25:51

We're rooting for you.

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: 00:25:54

To this end, we always pray for you,

that our God may make you worthy of His

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: 00:25:59

calling, and may fulfill every resolve

for good, and every work of faith by

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: 00:26:04

His power, so that the name of our Lord

Jesus may be glorified in you, and you in

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: 00:26:10

Him, according to the grace of our God.

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: 00:26:13

And the Lord Jesus Christ.

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: 00:26:15

Amen.

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: 00:26:17

Until we meet again.